Fearless Attraction (Cassie Series) (10 page)

             
Tears fill my eyes immediately. Everything that just happened comes rushing through my mind as a sob escapes my mouth. What did I just do? Oh my God, Avery. What do I do now? What do I tell him?

             
I stare at Pierce for only a moment before getting dressed. When I'm fully clothed again I start to ask Peirce about what just happened. "Pierce, what-"

             
"Don't worry," he interrupts, "I won't say anything. I got work to do though, so you can leave now."

             
Excuse me?

             
"Oh, um, okay," I stutter. My whole body is visibly shaking.

             
The tears flow down my face as I turn around and walk out Pierces door. Before it closes behind me I hear him say, "You’re forgiven now." I slam the door, then walk down the hall, knowing sooner or later, I'm going to have to face Avery and tell him the truth.

Chapter Seven

             
I can't get him out of my mind. I hate him, and I love him. I loathe him, and I lust him. I completely fear him. It's been three days. Three long, treacherous, guilt ridden days.

             
When I left his office, I came straight back to my apartment where I indulged in a bottle of wine, while taking a well needed bubble bath. Avery kept calling my phone but I put it on silent, ignoring him. I needed to. I couldn't break his heart, not again. I did something so insanely horrible, I wasn't sure how to deal with it. So I drank my sorrows away for the first night.

             
During the last cup of wine, my door swung open and a panicked Avery stared down at me, confused, angry and scared. He had thought something happened to me. When I told him I was just having a bad night, he left me alone. I got out of the bubble bath, finishing my drink and slipping into an old tee-shirt and underwear.

             
Walking out of the bathroom, I noticed Avery sitting on the couch. He came over and wrapped me in his arms, doing his best to comfort me. I didn't need comforting, not from him. I just tore his heart and soul out, he just didn't know it yet.

             
I started crying uncontrollably. He didn't know why and he didn't ask. I didn't tell him. I just kept crying. Eventually we made it into my bedroom, where he kept me wrapped tightly in his arms until I fell asleep. The only reason I let him is because I wasn't sure how long I'd have the chance to do this. I wasn't sure when he was going to find out the truth. It wasn't a matter of
if
he'd find out the truth, it was a matter of
when.
I wouldn't keep this secret forever, but for now, I had to.

             
The following day I had no choice but to act normal, it was the day that Mason was purposing to Aubrey. She didn't know that, but I did. She only knew Mason wanted to 'go home' for a few days and she was glad to go with him. I knew she'd call me and need to tell me the news. I had to be happy for her.

             
It was a long morning, one where Avery cooked me breakfast and talked about his meeting with his psychical therapist. He got a new tooth the previous day and he talked about that as well, telling me he couldn't talk when I called because he had just been given a shot of Novocain and couldn't handle talking correctly.

             
That brought on a great deal more of guilt.

             
He ended up leaving, having to do another PT session. Since he got hurt so badly, his training was a little longer. I was secretly thankful, because I needed this time alone. I ended up cleaning the entire house top to bottom.

             
When Aubrey finally called to tell me that Mason proposed, she gushed for almost an hour on the other line. I almost forgot my horrible mistake in that time. When she said they were staying a few days longer in Texas for their pre-honey moon, I realized that I was going to be very lonely in that week. I don't think I can keep this secret that long from Avery, and I don't want to burden Aubrey at all. I'll be without them both. I'll have my mom, but I can't tell her what I did.

             
Avery came over again that night, and he said wanted to swing by Austin's. I knew I couldn't handle seeing Katie, knowing someone like her actually deserved Avery more than me. I told him I wasn't feeling well, so he left. I text my friend Amy from class and asked what she was doing. She said there was a party at Beta and I asked to come. Another lie to Avery, and this one was a much easier lie to get caught in, but I couldn't be alone. I also couldn't be near Avery. And I wasn't ruining Aubrey's night.

             
Amy picked me up and we rode the short distance together. Before we got out of the car, I looked over to her and asked her to please keep an eye on me. She laughed and said she would.

             
Shey saw me the second I walked in and brought me a shot of tequila. I instantly felt sick but threw it back anyways. I needed it, even if it reminded me of Avery breaking my heart last year. It was a cycle between us.

             
The night went pleasantly well. Amy, Shey, this girl Carla, and I all ended up dancing, drinking, and chatting with one another. Carson asked me once where Avery was and I said at a different party, and we left it at that. He kept giving me sad glances all night but I ignored them. He had an awesome girlfriend, one who I loved, who he loved, who loved him, and he needed to concentrate fully on her.

             
By the end of the night, I ended up having black out moments. Shey kept feeding me tequila shots, so every once in a while I'd be doing something and not understand how I got there or why I was doing whatever it was. Sometimes it was something silly like peeing in the bushes outside, Amy laughing while she did the same. Other things would be dancing on the couch, singing a Britney Spears song at the top of my lungs. Other times it'd just be something as simple as being in one room, then realizing I was in another.

