Fear Me (48 page)

The first night I tried as hard as I could to stay home alone but knowing Mitch was still out there haunted me. My nervousness turned into fear and my fear turned into paranoia. Every sound I heard was Mitch coming for me. He was around every corner. I was afraid of my own shadow before long. Willow knew all about what happened that night and after urging me to call the cops failed she convinced me to stay with her.

As I walked inside the house from school to grab more clothes, my phone rang. I considered ignoring it knowing it wouldn’t be Keiran but since Aunt Carissa wasn’t home I decided to answer just in case.

“Hey, Lake,” Sheldon spoke into the line.

“You sound miserable.” Ever since finding out what happened to Keenan, Sheldon had been living a former shell of herself. She also refused to see him in the hospital.

“Gee thanks.”

“Go see him, Sheldon. It will make you feel better.”

“I can’t,” she said. Her voice crack and she sounded close to tears.

“Why not? He’s your boyfriend, Sheldon. I don’t understand –”

“No, you don’t so drop it, okay?”

“Fine,” I reluctantly agreed.

“So, how is he?”

“Jeez, you just told me to drop it!”

“I know what I said, I –” The next second I could hear Sheldon sobbing on the other end of the line.

“Sheldon what’s going on with you?”

“He fucked her.” I didn’t immediately react because we all knew Keenan strayed often but Sheldon always forgave him.

“Who?”

“Ms. Felders.”

“The new chemistry teacher?” I shrieked.

She sniffled and said, “uh huh.”

“How…when?”

“Oh you know the traditional way,” she said with sarcasm. “I don’t know when it started but I have an idea. I knew something was fishy between the two of them when she started paying extra attention to him. I caught her, one day, with her hand on his chest when I went to ask her about my failing grade on a project.”

“What did they say?”

“She laughed it off and said she was smoothing out a wrinkle in his shirt. Do you know how close I came to head butting the fuck out of her? I thanked her and told her that from now on I would be the one fixing his wrinkles.”

“When did you find out? I mean…how do you know he really had sex with her? That’s a little far-fetched even for Keenan.”

“Apparently not. I saw the text messages between the two of them spanning about two weeks and confronted him about it after we left laser tag. We argued and I kicked him out of my house. He must have gotten snatched right after,” her voice finally broke on the last and I knew she must have felt guilty.

“Sheldon, I know you’re thinking it’s your fault but it’s not.”

“I just can’t help but think that if I had given into his bullshit just one more time he wouldn’t be fighting for his life right now.”

“Sheldon…”

“I left him, Lake. I told him I hated him and wished he would die. D
o you know how horrible I feel?
I went to see him, you know.”

That caught me by surprise. “When?”

“The next morning. Dash and I weren’t told until then. I rushed straight there, I swear I did, but then I saw her. She was there, Lake. She went to see my man. Can you believe that bitch?”

“So what did you do?” I asked, picking up on her claim of Keenan. I knew she still loved him but was hurting too much to see it now.

“I left. It was the final nail in the coffin and now we will never be able to forgive each other.”

* * *

Monday morning came all too quickly and I still haven’t heard word of Keiran. I don’t know if he is even alive…

Did Mitch find him again?

At this moment, Keiran could be dead…

My mind brought forth an image of a broken and lifeless Keiran and I would have collapsed if I weren’t already seated.
Don’t think about that.

But I couldn't help but worry. His absence was driving me mad and everyone seemed to be caught up in his or her own thing so I couldn’t distract myself. How dare he put my life in danger and then just disappear like that? I could have lost my life…I could have lost him. It felt like I have already lost him. Mitch was still out there and knowing what he planned to do with his son was nerve wracking.

Lost in my thoughts, I turned into the school parking lot a little too quickly. There was a gang of students still in the parking lot even though the first bell would ring soon. As I parked my car I noticed a crowd of students in one spot. When I got closer I could see through the slight opening and I could see a familiar black muscle car and Keiran leaning against it. Quentin and Dash were blocking him from the crowd. I couldn’t tell what was going on because everyone was talking at once. I walked closer to the circle and could just barely make out the various ‘are you okay’, ‘how is Keenan’, and ‘what happened.’

