Feel the Rush: A Hard Feelings Novel (InterMix) (27 page)

“But I realized something,” Becky said, interrupting her. “Other than you, the only person in this world who had ever scared him was Mackly. The day my brother died was the first time I ever saw fear in Reed’s eyes. The second time was when he watched you holding my daughter. And the only other time I have ever seen him scared was when I sat next to him last night as he told me that he lost you . . . and his baby.”

Meg’s hand flew to her mouth as her unshed tears started falling from her eyes, making a path down her cheeks until they fell to the ground, waiting for the next to follow. The ache around her heart was spreading and her chin began to tremble beneath her fingers. Meagan lifted her head, a new crevice finding a place in her chest as Becky’s words carved out a place for it to slip in. Her memory flickered over Reed’s face as she told him she was pregnant—then to his face when she told him she had lost the baby. She remembered his own pain. He had lost another part of himself, and she was too wrapped up in her own grief to see it.

“You’re the only other person who has ever held that power over him. When Murano called and told me that Reed was a zombie at work and he hadn’t left the house in days, I knew he was hurting, but I never expected to see him like this.”

“What do you mean?”

“She means you ran that man through the fucking ringer, Meg. He’s no-shit broken and it’s because the woman he loves is scared to love him back,” Eva cut in. Her eyes softened and her voice lowered. “You’re scared, babe, because this time you were wrong. This time you found Reed . . . you found your safe.”

Meagan brushed away the wetness from her face and forced a smile. “You know, if this army thing doesn’t work out for you, you could always be a shrink.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “Oh, hell no. I couldn’t get paid enough to fix people’s problems. You, my love, don’t need fixed. You need Reed.”

Chapter Twenty-seven

Reed had just gotten out of the shower when he heard Tiny’s thunderous bark ricochet through the apartment. He hadn’t had one in two days and he was starting to gross himself out.

It was probably Sanders coming to give him the “don’t be a pansy” pep talk, or Murano giving him the “life’s too short” speech—both of which he’d invented himself, he just didn’t realize at the time how fucking pointless they were. And if it was Murano, he was kicking his ass for calling his baby sister to come pick him up off the ground. And she’d brought Karrie. He sure as hell didn’t want Karrie seeing him like this. He needed to get his shit together.

He pulled on a pair of gym shorts and waded through his apartment, which was starting to resemble his old fraternity house with all the pizza boxes and beer cans littering almost every inch of flat space. He’d smelled like hell, he looked like hell, and his apartment was turning into hell. At least he knocked one of those out by taking a shower.

The last thing he fucking expected was to open the door and see Meagan standing on the other side looking beautiful as ever. Her hair was pulled back away from her face, a long blond strand of hair draping across her shoulder from the nape of her neck, ready and waiting to be twirled around her finger. Her pink lips parted slightly and her eyes shyly held his—and it was sexy.

“Hey,” she said, a small smile pulling at her lips, but it wasn’t the smile he wanted. He was aching to see that big, flirty smirk. The one that flashed her pearly whites and let loose the sexiest laugh he had ever heard. He fucking missed that. Seeing her in front of him made him realize that the longing he had felt for her was nothing compared to standing there next to her and knowing that she wasn’t his anymore.

“Hey, sugar.”

He stepped aside and she walked in, Tiny assaulting her with wet kisses.

“Hey, big boy,” she cooed, holding Tiny’s big head in between her hands.

“He missed you.”

She lifted her eyes and frowned, and he wanted to kick his own ass for making that look cross over her face. “I missed him too. And you.”

Every muscle in his body tightened as he forced himself to stay where he was, to not reach out and wrap her up in his arms and bury his face in her hair. He needed it so fucking bad he almost gave in, but he didn’t want to push her away, not when she was finally standing in front of him.

“I miss you too, sugar,” he replied, letting himself soak up the way her breath seemed to catch in her throat, her chest slightly expanding as she blinked slowly.

“I saw Becky,” she said as she walked farther into the apartment.

“You did?”
Fuck.

Meagan laughed, and whatever he did to make that sound escape her mouth, he wanted to do it again. He needed to hear that sweet laugh almost as much as he needed to touch her.

“You can wipe the ‘oh shit’ look from your face, Reed. Her claws remained in the entire time.”

“You sure it was my sister then?” he teased, walking into the living room behind her. She looked around at the mess and frowned.

“I saw Karrie too.” The slight crack in her voice rattled him and he went to her. He didn’t care at that moment that his head was barely above water. She was hurting and he’d deal with the consequences later. Right now, he was going to hold her.

