Fantasyland 04 Broken Dove (60 page)

She, too, had noticed that something was amiss with Christophe. She’d shared this when he’d told her he intended to have a word.

However, Christophe did not confide in his father during the talk.

Apollo was concerned, but not overly. He knew his son and if he asked, and it was his time to share, Chris would explain. If it wasn’t time, Christophe would explain when it was.

Maddie didn’t know Christophe as well. She did, however, care.

A great deal.

Therefore, she was anxious.

He didn’t like her to feel anxiety but he liked why she did.

He didn’t answer until he’d moved to her and sat beside her hip on the bed. Then he went about setting her mind at ease.

He leaned toward her and rested his weight into his fist in the bed. “He says all is well.”

She pressed her lips together, indication she didn’t believe this and the corners of his mouth again turned up.

“We both know all is not well, my dove,” he told her, and this had remained true through the ride as Chris did not stay close to Maddie’s sleigh as usual. Instead, he’d ridden with Remi and Gaston. “However, I trust my son that whatever is on his mind, he will share it with me when he’s ready. Now, he’s working through it and I need to give him time to do this.”

“It started last night when he saw me before the gale,” she told him and Apollo tipped his head to the side.

“You noticed it then?” he asked.

“Yes,” she answered. “All day yesterday he was his usual Chris. When he came into my room with you and Élan, he seemed weird. Distant. He isn’t as friendly with me as Élan but he’s friendly. He’s never behaved like that and his behavior hasn’t changed all day.”

At her words, thinking of her last night in her gown, the children coming with him to say goodnight, understanding dawned and Apollo felt a burn hit his chest as he dropped his eyes to the covers at her side.

“Lo?” she called and he turned his attention back to her.

“Ilsa and I were social,” he explained quietly when he caught her eyes. “My place in my House as well as my many enterprises dictate I need to be. Ilsa was because she enjoyed socializing. We traveled a great deal and after we had Christophe, he came with us. Even as a babe. Ilsa didn’t like to be without him and neither did I.”

“Okay,” she prompted softly when he ceased speaking.

“If we had an event we were going to, it was our habit that I would collect Chris as Ilsa finished preparing for the evening and I would bring him to her in order that she could say goodnight to her son.”

He watched understanding light in her eyes before she whispered, “Oh God.”

But Apollo’s attention again drifted, as did his unfocused gaze, his thoughts turning to his son and what he must have felt the evening before, walking into Madeleine’s room, seeing her dressed for the gale wearing the colors of Ulfr house, appearing much like his mother about to do something he saw his mother so often do.

He gave a start when he felt Maddie’s hand light on his jaw and he returned his gaze to her to see she’d lifted up from the bed and gotten close.

“I can imagine that although I look like her, I didn’t seem much like her, until last night,” she noted.

“Yes,” he agreed.

“And I can imagine that what I am to you could seem innocuous to him, until he understood what we were doing last night and what I am to you became clearer.”

“Indeed,” Apollo again agreed, although he felt some disquiet at her use of the words “what I am to you” rather than how she should refer to herself as “
who
I am to you.”

“Crap,” she murmured before he could remark on this and he noticed her gaze had gone unfocused and had moved to his shoulder just as her hand fell away from his jaw.

He caught her hand and gave it a squeeze to regain her attention. This succeeded and her eyes came back to his.

“We will give him his time, poppy,” he told her. “Clearly, he wishes to try to sort through his emotions on his own. We must allow him to do that. We will, however, keep an eye on him, and if that time is too lengthy, I will have another word. Yes?”

Her brows drew together and she queried, “Are you asking me or telling me?”

He moved a bit away from her, confused as to her question, but answering, “I’m asking.”

Something shifted through her features but she merely mumbled, “All right.”

“Maddie,” he started. “Why do you ask such a question?”

“Hmm?” she inquired in return, clearly evading his query with a vague one of her own.

“Is ‘hmm’ the answer to my question, dove?”

“Well…” she said but trailed off and said no more.

“Madeleine,” he said her name as a warning and he watched her draw in breath through her nose before she straightened her shoulders and looked into his eyes.

“I’m not his mother,” she stated, her voice strange, quiet, and something else he’d never heard from her.

Something that sounded like pain.

“No, my poppy, you aren’t,” he replied gently. “But even so, I don’t understand why you’ve mentioned it.”

“Well, you asked what we should do with Chris, who has an issue he needs to sort out. And that’s, well…it’s not really any of my business how you deal with Chris. You’re his father. I’m nothing to him.”

At this, Apollo blinked and again felt fire in his chest. This time, it wasn’t the fire of feeling the remembrance of the grief he’d not too long ago shirked, grief his son re-experienced just the night before.

This time, it was the fire of anger. Anger he controlled due to the subject and Maddie’s sensitivity to it, but anger he felt nonetheless.

“You’re nothing to him?” he asked, his tone soft with disbelief but tense with ire.

“I mean, not
nothing
nothing,” she said quickly, reading his tone and undoubtedly the look in his eyes. “But I’ve no say in how—”

“Cease speaking,” Apollo ordered and she clamped her mouth shut. “It’s my understanding that we’re building a life together,” he noted. “Am I mistaken in that?”

“No,” she whispered.

He was pleased with her answer.

That said, he was still not pleased.