             
I don't recall anything bad happening and no one told me I did anything wrong. That made me happy. Amy stayed the night, but I knew I shouldn't. Carson actually is the one to walk me home, claiming he had too many to drive but wasn't too drunk to walk me home. On the way there, we had a small conversation, but I don't remember most of it.

             
He had asked me why Avery was at a different party, and I said because we're allowed to hang out with our own friends. He asked if I was happy, I said yes. He mentioned the fight and Avery's tooth and his physical therapy. I mentioned Shey and how perfect she was as a friend to me and girlfriend to him. We kept it simple and friendly.

             
I had laid in bed when I got home and ended up having a weird dream. The dream was so realistic and so wrong. I had dreamt about having sex with both Avery and Pierce in one night. I dreamt of Pierce giving me comfort and Avery yelling and screaming at me. It was odd and confusing, and although I don't remember much of it at all, it was the first thing I thought of when I woke up alone this morning.

             
It's been eating at me the last hour, as I lay awake on the couch. There is no music on, no television on. I haven't talked to Avery, or Aubrey, or my mom, or anyone else since I woke up. I just have laid here, thinking about how to tell Avery, thinking about the dream, about lying to him last night and if he is going to be mad at me for going to the party.

             
Finally I decide to grab my phone and get that first lie out of the way. The easier one. The one where I tell him I needed a night out with a friend and not him. I'll put it in better words of course.

             
The phone rings and rings, but he doesn't pick up. I leave a voice mail instead. "Hey babe, it's me. Call me when you get this. I wanted to talk to you."

             
After five minutes of no returned phone call, I get up and shower. When I get out, I throw my hair up in a messy bun, walk to the kitchen and make coffee, then I get dressed. Every time I hear something remotely close to a vibration or a song- usually a car driving by outside- I check my phone. Nothing. No calls back, no texts. I call him again, this time it goes straight to voice mail.

             
He is mad at me. He found out I was at the party last night and is mad at me.

             
I brush my teeth and head out the door. I'm not sure if he is at his apartment, but I can't imagine where else he'd be. I drive there but his bike is gone. I decide to knock on the door anyways, just in case he left his bike at Austin's and got a ride back here. No one is here though. I try his phone again and when it goes straight to voice mail again, I leave another message. "Avery, it's me. Please call me back. Your phone is off and you're not home, your scaring me. Love you."

             
I drive back home and my heart jumps a beat when I see that mid night blue motorcycle sitting in my spot. I park next to it and walk inside. Avery is sitting on the floor, his back against my door, with his head on his knees. "Avery?"

             
He looks up to me. His eyes are blood shot, he has tears running down his pale face. He looks horrible. Oh my God, what happened? I lean down in front of him, running my fingers down his cheek. He flinches and backs his head away. "Avery, what is wrong, you're scaring me."

             
"You drank a lot last night, didn't you? Do you even remember what happened last night?" His words are whispers. They're also hopeful and scary at the same time.

             
I stare him directly in the eyes. "Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was going out. I tried calling you this morning but your phone is off."

             
"You really don't remember, do you?"

             
My brows scrunch as I stare at him. "What are you talking about?"

             
He runs his fingers through his short, dark hair. I wipe at his tears that are starting to slow down. He shakes his head back and forth, silently telling me to stop touching him. I don't understand. Is he really that mad at me for drinking without him last night? Or does he feel guilty about something. Are our roles reversed? Is he crying out of guilt and I'm comforting him without knowing he was unfaithful? It couldn't be, it's just my own guilt eating at me.

             
"Avery, please," I beg. "Tell me what is going on, please."

             
He rests the back of his head against my door and looks at me. "You called me last night, told me you were sorry, you kept repeating it." Oh no. Oh no, no, no! Please don't tell me I told him what happened while I was drunk.

             
"I wasn't sure what you were sorry about Cassie." He is using my real name, this isn't good. I sit down on my butt and cross my legs. I don't care if we're in the hallway and my neighbors can see this. "I came over to comfort you. You made me feel guilty about leaving you alone, you made me feel bad for you Cassie."

             
I can feel my face pale and tears are threatening to spill.

             
"You started kissing me, pulling my clothes off the second I walked in the door, telling me you loved me and needed me. I knew you'd been drinking but... but I love you Cassie... so I didn't question things." More tears start to fall. From both our faces. This was my dream, I remember this.

             
"You were being so passionate," his words are now whispers, hurtful whispers. "You kept repeating your love for... me." His voice breaks the same time my heart shatters.

             
"I do love you Avery, I love you so much."

             
He ignores me and closes his eyes. "Then you called out
his
name."

             
I don't need him to tell me who he is talking about, I already know. I already remember. It wasn't a dream. I was having sex with Avery and I was picturing Pierce. Avery and I fought after. I don't remember if I told him the truth or not, but I remember calling Pierce and yelling at him for ruining everything. He then apologized and comforted me on the phone until I fell asleep. It wasn't a dream at all.