He stepped into her and she sucked in a quick breath as his body pressed into hers. He didn’t wait to see the look that crossed her face, he was almost scared to see it. Instead, he just linked his arms around her and held her tightly to him.

Immediately her shoulders relaxed and her forehead fell to his chest.

“Dammit, Meg. I’m so sorry,” he whispered into her hair. He couldn’t fucking help it. “Karrie told me. I know what happened.” She tensed in his arms, and if knowing what the fucker did to her, and to Karrie, wasn’t reason enough to hunt him down and break his jaw, then the way Meagan’s body froze in his arms sure as hell was.

She lifted her head and a sad smile pulled on her lips before she took a few steps back. “Small world, huh?”

“Very.”

She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and closed her eyes briefly, but it was long enough to know that she was turning something over in her mind. “Becky told me you sold your bike.”

Shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he nodded. “Yeah.”

Her head lowered to the ground for a moment before she looked at him again and whatever torture she was putting herself through was tearing him up. “I’m sorry, Reed.”

“For what?” he asked, taking a step toward her again.

“Because you sold your bike, because I left you, because I lost the baby. Take your pick.” Her eyes started to glaze over. He couldn’t see her cry.

His steps were quick, and the very next breath he was in front of her. He lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him. “Don’t you ever apologize for that, you hear me? That was not your fault.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks, splashing small, warm drops on his hand. “No, but it was my fault that I didn’t even stop to think how you might’ve felt when I lost the baby. It just hurt too bad.”

“You want to know how I feel?” he asked, pulling her against him again. “I feel like I don’t deserve you. Why should I be able to have the life my brother should’ve had? He had a woman he loved, a kid he loved, then in an instant he was gone and I was still here. It should have been me.” His mouth lowered to hers, hovering above her lips. “You walked back into my life and I fucking fell so in love with you that I started to forget how bad it hurt that he was gone.” Reaching his thumb up, he smoothed it over her bottom lip. “You want to know how I feel? I feel guilty.”

Her eyes closed. “Reed,” she breathed across his lips. It was a plea.

“I feel guilty because I want it. I want you. And I want to be the man who gives you everything.”

She lifted her arms and threaded her fingers through his short hair as she whispered over his lips, which were tempted to press against hers. “I ran because I love you, but I’m done running. I want you, Reed,” she said as she pressed up onto her toes, inching her body in tight to his. “I want everything with you, I always have.”

That was all he needed to hear.

He had her body pressed against the wall behind her before she even blinked. Then his mouth was on hers.

Her lips fell in step with the rhythm he set in place, molding her mouth to his, swirling her tongue in and out and around as they tasted each other.

“God, I’ve missed you,” he murmured, breathing his warm breath against her lips.

She moaned her response, and that was all the encouragement he needed to wrap her legs around his waist and pin her arms above her head.

There was something about holding her this way, using his body to crush her against the wall, her legs gripping his waist, her hands locked above her head—completely helpless beneath him. It was because he felt completely in control like this, and with Meagan he needed that control—because she sure as shit had a way of slipping it away from him. Her sweet, sexy, confidence made him weak, and her shy, needy responses made him lose his resolve. But when he had her like this—his was in control. Her body couldn’t move—only her mouth, and only where he wanted it. She was his—her hands were his to confine, her lips were his to consume. And he did.

“Reed, you know we can’t have . . . ,” she whispered against his lips, which were still moving over hers.

He pulled away, leaving one hand to keep her wrists confined above her head, the other hand molding to the side of her face. She leaned her cheek into his palm and he sighed. “I know, baby. I just needed to feel you like this again.”

Her teeth tugged on her bottom lip, and she nodded. “Again . . . please . . .” she said, breathlessly.

He sealed his lips over hers and kissed her like it was the last thing he would ever do to her. He put every emotion he ever had for her into that kiss—hoping like hell she could feel it.

His hand left her wrists and found their way to her sides, feeling the soft skin that was exposed as her shirt lifted. Her hands wound around his neck, her fingers pulling through his hair.

Peeling her shirt from her body, he trailed his tongue above the lace seam of her bra, following the delicious path it made over the full swell of her tits, the dip in her cleavage, and then back up the other side.

Her neck rolled to the side, and he loved seeing her soft, erratic pulse tickling the thin skin below her ear. He lowered his mouth, his tongue flicking out to sample the quivering vibrations as she continued to expose her neck to him.

