Fearless (9 page)
She chuckled as she drew a bowl of pretzels across the table toward her. “You could have fooled me. It looks like you just lost your best friend.”
He glanced toward the dance floor. He had lost his best friend, to a smarmy cowboy with a gap-toothed grin. If he had his way, he’d widen the gap in his teeth with a well-placed right cross. “Just your imagination.”
She followed his eyes. “Sure it is, Josh. I’ve seen that look before.” She looked at Luc and Trey.
“On these two jerks when they claimed they only had eyes for me.”
Both men had the good sense to look embarrassed.
Josh did not intend to follow their example. He had no intention of getting involved with anyone until he’d moved past this obsession with Lexi.
“Why don’t you get your ass over there before cowboy kangaroo lassos her?” Avery asked, munching on a pretzel.
The other guys laughed, but Josh couldn’t find anything remotely amusing about the situation. The thought of Lexi with another man made him want to hurl. “Why bother?”
“Because you’re bringing the rest of us down,” Avery said, nudging his knee under the table. “Now go!”
He looked over his shoulder and his eyes met Lexi’s. She was dancing with the same guy. Slow dancing. Painfully slow, painfully close. Hell, this was torture. “Fine, but if she tells me to go to hell, I’m comin’ after you, Avery.”
She winked at him. “Promises, promises.”
He forced himself to put one foot in front of the other, when all he really wanted to do was find the nearest exit. Damn, he hated feeling this way. He wanted to be with her, but he would never be lonely or desperate enough to accept her terms.
Someone slipped their arms around his waist from behind. “Hey there, handsome. Where are you off to?”
He smiled down at Marisa. “I thought I might have a chat with Lexi.”
She grabbed his hand and led him toward a vacant table. “Why don’t you have a little chat with me first?”
Lexi watched Josh and Marisa claim a table in a dark, quiet corner of the bar. She felt a sharp stab of jealousy, which she knew was crazy. Marisa was still in love with Luc, and both Josh and Marisa admitted they were better off as friends. Still, she couldn’t help but torture herself with images of what it would be like to watch one of her best friends fall in love with...
She refused to think of Josh as the man she loved. She loved him because he had been one of her closest friends for years, but to give him a special title as ‘the man’ she loved gave him power she wasn’t willing to relinquish. She had to find a way to get over this infatuation so she could move on with her life.
In the spirit of moving on, she had gone on two dates this week. Both had been unmitigated disasters. She had been desperate to feel something, at least a spark of attraction that would make her want to consider a second date. But neither man had been able to hold her interest beyond appetizers. In fairness, her mind had already started wandering to Josh before the entrée was served.
“So a friend of mine owns this great little restaurant in...”
She smiled up her dancing partner, forcing herself to take her eyes off the object of her fantasies. She knew he was asking her on a date, but the thought of wasting another evening with a man who wasn’t fit to share the same room as Josh left her feeling depressed. If this was what she had to look forward to, the casual relationship she’d described to Josh wouldn’t last beyond one date. The fact that she refused to engage in anonymous sex with strangers left her with prospects that were dismal at best.
“So what do you think? Sound like a plan?”
She was certain he had made an offer she intended to refuse, but her conscience dictated she at least ask him to repeat the offer before she declined. “I’m sorry, could you repeat that, Mark?” That was his name, wasn’t it?
“I was asking if you’d like to hit up my friends’ restaurant before we go to the speedway tomorrow night. Unless you’d prefer we go somewhere else?”
She couldn’t remember agreeing to go anywhere with him, much less a noisy, crowded, dusty speedway. This night was quickly going from bad to worse. “I’m afraid I can’t make it. A friend is having a birthday party for his kids and I promised I’d be there.”
Of course, that had been before she and Josh had decided to keep their distance. Before he had decided to extend the same invitation to Trey, Sierra, Marisa, and Luc so he wouldn’t have to be alone with her. He needn’t have worried; she had no intention of sticking around. She planned to deliver the boys’ presents, wish them a happy birthday, and slip out before Josh noticed she was gone. Cowardice, but considerably better than making a fool of herself by begging him to give her a chance to prove that a casual relationship with her could meet his needs.
