Falling In (13 page)

Words
that oozed with spite started to flow from Audrey’s shaking lips.

“You
know exactly who, Max: that trainer of yours, Miranda.”

On the
other end, Max faked a laugh.

“Do you
really want to know?”

Audrey’s
heart dropped.

“Yes.”

“Two
years.”

The
phone nearly fell from her hand.

“What?!”

There
was a pause as she tried to gather her jaw from the floor.  Though things
between them seemed pretty bleak going into the conversation, the new wave of
betrayal rocked the foundation of just about everything.

“You,”
she stammered, “you’ve been fucking her for
two years
?”

“If you
would’ve-”

“Two
years,” she screamed into the phone.  “And then you’re actually going to try
and put it on me?  Fuck you, Max.  Fuck you and your bullshit lies.”

“Audrey,
come on.”

“No,”
she insisted.  “I’m done.”

“You
don’t mean that,” he said to her like a child, which only further enraged her.

“Yes, I
do.  It’s over.”

“You’ll
never do any better than me,” he said, echoing the sinister version of himself
from the cryptic dream that unsettled her so deeply.  Audrey knew that it was a
coincidence, but that didn’t stop the hairs on the back of her neck from
standing up.  It was a creepy kind of deja vu that made her as uneasy as the
day that their relationship officially crumbled.

“I’m
doing better without you than I ever have,” she said.  It wasn’t the complete
truth, but she wasn’t about to let him know that he wielded any power over her,
not then or ever again.

“Sure,”
he said sarcastically.  “Let me know when you’re ready to come home.”

“I’ll
never come home to
you
again.”

“Okay,”
he said with a chuckle.  “See you soon.”

Audrey
hung up on him and threw her phone down onto the couch with a scream.

“Ugh
you’re such an asshole!”

The
phone immediately started to ring.  She snatched it back up and answered
angrily, ready for the fight to continue, “What?”

“Audrey?” 
Kim asked, “Is that you?”

Upon
realizing that she was no longer on the phone with the enemy, Audrey struggled
to disarm her tone.

“Y-yes.”

“Are you
okay?”

She
gulped down air and tried to force her racing pulse to slow enough to have a
normal conversation.  But when that wasn’t enough, she got up and walked out
onto the home’s expansive deck.

“Yeah, I
just talked to Max.”

“Oh,”
Kim replied.  “Well I’m going to be on my way home a little early, so if you
want to talk about it I’ll be back around dinner time tomorrow. I want to beat
the storm.  There’s a lot to do around the house before it comes and there
won’t be a lot of time left to do it.”

“That’s
fine.  Folks around here seem really nervous.”

“Can you
blame them?”

Audrey
shrugged her shoulders and responded, “I guess not, no.”

“Hey, I
have to run but I’ll be seeing you tomorrow.”

“Sounds
good.  Have a safe flight.”

“I’ll do
what I can.  Bye.”

Audrey
ended the call and immediately went back to her conversation with Max.  She
mulled over every inflection and change of pitch in his voice, analyzing what
he might have really meant by one thing or another.  There was so much for her
to sift through that it started to give her a headache.

Two
years was a long time and an especially long time for him to hide an affair. 
And though her disdain for him was at an all-time high, it couldn’t totally
block out the pain that started to grip her broken heart.  She could almost
feel it falling to pieces in her chest as the last threads of hope pulled away
with every moment that passed.

She
started to walk back and forth in front of the door with her hands and phone
clasped behind her back.  Things were going to start happening, whether she liked
it or not.  Kim would be home soon, which meant that Audrey’s surprise vacation
was going to be cut short.

 “And
then what?”  She asked to a pair of gulls that pecked around near the base of
the steps, scaring them away.  “What about Liam?”

Just the
mention of his name made her stomach start to prickle and twinge.  It happened
every time she thought about him, actually.  All she had to do was think about
his messy hair, hazel eyes or powerful embrace to revive the sweet sensation
that he left behind.  Everything about his touch just seemed right, but Audrey
wasn’t a fool.  She knew what kind of situation she was hiding from him; knew
that a lover was probably the last thing she should have picked up while in
Florida, but she couldn’t stop herself.  More than his chiseled features, the
way that he took care of her was something that she hated to see tempered by
Max’s selfish behavior.