“And as you are in my life, my children are in my life, you are an adult who is close to them and will grow closer, do you not think we should confer as to how we deal with the varying matters that will arise as they mature?”

“I didn’t think I—”

“Think it,” he interrupted her. “It’s preposterous to consider that you would be in my life, will be
my wife
, we’ll live out our days together, days we will share with my children for years to come, and you will not help me to raise them.”

She held his gaze, something working in hers. He again had not seen it before but this time it was not pain.

Far from it.

He felt the burn release his chest when he saw that this time, it was hope.

He watched her eyes get bright before he saw her swallow and then she whispered, “Okay, then I think it’s a good idea to give Chris some time and then approach him if it doesn’t seem like he’s working it out on his own.”

His voice was again gentle when he said, “Then we’re agreed.”

She nodded.

Apollo lifted her hand to his mouth and brushed his lips against her knuckles. She watched him do this and he watched her eyes get soft when she did.

She lifted her gaze back to his and remarked, “You keep giving me things.”

He liked very much that she thought of him wishing her to be a part in his children’s lives in that way as him “giving her things.”

It was arguable, but he could have liked it more, the look of contentment and gratitude in her eyes at receiving it.

“I would endeavor to become accustomed to that, Madeleine, for I intend to continue doing it.”

Her eyes already warm, the skin around her mouth softened and she moved. Leaning in, she touched her lips to his and asked, “And what can I give you that you’d like to become accustomed to?”

He knew he had all of her that he could have. What he didn’t have, night by night, day by day, she was giving to him. He asked questions, she answered, giving him her life, the vile people in it and the knowledge of the fractures they’d made to her soul. And he hoped this knowledge would provide him with the information he needed to heal what was broken inside her.

But what he wanted most was her heart.

He knew she “pretty much” cherished him.

He wanted more.

With Maddie, he always wanted more.

But he had to win that before she gifted it to him.

And he would.

He released her hand, moved his to her neck and slid his fingers back and up into her hair before he bared his teeth and nipped her lower lip.

He felt her breath rush against his mouth with her excited sigh before he murmured, “What I’d like to become accustomed to is you giving me whatever you wish…just as long as you keep finding things to give for I never will lose interest in what you have to offer.”

He watched her eyes warm further as she placed her hands light on his chest before she slid them down in order to curl her fingers into his sweater.

“This would mean I’ll have to get creative so I don’t run out of things to give,” she replied.

“Are you capable of that?” he teased.

She held his eyes as she slid her nose along his and answered, “We’ll see.”

After she said her words, she pulled up his sweater.

He lifted his arms in order that she could yank it free.

She did, tossing it to the side and putting her hands to his chest to push him back to the bed.

He allowed this.

Then he allowed her to do other things.

And much later, he had proof that she was very capable.

Or additional proof as she’d proved it before.

Repeatedly.

* * * * *

“I like Finnie,” she whispered into his neck much later, after she’d cleaned herself of him, pulled on her nightgown and slid back into bed to curl into his side.

“I’m glad.”

“It’s nice having someone from home here.”

He squeezed her with the arm he had around her. “You are home, poppy.”

“You know what I mean,” she said sleepily, snuggling closer.

He did.

He still did not like her referring to the other world as home.

Home was a warm, safe place where you were always welcome. Where there was love and memories of laughter and happy times.

Home had never been that to her.

And her next words would strengthen this conclusion.

“I didn’t have any friends at home,” she told him, still drowsy, her body getting heavier against his side. “It feels good, finally having friends again.”

Apollo closed his eyes.

As much as he wished her secrets, as determined as he was to mine the depth in her eyes, to lighten the darkness she held there, the years of mistreatment at the hands of everyone close to her tore at his heart.

“She’s a bit crazy, though,” she murmured, now sounding half-asleep.

This made Apollo open his eyes and smile into the dark.

“That she is.”

“Crazy in a good way,” she explained, but he could barely hear her, her voice was so sleepy.

This earned her another squeeze. “Go to sleep, my dove.”

“Okay,” she mumbled and seconds later, he had all of her weighing into his side.

He tightened his arm, gathering her closer while he pulled the covers higher up her shoulder.

Apollo stared at the ceiling not thinking of dragons and conspirators, witches and prisoners, Derrik and what he might be up to, or what may be assailing his son’s thoughts.

No, he thought nothing of that and all about Maddie now having friends. Now understanding she had a say in the way he raised his children and how she clearly treasured that. Now having protection and kindness and care.

Now having a home.

And Apollo giving all of that to her.

Thus it did not take long before Apollo followed her into a deep, restful, dreamless sleep as if all was right with the world.

Even when it was not.

* * * * *

Maddie

Three days later, I sat in the warm dining room at the inn where we’d stopped for the night. I had Viktor curled in my arms. His eyelids were drooping, a long day out in the snow having taken its toll.

My thoughts were on the precious bundle of toddler in my arms but my eyes were on Chris all the way across the room.

I was thinking thoughts of Viktor in an effort not to think thoughts of Chris.

It had been days and he was still avoiding me.

In doing so, he was avoiding his sister which she didn’t understand. This proved true what I’d guessed and that was they weren’t just siblings, they were companions. Apollo had a young servant in his house, I saw him. But Chris and Élan spent a great deal of time together out of necessity, necessity that was familial, warm, and if not overtly loving, the love was there all the same.