Fate Forgotten (34 page)

She hid in the nursery with Alex for the rest of that day and all of the next. Alex was a living reminder of her marriage to Garrit, of which life she was living and which family she owed her loyalty to. But her mind still revisited Lars’s kiss, and she could not understand at all how it had happened. How it could have even existed. How he existed. She’d never been this conflicted before, never been tempted by infidelity. And she loved Garrit. She loved her husband, but what she had felt from Lars—it had been so long since she’d known that kind of love. Theseus had been the last, and even that had been so pale in comparison to Thorgrim.

Unfortunately, Juliette considered herself neglectful if she didn’t take care of Alex for a few hours each day, and wouldn’t hear of anything else. It was the first time that Eve had felt anything but relief to have a few hours to herself. And it was the first time in this life that she’d felt so out of touch with her present. It was as though, without Alex, she might forget what life she was living, and her memories of Thorgrim from the mental institute threatened to swallow her whole.

“Go visit with our guests, if you can think of nothing else you need to do, Abby. But do something. It’s good for Alex not to be with you all the hours of the day. You know this.” Juliette took Alex from her arms and waved her toward the door. “Garrit would tell you the same.”

“Somehow I don’t think Garrit would send me off to spend time with Lars.”

Juliette laughed. “
Oui,
I am not certain why he is so jealous now. He used to play with Lars as a boy, always begging to know when he would come to visit next. Garrit thought the world of him.”

Eve frowned. “Strange that he never mentioned it.”

“
Non,
he would not have thought to.” Juliette smiled at Alex. “But your father is such a silly man sometimes. Just like your grandfather.” And she kissed the baby’s cheek. “Let’s hope you’ve inherited your mother’s sense.”

It was difficult to imagine Garrit and Lars playing together as boys, but she couldn’t believe they were much apart in age. “What about Horus?”

“He didn’t spend as much time here. I only ever met him the once, before now, and Garrit was very young then. But he is a very interesting man, isn’t he? René was very pleased to see him again.”

“I wish I could say the same for Garrit.”

“Yes. That son of mine. He seems to have forgotten how much our family has benefitted from their help.”

“How exactly?”

Juliette only smiled. “You worry too much about the details, Abby. I’m sure you have more valuable things you could be doing with yourself than listening to me go on.”

She forced herself to smile, swallowing her disappointment. “Of course.”

Eve avoided the library, thinking it was the first place that Lars would look for her, and she worried that if he found her alone again, she would dwell too much on Thorgrim. She didn’t want to allow herself the temptation of revisiting that kiss, or falling back into the past which threatened to overwhelm her with Lars’s touch.

She went to her bedroom instead, and lay on the bed she and Garrit shared, trying to think of anything other than that moment. She managed to control her conscious thoughts until she dozed off and dreamed about it, and woke up wishing she had gone to the library after all. But she wasn’t sure if it was because she might not have slept, or because Lars might have found her and she wouldn’t have had to dream of kissing him.

It was an awful thought, and she buried it away. She couldn’t let him touch her. Couldn’t let him near her. She couldn’t live in the past. She loved Garrit.

It doesn’t help, does it?

She flinched at the pain that laced Adam’s tone. It made her bones ache along with her head.
I wish you wouldn’t share that.

The discomfort dulled, and she felt like she could breathe again. Or at least her ribs had stopped aching in sympathy.
I’m sorry.

She sighed.
Are you really?

I didn’t realize how much it would pain you, Eve.
She could feel it was the truth. He was troubled by how much distress he’d caused her. There was silence for a moment, while she considered it, turning it over in her mind.
To answer your question, yes. That is how it feels. Like a tightness in my chest. Every time I see you in Garrit’s arms, feel you make love to him. Every minute of it is torture. And when I’m with you, when it’s just the two of us, I want nothing more than to touch you. To hold you.

She closed her eyes. Hearing him this way brought the emotions with it. His anguish, his agony, his heartbreak. It was harder to listen to because of how well she knew it.
This isn’t the same, Adam. I don’t love Lars.

That isn’t what it felt like.

She hated him for suggesting it and putting the idea in her head. But it was Thorgrim that she loved. Who she had loved once. Who she missed now. It was Thorgrim who Lars reminded her of so forcefully. That was all. It had to be all.

Ah. Yes. Thorgrim. A dead man from a dead past. What is it about him, Eve?

She thought of the kiss. Of the way Thorgrim, and now Lars, held her as if she was made of blown glass. Breakable, delicate, beautiful. Something they didn’t want to let go of, didn’t want to risk allowing to slip away. The way his mouth claimed her, when he kissed, without the impression of possession. They had belonged to one another, but he had never owned her. Had always wanted her freedom.

I wish you wouldn’t share that,
he said as he picked up the images and emotions from her mind. She felt his jealousy, his hurt.
How could you have let him touch you?

