Farnham's Freehold (38 page)

Grace looked up. “Ponsie!” she said reproachfully. “You
know
I would never leave you.”

“Duke?”

The tempered servant did not even look up. He simply shook his head.

Ponse said to the scientist, “Let’s hurry and get them weighed. We intend to sleep at home tonight.”

The weighing was done elsewhere in the Palace. Just before the four were placed on the weighing area the Lord Protector held up the cartridge clip he had removed from the pistol Hugh now wore. “Hugh? Will you undertake not to be foolish with this? Or should I have the pellets separated from the explosives?”

“Uh, I’ll behave.”

“Ah, but how will you behave? If you were impetuous, you might succeed in killing me. But consider what would happen to Barba and our little brats.”

(I had thought of that, you old scoundrel. I’ll still do what seems best to me.) “Ponse, why don’t you let Barbara carry the clip in a pocket? That would keep me from loading and firing very fast even if I did get ideas.”

“A good plan. Here, Barba.”

The boss scientist seemed unhappy at the total weight of his experimental package. “May it please Their Charity, this one finds that body weights of both adults must have lessened markedly since the time of the figures on which the calculations were made.”

“And what do you expect of us?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing, may it please Their Charity. Just a slight delay. The mass must be exact.” Hurriedly the Chosen started piling metal discs on the platform.

It gave Hugh an idea. “Ponse, you really expect this to work?”

“If I knew the answer, it would not be necessary to try it. I hope it will work.”

“If it does work, we’ll need money right away. Especially if I’m to travel half across the state to bury this clock device.”

“Reasonable. You used gold, did you not? Or was it silver? I see your idea.” The old man gestured. “Stop that weighing.”

“We used both, sometimes, but it had to have our own protectorate’s stamp. Ponse, there were quite a number of American silver dollars in my house when you took it away from me. Are they available?”

They were available and in the Palace and the old man had no objection to using them to make up the missing weight. The boss scientist was fretted over the delay—he explained to his lord that the adjustments were set for an exact time span as well as exact mass in order to place these specimens at a time
before
the East-West War had started, plus a margin for error—but that delay was reducing the margin and might require recalculation and long and painful recalibration. Hugh did not follow the technicalities.

Nor did Ponse. He cut the scientist off abruptly. “Then recalculate if necessary. All.”

It took more than an hour to locate the man who could locate the man who knew where these particular items of the savage artifacts were filed, then dig them out and fetch them. Ponse sat brooding and playing with his mouse. Barbara nursed the twins, then changed them with the help of slut servants; Hugh petitioned plumbing calls for each of them—granted, under guard—and all this changed all the body weights and everything was started over again.

The silver dollars were still in, or had been replaced in, the $100 rolls in which Hugh had hoarded them. They made quite a stack, and (on the happy assumption that the time jump would work) Hugh was pleased that he had lost while imprisoned the considerable paunch he had regrown during his easy days as “Chief Researcher.” However, less than three hundred silver dollars were used in bringing them up to calculated weight—plus a metal slug and some snips of foil.

“If it suits the Lord Protector, this one believes that the specimens should be placed in the container without delay.”

“Then do it! Don’t waste our time.”

The container was floated in. It was a box, metallic, plain, empty, and with no furnishings of any sort, barely high enough for Hugh to stand upright in, barely large enough for all of them. Hugh got into it, helped Barbara in, the babies were handed to them and Hughie started to squawl and set off his brother.

Ponse looked annoyed. “My sluts have been spoiling those brats. Hugh, I’ve decided not to watch it, I’m weary. Goodbye to both of you—and good riddance; neither of you would ever have made a loyal servant. But I’ll miss our bridge games. Barba, you must bring those brats back into line. But don’t break their spunk doing it; they’re fine boys.” He turned and left abruptly.

The hatch was closed down on them and fastened; they were alone. Hugh at once took advantage of it to kiss his wife, somewhat hampered by each of them holding a baby.

“I don’t care what happens now,” Barbara said as soon as her mouth was free. “That’s what I’ve been longing for. Oh, dear, Joey is wet again. How about Hughie?”

“It’s unanimous, Hughie also. But I thought you just said you didn’t care what happens now?”

