Fearless Magic (40 page)

“Thank you!” I threw my arms around her neck, holding her tightly to me, “You have no idea how much that means to me! I owe you big!”

“Yes, you do,” she agreed seriously, pulling away to look at me sternly in the face. “And if you really want to repay me, you'd better come home with Avalon and completely unharmed!” She pointed her finger sternly as if she was already disappointed with me; I hugged her closely again, silently promising that I would.

I eventually let go of my chokehold on her and moved over to Aunt Syl. She reached for me before I could even say a word, holding me as if I was the most loved thing in the entire world. “I love you so much, Eden,” she whispered fiercely in my ear, “and I am so very proud of you.”

I couldn't say anything back to her, I couldn't even breathe normally; I was too emotional to even express my feelings aloud.

I loved her more than anything, and it killed me to leave her here, while I flew half way around the world. I was so thankful that Lilly agreed to stay. I hoped Lilly would keep them both out of trouble, and instantly I was overjoyed to know that, no matter what happened, they had each other. I promised myself they would be fine here, out of danger. I was the one putting my life at risk and that was infinitely more reassuring for some reason.

After a long time just hugging Aunt Syl, she reluctantly set me free and deposited me into Gabriel's care. I already said goodbye to Jericho earlier in the morning because he needed to spend the rest of the day organizing all of the teams and their departure times.

Saying goodbye to Jericho proved harder this morning than when I picked up Lilly, even though I knew he would be with me in Romania, and even though I knew that as soon as Avalon was in my possession I would find him and be with him again.

Letting him go this morning was awful. I decided that after this mission, I would find a way to wake up next to him every day for the rest of my life. We loved each other now; we voiced it aloud and we committed ourselves to each other. Leaving for our separate missions meant gambling with higher stakes.

Stakes I wasn't ready to risk yet.

Gabriel was waiting patiently in the cockpit for me to say my goodbyes and climb aboard. I kissed Aunt Syl and Lilly one more time, promising them that I would bring Avalon back safely and with equal magic, I then turned to the Cessna.

Gabriel was more than willing to take my luxury jet over his pitiful, little plane after I suggested it as a possibility. Now, sitting down next to him, I wondered if I was too trusting.

I looked back at the hangar that housed his small deathtrap of a plane and decided that I would risk it anyway. I needed to prepare for a mission, not die of a heart attack before it even started. Besides, he pushed all the right buttons and got the engine started so I determined he couldn't be all bad.... even if his plane did look like a heavy-combat left over from World War II.

“Ok, are you ready?” I asked, as he moved the plane to the runway.

“Of course, why wouldn't I be?” he mumbled, solemnly. He recently re-shaved his head and as usual, he was wearing his dark, aviator sunglasses. I was convinced they were more to shield the world from his burning, orange eyes than protect his vision from the glaring sun that they seemed to made out of. His burgundy, beaded rosary hung around his neck, the perfect accessory to his priestly robe.

We remained silent for a long time. I watched the Nebraska farmland shrink under the rising plane. The landscape turned into small, perfectly shaped squares of green, like a quilted blanket laying comfortably across the earth. The Cessna shot through the full billowy clouds scattering wisps across the wide, blue sky.

“Did Silas get to Omaha Ok?” I asked, breaking the silence and reaching for conversation.

“Yes, late last night,” Gabriel responded, his thick Latin accent making even the simplest of phrases sound musical. He was silent again for several minutes before he continued, “He brought his people.”

“His people?” I gasped, wondering what prompted him to do that after he made it clear to me they would be no part of my rebellion.

“Yes, he said that if he was going to follow you, then he would have to take your example and give them a choice. So, when he asked them what they wanted to do, they wanted to come.” He shrugged his shoulder casually, as if it were not a big deal.

I sat back against the chair trying to understand the extra numbers and the willingness of Silas's people to help. Even harder to comprehend was that I was an example, that Silas, who was centuries old, looked to me for leadership, and instead of feeling encouraged, I was suddenly heavy with the weight of what that meant. I was not a good leader, but even worse, I was a terrible example. I was emotional, and vindictive and indecisive. Again I was reminded how desperately our cause needed Avalon.

“We need to get Avalon back,” I whispered, echoing my anxiety aloud.

“You think he will be a better leader than you?” Gabriel asked, his intuitions hitting the nail on the head.

“I know he will,” I promised. “Well, really at this point, anyone would be a better leader than me.” I tried to joke, but Gabriel stared ahead, his lips not even hinting at a smile.

“You are not a bad leader, Eden. If there were only success in your life, you would not learn anything. Leadership is experience and you are still young. You still have much to learn about our people and war; it should not come easy to you. If it did, you would be robbed of life's most valuable teacher.” He tilted his head as if to agree with himself and I marveled at the anomaly that was Gabriel: part priest, part therapist, part warrior.

“But I cannot afford to learn at the expense of our people,” I argued, “I cannot continue to fail when there are lives at stake.”

“Do you think you will fail this time?” he asked, his tone never changing.

“I am determined not to,” I replied, avoiding a direct answer. I couldn't allow myself to think the question all the way through, I would fight with my life to save Avalon, but if experience was my best teacher then experience would tell me that I was doomed to fail.

“So, you do think you will fail,” Gabriel mumbled, coming to his own conclusion.

