Falling for You (2 page)

She breathed a sigh of relief. “This is it,” she said to Melissa and Chantal. “This is the dress.” She’d heard that, when you found the right wedding dress, you just knew. Now, she knew that to be true.

“Perfect.” Chantal’s smile was much bigger than Melissa’s. “Once you’ve paid in full, we can get started on the alterations.”

Fate bit her lip. She didn’t have much in the way of funds, but she was short on time too. She’d literally put wedding dress shopping off as long as she could. It was three months until the wedding. Three months until she moved to New York and started her new life with Trevor.

“How long do alterations usually take?”

“Usually four to six weeks or so. But June weddings are pretty popular, so we’re kind of slammed at the moment.”

Fate had wanted a fall wedding. She loved fall, loved the scent of the leaves, the cool, crisp air, and the colors. It was her humble opinion that the colors during fall made nature the perfect backdrop for a wedding—no fancy decorations needed. But Trevor and his mother both had their hearts set on June. So June it was.

“Fate…” Melissa began hesitantly. “Why don’t you let me put the full cost of the dress on my credit card and you can pay me back? Half now and half later. That way, they can go ahead and get started on the alterations.”

Fate was overwhelmed by her friend’s generosity. “That’s such a sweet offer, Mel. But there’s no way I could let you do that. I’ll pick up some extra shifts at the diner and pay the dress off next month. It’ll be fine.”

Melissa frowned, lines creasing her forehead. “If you were one of my clients, I’d tell you this was crazy—putting off everything until the last minute.”

“Guess it’s a good thing I’m just your best friend then,” Fate told her as she pulled out her debit card to pay the deposit on the dress.

“Guess so,” Melissa said quietly before they walked outside.

Once they reached Melissa’s red Mercedes, her friend stared at her intently as if making up her mind about something.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Fate asked, curious as to what had her usually chatty friend so introspective.

She hoped she hadn’t been insensitive bringing Melissa along. Mel had recently called off her own engagement with an entertainment lawyer she’d been dating for the past few years. At least that’s what her friend had told her. But rumors had run rampant throughout their small circle of friends and Fate had overheard mumblings that it had been Ethan who’d ended things. There was even gossip about Mel cheating, but Fate didn’t believe that. Melissa was the most loyal person she knew.

“It’s just…” Melissa shook her head as if she were going to back out of finishing her sentence.

“It’s just what, Mel? You know you can tell me anything.”

Melissa was the only truly close friend she had and the only person aside from Trevor who knew about her mother’s issues with addiction.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Fate? The wedding, I mean. You just seem to be sort of… I don’t know…
Unenthused
about the whole thing.”

A tight ball of worry formed in Fate’s stomach. Was that how she was coming off? Unenthused?

“It’s just a lot, you know? I guess seeing my mom get her heart broken so many times and what it did to her… I never thought I’d be the kind of girl to get married. Then there are all these decisions and things you’re supposed to care about.” She sighed. “I mean, honestly, I don’t care about the font on the invitations or what fabric the tablecloths at the reception are made of. I’m a sucky bride.”

It felt good to admit. Melissa nodded and they got in the car. Once they’d both buckled their seatbelts, Melissa turned as much as the shoulder strap would allow.

“I know it’s a lot, Fate. But just think—when it’s all over, you get to be Mrs. Trevor Edward Harris.” There was a wistful twinge in Melissa’s voice. It added to Fate’s guilt.

“Thanks. You’re right. I know. I guess I’m just a little overwhelmed.” She swallowed her concerns back down. “And, Mel, I know we haven’t really talked about it, but I’m so sorry things didn’t work out with Ethan.”

Her friend’s eyes widened and then she waved her hand between them. “That’s old news. Besides, I don’t need a wedding of my own. I can just live vicariously through you. Now let’s go pick you out a cake.”

Fate was excited for the first time in all the wedding madness. Cake was a wedding tradition she could finally get on board with.

“I
got Italian cream cake with almond buttercream icing. Oh my gosh. It was so good, Trevor. Like heaven in my mouth. And German chocolate for your groom’s cake.”

Fate sipped the glass of red wine that had been placed in front of her by the waiter at her fiancé’s favorite restaurant. She preferred white or blush even, something fruity and crisp with a hint of sweetness versus the burn of red that made her skin flush, but Trevor said that red went better with the baked ziti he’d ordered them both for dinner. So red it was.

“It’s all the same to me, darling. But you should speak with Mother to be sure. I think German chocolate may contain coconut and we have a few family members who are allergic.”

“Oh.” Her gaze fell to the garlic bread on the table. She’d already eaten one piece despite Trevor reminding her that a bride-to-be should watch her carbohydrate intake. “Maybe I should call tomorrow and have them change it to plain chocolate. I just remembered that Bundt cake my mom made that you liked so well.”

Trevor let out a low chuckle. “Dear God, Fate. Was that when your mom was going through her ‘going to start a catering business’ phase? I’m pretty sure I was just being polite. I thought you realized that.”