As if
putting a divorce onto her at the last minute wasn’t enough, he somehow managed
to taint from afar every single kiss and caress that she and Liam shared.  She
thought back to the venom that Max so easily spit over the phone and wondered
how long he had been waiting to say the things that he did.

By the
time that Audrey was doing picking through their argument with a fine-toothed
comb, she was so furious that she could literally feel the skin under her
collar getting hot.  It spread easily over her cheeks and forehead as she paced
back and forth on the deck and tried to understand what happened to the man
that she once loved.  She still did love him, of course, but the man who left
her the messages--the man that just spoke to her like she was scum--wasn’t the
man she married.  Though she didn’t know where it went wrong, one thing was
glaringly obvious:

“It’s
over,” Audrey relented to herself.

Without
any more excuses to fight for a love that was gone, she fell back against the
house’s wood door frame and sank to the ground.  In a way, admitting that she
could never get back something as precious as trust was like a signal of
defeat.  There was nothing that she could say to fix the wrong in her life. 
Instead, as she stared out over the home’s sweeping view, Audrey was forced to
do the one thing that she promised not to do: she gave up.

You’re
right
, she typed
into a blank text message on her phone
.  I’ll sign the divorce papers as
soon as I get back.  Have a nice life.

After
she sent it away before she could change her mind, Audrey locked the screen and
set it down by her side.  She hoped that the crushing defeat would soon give
way to relief, but at the time, it sure didn’t feel that way.

Audrey
turned her phone off for the rest of the day and sulked back to the couch,
where she put down roots and didn’t move, eventually passing out under the glow
of the silent TV as it tracked the hurricane that threatened to throw her life
into mayhem once again.

Chapter
10

A
distant rumble of thunder pulled Audrey’s eyes away from the sandwich she
prepared absent-mindedly.  Through the kitchen window, she saw the first black
clouds in the distance as the storm sat over open ocean and churned up
strength.

“Ooooh,”
Audrey said quietly.  “It’s happening.”

She
flipped the top piece of bread onto a pile of sliced turkey, cheese and lettuce
and unceremoniously mashed the whole thing together with her hand.

For the
most part, she still didn’t know what she was going to do, even as a few
threatening flashes lit up the skies near the horizon.  A heavy blanket of
clouds sat over Cedar Key and much of northwest Florida, with passing showers
that came in went in the blink of an eye.  The bulk of it stayed off shore for
the time being, but it was obvious that it wasn’t going to remain there.

Since
she woke early that morning, Audrey watched the darkest clouds inch closer with
every hour that passed.  With them came a growing uneasiness, both about the
weather and her litany of relationship problems.  The idea of going back to
Chicago early and picking up what was left of her life wasn’t exactly appealing. 
And then there was the divorce.  The thought of endless court proceedings and
mountains of paperwork made her stomach tie up in knots.  But in the end, she
knew that it was the best path for both of them.

In a
way, having her mind made up about that one thing was a relief, even if it
meant a ton of foot-work to get it done.

Audrey
looked up to the clock over the oven and bit down into her sandwich, but before
she could even finish chewing the bite, there was a knock at the front door. 
She rolled her eyes and set her lunch down.

“Coming!”

She
jogged through the home’s circular path and eventually yanked the door open. 
Waiting there, Liam stood with his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

“Hey
you,” she said happily.  “Come in.”

“Thanks,”
he said and closed the door behind him.  “Can I ask you about something?”

Audrey
wrapped her arms around his neck and replied, “Sure.”

As she
leaned in for a kiss, Liam stopped held his phone up so that it blocked her
attempt.

“Did you
mean to send this to someone else?”

The
angry text that was intended for Max sat on the screen as Audrey looked it over
and shook her head in disbelief.  All at once, every lie and secret that she
had been living was exposed, washing away the careful facade that she put
around herself.  Her stomach felt like it sank down into her feet and she could
hear her heart rate rise as it pounded through her skull.

“How did
you get that?”

Liam
backed up a little, which forced her arms to fall away and land limply at her
sides.  His face was twisted into a frown and he was obviously upset.

“You
sent it to me last night.  Are you really married?”

She
backed up just a hair, but the way that she did it and nervously crossed her
arms behind her back made the answer to his question obvious.  Liam shoved the
phone into his pocket and smoothed back a wild chunk of hair that escaped his
short, messy pony tail.