My heart skipped at the sight of him. It had only been a week but the worry and the fact that I missed him made it seem so much longer. I picked up my pace to get to him before he could disappear again and just as I got in the circle, Chloe Newman, one of the cheerleaders, threw herself into his arms and worse…
he caught her
.

I stood there and watched them. Pain rooted me to the spot as I died inside. But when I saw his hands grope her ass I forgot about the pain and let my rage take over. Before I knew it my hands were in her hair and she was being yanked to the ground. The crowd erupted in chaos as I got on top of her and reared back my fist. Oh you better believe I was going for her perfect little nose but my fist never connected with her face. My hand was caught and I was yanked up and into a hard chest.

“What are you doing, Lake?” Keiran asked; his voice neutral. He sounded bored.

“What am I doing? What are you doing?” I screamed and ripped myself away from him I didn’t care that I may have looked and sounded like a banshee.
What is he doing to me? “
You disappear for days and the first time I see you, I find you with your hands all over the nearest skank?” Said skank had already run off with her posse of skanks.

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

“The hell it isn’t, asshole.”

The familiar burning look in his eyes returned and that vein in his temple begin to throb again. “Let’s go.” He walked off, assuming I would follow. I did. I followed him to one of the empty classrooms they used to store extra desks.

“Where have you been?” I asked when he stared at me with a black look in his eyes. I haven’t seen him this way in such a long time that I nearly forgot about the ferociousness of it.

He released an aggravated breath. “Look, I’m sorry I disappeared. How are you?”

“Pissed and I don’t know…maybe hurt? Where were you?”

“I had to figure shit out.”

“But how could you just leave Keenan alone like that?”

“He isn’t safe as long as my father is out there and he has John.”

“But he needs you too, you’re his bro –”

“Don’t,” he bit out. “Don’t say that.” The pain in his voice was unmistakable. I could only imagine how Keenan must have felt finding out the way he did. Keiran, however, didn’t appear surprised that night.

“Did you know all this time?”

“Yes.”

“How?” I asked incredulously.

“I saw her picture on Keenan’s nightstand the day John brought me home. He said she was his mother.” He swallowed and took a deep breath but didn’t continue.

“
What did they make you do?” I didn’t feel the need to elaborate. There was only one thing standing between us. He watched me intently but I wasn’t about to back down again.

“I guess it doesn’t matter anymore, anyway.” His tone was desolate and I wondered what he meant by that. “I made my first kill for them when I was six.”

“How? You were so young.”

“It’s amazing what you’re willing to do when you’re starving and don’t know a way out. They used anything they could to control us. Before long I stopped noticing the hunger pains or thirst and the scars healed before I ever knew they were even there.”

There were so many questions swimming in my head but I didn’t want to interrupt. His gaze was distant and his entire body was so still.

“They started me off small. First it was other kids they wanted to punish until I made my way up to adults. After two years of murdering I became one of their best. I was a fucking eight-year old kid. I stopped thinking and I stopped feeling. It kept me alive.”

“That isn’t living,” I argued.

“How would you know?” he asked with anger and I realized that he was right. I wouldn’t know – I was judging. It wasn’t like he had a choice.

“I’m sorry.” He nodded and continued.

“She came in the middle of the night like a bad fucking dream—just like you except you were much more real. I spent weeks ignoring her while they beat her endlessly. She was so small and so innocent. I thought she was weak when she wouldn’t do what she was told. One day I guess the hunger overrode her fear because one of the runners caught her digging in the trash for food and beat her. He beat her so bad that day that I finally did something I shouldn’t have.”

“What did you do?” I asked while fighting back tears for the picture he painted of the young, helpless child.

