Fashionably Dead Down Under (9 page)

“Who of my people will pose as a family for
my daughter so she may continue her education and embarrass me with
her appallingly high grades?” He grinned at Dixie. A giggle escaped
her lips and she blushed. Methinks he might be just a little bit
proud of her brains . . .

“I will protect her,” I heard a familiar male
voice shout, “and tho will my Mate.”

“I too will lay down my life for the Demon
Princess Dixie,” another familiar voice added.

WTF? I turned to see Carl, Janet and Myrtle
standing in front of Satan. He stepped menacingly toward Dixie’s
therapy group and much to my great surprise, they held their
ground.

“Why,” he bellowed, “should I let my prize go
with three Demons who are not evil?”

“Because we will not betray you or Dixie,”
Myrtle told Satan without batting an eyelash. “And with all due
respect, you know full well we are evil, we’re just a little out of
practice.” Myrtle was on a roll as she straightened her tracksuit
and pulled on a piece of her hair. “We are as evil as any Demon in
the room, but we also feel compassion. Which quite honestly makes
us far more dangerous to an enemy and more useful to you than a
Demon who is only out for himself.” She rocked back and forth on
her black Pumas and waited.

Satan laughed. He laughed hard. The Devil was
so beautiful when he laughed I had to struggle to breathe. His
allure was alarming—not sexual, but addictive. He picked up a
shocked Myrtle in his huge hands and kissed her. First her left
cheek and then her right. She blushed a furious red and looked down
at the floor.

“Yes,” he said, his melodic voice still
coated with mirth. “You are right, Myrtle, Keeper of Secrets. You,
Carl the Destroyer and Janet the Atrocity Maker will go with my
child. Kneel to me,” he commanded and they did. He laid his hands
on each of them and they shuddered as a glittering black mist
wafted over them.

“What just happened?” I asked Envy.

“He made them stronger,” she replied.

Satan glanced over and crooked his finger at
me. His charm was magnetic and I drifted to him in the same way
Dixie had. The crowd began to murmur with fear and displeasure as I
approached my uncle. I held my head high and ignored the dissent
around me.

“This is my niece, Astrid,” Satan bellowed,
effectively ending the chatter. Every eye in the house was trained
on me. “She is a Demon and a Vampyre. She is the Chosen One of the
Vampyre lore. She is my guest and will be treated with utmost
respect. She has the ability to kill and has done us a great
service.”

Oh shit, did they not know that I killed my
daddy? How was that going to go over?

“She has eliminated my brother and for that I
am most grateful.”

The crowd gasped and dropped to their knees.
If this was for me, Satan or my dead evil pappy, I was unsure.

“Is he gone for good?” A Demon yelled from
the crowd.

“Oh, yes.” Satan laughed and embraced me. “He
was eaten.”

“She ate her father?” someone else
yelled.

I gagged and almost threw up in my mouth a
bit at the thought.

“No, she did not, but that is her story to
tell if she wishes.”

I glanced at my uncle, grateful that he
didn’t out my Baby Demons. I was sure that if he knew my dad had
been eaten, he was aware I had instructed my Baby Demons to do it.
I did not want them to be a target. The applause started slowly,
but crescendoed into a deafening roar. Well, my dad definitely
didn’t have any friends in Hell. Nice.

“I think it’s an abomination to host a
bloodsucker,” Amanda said, stepping forward. She held her head high
and her bulbous lips settled in an unattractive sneer.

“Is that so, my consort?” Satan asked,
enjoying her hostility. His arm tightened around me, but for all
intents and purposes he looked completely relaxed to the crowd.

“Yes,” she said and coyly batted her
eyelashes at him. “She is below us and doesn’t belong here.”

“Interesting. Would you like to challenge
her?” he asked.

Challenge me to what?

Amanda blanched and glanced around the room
looking for support. A fairly large number of Demons clapped, the
rest watched warily. I tried to catalog some of her supporters.
They were possibly the ones who would happily lead me to a portal
if my presence was such a blight on the community.

“If I wasn’t with child, I would destroy
her,” she hissed.

I’d had enough between Lust and the cheap
silicone floozy insulting me. I didn’t want to be here and it was
quite obvious I wasn’t wanted. There was no way in hell I would
reveal that I was with child too, but her cakehole needed to be
shut. “Well first of all, Pamela . . . whoops, I meant Donkey
Nipples, although I could level your ass with my eyes shut I don’t
think I’d have too much fun, but I’d love to take you out after you
give birth, so please by all means pencil me in.”

