Far From Home (16 page)

“You didn’t think I’d go?”

“I wasn’t sure,” I said, honestly and he nodded in understanding. 

“I wouldn’t miss it,” he added and I smiled in relief as we ate the rest of our lunch in silence. 

When we were done, Jesse saw my empty plate sitting beside me and leaned over, taking it as he started cleaning everything up.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

“Picking up.  It’s the least I can do since you fixed lunch.  An incredible lunch at that.”

I just smiled at him as he worked and then reached into my pocket for the cinnamon Tic Tacs I was carrying.

“Want one?” I asked him after popping one in my mouth. “Deviled eggs are a breath killer.”

“And why are you so concerned about your breath?  Are you planning on kissing me or something?”

“Nah.  I don’t really like kissing you,” I said, eyeing him with a coy smile.

“Is that so?” He walked over and took a Tic Tac from me, quickly popping it in his mouth. 

“Yep.  It’s kinda gross actually.”

“Really?” I nodded playfully and he sat down beside me.

“To be honest, it turns my stomach.”

“Well, maybe I’ve not been doing it right then.”  I felt his finger under my chin and he turned my face until our eyes were locked. His lips brushed mine a moment later and my eyes closed as I felt his tongue against my lips and he began kissing me slowly and deeply and soon I’d forgotten all about where we were or what I’d found at his house or the fact that his father was dead and everything had changed.  For that moment as my lips danced with his, it was only us and nothing else mattered. 

“No, you’ve been doing it right,” I sighed breathlessly when he finally pulled away, eyeing me longingly.

“I thought so,” he laughed lightly, lifting my hand and kissing the back of it before holding onto it and resting it in his lap as we stared out into the tranquil Kansas landscape.  I rested my head on his shoulder and a contentment washed over us as we forgot about everything we had to deal with on the land below.  Tucked away from it all, high above the troubles, it was just us, the way it used to be and I would’ve given anything to never have to come down. 

Chapter Seventeen

I got to work before Matt the next day and got busy making arrangements for a funeral.  I couldn’t help but think of Jill and Matt doing the same thing for Mr. Baylor’s funeral.  I wasn’t sad as I worked though.  These flowers were for a ninety-three-year-old woman who was loved and adored by a bevy of children and grandchildren.  She’d lived a full life so I found it difficult to be sad. 

Matt came in as I was finishing the first arrangement and greeted me with a wide grin as he came and stood beside me.

“So?” he said slyly. “How was it?”

“It was actually pretty awesome,” I answered and I could feel the smile spreading on my face as I thought of the way Jesse had kissed me up in the silo and how peaceful the afternoon had been.  It was good to see him almost like his old self.  I had declared the day a success when I dropped him off because he was smiling and he was relaxed.  I hoped it was the beginning of something good for Jesse and for us.

“Was he super impressed with the view?”

“He was and so was I,” I added. “It was a great day.  It was exactly what we needed.” I smiled over appreciatively at him and then before I realized what I was doing, I was hugging him. “Thank you for the idea and for the use of the silo,” I said as he held me. 

“You’re welcome.  I’m glad it worked out,” he said softly in my ear before pulling back.

“You’re a good friend, Matt,” I said, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear, suddenly embarrassed that I’d hugged him. 

“I’ve been called worse,” he laughed and then I stopped and looked at him. “You okay?  You look like you wanna talk.”

“Yesterday was probably the best day Jesse and I have had since his dad died,” I began softly.

“But?” he prodded.

“It almost wasn’t.”

“What happened?”

I took in a deep breath and then sighed, sitting down on the stool in front of the arrangement I’d just finished.

“He’s drinking.”

Matt blinked and leaned against the counter, looking at me as I saw him searching his mind for what to say to me. 

“How do you know?” he finally said.

“I saw some empty beer bottles at his house and he fessed up.”

“Riley,” he said as his mouth formed into a reassuring smile. “He’s eighteen.  It’s not uncommon for teenagers to drink.”

“It is for Jesse.  He doesn’t drink,” I shot back.

“Things are different know.  Maybe he just needed to calm down or something.”

“Are you and Jesse sharing a brain?  That’s exactly what he said.”