“Why
didn’t you tell me?”

“I
didn’t know how.”

“Bullshit,
Audrey.  It would’ve only taken three words to be honest.”

It was
the truth, but the way that he said it made her uncomfortable.  Like the
dream-world version of Liam said, how did she know that he wouldn’t do the same
thing that Max did to her?  After all, she hardly knew him, when it came down
to it.

Audrey
backed up again with a nagging tug of fear in her gut, but she did her best to
push it back down.

He
wouldn’t hurt you.  He might’ve been the one who saved you.

“Look,”
she said nervously and held her hands out in front to put a little space
between them.  In spite of all the mental preparation she put into that moment,
her mind went blank.  She searched the recesses of her brain but she was unable
to find words to articulate how sorry she was, nor the ones to make him believe
that she’d never been happier than she was while in his arms.

Liam
grabbed her healing wrist.

“And
what about this, then?  What’s this?”

Audrey’s
stomach started to roll.

“And
don’t tell me that you don’t want to talk about it,” he continued.  “We’re a
little beyond that point now.”

She
tried to pull her arm away, but he held it firmly and just stared at her,
waiting for a response with his bloodshot eyes that pierced like knives.  His
desperation for an answer, however, fell on deaf ears.  Audrey was increasingly
unnerved by his disposition, which made it hard for her to just spit out the
truth.  She sucked a deep breath through her nose and closed her eyes.

“I’m
married and we are getting a divorce because he,” Audrey paused and blew out
the air in her lungs.  “He did this to me.”

Liam’s
grip on her wrist loosened before he said anything, but he didn’t let go.  When
he did respond, his voice was a little more restrained but not any less angry.

“You
couldn’t tell me this?  Did you honestly think that I wouldn’t understand; that
I’m so unreasonable or something?”

“That
wasn’t the problem.”

“Then
what was?”

When
Audrey finally opened her eyes, her vision was clouded by a barrage of fresh
tears.  She couldn’t see much, but she could clearly make out the blobs of
black and gray tattoos on his hand.  It eventually slipped around and held her
from beneath like a cradle, instead of a shackle.

“I
didn’t even understand.  Shit, I still don’t.  How was I supposed to tell you
something that I didn’t know?”

Perhaps
realizing the implication of holding that particular wrist, Liam let go. 
Before their skin could break from contact, Audrey snaked her fingers through
his and squeezed his hand.  He felt tense, but he didn’t try to stop her.

“Audrey,”
he said quietly.  “Yesterday I couldn’t believe how much I liked you and today
I don’t even know if I can trust you.  What am I supposed to do with that?  You
tell me.”

“You
know that I can’t,” she sighed.

Liam
stood there for a moment and then, in a heart-breaking show of contempt, pulled
his fingers away from hers.  They slipped out like threads of silk that were
too slippery for Audrey to catch, though it wasn’t because she didn’t try.  In
the end, however, she knew that she’d lost the battle.

“Are you
going to leave town before the storm comes?”

Whether
she took it the right way or not, Audrey was instantly offended.  Her heart
raced and her head felt light from the tension between them.  She was suddenly
angry about so many things: Max, the divorce...all of it.  Even though she was
stuck on a roller-coaster of emotions, anger wasn’t one that she had the luxury
of feeling until that moment.  It was as if every bit of pent-up rage bubbled
up to the surface.

“I’m
sure you’d like that.”

“That’s
not what I meant.”

Audrey
didn’t mean to direct her anger at him but she had a hard time controlling it.

So
this is what it’s like to lose it.

“Audrey?”

“What?” 
She snapped at him.

He
tossed his hands up into the air.

“Excuse
me but I didn’t do anything wrong here.”

It may
have been true, but that didn’t stop it from pissing her off even more.

“You
know what?  Maybe I should leave for good.”

He
sighed and said, “I didn’t say you
should
, I was just asking.  Look,
just forget it.  Forget me, forget this week, forget everything, okay?  I
should’ve known better than to fall for someone that I barely knew.”