It wasn’t that she had let Lars touch her so much as her rejection of Adam. He didn’t bother to hide it, and the accusation in his mind stung her.
He’s my family.

Adam scoffed.
What he is, and what you think he is, will never be the same thing. Thorgrim is your past, Eve. Just like these DeLeons are.

If Lars and Garrit are only ghosts from my past, memories made flesh, then why is it you’re so threatened by them, Adam? What is it about Thorgrim that makes you so angry?
Adam said nothing, but she felt his irritation. It fed her own.
In the future, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t step in front of any buses in an attempt to control my life.

If I wanted to control you, Eve, I would do it with far more subtlety.

Is that some kind of threat?

The truth. Do you think I would have kept my word not to hurt your family if I had intended to abuse you? Or even made the promise to begin with?

It made her sick to think of what he could do to them. The things he was capable of.
Should I be impressed that you’ve behaved like a human being? That you chose not to be a monster? That you care about someone other than yourself? For a moment at Christmas, I thought you had changed.
She shook her head, curling up into a ball on the bed. She couldn’t tell if she was crying because of the pain that leaked with his anger into her body, or because she realized just how wrong she had been.
You don’t know what love is, Adam.

His anger drained away. Replaced with sadness and sorrow. But he said nothing more. She was left alone, with her own thoughts, and his pain.

She stayed that way for some time. Until Garrit came home and found her there. She tried to sit up, then, to wipe the tears from her face and hide the fact that she had been crying, but her ribs ached, and she cried out in pain when she moved.

Garrit’s expression darkened. “You spoke to your brother.”

She shook her head. “He reached for me.”

Garrit called for Horus and sat down next to her, stroking her hair back from her face and staring at the door. “He did it deliberately. All of this. Didn’t he?”

She closed her eyes. The footsteps she heard a moment later weren’t Horus’s. Lars’s hand was warm and dry against her forehead, and the pain eased at once. She didn’t answer Garrit. Couldn’t bring herself to form the sentences, to explain and defend him. She didn’t want to defend him. And she didn’t want to open her eyes and see Lars watching her. She tried to convince herself that it was Horus’s hand on her forehead. Horus who took her pain away.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Eve.” Lars’s voice was soft. “It only makes it more difficult.”

She tried not to think what else he meant by it, and crawled into Garrit’s lap for comfort. Garrit. Her husband. Her love of this life.

She kept her eyes shut tight.

Chapter Thirty-three: Future

“
Madame!
” Ryam stood immediately at the sight of Eve in the doorway, and Adam felt her shock even though he had warned her. This man resembled Reu more than Garrit ever had, and that had been startling enough. Ryam bowed over her hand, kissing the back of it. “
Arrière-grand-mère.
”

She frowned, and flicked her fingers, freeing her hand and gesturing for him to seat himself. Adam had felt it prudent that this meeting take place not in the abused Mr. Laurent’s office, but in Adam’s own home. The better to guarantee privacy. Ryam sat back down in the armchair he had abandoned and cleared his throat, glancing uneasily at Adam.

“You may speak freely in front of Mr. Carraig, Ryam. He’s aware of the details or he wouldn’t be involved.” She spoke in English, Adam assumed, for his benefit. Or the benefit of the role he was playing, in any event.

“
Oui, madame.
” Then he looked at her again and smiled. “Or are you
mademoiselle,
now?”

Look at that smile. Just like Garrit’s.
There was an ache in her heart again, and it twisted his own. “I am Eve, as I always ever was.”

You lived a long and happy life with him, Eve. He wouldn’t want you grieving for him now.
“I trust, Mr. DeLeon, that you had time to speak to your brothers? I had understood they would be with you today.”

“I am afraid my brothers and I did not come to an agreement. René still insists on his portion of the estate becoming liquid. Luc, I think, could be convinced with the right pressure, but he is already being hounded by our brother’s creditors and wishes to see those debts paid.”

“Creditors?” Eve’s forehead creased and she sat so lightly on the sofa that Adam was sure she was ready to leap back to her feet at any moment. “What’s going on, Ryam?”

Ryam dropped his eyes to the floor and cleared his throat again. “Gambling,
madame.
We did not realize what had happened until it was far too late, and by then he had leveraged the entirety of his inheritance.”

She swore colorfully and stood, turning her back on the man and walking to the window.
All that money, tied to the estate for its taxes and upkeep. All of that money lost because my eldest grandson couldn’t choose to leave the estate to his two responsible sons. And Garrit thought it was so clever to booby-trap it that way. Removing temptation, he said. Now this.

There must be some way to salvage it. Some loophole.
Adam did his best to ignore the way Ryam’s leg bounced in his agitation. He was clearly upset at having to bring this news to Eve. Adam thought perhaps his brothers had refused to come just to avoid precisely this situation.