“Then he’s a smart guy,” Matt smirked.

“This isn’t funny, Matt,” I said, smacking him on the shoulder.

“Seriously, Riley.  Relax.  I’m sure it’s not anything to worry about.”

I nodded and I turned away.  I felt his hand on my shoulder a moment later and he turned my body so I was facing him again and I just started talking.

“Ever since his dad died, things have been so hard.  I’ve tried being there for him.  I’ve tried doing everything I can, but it’s hard because I realize now he’d rather drown his sorrows in alcohol than talk to me.” I felt my eyes brim with tears and when one escaped, Matt reached over to the counter for a tissue and wiped it away.  “It’s like I’m not enough for him anymore and I used to be.  I know you know how it feels and it sucks.  It’s like every time he takes a step back or when I see him so sad, my heart breaks even more and I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Riley,” Matt said, pulling me into his arms again. “He loves you.”

“Then why didn’t he tell me about the drinking and why would he want it over me?” I sniffled into his chest.

“I really think you’re worrying way too much about this.” He pulled back and dried my eyes again.

“Really?”

“I do.”

“So you think self-medicating with alcohol is the right thing to do?”

“No.  I didn’t say that.  It’s not the best way to handle it, but it’s part of the whole process. He’s trying to cope is all and maybe yesterday was what he needed to turn things around.”

The way Matt looked at me told me he really believed what he saying.  When our afternoon ended the day before, the air seemed lighter and more hopeful.  Maybe Matt was right.  Jesse had been mixed up, but maybe things would be different now.  I hoped they would be different now.  

Chapter Eighteen

I tried putting my worries about Jesse aside and focus on relaxing and having a good time at the fireworks like we’d planned.  Mandy had talked incessantly about the fireworks display put on each year at the football field.  She insisted that while Carver may be small, its Fourth of July celebration was not.  I didn’t tell her this, but I doubted it could compare to the fireworks display on the Charles River back in Boston.  My friends and I somehow always managed to con one of our parents to brave the craziness and take us downtown to watch.  It was my first year away from Boston for the holiday and part of me was sad I was missing it.  Courtney and Natasha had already texted me a picture of them waiting for the fireworks.  They looked happy and I missed them, but I was happy being with Jesse tonight. 

Mandy insisted we get there early to enjoy all the food beforehand.  She told me not to eat all day so I’d have room for everything.  I thought she’d been joking, but when we walked up to the food section, I was overwhelmed by all of the choices.

“You weren’t kidding, were you?” I said, turning to look at Mandy. 

“I don’t kid about food,” she said and then walked away towards a booth selling funnel cakes.  Laura and Brandon quickly followed. 

“Maybe we should take something nice and greasy to Holly.  I’ll bet that’d go over real nice,” Jesse said with a grin, referring to our friend who was stuck home with some kind of nasty stomach bug.

“I’m sure she’d love that,” I laughed and then I felt him take my hand as he led me over to the booth.

“So, I’ve never had a funnel cake.  What exactly is it?” I asked Jesse.

“You’ve never had a funnel cake?” Jesse said, looking at me doubtfully.

“I don’t think so.  What is it?”

“It’s just batter that’s fried.”

“So, it’s like a doughboy then.”

“What the heck is a doughboy?” Jesse laughed.

“I think it’s like a funnel cake.”

“Let’s cut the Abbott and Costello routine and order one to find out,” Jesse said, turning to the girl at the counter and asking for one.  “So, is it a funnel cake or a doughboy?” he asked after sprinkling some powdered sugar on it and showing me the cake that looked like ribbons of dough. 

“Well, I’m not sure.  I think it requires further examination,” I said, moving my fingers over it like a surgeon. “Doughboys are one big piece.  This appears to have been mutilated in some way.”

“Just take a bite.”

“Ya know, you used to find my sense of humor endearing.”

He tore off a piece of the funnel cake and held it out to me.  I opened my mouth and he placed it inside, but not before I bit down on his thumb playfully.  He just grinned, looking at me in a way that made me blush. 

“You’ve got a little powdered sugar right there,” he said softly, reaching up and touching my upper lip with his thumb, stroking it methodically. “Let me get that for you.”

