Fear Me Not (The EVE Chronicles) (11 page)

The Halloween fair tries to make us forget about the angry protestors. The security is as tight as ever, but we’re allowed to roam around the lawn in costumes and bob for apples and drink cider at the booths the faculty’s set up. It’s like they’re trying their best to ease the tension from the inside and the outside, but candy corn and fake blood packets only go so far. Students are laughing though, and the Gutters look equal parts excited and bewildered at all the strange, giant carved gourds and witch hats.    

The corridors flood with humans wearing costumes and face paint. Even Mr. Weylan’s taken the time to put on Frankenstein make-up. People laugh and call to one another. Mr. Targe, dressed like a football player, yells at students for running in the halls. Candy apples wave in sticky hands, candy corn necklaces rattling and goblin masks hiding the truth behind plastic. Orange glitter coats the floor like the insides of a gutted pumpkin. The janitor and the groundskeepers pile wood into a stone-rimmed pit for the bonfire. The sky slowly deepens from chilly ice-blue to a sable navy dusk.

Mr. Targe lights the bonfire’s tinder. The flames feast eagerly, cracking logs with red-hot tongues. The bonfire gives off heat I feel even from my place on the hill. The teachers and EVEs stand close to the fire, talking. The Gutters seem unsure of what to do, hanging back at the edges as though giant fires aren’t their thing. Shadus stands close to the bonfire, the frigid October wind mussing his hair around.

He doesn’t see me walk up. I clear my throat.

“
Ya’an nhilir sid’hamorovan. Kuna ele’an mej
.”

Shadus turns. He takes me in for a second, as if not really believing I just said that.

“My face is a what?”

“Did I say it wrong?” I start eagerly. “Because I swear I had that last particle down pat like, two hours ago.”

“You said my face was the butt of a horse, and that smiling would improve it.”

“Oh, I did say it right then.”

“Where did you learn that?”

“I got Ms. Gianca to teach it to me.”

He raises a brow.

“With…some adjustments on my part,” I add. His grimace blossoms into a wane smile. But it’s still a smile. There’s a pause.

“You were right,” I say. “We probably shouldn’t be friends. That’d be dangerous. But, I mean. We can be not-friends.”

“Not-friends?” He looks up. I struggle for words.

“Like, acquaintances. You know, talking partners. People who converse with each other sometimes. I mean, I like talking. Not in general. But. Uh. With you, it’s interesting. And I learn stuff. And contrary to what Taj says, you aren’t completely humorless. Just mostly.”

I hear Shadus snort, and under my bangs I glance his way. Our eyes meet, and I instantly look away.

“Friends are impossible for me, Victoria. It never works out. They think they want to be my friend, but then they see the real me. The ‘humorless’ me. The boring me. The nasty, cruel, terrifying me. And they leave, because it’s not worth sticking around. So. I’ll mostly ignore you. You mostly ignore me. It’ll be easier that way. It always is.”

The tone of his voice scoops my insides out and leaves the void to burn. He sounds like Alisa does on her worst days, despondent and hopeless. But I’m an expert at cheering people up – hell, I pretty much perfected it during the nights beside Alisa’s hospital bed, during the nights Dad drank alone at the kitchen table at two in the morning. I take a huge breath.

“What if I don’t want it to be easy?”

He knits his eyebrows. I shrug.

“I’m not the best at people stuff. I don’t have a lot of friends now, but I used to. In elementary school. Before –”
Before Mom died.
“I mean, I can help you with the friend-basics at least. Show you how it works, see if we can’t get you a buddy or two.”

He watches the fire crackle. “It’s impossible.”

“Eleven years ago, people said meeting aliens was impossible, too.”

There’s a deep silence.

“Friends, huh?” Shadus murmurs. The bonfire crackles and snaps. The smile that blossoms makes him look like a different person. He looks up at me. A little bit of happiness, and the dark sadness on his face dissolves and leaves behind a boy. A boy who looks very, very human. A boy who looks
hopeful
.  

“I’d like that,” He says.

                        ***

Oliver Sanders is the first EVE to get kicked out of Green Hills High.

