Falling Stars (Starstruck Series Book 2) (21 page)

“What? Why can’t you come home?”  How quickly the air changed; his expression, his tone, the room. It all felt heavier, darker, and doubtful.

She remained silent.

“So, what, is this it?  Is this how it’s going to be?  You just take off your ring and leave?”  He was staring intently at her, but she couldn’t bear to look at him.

“I don’t know.”  Her response came out a whisper.

“Baby, I never see you anymore. Everywhere I turn, I see you checked in with that sonofabitch—”

“Before I left, I hardly saw you. You were always
  
” She stopped before becoming overwhelmed by her own emotion. “Look, this is an issue between you and me. Just leave Evan out of this. Please.”

“Why?”  Logan’s eyes were more intense now.  “He doesn’t have any trouble butting into our lives and trying to take you from me.”

“He doesn’t have to try.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  He asked.

“We’re working together, Logan.  The show, the movie, we’re in this together. Something I thought we were, you and I, but you’ve spent more time out with Christian and
her,
if you want to put it like that.”

“Come on,” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Are you really going to compare me hanging out with my friends to you cavorting with some douchebag who clearly wants to get in your pants?”

That was it.  Alisa’s emotions had boiled over.  “Are you listening to yourself right now?”

He folded his arms and said nothing more.

“Jesus! If I can just get this all out there. Hear me out.  This life, it … I thought it was for me.  The cameras, the rumors, the rush.  Sometimes I miss being that writer from that one town where people don’t judge you for what designer you’re not wearing.  Eating lunch without hounds wanting to take my picture.  I haven’t been out to see my mom in over a year. As far as work goes, though, Ron called. We’re holding auditions in New York for some of the other principle cast members, and I’m going back out there to meet with Jenn.”

His face did not change. “I assume you’re going with him?”

“Yes.”

“Wonderful.” Logan muttered.

“No, you can’t do that to me, Logan.  You can’t get mad because I’m going out on business.  You left me for months.  For
months
to go work on some movie you kept so tightly under wraps, and why? You’re off with some tramp I knew nothing about until recently, someone you’ve been sleeping with on the side?  Someone … who made you turn back to a life I thought you were done with, and you get mad at me?”

“How is this any different, Lis?  Evan walks right into your life.  At first you tell me you worry about working with him, about how you despise him and his attitude.  Then he kissed you—”

“No. This is nowhere near on even ground right now.” Alisa folded her arms.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what, yeah! He fucking kissed me. At first I wanted to make some dumb excuse about how it was for work, for the show that you dragged me into, by the way—but I don’t know, he just kissed me. That’s all! I didn’t jump into bed with him—I didn’t fuck him, because I love
you
.  I’m married to
you
. When I tried to talk to you about your moods, your problems, you know what you did? You shrugged me off.  You acted like buying me a ring, or a dress or a phone or a fucking car would make it all go away, but it didn’t. Stop trying to make this about just you because if you want to talk about marriage, it’s a partnership.  Believe me, I’ve gone through this shit before.  This isn’t some sort of movie where it all plays out okay in the end.  I don’t even know how it’s supposed to end.”

Something in her words stuck because he was petrified.  They were standing across from one another.  His gaze fell to the floor. He may have been crying, but Alisa couldn’t tell.  This was the crossroads she was dreading, but she felt damned no matter which road she took.  Not to mention, after numerous times of taking the path that lead to the same place, wasn’t it time to change?

After a beat, he spoke up.  “It’s supposed to end with you and me, Lis.  Together.”

“Logan.  Sweetheart.  I’m not some Hollywood girl who is easily distracted by shiny things.  You knew that when you married me.  I’m small-town.  Something everyone in this goddamned industry is dying to tell me every single day, and you know what – I am okay with that. I’m okay with being small-town.  I didn’t need all of the glitz and glamour. I just wanted to be with you.  Apparently I wasn’t fully aware of the price I’d be paying to get that.”

“You have me. What more do you want?”

“You have Kirsten now, Logan.  I have family I need to be with, a movie to film, and a show to work on but at this immediate moment, I think I just … I need to get away from this for a while.”

“From
this
?”

“From us.”

The ring was with her the whole time. She never left the house without it, even though she tried to hide it in her jewelry box at Alex and John’s.  She placed it on the end table and picked up a box of her belongings. Everything started moving slowly, unlike the previous fights.  Alisa had already been through one dark and terrible marriage, and even though this started out wonderfully, it had taken an unexpected turn for the worst.  

