Falling Under (31 page)
I tried to find the room where I’d been groomed like a prize pet as a gift for the heir apparent—the room where I’d nearly lost my virtue to a monster. The corridor made many turns, none of them I remembered. For a castle so large, there were very few doors. Just an unending corridor.
After following it for some time, I began to think of it as a labyrinth. Once again, I was the entertainment, it seemed—the rat in a maze. Perhaps Mara was stalking me and would jump out at some point. Perhaps, more likely, she would let me unravel my sanity like a ball of yarn as I passed hour upon unending hour traveling through her game course.
I came upon a door finally. It was left ajar, so I pushed it with my toe. Haden’s room. Reason dictated that I not dare enter. A tidal wave of emotion propelled me inside. What had he called me?
A silly little girl
.
Boring
.
A silly little girl
.
Boring
.
I replayed every moment with him with this new unflattering filter. The deeper into his room I stepped, the harder each punch of every memory became. Every touch, every kiss. I ran my hand along his furniture and ached with regret and … longing. I missed him still, the figment of my girlish imagination. A silk shirt hung on the back of a chair. I brought it to my nose and inhaled the scent of my love dying.
Haden watched her heart breaking in front of him. Powerless to dry her tears, he could only ghost around the room in a fruitless rage against his helplessness. Theia held his shirt and sank to the floor. She was giving up hope. She no longer believed in him.
For the first time in his life, Haden was free of his demon side, of all his terrible urges, and yet he would take it back if it meant he could hold her now when she needed him most. His mother would find her soon, of that he was certain. He couldn’t protect Theia. He’d never protected her. Not really.
What a mess he’d made of both their lives.
He lowered himself to the floor in front of her. Not that it mattered. He was ethereal now. It was probably better this way, since if he’d kept his body, the demon that they’d invoked on command would have been incorporeal and a lot harder to contain. For the sake of Serendipity Falls, he very much hoped they were trying to contain him.
Haden ached to press a kiss to Theia’s cheek. To speak so she would hear him.
He loved her. He’d never said it to her, never said it aloud. He had thought it would be easier for her that way, but now he was filled with regret because she would never know.
Nothing changed in the room, and yet I felt a shift. Something pleasant and warm surrounded me like sunshine, touching all of me at once. I looked around for the source of the heat, but there was nothing. And then I felt it. A feather-light stroke on my cheek. I swallowed hard and waited. Would it happen again?
When I closed my eyes, I saw Haden crouched in front of me. When I opened them in surprise, there was nothing there. I shuttered them closed again and saw him briefly before I flinched and drew back. The corset I still wore made it hard to take a deep breath.
It had been such a long, terrible night. I was scared and so tired. I still wore the dress that I would likely die in. I missed my father and my friends. Haden had taken all that from me—my entire world, my security. And yet, when I’d glimpsed him just then, I missed him too.
I closed my eyes again, resisting the urge to open them when he appeared before me, gentle and caring. He wore the same clothes as he had during our wedding banquet and he was rumpled—so unlike him. Lines of worry and concern crossed his forehead.
How was he here and why could I see him only with my eyes closed?
He mouthed the words “I love you.”
My heart, my foolish, pitiful, stupid heart, raced. I knew better.
“No more games,” I whispered back. “You don’t love anyone. Demons can’t love.” I opened my eyes so I didn’t have to look at him anymore. Somehow I found my voice. “You make me sick, Haden. The way you use people, the way you used me. You didn’t need to put so much effort into it, you know. I think I belonged to you the moment you welcomed me into your hell.”
I got up off the floor. I was tired of wallowing.
“How you must have laughed at my humiliation. Wind Theia up and watch her do her stupid dance.” My voice got louder. “Watch how her eyes shine with innocence every time she’s told she’s special. Watch how she crumples whenever Haden touches another girl.”
The rage felt kind of nice—a balm for the irritated skin of my humiliation.
“Well, you’ve stamped out all that’s left of that stupid child, Haden. I’m hollow now—is that what you wanted?” I tossed his silk shirt across the room, angry that it was too soft to fly very far. “God”—my voice broke—“when I think of how I had to beg you for that first kiss.”
That kiss had meant everything to me. Everything. My lower lip trembled. I couldn’t possibly cry again, could I? “You don’t deserve my tears, Haden.” And yet they came. “But I … I deserve everything you’ve done to me for being so gullible.”
“Be sure to spare some of your tears, child.” Mara’s chilling voice brought my gaze to the door with a start. “Your suffering has barely begun.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
M
ara was alone, but I knew instinctively she was more powerful than the guards she usually sent to do her bidding. She was of average height, and slender, but the power she wielded had nothing to do with brute strength. She wore a blue velvet dress that pretended to be proper and Victorian, but was cut so low as to not leave much to the imagination.
ara was alone, but I knew instinctively she was more powerful than the guards she usually sent to do her bidding. She was of average height, and slender, but the power she wielded had nothing to do with brute strength. She wore a blue velvet dress that pretended to be proper and Victorian, but was cut so low as to not leave much to the imagination.
I froze in place, but Mara swooped in, a hawk and a field mouse. “I’ve been pining for some girl talk alone with you, pussycat. I just know we’ll be fast friends.” She paused and one corner of her mouth lifted in a sardonic smile. “Won’t that be fun?”
I cast my eyes to the floor.