“I don't know.... I don't want to think that, and it's not that I don't believe in us or in our plan. It's just me I think. I can't believe in myself. I have no idea what I'm doing, or what is going on half the time. All I have is this weight, this consuming desire for vengeance for my family; that is all that is pushing me. Sometimes I wonder if it's enough.... Other times I think about my parents and how they were forced to live this life of fear away from everyone they love. Then I think of how Amory's life was taken from him, and Avalon's situation and how unfair it is for him to be imprisoned without magic. I know there is no other choice but to avenge them, but I hate dragging other, innocent people into my fight.” I liked the way Gabriel helped me get to the root of my thoughts and down to the very core of what I had never put into words.

“Then you
will
fail,” Gabriel stated simply and I looked at him in disbelief. “You are fighting for lies and false truths that you have convinced yourself mean something. None of those things are true, and none of them are worth fighting for.” I continued to stare at him, silently willing him to explain. “Your parents are not away from everyone they love, they are where they are because they have each other and it is that love that keeps them away. And Amory's life was not cut short, he lived a full life, and fought a good fight, but he wished for death. He did not struggle against the opportunity, but walked fearlessly forward into the peaceful beyond. And your brother is not there against his will, he is only alive against his will. He knew what the Resistance would mean for him, what the price was, and he offered his life to the cause. Yes, save him, give him back his magic so that he can fight again, fully restored; but do not feel pity for him. He, as any of us would be, is happy to martyr his life for the pursuit of freedom.”

I sat silently for a few minutes, letting his words rattle my beliefs and ring true in my ears. He was right.

“You can doubt yourself, you can even doubt your cause, but do not let your fears diminish the hope that your people have in you,” he continued, turning his head to look directly at me. His orange eyes flared behind his sunglasses like dime-sized flames dancing against his mahogany skin. “You have called us all to your cause, and demanded that we answer. You, who were raised apart, but born with a spirit that will unite this kingdom, you are the one that leads this kingdom. It is not just our side that listens to you, but when you stand tall in front of the enemy and bravely petition that they answer for their prejudice, you call into question what they believe and you shake them to their core. This kingdom is clueless, satisfied with injustice and fattened by wealth, yet you look even the highest prince in the eye, and challenge his basic instincts and then stay ungratified until they align with yours. This monarchy must be overturned if our people hope to survive, and you are the wind of change that blows through this kingdom demanding that not just a few, not just the outcasts and rebels, but that every Immortal stand up and follow you.”

My mouth dropped open and I sat floored by his words. At best, I assumed Gabriel felt like he was babysitting me most of the time. Now, with the weight of his words, something began to stir inside me, something I couldn't define yet. But, I started to see how my cause, my individual purpose, had to reach beyond the Rebellion. Change needed to exist in more than people that already saw truth; the kingdom itself must think differently, to believe in something more and to demand that Lucan and his family step down. I needed a stronger platform.

“There is something else that you need to know,” Gabriel called me out of my reflection.

“What is that?” I asked, and when I spoke, my voice was hoarse with conviction.

“Lucan will never let your mother go,” Gabriel declared and I realized instantly that he was right. “If she steps foot into that castle or on the side of those walls, she will never leave again.”

“What will he do to her?” I whispered, afraid of the answer.

“What would your prince do to you after centuries of searching for you?” His words hung in the air, threatening me with their dangerous foreboding. “What would he do to Jericho?”

The most chilling thought of all was that I did not know. I did not know what would be my fate or how Kiran would react if this game continued for hundreds of years. And worst of all was what I imagined would happen to Jericho if Kiran got his hands on him at the end. Paralyzed with fear, I thought about how they would treat Jericho in a similar circumstance. I could lay my own fears aside for what fate would await me, but if Jericho were in my father's place, I would not be able to bear it.

“Why did they suggest this? Don't they know how dangerous it is for them?” I demanded, suddenly sick with fear.

“Of course, they know,” Gabriel snapped as if he were angry at how I doubted my parents. “The one man they hate most in this world holds their child; what would you sacrifice to bring your own child home?”

Then I saw the mission clearly. There was no plan of escape for them, they never intended to come home or make it back safely to freedom. They would sacrifice themselves to give Avalon a chance at survival.

I was naive and inexperienced. Whether it was Kiran, or Lucan or even my own parents for what they thought would be the good of their children, people manipulated me and moved me around the chessboard of this war. I was too easily influenced.

I was silent for the rest of the trip. I thought about the task ahead of me and completely through the mission, as if I were seeing it anew, with wiser eyes. I couldn't let my parents victimize themselves; it wasn't going to accomplish anything. Instead of one person to save, there would now be three and instead of a stronger rebellion, two more of its greatest assets would be taken out of the equation. I could even look at our circumstances objectively, without taking into account the love I felt for my parents, and realize their captivity would be a giant step backwards for my cause.

And then, I thought about the diversion tactic in the woods and all of the willing rebellion forces whose lives were being risked. I knew that the majority of them would survive and that they would execute their plan to victory. Not all of them would make it. This mission sacrificed lives and I could not move forward with a plan in which my parents offered themselves as a trade anyway.

Gabriel was right. What if Jericho did not escape? He would be the first one in and the last one to leave, because of his commitment to leadership. Now that I looked through the mission with new eyes, I knew he had no hope of surviving. If he was captured.... If Kiran hurt him....

My mind was inarguably made up. Maybe I suddenly made up my mind because Gabriel's words finally opened my eyes, helping me see things clearly. Or, maybe I was going forward with the decision already in my subconscious, moving with the innate intuition that my life would always be sacrificed for Avalon.

Fate tasked me with protecting my people, and that included my parents, Avalon and Jericho. I was the only one with the power to stop the bloodshed before it started. I was the only one with the opportunity to save everyone I loved.

Kiran was right all along. I was lying to myself for months. But, now that the wheels of the mission had started to turn and with time running out, I was finally ready to accept his offer.