“So that’s it?  It’s just like that—you are leaving me?  Are you going to go find your sunset to ride off into with that bastard?”

“His name is Evan, and no.  I’m not like you. You know, I just can’t do this again.  I can’t handle broken promises, empty ones at that.  Before I can move on from this, I need to know you are serious about getting help.  I did what I could before, but it isn’t working now.  I wanted to be the dutiful wife, the wife who loved you, who waited for you to come home … and you still chose to go back to that.  I need to hear it from you that you’re serious about helping yourself.”

Logan shifted his eyes away from her.  His lips parted to speak, but no words came out.  

Her lips trembling, she let a stray tear fall from her eye before grabbing her stuff.  “Goodbye, Logan.”

“Alisa, please don’t do this, don’t go—I’ll … I’ll go get help! Don’t leave--”

By the time he attempted to make yet another empty promise, she’d shut the front door on her way out. The trek to her car was like walking the long corridor to her own execution. Alisa tossed her things into the backseat and climbed in the driver’s side.  She closed it quickly and locked herself in.  She didn’t leave her driveway, and Logan hadn’t come out either.  On one hand, a burden had been lifted from her shoulders.  On the other, she felt the onslaught of emotions take over, and she was in tears yet again.  This time though, her tears were filled with worry and uncertainty.  On top of that, she worried about Edward and Jana.  She didn’t want to lose them as family. She loved them both.

She’d been sitting in her car bawling for at least five minutes when she heard her phone buzzing from inside her purse.  Part of her wanted to ignore it; it was probably the studio or her editor nagging her for some reason or another.  No, something told Alisa to answer this call.  When she saw that it was John calling, she accepted it.

“John. Hi…”

“Sweetie, something’s happened.”

“This is a really bad time.” Alisa clamped the phone between her ear and her shoulder as she started her car.

“It’s about Ray.  You need to come down here. Now.”

Chapter Fourteen

“I came as soon as I got the call. What’s going on?” Alisa grasped David’s hands as he rose to greet her. Alex and John were there as well.

Everyone looked so troubled; glassy-eyed and silently panicking in the hospital waiting room.  It wasn’t until David explained the news that her legs gave way.  He caught her before she fell, but she felt instantly lightheaded.

“Where is he?”

“He’s on a lot of medication.  Doctor’s said we can’t see him until they come out to get us.”  David’s voice was calm, despite the two shimmering streams dripping down his cheeks.  His worried face made Alisa’s heart drop.

“The kids?”

“Dawn has them.  She and Jean are going to watch them until Alex and I leave here tonight.”

“Did anyone call Ron?”

“Dawn already took care of that.”

“And what about the—”

“Sweetie, shhh …” Alex stood up to comfort her.

Alisa hadn’t realized it, but she was shaking badly.  There was so much for her mind to take in.  Her heart was aching, even worse than the pain of walking away from her husband.  Ray was one of her best friends, someone who had stayed by her side no matter what issues came about.  He was there when she needed a place to stay, a person to talk to …

“You can see him now.”

David nodded at her to take this round.  He had already been in there for a while before she arrived. Alex and John stayed with him in the waiting room.

Taking the doctor’s lead, Alisa followed him towards Ray’s room.

Alisa felt like she was walking through a funhouse; first through the hall of mirrors and then that tunnel with the spinning walls. Though she may have maintained her composure on the outside, her insides were twirling, making her sick to her stomach. The possibilities of what could unfold once she reached Ray’s room were more than she could handle. Focusing only on the white coat in front of her, she imagined a calm, white room, void of much else but light and cool air.  It was an exercise Evie had taught her when she became overwhelmed.  

Once they reached the room, she took a deep breath and crossed the threshold when the doctor opened the door.  He gestured for her to walk in first, and he followed behind her.

“Mr. Day, we have someone here to see you.”
Seeing Ray on his hospital bed wearing nothing but his blue hospital gown, accessorized with tubes and monitors, made Alisa gasp.  His skin was already somewhat fair, but the anemic lighting and the medication lightened his complexion even further.

“I’ll leave you to speak with him. Please page me if you need anything.”  The doctor excused himself with a polite nod and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

Alisa watched the doctor walk away then turned back to see her friend.  Part of her hoped that when she turned around it would be some wild figment of her imagination; it would be a dream, and her friend was miraculously healed, dancing, singing or teasing her like he always did.  Alas, it was reality.   