“Why don’t I go with you? It’ll give us a chance to get to know each other better.”
The thought of getting to know him better was less appealing than the thought of wasting a night at the local speedway, but he may serve as the perfect buffer tomorrow night. Still, she didn’t think it was fair to use him without telling him the score. “This friend is more than a friend, Mark.”
“Oh, okay. I get it.”
She looked over at Josh. He had his chair pulled up beside Marisa, his arm hanging over the back as leaned over and whispered in her ear. “No, you don’t get it. It’s complicated. We were just friends, but...” There was no way she was going to try and explain her relationship with Josh to a perfect stranger in the middle of a crowded dance floor.
“But you’d like for it to be more?”
“No, he would.”
He smiled. “I can’t say that I blame the guy, Lexi.”
She smiled back. Maybe she had misjudged Mark. Perhaps he was a decent guy who just made a lousy first impression. It wouldn’t hurt to give him one more chance. “On second thought, I’d love for you to come to the party. But I have to warn you, things could get a little awkward with Josh.”
He pointed to the table Josh and Marisa occupied. “Is that him?”
She groaned and dropped her head to his chest. “Was I that obvious?”
He laughed. “No more so than he was. You two have barely taken your eyes off each other since he walked in.”
The fact that a perfect stranger was attune to their connection did not bode well. “Trust me, things with him ended before they even started.”
He brushed her hair off her shoulders. “I sure hope not, ‘cause I’d really like to get to know you better, Lexi.”
She flattened her palms against his chest and tried not to compare his slender frame to Josh’s muscled physique. If she didn’t stop drawing these comparisons, she would be spending every night at home alone with only her vibrator for company. “I don’t want to give you the wrong idea, Mark. I’m not interested in a relationship.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Is that what happened between you two?”
Maybe Mark wasn’t as dim as he looked. “Why would you say that?”
“The guy is obviously into you, Lexi. I can’t imagine he’d walk away without a damned good reason.”
She sighed. “You’re right, that was the reason.”
He nodded. “I get it; you’re not into relationships. I’m cool with that.”
She hoped he wasn’t one of those guys who claimed to be fine with it, but secretly harboured some hope that he could change her mind. That was not going to happen. If Josh hadn’t been able to sway her, there wasn’t a man alive who could. “So you’re sure you want to waste your Saturday night at a party with a bunch of rowdy teenagers?”
He grinned. “If that’s where you’re gonna be, that’s where I wanna be.”
She faked a smile. “Okay, I guess it’s a date then.”
“Ask yourself how important that piece of paper is, Josh? Is it worth losing Lexi?”
He listened to Marisa’s argument. She had a valid point, but a compromise wasn’t going to make him happy ten years from now when he was bitter and alone because he’d settled for less than he deserved.
“It’s more than a piece of paper and you know it, Marisa. Marriage represents a lifetime commitment, or at least it should. It’s about working hard to make it work instead of taking the easy way out and walking away when things get tough.”
She sighed, her shoulders slumped. “I hear you. Don’t you think that’s what I want? Hell, we were the lucky ones, Josh. We had great parents growing up. They set the example for us. They provided the safety and security of a childhood where we didn’t have to worry about being hit or abandoned if we didn’t meet their expectations. Lexi and Luc weren’t as lucky. Maybe we should cut them some slack, try to understand things from their perspective?”
He could tell Marisa was as miserable as he was and his heart ached for her. He wouldn’t wish this kind of pain and frustration on anyone, least of all someone he cared about. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, kissing the top of her head. “Honey, you gotta do what’s best for you and so do I. I love Lex, but I can’t sacrifice everything I want, and neither can you. You want to have someone who loves you enough to commit to being there for you for the long haul. So do I. We deserve that.”
She leaned her head on his shoulder. “I know you’re right. It’s just so damned hard to let go.”
“Tell me about it. But it will be worth it in the end. Luc is one of my best friends, but I’m here to tell you, he can’t be the man you need him to be, Marisa. He doesn’t want to be a husband or father, and if you waste your life loving him, you’re never gonna get the chance to have a family of your own.”