“I stopped him from caving her head with the heel of his boot as if she was nothing. Two years of work went down the drain because of one wrong move. I still didn’t regret it, at least not at first. She clung to me after that and looked to me as her protector. Everyday I took her beatings and mine and often I was too weak to make any kills so they became crueler. I began to hate her after a while. I blamed her for making me weak again when all she wanted me to do was care about her. I didn’t want to so I don’t know why I helped her. I just did.”

He moved to sit in one of the desks and held his fists clenched out in front of him. “What happened to her?”

“One day after a run they told me I had a job to do, one that would cost me my life if I didn’t do it. What they didn’t know was that I didn’t care if I lived or died but I accepted anyway. They took me to a room that I’d never seen before. Lily was there, waiting. She was naked and crying and I saw the bruises and gashes all over body.”

“Why was she naked?” I was afraid for the answer but I had to know. I needed to understand how deep their cruelty ran.

“They wanted me to – we had – they wanted me to fuck her for some sick fantasy that a lot of sick, old fucks were paying a shit load of money to get on camera.”

“Oh God, Keiran…”

“She looked so broken and I could tell she had nothing left. I couldn’t do it. Out of all the jobs and people I’d hurt, this was something I couldn’t do. That’s why I was relieved when she asked me to do it.”

“Do what?”

“To save her.”

“But you were in danger too.” He shook his head and looked up at me.

“I didn’t care what happened to me.”

“How could you have saved her?”

“The only way that mattered,” he said cryptically but I knew what he was saying.
She asked him to kill her
. “I took away her pain and I took away her fear. I went to her and I laid her down and closed her eyes. In that space of time I tried to find another way but in the end I kept coming back to the same answer.”

“You were only a child.”

“I was never a child, Lake. For ten years my decision has haunted me. When I saw you for the first time I thought you were her and then I thought I was hallucinating. You looked just like her. But when I finally realized it wasn’t her, I knew I was being punished. You reminded me so much of her.” He finally looked at me with a painful expression. “Are you here to punish me?”

“I never wanted to punish you, Keiran.”
What am I saying?

He shook his head. “I think I was punishing myself and looking for someone to blame.”

“Did you love her?” It was crazy to feel jealousy for an eight year old but the emotion he carried for Lily was strong.

“No.”

“Because you don’t believe in love?”

“Would you?”

“How did your father get you back?” I asked him rather than answer his question. I didn’t know what to believe in anymore. “Wouldn’t they have killed you when you ruined their plans?”.

“I wasn’t killed for disobeying them by a stroke of luck named Mario. It seems his only vice was child prostitution and pornography. He saved me from being killed and severed his business ties with his partner shortly after, but not before leaving me a way to contact him if I ever needed anything but mainly if I wanted to work for him. I didn’t fool myself to think he cared.”

“And your father?”

“A couple of weeks after Lily died, I was snuck from the compound by one of the runners my father had in his pocket. I was with Mitch for a week before Sophia showed up, though I didn’t know who she was – not at first. He told me who he was right away. I didn’t know who she was until after she died.”

“Did you really kill her?”

“Yes.” I had been hoping that somehow, Mitch was lying. That Keiran didn’t kill his mother. But if he didn’t know…

“Why?” He looked up at me again, his eyes void of emotion or feeling.

“Why not?”

“Because she was innocent.”

“Was she?”

“But –”

“There is no such thing as
innocence,”
he barked. “How many mothers do you know would let their child be taken without even trying?”

“So you killed her because of it?”

“I didn’t know she was my mother when I put the fucking bullet through her fucking skull,” he spat.

“Are you even sorry for it?”

“I don’t regret what I can’t fix. She’s dead – you don’t come back from that.” He stood up, hurriedly and the momentum pushed the desk back a few feet. He was walking past me and had reached the door before I realized what was happening.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m done talking.”

“But what about Mitch? He knows where you are now. He knows where all of us are.”

“I know,” he said as he turned his head around to face me but kept his hand on the door. “You were almost killed because of me. I do regret that, which means I can fix it.”

“How are you going to fix it?” I asked suspiciously.