She pulled a chair over to the side of his bed but remained standing.  She looked down at him with such pity and empathy in her eyes, they were glistening with tears.  Her lip quivered, and he must have noticed because he instinctively reached up to take her hand.

“Hey, kid.”  Ray offered a weak smile.  “What are you doing here?”

Her eyes pulled together, “What do you mean?”

Ray coughed gently, “Aren’t you supposed to be heading back to New York or something? What are you still doing here?”

Yes. Ron had called her to tell her she’d be leaving soon, but her entire world stopped when she heard he was in the hospital.  “It can wait. I belong here with you right now.”

“Oh, please don’t get all sentimental on me.  I’m not dying … yet.”

Though she was crying her eyes out, she managed to laugh.  Ray could always get her to laugh. “Stop that right now.”

Ray coughed again, though this time it caused him to groan in pain, and he weakly reached up to grasp his side.

“I hate to see you like this,” she confessed, squeezing his hand tightly.

He chuckled, “I hate to see me like this, and believe me it feels about as bad as I look.  Probably worse.”

“You look fine. Cut it out.”

“Well, whatever they gave me is pretty damn killer. Remind me to stock up on this when I leave.”

“Save your strength.”

“Hey, I’m not as fragile as you think.  You know they told me to go to the light, and I said hell no and flipped a U-turn because I wasn’t going out like that.”  Ray remained sassy, even in his hospital bed.  Alisa expected no less.

It was a reflex to cry.  He started to, and she continued to.  Alisa had shed so many tears in the last few months.  It was exhausting, but this couldn’t be helped.  The situation was so unexpected, and the pain was immense.

“I thought I was going to die, Lis.  I thought that was it.  I thought I would never get to see David again.  The kids …”

She held his hand tightly as she stood by his side.  Her free hand reached up and brushed the hair from his sweaty forehead. Alisa was shaking again, but their grasp on one another steadied their unease.  There was a silent exchange as they looked at one another, one miserable and desperate, the other worried and pitiful.  So much had happened in the last few months, but this was the straw that broke the camel’s back, as they say. Alisa was so worn out by the events of her life as of late. Now was not the time to think only of herself.  Her friend recently had a brush with death.

“My little ones; Abigail and Brendan?”

“They’re safe.  Dawn has them now.”

His eyes fluttered shut, and he let a few tears fall down his cheeks.  “I didn’t think I’d ever get to hold them again.”

Her heart broke watching him cry. “You’re going to be fine, sweetie.  I promise.  The doctors said you’ll be back up in no time.  You just need to relax, okay?”

“I can’t relax, Alisa.”

“You have to.”

“If I relax, nothing will get done. The studio, we have a lot going. The show, the movie, and all of the--” There was immense panic on his face.

“Shhh—hey! Hey … Ray … I am here to help you with whatever you need. You’re not the only one who works there, babe. Okay? Please …” She cooed, her voice gentle to soothe his anxious mind.  “It’s your heart that needs to rest. Please, Ray, you can’t … I can’t lose you.”

Ray was looking at her with wide eyes.  He found himself gripping tightly to her wrist as he realized he had overreacted to the situation.  With a gulp, he released her at once. “My heart.”

Alisa assumed it was only a side-effect of the medication. She’d been in no pain while in his grasp, but when she looked into his eyes, she could see the stress and the heartbreak and emotion from his words.  She gently pushed her friend back onto the bed until he was relaxed, and the two let out a deep breath.  “Your heart, sweetie.  So much work…stress…
caffeine…”

He stubbornly scoffed with a classic Ray Day eye roll.

“I’m serious.  You need to slow down. Not only are you overworked, but from what I was told, your heart needs the rest.”

“If I’m in here any longer they’re going to find more things wrong with me…”

“Your heart is important, babe. You need to settle down and take care of yourself, okay?” Alisa spoke as comfortingly as she could, offering a smile through her bloodshot eyes from all of the crying. “We’ll deal with anything else later. And you’re going to kick its ass because you’re Ray Day.”

Once the dust settled, they pondered in a silent exchange.  Alisa understood where he was coming from, and Ray was glad that someone, other than his husband, knew what he’d been going through.  

It was then that the threshold was crossed, and for Ray, it meant no turning back.  He sobbed, louder than she’d ever witnessed.  She wouldn’t judge him, though. She’d already been through so much, and he the same. It was necessary for him to let it all out.  It was clear Ray had been overworked from the start; he dove into the
Family Insurance
casting right off of his gig in Toronto and didn’t have any time to sleep.  Between the kids, spending time with his husband, the premiere, coordinating meetings and other things, playing referee at Alex and John’s bachelor parties … it was a wonder he was still living and breathing.  The worst Alisa had done was smoke a cigarette with him to calm her own nerves, and that was weeks ago.

