Family Pieces (19 page)

Hanna and Karsen left the health clinic quietly and climbed into Hanna’s car. Karsen, armed with a pile of pamphlets on pregnancy, collapsed into the passenger seat. A wave of heat pent up within the car overtook her. She felt both mentally and physically exhausted.

“What do I do now?” Karsen sincerely asked Hanna.

“I can’t answer that for you, hun.” Hanna placed her hand over top of Karsen’s. “You’re going to need to tell James soon, though.”

“I know.”

“And Brad.”

“I know.” Karsen pulled her sunglasses out of her purse and put them on to hide her bloodshot eyes, wishing she could hide behind them from the world.

That evening Karsen forced herself to eat. She knew if she didn’t, the potent vitamins would wrench her stomach. She picked at a left over piece of pizza and managed to finish a glass of milk. Her mind was too tired to search for answers. She knew what she needed to do.

She stared at the names as she scrolled through the addresses logged into her phone. She knew she couldn’t tell James over the phone, yet she cringed at the thought of seeing him face-to-face. She inhaled deeply as the blue light highlighted his number and before she could chicken out, she hit send. She listened to the rings across the line as she whispered to herself “Voice mail. Voice mail. Please let me get his voice mail.”

“Hello?” The familiar deep voice pierced through her like an arrow and her heart sank.

“James? Hi, it’s Karsen.”

“Yes. I know.” They both sat momentarily lost for words.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Ooookaaay.” He paused. “So, what do you want to talk about?”

“Not over the phone. Can I come over?”

“When?”

Never
, she thought to herself, knowing full well that wasn’t an option. “As soon as you’re available,” she said biting her bottom lip anticipating his response. She couldn’t decide if she would rather deal with this sooner and get it over with, or later and avoid knowing his reaction.

“I’m home for the evening.”

“Okay. I guess I’ll head up now. Are you sure that’s okay?” She gave him one last opportunity to postpone.

“I’m sure. See you in a few.” He hung up the phone.

The drive from her apartment to his took roughly fifteen minutes. As Murphy’s Law would have it, she hit every green light and little to no traffic. Her nerves sent pins and needles up her spine. She couldn’t imagine how she was going to tell him. There was no easy way.

“Hi,” James greeted her, opening the door and gesturing for her to enter. She felt odd. For so long, she had come and gone freely. Now, it felt like she was entering a stranger’s apartment.

“Hi.”

“Would you like a beer?” he asked as a formality. She could see his open on the counter.

“No. Better not.”

“Okay. Suit yourself. Water?”

“No really, I’m fine. Thanks.”

Awkwardly, she suggested they sit down on the couch. She sat on one end, he on the opposite.

“So, what brought you up here? You wouldn’t return any of my calls.” The tone of his voice sounded like a scolded puppy, surprised that she hadn’t forgiven him.

“I didn’t want to talk to you.”

“So, why are you here?” He sounded flustered.

“I wanted…” she stopped. “I’m not sure…” She gazed vacantly across the room noticing the framed photo of them had been removed from the end table. There was no indication anywhere of them ever having had a relationship.

“Just spit it out.”

She fought for the right words to soften the blow, but her mind drew a blank. Before she realized it, her mouth spit out two simple words – “I’m pregnant” – before her brain could stop her.

“What?” James leaned back uneasily against the arm of the couch. His expression callous, he lifted the beer bottle to his lips.

“I’m pregnant.” She looked into his eyes trying to analyze his reaction.

“Are you sure?” he asked, expressionless.

“Yes.”

“And it’s mine?”

“Yes,” she snapped indignantly.

“Karsen! How did you let this happen?”

“How did I? How did I let this happen? As if you weren’t there?”

“You know what I mean.”

Karsen took a deep breath and bit her tongue. She wanted to scream, “This is as much your fault as it is mine,” but she held back. Finally, she answered.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“No, I really don’t know. This is as much a shock to me as it is to you. We always used condoms. You did that night I got back, right?”

“I don’t remember. Anyway, I thought you had started taking the pill.”