He leaned in, kissing me gently, but then held onto my upper lip with his for a moment, moving over it slowly with his tongue and I found my heart picking up speed at how turned on I was getting by this one simple gesture.  I missed those intimate moments with him.  It had been too long and this kiss was not helping matters any.  When he pulled back, I was breathless and he knew it.  I opened my eyes and he was grinning smugly at me.

“Just so you know, I still find your sense of humor endearing.  I find everything about you endearing.”

He could tell I was flustered and I could tell he was enjoying what he did to me.

“I love you,” was all I could say as he looked down on me with eyes that were driving me wild.  He just kissed me again and then took my hand.

“C’mon, let’s go catch up with the others.”

Jesse had a way of flustering me like no one else and as we walked through the crowd, I was overly aware of the boy at my side.  He always smelled so nice and looked so good, it was hard to keep myself together, especially after he’d kissed me the way he just had.  For the first time in a long time, things felt almost normal again.  I couldn’t help but smile as we walked and I didn’t notice a man had approached us until Jesse stopped. 

“Jesse,” the man began.  He looked to be in his mid-forties, with dark hair and glasses. “I’m glad I ran into you.  I was going to call you tomorrow.”

“What’s going on?” he asked.

“I need to set up a time to meet with you,” the man said and I was confused.

“Okay,” Jesse said and I noticed the hesitation in his voice. “Is everything okay?”

The man looked over at me and then back to Jesse. 

“Would you like to speak in private?” the man asked, his eyes drifting to me again.

“No.  You can say whatever you need to in front of her,” he said and I couldn’t help but feel comfort in knowing he was okay with me knowing.

“There’s just some stuff that’s come up that we need to discuss.  Give me a call and we can set up a time,” the man said and Jesse nodded. “I’ll see you soon then.  Happy Fourth.”

The man nodded in goodbye and then was gone. 

“Who was that?”

“Just the probate lawyer,” he said, offering nothing further and he started walking again.

****

Mandy had been right to boast about Carver’s ability to throw a good Fourth of July celebration.  While the fireworks were obviously not as grand as Boston’s, they were still amazing and I stared up into the sky with Jesse at my side.  I watched him out of the corner of my eye as the exploding firecrackers illuminated his face.  He was watching the sky intently and his mouth was in a straight line.  I knew his mind was somewhere else though and he was probably thinking about his dad. 

When it was over, it was nearly ten o’clock.  My mom didn’t expect me home until midnight and I didn’t want to go home yet.  We stood up on the football field while the crowd started to disperse. 

“So what’s the plan now?” Brandon asked as we stood around looking at each other. 

“You wanna go back to your place and play some pool or something?” Mandy asked, looking over to Jesse.

“No.  I think I’m just gonna drop Riley off and then go home and get some sleep,” Jesse answered and I felt my body deflate from disappointment.  The night seemed to be going so well and I didn’t want it to end. 

“Then I guess we’re calling it a night,” Brandon said, disappointment obvious in his voice.

“We could go to my house,” Mandy suggested. “Watch a movie or something?” Brandon and Laura nodded and then Mandy turned to me. “What about you, Riley?”

I opened my mouth to speak and then I felt Jesse take my hand abruptly.  I looked over to him and he was looking back at me with a crease in his brow.

“Um…no thanks.  I’m tired too,” I stammered, turning back to my friends and I couldn’t help but notice them looking curiously between Jesse and me. 

“Alright, suit yourself,” Brandon said and they began walking towards the parking lot, Jesse and I lagging behind. 

“I’m not really tired,” Jesse began as we walked.

“Why’d you say you were?” I asked, but I had a good feeling I knew why he’d said it.

“I didn’t want them to come over,” he said, stopping us in our tracks as he took both my hands and kissed me gently. “I do want you to come over though.”

****

When we got to Jesse’s, I was a little nervous.  It had been a quiet drive from the football field back to his house.  We both knew why we were going to his place; we’d just never been so overt in our intentions before.  It had always been spontaneous, but I could see it in his eyes that he needed me tonight as much as I needed him.