As uncharacteristic as that was, Alisa knew that probably didn’t help his case either.  His heart was already weakened, and when he collapsed, it gave everyone a scare.

She leaned down and pressed her lips to his forehead. “Please rest, sweetie.”

***

It was Alisa’s shift at the hospital. Ray had already been in for a week and was due to be released in a couple of days. David was back at home with the kids, Dawn and Jean were running errands for David, and Alex and John were going to take the next shift.  She spent some time in the cafeteria with her laptop, communicating with her editor about her book submission and answering numerous emails for work, which helped pass the time.  When she finished up, she parked it outside of Ray’s room while he was sleeping then tucked herself into her hoodie in the hopes of taking a nap.

She must have dozed off for a bit.  When she woke up, there was someone sitting beside her.  

“Morning, sleeping beauty.”

“Evan, hey.”  Alisa was surprised to see him there and not Alex.

“Ron filled me in on what’s happening. I hope it’s all right I came by.  Figured you might need company, and this.”  Evan presented her with coffee, and she gratefully accepted it.

“I was thinking we could go get some food? I think you need your energy restored before the next scene we gotta film. I got the script …”

“Evan.”

“…it’s the last one we have before the mid-season finale, and—”

“Evan.” She said again, firmly this time.

“Hmm?” Evan’s baby blues swung over to her when he heard his name.

“I told David I’d stay here until Alex and John show up.  Someone has to be here if Ray needs them. I’ll read later.”

While Evan understood the importance of her task, he didn’t look satisfied.  “Come on, Lis. You need to get out of here for a bit. You can’t stay cooped up in the hospital all day. Ray’s stable, and you know he wouldn’t want you being cooped up in here either.”

“Is that really why you want to get me out of here?”

“Excuse me?”

    Before she knew it, Alisa had unleashed words she’d been thinking for a long time, ones she’d never thought she’d actually say.  Her assumptions weren’t too far off, she imagined, because every word she spoke looked like it stung.  “I get the need to get me up and running, to get me laughing and entertained so I don’t end up like some coke-ball entertainer who needs rehab or something.  Look, the wounds are still fresh, Evan.  My friend is laid up here, and I promised to keep watch.  I’m sure you haven’t missed the fact that I just left my husband, and I can’t just dive back into the dating world after a week.  I mean, we’re still technically married.  I can’t just go out and—”

“What, be seen with me?  Are you embarrassed or something?”  His tone sounded playful; his look was anything but.  “Give me some credit, Alisa.  I’ve pretty much respected your marriage since I met you.  If you didn’t want to grab a bite to eat and discuss work, all you had to do was say so.  Don’t act like I’ve got the plague, though.  If you’re ashamed of me, just say it.”

 The whole situation was embarrassing, though it had little to do with Evan.  Still, she was slightly appalled by his attitude and was not about to tolerate his selfishness at this time.  Also, what was it about men on the defensive with her lately? She sat up.

“Evan, I don’t think I can make this round to New York, at least not now.  I know it’s a two week run.  Right now, Ray needs me here to help with everything, but I should be able to get out there next week. Maybe hop a red eye as soon as I can?”

He was watching her closely as she spoke, smiling over at her.

“What?”  She arched an eyebrow.

Evan kissed her.  Square on the lips with his finger under her chin.  This time it wasn’t predetermined. She could tell it was a spur of the moment decision.   It was different from his on-screen kiss as Aaron and Theresa, and it was very different from New York. It was brave, she gave him that, but no matter how much she wanted to give into it, she refused.  Alisa knew better, or at least, she thought she did.  She couldn’t fall into that media trap, and she didn’t want to give in to her vulnerability.  It was dangerous, and there were so many red flags flying in her head.

Alisa pulled away. “I’m sorry, Evan. I just can’t …”

“Alisa …”

“Evan, please.  There’s so much shit hitting the fan right now, for lack of a better description.  My friend almost died, my life is a mess, and I am being pulled in every direction right now.  My heart is not … it’s not in the right place.  I can’t do this right now.”

“This?”

Gesturing with her hand, Alisa signaled between the two of them.  “I’m still married. I can’t just run off with you into the sunset like nothing is wrong with any of this.”