“No, I was going to, but I hadn’t had a chance to go get a prescription.”

“Jesus, Karsen! How long have you known?” He stood up and glared down at her.

“Since yesterday. It’s not like I’ve been hiding this from you. Man, you’re defensive.”

“How am I supposed to be? I didn’t know you’d get knocked up like a high school cheerleader?”

“Well, I guess that makes you captain of the football team then, doesn’t it?” Karsen’s voice began to waver.

James turned away angrily, took a swig from his beer, and then turned back to face her. “Well, what are you going to do?”

“What do you mean, what am I going to do?” She glared up at him, instantly feeling abandoned.

His voice softened as he sat back down beside her. “Well, K, I mean it’s not as though either of us are in a position to have a baby right now.”

Karsen’s heart dropped. Certainly he wasn’t suggesting she terminate the pregnancy. And without even the slightest hesitation. Befuddled, her mind searched for some mere resemblance of the man she thought she loved. She hadn’t known how he would react. She assumed he’d be shocked, angry even. But his eyes were cold, as if he was a bystander giving advice without an ounce of emotion.

“Karsen.” He grabbed her hand. “I’m here for you. You know that.” She felt the tension release from her shoulders. “I’ll take care of any… any expenses.”

She pulled her hand away. There was no fight left in her. She stood up, gathered her purse and walked in silence to the door. She left no closer to deciding on a path, yet she was clear on one thing. Crystal clear. James would not be on it.

Hanna struggled not to tell Brad about Karsen’s situation. She contemplated bringing it up hypothetically, like another friend’s dilemma, but didn’t. She couldn’t betray Karsen’s trust. Part of her worried Brad would pull away from her, making his sister his priority over her. She questioned her own loyalty, which perplexed her with guilt. On one hand, Karsen and she were like sisters. On the other, withholding information from Brad felt deceitful.

She pulled her car in front of the sidewalk and beeped the horn in a short burst. As she waited, the strident sound of the over-burdened air conditioner competed against the radio. She began to dial Karsen’s phone, but before it connected she saw Karsen close her apartment door.

Karsen opened the passenger side door and climbed in.

“Hi,” she said, trying to sound alive. She pulled the seat belt across her chest.

“Hey, K. So, how’d it go last night?”

“Horrible.” She thumped her head against the seat.

“He was upset?”

“Upset? Ha! More like nonchalant. He actually said he would ‘take care of expenses.’ And when I say expenses, he wasn’t referring to long-term child support.”

“No way! I always knew he was a pig.” Hanna felt her blood boil. “If I see him…”

“Hanna.” Karsen raised her hand signifying enough. “There’s no point. Really, I appreciate it, but after everything that’s happened I shouldn’t have expected anything else.”

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I, I just hoped… I mean, MEN! It’s so much easier for them to cop out.”

“I know.”

“Are you okay?”

“I think so. I mean something good has to come out of all of this, right?”

“I hope so. Have you thought any more about what you’re going to do?”

“A little, but I still feel so confused.”

Hanna made a left turn onto Echo Drive and pulled into the line of cars waiting to park at the trailhead. Six or seven vehicles were lined up single file, snatching parking places one at a time as other vehicles pulled out.

“Are you sure you should be doing this?” Hanna asked. They hiked frequently, but the hour-long trek to the top of Camelback Mountain required an ample amount of exertion.

“I’ll be fine. Expectant women have run marathons. I can handle this. At any rate, I’m hoping some fresh air will help me get my head on straight.”

Hanna didn’t argue.

14

“A
natural, that girl is,” commented David as he snapped the last two “shots before his memory card read full. “Even her chip is perfect,” he teased.

Addison laughed, knowing Mr. Montague’s account was secure as ever. The rescind article had been a success and clients were flocking to his spa. “Amazing what people will do when they hear the word FREE,” he had said admiringly during their last phone conference.

“She is a beauty, that’s for sure.” Addison scooped up Adelaide and lifted her overhead.

“Again!” Adie pleaded as soon as her feet touched the floor.