She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. “I know you’re right. I guess it’s time for us both to move on, right?”
“I guess so.”
“I think I may need a little help with that.”
He squeezed her shoulders and smiled. “You know you can call me whenever you need to. I’ll always be there to listen, honey.”
She squeezed his knee. “Thanks. You’re the best, Josh.”
Marisa was an amazing woman. She was gorgeous, sexy, and talented; yet he felt nothing for her. Holding her was like hugging his little sister. It didn’t even stir his libido, which scared the hell out of him. If a woman like Marisa couldn’t entice him, what would it take to make him forget about Lexi?
He turned sideways in his chair, forcing Marisa to sit up and face him. “Tell me about this Tim guy? Trey says he’s got it pretty bad for you.”
Marisa laughed. “I guess you could say that, but we’ve known each other since we were kids. It’s hard for me to think of him that way.”
“Maybe you need to give him a chance, Marisa. Trey says he’s a great guy.”
She nodded. “He is, and the Mitchells are wonderful people. If I were to make a list of all the qualities I wanted in a partner, Tim would definitely fit the bill.” She sighed. “But there’s still something missing, ya know?”
He did know; he had that spark with Lexi. It was that intangible quality that told you it was right. “Listen, I had that spark with Ashley, but we got married straight out of college, and then the kids came along and the spark died. Just because you have it, there’s no guarantee it’s gonna last forever. Maybe we need to start being more practical. Make choices based on that list you talked about instead of waiting for some spark that may or may not last.”
She reached over and grabbed his hand. “Maybe you’re right, Josh. Maybe I should give Tim a chance. Do you mind if I invite him to the party tomorrow night?”
He knew Luc would bust an artery if Marisa showed up with another guy, but he was just going to have to get used to the fact that she was moving on without him. “I think that’s a great idea. In fact, I’d like to get to know him better.”
She leaned over to kiss his cheek. “I’d like that too. Thanks for this.” She gestured between the two of them. “I’d hoped to help you gain some clarity, but it looks like you’re the one who helped me.”
He smiled. “If I did, I’m glad.”
“What about you?” she asked. “What are you gonna do about Lexi?”
“There’s nothing I can do, honey.” He looked around the bar. Lexi was sitting at a table with her new friend. Sierra had joined Trey at his table. Luc and Avery were dancing. Everyone had someone, except him. “You go and find Tim. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
She frowned, looking uncertain. “You sure you’re gonna be alright?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. If Trey doesn’t need me to stay, I might go to the studio and hit the heavy bag for a while.”
He owned a martial arts studio, which was managed by a former student of his. He hoped his son would assume the responsibility one day, once he obtained a degree. His son was as passionate about karate as he was and it made him proud to know that his boys respected him enough to want to follow in his footsteps. That was just another reason he wanted another chance to be a father. It had been the best experience of his life, but in his mid-twenties, he had been too young to really appreciate the first years of his boys’ lives. He’d been too busy focusing on survival, trying to keep up with the demands of being a new father and providing them with the basic necessities of life. Now he was older, more experienced, and financially independent. He was ready to embrace the experience and be the kind of father he should have been back then.
“Did you drive here?” Marisa asked.
He shook his head. “No, Trey brought the limo. There are cabs lined up outside; I’ll just grab one. The studio’s only a twenty-minute walk from my house. It might help clear my head.”
She stood up, grabbing his hands to haul him to his feet. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow night?”
“You got it. Don’t forget to invite Tim.”
She reached up to kiss him on the cheek. “I won’t. Thanks again, Josh.”
Lexi watched Josh walk out of the bar without a backward glance.
“Looks like your friend left,” Mark said, reaching across the table to grab her hand.
She looked at their joined hands and felt frustrated when she felt nothing. He was attractive, kind, with a good sense of humour. He was a firefighter who coached kids’ basketball. An all-around good guy who had made his interest in her more than obvious. He was the perfect candidate for a casual relationship, but even the thought of inviting him back to her house for a nightcap made her feel uneasy.