Nobody knows about it until the groundskeepers start piling his luggage in the main hall on a Wednesday afternon. Oliver stands nearby, leaning on the water fountain with his head in his hands. Oliver’s Gutter roommate pats him on the back awkwardly, but Oliver bats his hand away. His parents arrive in a green sedan looking absolutely livid but in that special tamped-down, passive-aggressive way only parents can manage. They pack his luggage in the trunk, and drive off with him looking morose in the front seat.

Nobody knows what he did, but the rumor spreads anyway. Alcohol. His roommate, two other EVEs, and Oliver were caught on the roof of the boy’s dorm with a smuggled flask of whiskey. Oliver was the only one to have taken any sips. The rumor says Oliver’s EVE organ would’ve been worth seventy thousand. And he threw that all away. The EVE clinic doctors will take it out, and he’ll get zero money. No wonder his parents looked pissed.

As I watch them go, I’m grateful more than ever that I can’t smoke anymore. Even if it means I get the shakes, and feel like vomiting all the time. Withdrawal is a small price to pay. It could’ve just as easily been me sent home if Shadus hadn’t stepped in. I do miss Mom, and the smell-memory of her. That’s a little bigger price to pay. But I pay it because no one else will.

Because I’m the only one who can help my family. 

I walk up to Yulan’s office door. It’s time for my monthly EVE checkup again. Just as I’m about to knock, I notice the door is slightly cracked, and voices are filtering out. Two voices I know well.

“ – are you saying? The test results can be unreliable,” Raine hisses.

“You know just as well as I do our EVE technology is flawless. There is no mistake. Her blood says she’s reacting. After eleven years, someone is finally reacting,” Yulan’s voice whispers. There’s a long pause before Raine sighs.

“Father and his scientist groupies will be thrilled.”

“May I remind you I’m one of those ‘groupies’,” Yulan chides gently.

“Don’t play games. You’re different. You’re the only one on my side.”

“The right side,” Yulan corrects her. “The side that doesn’t want war.”

“I won’t tell father,” Raine concludes. “Keep monitoring her. Do not speak of this to anyone, especially not Taj. The Adjudicators could ruin everything if they found out.”

“And what about Shadus?”

“I’ll approach him with the news - test the waters. He’s unpredictable. He isn’t bound to the law like Taj, so we must be careful. We need him, but he’s the wildcard, and he could rob us of all our power if he chooses wrongly.”

There’s another pause, and then Raine speaks.

“He’s my father, but I won’t let him get away with it, Yulan. Don’t let your memories of the old Jerai cloud your determination now. That Jerai is long gone, replaced with a madman.”

Yulan lets out a breath. “I know.”

The door opens suddenly, and Raine and I come face to face. Her expression is startled.

“V-Victoria?”

“Hi,” I make my voice pant-y, like I’d run here. “I’m here for my monthly check-up.”

Raine smiles, relieved. “Oh? Go on in, then. I’ve got a cheer practice to lead. I’ll see you tonight.”

She waves as she leaves. Maybe she noticed my lie. Maybe she didn’t. Why did I lie at all? I have no idea. Shadus told me to trust no one. Dad told me to be careful. So I’m being extra not-trusty and careful.

Yulan smiles and ushers me to sit on a pleather stool. He readies the blood-drawing needle while I stare at his back.

“Something the matter, Victoria? You’re awfully quiet this time around.”

His smile is genuine, his eyes innocent and sky-gray, almost like he hadn’t been talking about clandestine secrets just a moment before.

“It’s nothing,” I shake my head. “I’m just tired.”

“Be sure to get lots of rest, and drink water.” He insists. I watch him draw my blood and put the vial of it in the machine emitting blue light.

“That thing scans my blood, right?”  

Yulan looks at me almost too sharply. Then he regains his smile.

“Yes. It also measures the health of your EVE organ.”

“And I’m doing fine?”

“You’re doing wonderfully,” He assures me. I swear I heard a tremble in his voice, but I brush it off.

“Why are some EVEs getting more money and some less?” I ask.

Yulan adjusts his glasses. “Some EVEs are simply more compatible with the organ than others. The greater the compatibility, the higher quality the emotions will be. I wouldn’t pay the same price for a regular mushroom and a truffle now, would I?”

I shake my head.

“Your blood looks fine,” Yulan says as he inspects the paper the blue-light machine prints out. “And your EVE organ is doing remarkable. Keep this up, and your family will be well taken care of.”

