Fear Nothing (49 page)

D.D. understood what he was trying to say. “You had to like her style. I mean, the look that had to have been on Charlie Sgarzi’s face when he saw Shana standing there . . . I hope it was worth it.”

“She helped you,” Alex said somberly. “For that, I’ll always be grateful.”

“You know, you get older, acquire more aches and pains, then of course, do something stupid to wind up injured like I did, and it’s easy to be bitter. I didn’t want to hurt. Or slow down. Or feel so . . . weak. But Adeline was right: Melvin is looking out for me. And pain brings us together. A shared building block of the human experience. Adeline never got to feel that bond. In the end, it got to her.”

“Do you think her sister loved her?” Alex asked. “It’s what Adeline wanted, but after everything she did, is it what she got?”

“I don’t know. Adeline herself stated enough times that Shana wasn’t capable of such emotions. Then again . . . They knew each other, I think, understood each other in a way other people never could. Even if Adeline didn’t magically feel sisterly love, I bet she felt less alone with Shana by her side. And for Adeline, I would think that would be enough.”

Alex nodded. They remained standing there a moment longer, the backhoe now in play, summarily filling the grave with dirt. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

D.D. wanted to say something. Felt she should say something, but what? She hadn’t known Adeline that long, or obviously, that well. And yet still, she mourned the woman’s loss.

“Thank you,” she whispered at last, head tucked against Alex’s shoulder. “For what you had to teach and for what you helped me learn. And no, I still don’t approve of what you did, Adeline, but I do understand. I hope it was worth it for you. I hope you and your sister did stand side by side, and for that moment, you finally felt as if you belonged. As if you had family. And now . . . Peace, Adeline. Peace.”

D.D. straightened up, took a deep, cleansing breath. Her eyes were burning, but that was okay. Tears, like pain, were another great equalizer. And nothing the great D. D. Warren couldn’t handle.

She kissed her husband on the cheek. “Thank you for coming with me.”

Alex squeezed her hand. “Always.”

D.D. smiled. She kept her hand in his, and together, they walked away.

If you’re reading this letter, Detective Warren, then my story is done and I no longer have to be afraid of the dark.

My sister and I have finished our dance. Two lost souls, finally connecting when it mattered most.

Now, I picture us as little girls again. A four-year-old big sister, a nearly one-year-old baby. We are holding each other’s hands and we are smiling.

We are about to do what we’ve waited forty years to do.

Shana will take the first step.

And I will follow. As we step out of the shadows of our parents’ house. As we walk away from our father’s legacy of horror.

As together, two sisters finally head into the light.

Acknowledgments

This book was an interesting and personal journey for me. As someone with a bad back, I’ve spent the past ten years learning much about various pain management theories, techniques and treatments. Like D.D., I was initially skeptical of the Internal Family Systems model and this whole naming-your-pain business. And yet, like D.D., I’ve learned that the strangest things can help, and talking to your pain is certainly more productive than cursing it. For that, I would like to thank Benita Silver, clinical psychologist, who provided Adeline with her expertise in Internal Family Systems therapy. Please understand that any mistakes in Adeline’s explanation of the model and therapy are mine and mine alone.

Also, after years of helping rebuild my back, chiropractor Shawn Taylor seemed to take gleeful delight in maiming the legendary Detective D. D. Warren. With the help of his wife, Larissa, he devised her extremely rare and painful avulsion fracture. Physical therapist Gary Tilton then assisted with the proper recovery program. Again, all mistakes are mine and mine alone.

Next, my deepest appreciation to Wayne Rock, retired Boston detective and longtime friend, for helping me understand how the BPD would handle an injured detective, not to mention one who’d discharged her weapon. Thanks, Wayne, and yes, all mistakes are mine and mine alone. There’ve gotta be some perks to being the author!

Being one of those people who aren’t terribly comfortable in funeral homes, I had a lot to learn about proper practices and licensing in Massachusetts. Thank you, Bob Scatamacchia, for patiently explaining the inner workings of a funeral home as well as basic embalming techniques. It’s one of those businesses no one likes to talk about, and yet we’ll all need in the end. Thank you, Bob!

Speaking of death, Tonya Creighton was selected this year’s winner of the annual Kill a Friend, Maim a Buddy Sweepstakes at LisaGardner.com. She nominated Christi Willey for a star-making turn as a prison parolee.

Dawn Whiteside captured the honors for the global sweepstakes, Kill a Friend, Maim a Mate. She selected Christine Ryan to die, the first winner to appear on page one of a novel. Hope you both enjoy!

Finally, Kim Beals won the rights to name a character at the annual Rozzie May Animal Alliance charity auction. She chose to honor her father, Daniel Coakley, a true gentleman, beloved by his family. Congratulations, Daniel!

Once again my editors, Ben Sevier and Vicki Mellor, went out of their way to make this a better book. I’d like to say I got it all right the first time, but nope. On the other hand, thanks to a great editorial team, no one will ever be the wiser. I’m also deeply indebted to my agent, Meg Ruley, for her brilliant insights and practical guidance. In a business this crazy, it is good to have her by my side.

Last but not least, my love to my amazing family, creative forces in their own right, who keep me on my toes and ensure that life will never be boring. Perfect!

About the Author

LISA GARDNER is the number one
New York Times
bestselling author of fifteen previous novels, including her most recent,
Touch & Go.
Her Detective D. D. Warren novels include
Catch Me, Love You More,
and
The Neighbor,
which won the International Thriller of the Year Award. She lives with her family in New England.

In 1864, E. P. Dutton & Co. bought the famous Old Corner Bookstore and its publishing division from Ticknor and Fields and began their storied publishing career. Mr. Edward Payson Dutton and his partner, Mr. Lemuel Ide, had started the company in Boston, Massachusetts, as a bookseller in 1852. Dutton expanded to New York City, and in 1869 opened both a bookstore and publishing house at 713 Broadway. In 2014, Dutton celebrates 150 years of publishing excellence. We have redesigned our longtime logotype to reflect the simple design of those earliest published books. For more information on the history of Dutton and its books and authors, please visit www.penguin.com/dutton.