“My name is Amanda,” she ground out through
clenched teeth.

“That’s what I said.” I grinned when I saw
all my cousins from Hell giving me the thumbs up.

“Enough,” Satan insisted, but his eyes
glittered with amusement. “My consort shouldn’t be upset.” He
released me and took her in his arms. She melted into him and he
whispered something in her ear that made her purr like a kitten.
She sauntered back and took her place near Cole smiling like a
Cheshire cat.

“So,” my scarily beautiful uncle told his
people, “Astrid is to learn the ways of her people. We are indebted
to her and shall treat her accordingly.”

I glanced over the crowd. They weren’t
pleased, but it didn’t seem that there was going to be a riot. No
one was stupid enough to cross Satan. With a nod from my uncle, I
went back to my cousins.

“Enough with formalities,” Satan shouted to
his adoring crowd. “Let the party begin.”

The Demons surged the area where Satan stood,
trying to get a word or a touch in. He was a god to them. A living,
breathing, beautiful, evil god.

“That was outstanding,” Wrath said, coming in
for another lip lock. Thankfully Dixie pulled me into a non-sexual
hug and I escaped Wrath’s lovin’.

“She hates you,” Greed said. “Look at
her.”

Sure enough Amanda was sneering at me, her
teeth bared in what I guessed to be blatant Demon aggression. I
smiled and winked. She turned an unattractive mottled red and
mouthed, “You’re dead.”

“Did she just threaten my life?” I asked
Wrath who was watching with great interest.

“I believe she did,” Wrath answered. “What
ever shall you do about it?”

Killing her was out of the question. Too many
witnesses, plus I was working without my Vamp powers and she was
pregnant. But wait—when in Hell . . . I let Amanda’s anger and
discontent wash over me and I absorbed it. A strong wave of dark
magic ripped through me and it felt good. I glanced over at Lust
and let my body take in her ire too. This was almost too easy. My
fingers tingled and I saw the black glitter covering them. Could I
do it? Should I do it? I may as well try something small to figure
out if I could protect myself in real danger.

I raised my fingers and pointed at Amanda’s
overly blown up sneering lips and I flicked. I watched my magic, a
gorgeous mist of black glitter, travel from my fingertips to her
mouth...and it popped. I popped her enhanced lips and they deflated
like a flat tire. She looked ridiculous and I laughed. She quickly
slapped her hand over her mouth and shrieked.

Satan turned his attention to her. “What’s
wrong?” he snapped impatiently.

“Nothing,” she said from behind her hand,
staring daggers at me. “I bit my lip, excuse me.” She left.
Quickly.

“What was that about?” Satan turned to where
we were huddled laughing. We all shrugged innocently, but his gaze
narrowed in on me. Holy Hell he was magnetic. To hide my fear and
guilt, I smiled and waved. Thankfully his attention was demanded by
his people and I was safe—for the moment.

“Brilliant,” Greed congratulated me. The rest
looked on with approval.

“The sheer fact that you called her Donkey
Nipples makes me love you,” Pride offered dryly. “You’re alright
with me.”

Dixie squeezed my hand and grinned. I was
fitting in with the Seven Deadly Sins and it felt good. Was this
what it was like to have sisters?

“Has Astrid met Grandpa yet?” Sloth inquired
as we began to head out.

“We have a grandpa?” Help me Cousin Jesus. I
couldn’t imagine he was going to be delighted that I’d offed his
son.

“Oh, yes,” Sloth told me, clenching her teeth
like she was talking to a puppy or a baby. “You’ll love him. Why
isn’t he here?” she asked her sisters.

“Because there are too many of us present.
Besides, he’s still recovering from the broken ribs and concussion
you gave him,” Gluttony snapped.

“You broke his collarbone last month,” Sloth
countered nastily.

WTF? They beat up their grandpa?

“Whatever. He heals.”

Groping with the thought of these gals
performing a smackdown on their grandpa, I revised my thoughts
about having sisters.

The party had been interesting but
exhausting. Most of the Demons kept their distance, but a few
adventurous Minions of the Devil offered up their necks and begged
to find out if being bitten was as sexual as they’d been led to
believe. I politely declined and stuck close to my cousins. Not
that I really wanted to hang out with the Facebook addicted freaks,
but everyone gave them a wide berth due to the simple fact that
they were scarier than Hell itself and they were using the Facebook
Insult Creator to all in their path. My favorite of the evening was
Dicknose Boner Socket. I would store that one for future use.