I leave his office and pause at the door. Curiosity burns in my lungs, so I open it a tiny crack. Yulan sits at the counter, staring at my blood paperwork. He murmurs to himself, lowly and brokenly.

“
Asara
help us all.”

6. The Temperance

I’ve got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. It’s the sort of feeling I got when the hours would waste into the night and Dad still wouldn’t be home. The feeling I got in the polive station, waiting for Dad to pick me up after I saw Mom killed. A sick, burning feeling, like I’m going to burst into flame at any second.

‘After eleven years, someone is finally reacting’.

Yulan’s words reverberate in my head like a muffled tape recorder. I can’t look Raine right in the eyes, anymore, but I force myself to so she won’t suspect something’s wrong. She’s good at faking body language, and even better at reading fakers. What are she and Yulan planning? Her father, Jerai, is plotting something too? And she and Yulan are plotting against him?    

‘I’m on the right side. The side that doesn’t want war’.

War. That word coming from a Gutter’s mouth sends cold dread dripping down my vertebrae. And who is the ‘she’ they talked about? The one who’s blood is reacting? It can’t be mine. I’m normal. I’m fine.

I have to tell someone about this. Anyone. But I can’t trust anyone, not here. I don’t like anyone enough to trust them. No one’s been truthful with me. No one except –

The only person I can trust is the person who told me not to trust anyone. The person who told me about his mom when I told him about mine.

I track down Shadus at his locker. He looks weary, dark circles under his eyes and his cheekbones sharper than ever.

“Hey, are you okay?” I ask. Shadus looks up and shrugs. It’s then I notice the half-healing scratches covering his hands. “Jesus - what happened?”

“
Yali
,” he says hoarsely. I give him a stern look, but he doesn’t explain further. “It’s none of your concern. Why did you wish to speak to me?”

“I can’t be concerned about you, now?”

“That would be becoming friendly. And we agreed not to do that,” He points out. “Now, why did you seek me out?”

I frown. He’s getting injured by the
yali
, and it’s my fault. It’s supposed to be my
yali
.

“If they’re hurting you,
yali
is officially a sick tradition. I don’t care if that’s racist. That aspect of your culture is sick and wrong.”

“It’s how we do things,” He sighs. “Please, just tell me what you’re here for, so you can leave.”

“Why do you want me gone so bad? Do I stink or something?” I sniff at myself. “Do I smell like really good food? Because Taj sniffed me, and frankly I don’t want you sniffing me either.”

Shadus looks amused for a split second. “Taj…sniffed you? Of course he did. He’s always had terrible control over his impulses.”

“It was even creepier than you, Creeps.”

Shadus chuckles, but his face quickly goes dark.

“It’s not you that stinks. It’s my locker.” He motions to the closed locker. I lean in and wrinkle my nose. I catch the faint whiff of something rotting.

“Ugh, what is that?”

Shadus sniffs. “Dead amphibian. Frog, perhaps.”

“Is that part of the
yali
? You have to clean dead frog out of your locker too?”

Shadus’ red eyes bore into me patiently, and I sigh.

“Fine, fine! Whatever. It’s your duty, or some shit like that. I just – I just wanted to tell you something. About something I overheard.”

He quirks a dark brow. “Oh?”

As I relay what I heard in the nurse’s office, Shadus’ eyes get progressively more surprised. There’s a long silence when I finish, people pushing around us to get to their next class. Shadus stares at me, then out the window, then looks back at me as if he’s about to speak.

“Victoria!” Dakota pushes through the crowd. When she sees Shadus, her smile falls off.

“Hey.” I smile for her, and a thought hits me. Dakota is nice to the point of shyness, and she’s a decent human being. She’d be a perfect first friend for a Gutter. I clear my throat. “Dakota, this is Shadus. Shadus, Dakota. She’s really good at dodge ball.”

The last comment makes Dakota grin a little, but she’s still nervous. Shadus looks to me, confused.

“She’s kind of a
friend
of mine,” I stress.

A look of realization crosses his face as he nods at Dakota.

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“N-Nice to meet you, too.”

There’s a pause, both of them looking away from each other. I sigh.

“Right, so this is the part where you skip the messy bonding bits and become best friends in two seconds.”

“I thought you said you knew what you were doing.” Shadus raises an eyebrow and turns to Dakota. “She lied to me. She’s clearly more socially inept than I am.”