Fate felt the sting of hurt on her mother’s behalf. He’d been more than polite. He’d raved. Laid his praise on almost too thick. He had been making fun of her mom, she now realized.

Sure, her mom had her issues, but she’d had a difficult life. Brenda Buchanan’s mother had abandoned her when she was young and she’d lived with various relatives who’d passed her around like a hot potato until she got pregnant with Fate at seventeen. Fate’s dad had proposed just before going into the Air Force, where he’d been killed on his first deployment as a fighter pilot when she was barely nine months old. After that, it was one hobby after another as her mother tried relentlessly to move on. She wasn’t a perfect woman, but she’d done the best she could with what she had. And despite her many,
many
failures, she kept trying. Fate admired her tenacity and resilience.

“I didn’t realize,” Fate said evenly. “I guess you can add acting to the list of your many skills.”

Trevor gave her a playful smile as he sipped his own wine. “I didn’t realize you were so naïve, darling. We’ll have to work on that.”

The main course arrived, but Fate’s appetite seemed to have vanished. “Maybe your company can develop a pill for it.” She was going for light, teasing even, in hopes of ridding them of the tension in what she’d meant to be a conversation about cake. But somehow, her tone held a bitter edge she hadn’t intended for it to.

Trevor arched a brow over the steaming plate of pasta. “Feeling feisty tonight, are we?”

“Sorry,” she mumbled, feeling as if she’d behaved like a petulant child. “I’m just tired. It was a long day.”

Trevor smirked and took a bite of his food. “That’s too bad,” he said once he’d chewed and swallowed. Fate watched as he wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I was kind of hoping you’d let feisty Fate out to play. Any chance I can talk you into staying at my place tonight?”

Disappointment pulled in her gut. This argument had grown old by now. She respected her mom, but she didn’t want to repeat her mistakes. She’d had a ringside seat for most of them and she considered herself a living, breathing reminder of the biggest one. So she was saving herself for marriage, something she’d told him when they first began dating as not to lead him on or give him false expectations.

Trevor Harris was not used to rejection, and over the nearly four years they’d dated, the breakups had almost always come at the end of an argument about sex. Once they’d gotten engaged, Fate had compromised and they’d begun engaging in oral sex, but that was as far as she was going until they said I do. Melissa jokingly called her a prude, and Trevor, when angry, had called her much worse. But she’d stuck to her guns and would continue to do so until after the wedding.

“You know I can’t,” she said softly. “I know you get frustrated, but I want our wedding night to be special. It’s important to me.”

Huffing out an annoyed breath, Trevor took another bite. Fate focused on her food, cutting it up into smaller and smaller pieces.

“It will be. It will probably be even better because you’ll know by then what you enjoy, what feels good. First times can be awkward and uncomfortable, Fate. Is that what you want for our wedding night?”

A passing waitress stepped over and refilled their water glasses. The young girl bit her lip as if hiding a smile. Fate felt the heat from both Trevor’s words and knowing that a stranger had overhead them.

“No, of course not,” she mumbled when the waitress was gone. “But I want to wait. Call me old-fashioned or whatever. It’s what I want.” She raised her steady gaze to meet his. “Are we going to keep having this conversation or can we eat dinner in peace?”

“You’re not even religious but you act like you’ll go to Hell for fucking your fiancé.” Trevor let his fork drop loudly on the plate, which startled her even more than his harsh words. “What’s really the deal here, Fate? Are you scared? Or is there something else? Someone else?”

Her mouth fell open in shock. Someone else? Was he insane? She’d only ever kissed one other guy and that was in high school.

“Trevor—”

“Can we get our check please?” Trevor asked their waiter, who was walking past their table.

“Of course, sir. Would you care for more wine? Dessert?”

“No, thank you. We’re
abstaining
this evening,” Trevor answered for them. “Just the check.”

“Yes, sir.”

Fate glared across the table. “Why do you do this? It’s been nearly four years, Trevor. You know how I feel. You know there’s no one else. You bring this up every now and then as if you think I’ll suddenly change my mind. Then when I don’t, I’m the bad guy and you’re angry.”

“I thought after I proposed it would put an end to the childishness. Just tell me why,” Trevor practically growled at her. “Why is it such a big damn deal? It’s just sex, Fate. What’s the point in holding out on me? You think I’m going to fuck you and run? Are you afraid you’ll be bad at it and I won’t marry you? Or do you just like to toy with me?”

Afraid she’d be bad at it? Well, she was
now.

“God, Trevor.” Fate tossed her napkin onto the table. “That. That right there. That’s why I want to wait.”

His face contorted in confusion.

“I don’t want it to be just sex, Trevor. I want it to matter, to be special. I want it to be a part of my wedding day, the part where we really truly belong to each other in a way no one can take away, okay? Maybe that sounds stupid to you. But I can assure you, I would never hold out on you for fun or toy with you. I just want it to…”

His eyebrows dipped inward. “Want it to what?”

“To matter,” she whispered. “You’ve been with other women. I know that. But I want
our
first time together to matter. I want to remember it every time we celebrate our wedding anniversary.”