Uncle Satan held court with scads of fawning
women. His magic and power filled the room to the point I almost
felt claustrophobic at times. Amanda never came back. I idly
wondered if they had plastic surgeons in Hell or if she’d have to
take a trip to Earth to fix her kisser. Next time I’d pop her
boobs.

“So why did your sisters beat up your
grandpa?” I asked. Curled up on Dixie’s couch with a borrowed pair
of comfy sweats, I was much happier than I’d been a short hour
ago.

She giggled. “They didn’t beat him up. He’s
just so adorable that they get overexcited and squeeze him too
hard.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“It’s difficult to explain. You’ll get it
when you meet him.”

“Look, here’s the thing, I’m not staying
around much longer so if you want me to meet Grandpa and Grandma
you should call them and invite them over.”

Dixie blanched and put her hand over my
mouth. “Sweet Baby Satan, do not mention grandma. Don’t even
whisper about her. The last time she was here Daddy had to rebuild
his entire mansion.”

“Your, um . . . the person married to your
Grandpa knocked down your dad’s monster party house?”

“Yes.”

“I was joking,” I said, trying to wrap my
head around the kind of power Grandma must have.

“I wasn’t.” Dixie shuddered and peered
fearfully around her living room.

“Is she here?” I asked, worried that I’d
conjured up something better left alone.

“No, but she can hear everything.”

“Demons can hear everything?” I gasped and
looked under the couch. Fuck, Dixie was making me nervous.

“She’s not a Demon.” She giggled, but didn’t
let her guard down. She searched the room carefully.

“What the hell is she then?” What else was in
my bloodline besides Vampyre and Demon?

“Shhh,” Dixie said, rushing to her window.
“No more or she’ll hear us and that would suck beyond anything you
could imagine.”

Her fear was real and my curiosity was
piqued. Was my grandma on my daddy’s side as heinous as my mother?
My mother was here in Hell . . . A stupid, pathetic and needy part
of me wanted to see her, but I assumed she was in the Basement and
that could be an image thousands of years of therapy would be
unable to erase. The simple fact that I still wanted her love me
was mind-boggling. However, since I’d been the one who killed her
and inadvertently sent her to the Basement, I knew that wouldn’t
bode well for a mommy-daughter get together.

“Okay, relax your crack,” I told her. “Let’s
talk about me getting out of here before my mate takes it upon
himself to come and get me.”

“He can’t,” Dixie said, still staring out of
the window.

“What do you mean?” My heart sank and I
placed my hands over my secret inside my tummy. Without my power, I
suppose I somehow thought Ethan would be able to save me.

“Vampyres can’t exist in Hell. Wait, I think
they can survive for a couple of days, but I can’t remember how
many.”

I jumped up and yanked her away from the
window. “What would happen to a Vampyre in Hell and why isn’t it
happening to me?”

“Astrid, you’re half Demon—you’re fine,” she
said reassuringly. “But a pure Vampyre will suffer a brutal death
down here.”

“What happens? Is it at the hands of the
Demons?”

“No, Demons can’t kill.”

“Bullshit,” I hissed. “My father was a Demon
and he killed so cut the crap about how sweet and harmless you
people are.” I paced the room. I had to move or I would burst. I
wanted to crawl out of my skin. I wanted to go home. I needed
Ethan.

“You’re one of us,” she whispered, backing
away.

“No. I’m not,” I shot back, getting angrier
by the second.

“Look at your arms.”

Lifting my hands in front of me, I gasped.
The black sparkling gloves were back which meant the place could
blow any second.

“Son of a . . . ” I muttered and quickly shut
my eyes and pulled images of people I loved to the forefront of my
mind. It was harder this time. The glitter crawled up my arms and
began to cover my chest. Ethan, Nana, Gemma. Not working . . . Pam,
The Kev, Venus. It crept higher and I felt the warm dark magic on
my neck. The problem was that it felt good. I liked it. I wanted
it. No. No, the darkness didn’t own me. I owed it. Motherfucker . .
. My baby. My beautiful sweet little boy. I pictured a perfect tiny
replica of Ethan and the heat that tried to control my body began
to recede.