“Well, I don’t, really. But try explaining that to a baby. I would gladly swap one of those rolls of dollars for ten new diapers.”

“My dear, do you realize that the human race lasted at least a million years with no diapers at all? Whereas we may not last another hour. So let’s not spend it talking about diapers.”

“I simply meant—Wups! They’re moving us.”

“Sit flat on the floor and brace your feet against the wall. Before we have scrambled babies. You were saying?”

“I simply meant, my darling, that I do not care about diapers, I don’t care about anything—now that I have you with me again. But if we aren’t going to die—if this thing works—I’m going to have to be practical. And do you know of anything more practical than diapers?”

“Yes. Kissing. Making love.”

“Well, yes. But they lead to diapers. Darling, could you hold Hughie in your other arm and put this one around me? Uh, they’re moving us again. Hugh, is this thing going to work? Or are we going to be very suddenly dead? Somehow I can imagine time travel frontwards—and anyhow we did it. But I can’t imagine it
backwards
. I mean, the past has already happened. That’s it. Isn’t it?”

“Well, yes. But you haven’t stated it correctly. The way I see it, there are no paradoxes in time travel, there can’t be. If we are going to make this time jump, then we already did; that’s what happened. And if it doesn’t work, then it’s because it didn’t happen.”

“But it hasn’t happened yet. Therefore, you are saying that it didn’t happen, so it can’t happen. That’s what I said.”

“No, no! We don’t know whether it has already happened or not. If it did, it will. If it didn’t, it won’t.”

“Darling, you’re confusing me.”

“Don’t worry about it. ‘The moving finger writes, and having writ, moves on’—and only then do you find out if it goosed you in passing. I think we’ve straightened out on a course; we’re steady now, just the faintest vibration. If they are taking us where I think they are, James County I mean, then we’ve got at least an hour before we need worry about anything.” He tightened his arm around her. “So let’s be happy that hour.”

She snuggled in. “That’s what I was saying. Beloved, we’ve come through so many narrow squeaks together that I’m not ever going to worry again. If it’s an hour, I’ll be happy every second of it. If it’s forty years, I’ll be happy every second of that, too. If it’s together. And if it’s not together, I don’t want it. But either way, we go on. To the end of our day.”

“Yes. ‘To the end of our day.’”

She sighed happily, rearranged a wet and sleeping infant, snuggled into his shoulder and murmured, “This feels like our very first day. In the tank room of the shelter, I mean. We were just as crowded and even warmer—and I was never so happy. And we didn’t know whether we were going to live through that day, either. That night.”

“We didn’t expect to. Else we wouldn’t have twin boys now.”

“So I’m glad we thought we were going to die. Hugh? It isn’t any more crowded than it was that night in the tank room.”

“Woman, you are an insatiable lecher. You’ll shock the boys.”

“I don’t think once in more than a year is being insatiable. And the boys are too young to be shocked. Aw, come on! You said yourself we might be dead in an hour.”

“Yes, we might and you have a point and I’m theoretically in favor of the idea. But the boys do inhibit me and there actually isn’t quite as much room even if we weren’t cluttered up with eight or nine wet babies and I don’t see how it’s mechanically possible. The act would be a tesseract, at least.”

“Well—I guess you’re right. I don’t see any way either; we would probably squash them. But it does seem a shame, if we’re going to die.”

“I refuse to assume that we’re going to die. I won’t ever make that assumption again. All my figuring is based on the assumption that we are going to live. We go on. No matter what happens—we go on.”

“All right. Seven no trump.”

“That’s better.”

“Doubled and redoubled. Hugh? Just as soon as the boys are big enough to hold thirteen cards in their pudgy little hands, we’re going to start teaching them contract. Then we’ll have a family four of our own.”

“Suits. And if they can’t learn to play, we’ll temper them and try again.”

“I don’t want ever to hear that word again!”

“Sorry.”

“And I don’t want to hear that language again, either, dear. The boys should grow up hearing English.”

“Sorry again. You’re right. But I may slip; I’ve gotten in the habit of thinking in it—all that translating. So allow me a few slips.”

“I’ll always allow you a few slips. Speaking of slips—Did you? With Kitten?”

“No.”