“I’m accustomed to people answering me when I speak, child.”
Mara grabbed my chin in her viselike grip and forced me to look at her. Her eyes darkened until once again the whites were absorbed into her inky pupils. It almost appeared as if she had no eyes, just gaping holes where they should have been.
“Yes,” I whimpered.
She let go with a little thrust and I fell back a step before regaining my feet.
“Much better, my pet.”
I winced, remembering how well she didn’t care for her pets.
Mara flounced around the room in her gown, inspecting the things on Haden’s shelves with animated curiosity. “It may surprise you to know that I’ve never had girl talk before.” She angled her chin and looked up like she was trying to remember. “I tend to think it’s because I always have to remove the larynx so early.” She picked up one of Haden’s video games and appeared to read the back of it. “It’s unfortunate, but when humans lose their mind, they tend to scream ceaselessly or ramble incoherently. It’s tiresome. I’ve never had one who could carry on a decent conversation.” She turned to me. “What do you think it will be like to lose your mind, Theia?”
The hair on my nape stood on end. I had to answer her. “I don’t know.”
“You have been a sliver in my flesh for a long time, pussycat. I am very much looking forward to removing you.”
My body began freezing again, like it did at the banquet. The blood in my veins and the breath in my lungs crystallized painfully. I knew this was only the beginning. I knew she had every intention of pushing me to the edge of sanity over and over again until I was just like the rest of her ghoulish menagerie. If I were strong, I’d find a way to end her fun soon, while I still had the ability to do so.
As though in response to that thought, I felt the warm sensation again. I closed my eyes and Haden was in front of me, as if he were holding me. Perhaps I’d already lost my wits, because I let him.
His mother couldn’t see him, but surely she knew he was there. She stopped the torture and left Theia gasping on frost.
Theia wasn’t strong enough to go toe to toe with his mother. No one was. And without form he was as useful as mist.
He was surprised when Theia was able to see him, even more surprised when she felt his touch—ghostlike as it was. He couldn’t physically touch her and that cut him like a knife.
Haden recalled the things Theia had said to him and the pain in her voice. So she’d met the demon, then, before she was brought back Under. He wished she hadn’t. She was going to need every scrap of faith she had to come through this, and he could see the demon had stolen it from her. He’d certainly killed the love she had for Haden.
And now nobody had anything.
I fell to my knees and shuddered with each new breath. Mara crossed the room and stood before me.
“You understand that I’m not going to kill you for many, many years, don’t you? But when I do, your death will be slow.”
“Yes, I understand,” I responded shakily, remembering she demanded that I answer.
“I’m not an opponent you and your friends should have taken on, pussycat. I have ruled Under since the dawn of man. Every fear your kind has ever had was put in your head by me. Did you really think you could best me?”
“No, ma’am,” I croaked.
Mara’s eyes were a terrible thing. “I’m sure Haden explained to you that he ages very slowly, that time passes differently here. But, my little rosebud, no human blood runs in my veins. I am immortal.” She loomed above me. Her voice changed. The soft, cultured voice grew an edge and a slight echo.
“Do you know how I eat?” I shook my head. “I steal into a man’s sleep. I sit on his chest while he dreams of me, and I leach the essence that binds him to your world, Theia. I eat the souls of men while I torment them with anguished pleasure.” She paused. “But that is how I survive, how I feed. Survival isn’t my only concern, pussycat. It’s not even my job. My real calling is to seed your realm with terror while you sleep.” She leaned down and spoke directly into my ear. “I am the mare, Theia. I am the origin of every nightmare ever born and I intend to drown you in them all.”
She hissed then. A horrible sound that spoke to every primordial fear I possessed.
“Humans are weak and pathetic. My son should have been proud of his blood, but instead he wanted to throw it away on a dying breed. Get up. Get up before I tire of you and decide to play with your friends instead.”
I struggled but managed to stand on shaky legs. I couldn’t let her drag them into this.
“What, you don’t want company? Just think of how you could share everything with them. Wouldn’t you like to see the world through Donnatella’s eyes, for instance?”
I whimpered. The women who attended me before the banquet saw the world through another’s eyes. “Please. Don’t hurt them. They didn’t know. It’s all my fault… . Please.”
“Weak, weak, weak,” she replied.
I tried to appeal to her motherly instinct. “I know you love Haden and you wanted only what’s best for him.”
“Child—” No longer did her voice even sound female. It rasped like a harsh whisper and creaked like the opening of a door to terror. “Demons do not love.
Haden
does not love. I want what is best for me.”
Haden
does not love. I want what is best for me.”
“You must have loved his father. You let him live.”
“It was an experiment. I wanted an heir.”
“Why?”
“You’re very impertinent.” A shaft of light coming through the windows did Mara no favors. It fell on her deceptive beauty like a truth serum, illuminating her real appearance beneath the glamours she coated herself with to appease her vanity and mislead those around her.
She noticed my vision had cleared, that I no longer saw what she wanted, but the ugliness of who she really was. Immorality is startlingly wretched.
Her cultured voice returned. “I didn’t love Haden’s father then and I don’t love Haden now.” Mara sneered at me, but for a moment she was unguarded. “I’d thought maybe I would,” she added softly.
I pretended not to notice her small pinch of weakness; it would only serve to make her defensive. I had a feeling what she meant was that she hoped they would love
her
.
her
.
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