He
jerked the front door open and stomped out.  It was left hanging open as Audrey
stood there and tried to make sense of the words and thoughts that swirled
around in her head.  By the time that he reached the bottom of the stairs,
Audrey began to realize the brutal reality of what she did to him.  And once he
climbed onto his bike and the engine growled to life, the heavy burden of guilt
forced her out of the door with one hand outstretched toward him.  But over the
bone-shaking noise as Liam revved the engine, her calls for him to stop didn’t
stand a chance.  Instead, she landed at the base of the stairs in time to watch
the back tire kick up a long cloud of dust that was instantly whipped and
blended into the air by the increasing winds.

Audrey
fell to her knees in a small tuft of wild grass and sank her head down into her
hands.  Sure that nobody but the birds were close enough to hear her scream,
Audrey let loose into her palms.  Hot, sticky tears rolled through the openings
between her fingers, which were just wide enough for her to catch passing
glimpses of the darkening landscape.

A rumble
of thunder partially snapped her out of her fit and drew her attention to the
West.  The storm’s most damaging parts were still some time away, but that
didn’t stop it from instilling a deep, powerful sense of foreboding into all of
Audrey’s thoughts.  She didn’t know what was left for her, either in Cedar Key
or Chicago.  Everything seemed to have held together just long enough to fall
back to pieces again.

But with
Liam, the feeling was completely different.  Audrey knew that, at the end of
the day, she did him wrong.  What she didn’t plan on was the fact that it felt
almost ten times worse than being hurt.  She wasn’t just a victim anymore, but
also sat on the dirty ground as a perpetrator who had yet to atone for her
crimes.

“I broke
his heart,” she said and curled her knees up to rest her head on them.  “I
broke his heart because all I cared about was me.”

Audrey
cried onto her dusty knees.  The thin trails of tears quickly transformed into
muddy streams that rolled over her thighs and carried the dirt back down to
where it belonged.  Soon after, a gust of wind kicked up even more of the gray
dust that coated the sticky trails with even more grime.  The area, which was
usually full of noise from the native birds, was eerily devoid of their songs
and honks.

It took
a long time--and many more deep breaths--before she peeled herself off of the
ground and pulled her body upstairs.  She was so burdened with guilt that it
felt like she suddenly gained a hundred pounds, making each and every step a
chore.  By the time that she trudged upstairs, stripped down to nothing and
started a shower, she had to sit on the lip of the tub to keep from sinking to
the ground again.

She ran
her hands over her naked thighs and let the shower’s thick steam fill her lungs
as she thought about Liam; about how badly he was probably hurting.  She
wondered what he was doing and if he was thinking about her.  A million
thoughts and questions raced through her head, but only one seemed to consistently
come back and gnaw on her mind.

“Will he
ever forgive me?”  She asked to the empty bathroom.

Audrey
raised her head up and climbed into the shower.  As the stinging hot jets of
water prickled her throbbing flesh, she knew that she couldn’t leave without
seeing him just one last time.  Even if he only allowed her one thing to say,
that would be fine as long a she could apologize for all of the lies.  As it
turned out, Liam wasn’t the only one who had fallen hard.  It just took Audrey
a whole hell of a lot longer to realize it.

Near the
end of her shower, she heard the front door slam and Kim’s voice, which
followed right after.

“Audrey? 
Are you up there?”

She
cleared her throat and tried to suppress any of the powerful emotions from
showing through in her voice.

“I’ll be
down in a minute.”

After
one more dip under the steaming water, she turned it off, dried herself with a
towel and scampered across the hall to get dressed.  She pulled on some
underwear, a plain white tank top and a pair of long jeans.  It wasn’t cold yet
but she didn’t want to be caught in shorts when things started to happen with
the storm.  The fact that they covered the new scrapes on both of her knees
didn’t hurt matters, either.

With wet
hair that fluttered behind and bare feet that led the way, Audrey hurried down
the stairs and found Kim in the kitchen.  She was busy drinking a glass of tea.

“There
you are!”  She hopped up from her seat and they hugged briefly.  “How’ve things
been?  Aside from the storm, anyway.”

“Um, it
was going good.”

Kim
lowered back into her seat and motioned for Audrey to do the same in a chair
just a foot or so away.

“It
was?  What does that mean?”

“I don’t
know.  It just seems like everything goes wrong no matter where I go.  I can’t
find a place where everything is just...right, I guess.”

“Audrey,
you’re never going to find that place because it doesn’t exist.  Shit is bound
to happen; you know that.”