“Why not? I wouldn’t have minded. Well, not much anyhow. She was sweet. She would baby-sit for me any time I would let her. She loved our boys.”

“Barbara, I don’t want to think about Kitten. It makes me sad. I just hope whoever has her now is good to her. She didn’t have any defenses at all—like a kitten before it has its eyes open. Helpless. Kitten means to me everything that is utterly damnable about slavery.”

She squeezed his hand. “I hope they’re good to her, too. But, dear, don’t hurt yourself inside about it; there is nothing we can do for her.”

“I know it and that’s why I don’t want to talk about her. But I do miss her. As a daughter. She was a daughter to me. ‘Bedwarmer’ never entered into it.”

“I didn’t doubt it, dear. But—Well, look here, my good man, maybe this place is too cramped. All right, we’re going to live through it; we go on. Then don’t let me catch you treating
me
like a daughter! I intend to keep your bed very warm indeed!”

“Mmm—You want to remember that I’m an old man.”

“‘Old man’ my calloused feet! We’ll be the same age for all practical purposes—namely something over four thousand years, counting once each way. And my purposes are very practical, understand me?”

“I understand you. I suppose ‘four thousand years’ is one way to look at it. Though perhaps not for ‘practical purposes.’”

“You won’t get out of it that easily,” she said darkly. “I won’t stand for it.”

“Woman, you’ve got a one track mind. All right, I’ll do my best. I’ll rest all the time and let you do all the work. Hey, I think we’re there.”

The box was moved several times, then remained stationary a few minutes, then surged straight up with sickening suddenness, stopped with another stomach twister, seemed to hunt a little, and then was perfectly steady.

“You in the experimental chamber,” a voice said out of nowhere. “You are warned to expect a short fall. You are advised to stand up, each of you hold one brat, and be ready to fall. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Hugh answered while helping Barbara to her feet. “How much of a fall?”

There was no answer. Hugh said, “Hon, I don’t know what they mean. A ‘short fall’ could be one foot, or fifty. Protect Joey with your arms and better bend your knees a little. If it’s quite a fall, then go ahead and go down; don’t try to take it stiff-legged. These jokers don’t give a hoot what happens to us.”

“Bent knees. Protect Joey. All right.”

They fell.

Hugh never did know how far they fell but he decided later that it could not have been more than four feet. One instant they were standing in a well-lighted, cramped box; the next instant they were outdoors, in the dark of night, and falling.

His boots hit, he went down, landing on the right side of his rump and on two very hard rolls of silver dollars in his hip pocket—rolled with the fall and protected the baby in arms.

Then he rolled to a sitting position. Barbara was near him on her side. She was not moving. “Barbara! Are you hurt?”

“No,” she said breathlessly. “I don’t think so. Just knocked the breath out of me.”

“Is Joey all right? Hughie is, but I think he’s more than wet now.”

“Joey is all right.” Joey confirmed this by starting to yell; his brother joined him. “He had the breath knocked out of him too, I think. Shut up, Joey; Mother is busy. Hugh, where are we?”

He looked around. “We are,” he announced, “in a parking lot in a shopping center about four blocks from where I live. And apparently somewhere close to our own proper time. least that’s a ’sixty-one Ford we almost landed on.” The lot was empty save for this one car. It occurred to him that their arrival might have been something else than a bump—an explosion, perhaps?—if they had been six feet to the right. But he dropped the thought; enough narrow squeaks and one more didn’t matter.

He stood up and helped Barbara up. She winced and in the dim light that came from inside the bank he noticed it. “Trouble?”

“I turned my ankle when I hit.”

“Can you walk?”

“I can walk.”

“I’ll carry both kids. It’s not far.”

“Hugh, where are we going?”

“Why, home, of course.” He looked in the window of the bank, tried to spot a calendar. He saw one but the standing light was not shining on it; he couldn’t read it. “I wish I knew the date. Honey, I hate to admit it but it does look as if time travel has some paradoxes—and I think we are about to give somebody a terrible shock.”

“Who?”

“Me, maybe. In my earlier incarnation. Maybe I ought to phone him first, not shock him. No, he—I, I mean—wouldn’t believe it. Sure you can walk?”