His tongue retreated, and he fastened his lips over the assaulted patch his tongue had just explored. She whimpered and shook, a hot rush of excitement coursing through him as she rocked her hips into him, forcing the center of her pussy to roll against his dick—only two layers of frustrating material preventing them from connecting.

The sensation was familiar and foreign all at the same time. The way she nestled into him was gratifyingly familiar but the yearning twitching in her muscles as her thighs clung to him, allowing her to press harder against him, was new—and it jolted him from the inside out.

His hand snaked beneath her and toyed with the soft flesh below her ass. He desperately wanted to slip his fingers up the leg of her shorts and find the wetness between her legs that he was so desperately craving—but he knew he couldn’t. Her body still needed time to heal.

Instead, he carried her to his bed and gently laid her down. Seeing her slender body sprawled out above his sheets was a sight he never thought he’d see again.

Her blond hair tumbled behind her while her eyes descended over him, patiently waiting—for him.

***

Reed’s body lingered at the edge of the bed as she laid there. She needed to feel him press her against the mattress, she needed to feel his weight crushing her, stealing the oxygen from her lungs, making her blind with desire. She needed him.

“You’re staring.” She smiled and watched his expression morph from serious to playful then back to serious again in the blink of an eye.

“I know.”

“We’ve gone over this before,” she teased. She just wanted him next to her, holding her, kissing her. She had put herself through hell and back in the last few weeks they were apart, and she needed to make up for lost time.

“I know, baby. But I’m still a little surprised that I’ve got you back in my bed again. I just needed to make sure you weren’t going to disappear on me.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

His shoulders relaxed and he sank down on the bed next to her. His arm wound around her and he pulled her on top of him. Every part of her fell over the length of him, her legs laying on top of his, her stomach and chest pressed against his, and her fingers laced through his.

His mouth found its ways to hers and although she was only an inch away, the desperation in his touch as his lips dusted lightly over hers made her believe that they could find their way to her from anywhere.

He pulled away, breathing hard, and flipped her beneath him. This was want she needed, to be overwhelmed by him. . . .

“Meg,” he said, smoothing her hair from her face. “As badly as I want to strip you down and kiss every inch of your body that has been burned into every good dream I have had in the last two months, I need to figure out a few things.”

“I know,” she whispered. But this was the hard part. Their attraction for each other was the easiest part of their relationship. It was giving each other over to the other that was the hard part.

“I wanted you because deep down, I knew you weren’t the one for me.”

He winced, pulling his eyebrows down and she smiled, running her thumb over his jaw—feeling the muscles beneath her fingers relax. “But I left you, because deep down, I realized that you
were
the one for me.”

His deep baritone laugh bounced across her face and she inhaled the scent of his clean bre
ath as it lingered in the space above her. “That’s some twisted, contradictory, philosophical conclusions right there, sugar.”

She sighed. “Tell that to my shrink.”

“You have a shrink?” His eyes widened but the contented smile never left his freshly shaven face.

“In the form of a spitfire best friend, yes.”

Reed sat up and pulled Meagan on to his lap. Her legs fitted around him and their bodies melded together as he cradled her to him. “I’m not so different than you, ya know.” His palm left her hip and pressed flatly to her lower stomach—she trembled, but only from what no longer was. “We both wanted everything, I just didn’t realize what everything was until you. You’re my forever.”

His look—his words—melted her.

She leaned in and pressed her lips to his. Her tongue skimmed over the perfect arch, that delicious Cupid’s bow, and a growl emitted from his chest.

“Have a mentioned that I’ve missed you?”

“A time or two.” She crawled off his lap and stood in front of him. “Go somewhere with me?” she asked hopeful.

He winked and stood up. “Anywhere.”

***

Twenty minutes later, Meagan was pulling her Volkswagen Bug into the airfield, and Reed instantly sat up straight—well, as straight as he possibly could crammed in her tiny car.

His eyes flashed from side to side before his vision singled in on the plane. “What’s going on, baby?”

“I want you to take me skydiving,” she lilted.

“No, not a chance in hell.”

“Why?

“Because it terrifies you, and as much as I would like to feel you gliding through the air next to me, you’re not doing it. You’re not ready. This is crazy, you have nothing to prove to me, baby.”

But she did. She had everything to prove.

She stepped out of the car, Reed walking around, meeting her near the hood. “I’m gonna say it again. You have nothing to prove to me.”

She pressed up on her toes and kissed him and he wrapped his arms around her, trapping her between him and the car.

She smiled. “I’m ready to feel the rush, Reed. And I want to feel it with you.”

“Baby, I’ve never felt a better rush than the one I felt falling in love with you.”