Fighting Lust: A Deadly Sins Novel (20 page)

“Slow day so far?” I ask having seen the guys in various states of activity. They all looked like they’re just waiting around for a call.

“Yep. We had one call so far, a toddler that fell in a pool.”

“Firemen get called on those cases too?” Gina asks, making me jump slightly, unaware that she was even listening.

“Yes, just in case it’s something that they may need some extra muscle for. Like they can’t get to the child, or a gate needs broken down, or something like that. Or to assist in reviving the child, if needed. ”

“And the toddler?”

“He’s going to be okay, thank god.” We’re all quiet for a moment knowing that in Arizona, that’s not a joke. Every year as summer approaches there are so many stories about children falling into or being found in on the bottom of a pool. Gates and pool fences help, but they don’t always prevent accidents and drownings. There’s special campaigns and warning on all the media. Yet, tragedies continue to occur. It’s horrifying and tragic - something that shouldn’t happen.

“Yeah, the mom was hysterical when we got there. She says she turned her back only for one moment. That’s all it took.”

“I’m glad it ended up okay.”

“Yeah me too.”

“So, what’s your name, stud?” I hear Gina ask the same guy that took the pizza from her arms and has been in the room with us. I choke on the bite of pizza I had in my mouth and cough.

“You okay?” Ryder asks patting my back.

“Fine.”

“I do know CPR you remember,” he says into my ear. I turn to look at him, and smile suggestively.

“Is that right? Oh, yeah, you are EMT certified.”

“That’s true. But since you’re a nurse, which clearly means you’re the full time medical professional here, maybe I should show you my technique. You can tell me if I’m doing it right and how to improve my skill.”

“Woo-wee, is it hot in here, Henry, or is it just me?” Gina says. When I look at her, she’s staring at me and Ryder and lifts an eyebrow at my stare. “What?” she starts fanning herself, “It’s hot.” She raises her hand like a child in a classroom, “I volunteer as tribute for the demonstration if Tessa passes.”

“Shut up, Gina,” I say laughing at her.

“Oh, pizza,” a man says that walks into the kitchen. “Can anyone have some?” he asks looking around the room, already placing a piece on a plate, gaze landing on Gina. “Hi,” he smiles widely at her. Gina says lord knows what to him because my focus is back on Ryder.

“I hope it was okay our just showing up here. I know I could have called, but I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“I’m glad you did. It’s the best surprise.” His mouth moves toward mine and just before our lips touch, we’re interrupted. “Ryder,” a guy says at the door. “Boss wants to see you man. Has a question about the report from this morning.”

Ryder sighs and hangs his head for a moment before lifting it up and smiling at me. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Okay,” I nod and smile. When he’s gone, I continue to eat my pizza and half listen to Gina flirt with the new guy that’s joined the table and is eating with us.

“So how long have you been fighting fires, handsome?” she asks with absolutely no shame.

“A few years now,” he answers her with his mouth full of pizza. As I watch their interaction, he looks up at me and catches me watching. He gives me a half smile before returning his gaze to Gina, but then looks back at me again. His brow furrows and he keeps staring, making me uncomfortable. “Do I know you?” he asks.

“Me?” I ask like an idiot. Who else would he be referring to? “I don’t think so.” I tell him, and then take another bite of my pizza. It’s lost its flavor now and I throw the slice on my plate and stand to throw it away.

“You are just so brave to work in this profession,” Gina says trying to veer the conversation back to her.

When I sit back down though, the guy is still looking at me. “No, I know you. I know it.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t-”

My words are cut off when he begins laughing out loud. At this point, Ryder has returned to the room and he sees my discomfort and looks at me questioningly. I shrug at him, but have a bad feeling, although I’m unsure as to why.

“She’s gorgeous. I’m sure if you’d met her before, you’d know it.” Gina says, ever the best friend coming to my defense, even if it isn’t warranted.

“No, I do. It was at Wind Tunnel, that bar down town. Of course, with what we were doing, I didn’t really care about your name then. Sorry, I didn’t catch it afterwards either.”

Everything. Fucking. Stops.

My past comes and rears its ugly fucking head right smack dab in the middle of this fire station kitchen. I’m absolutely rigid in my seat, unable to move, unable to respond, unable to do anything other than die. Right here. Right now. Why? Why isn’t there some internal emergency button we can push at moments like these that cause a ginormous hole to appear in the ground to swallow us up and offer complete and immediate escape? Or better yet, a vortex we can quickly jump through into oblivion?

Gina’s mouth opens and closes. She can see the horror on my face and stands immediately as if she’s getting ready to jump in front of me for a blow about to be delivered, but she’s too late. It’s already landed in the room like a big sonic boom.

“So what is your name anyway?” he asks clearly not having a clue that I’m about to die in shame.

I don’t know how exactly, but somehow I manage to get to my feet. Stumbling to the door, all I can think about is that I need to escape. I need to get the hell out of here, and I need to get out now. What was I thinking actually believing for one second that I could do this? That I could leave my past behind and move forward? Tears threaten to fall and I push them back refusing to let them go here.

Gina is at my side in a second. I turn to Ryder, knowing I at least owe him that much. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I have to go.”

“Tessa-” he calls to me as I take off like a bat out of hell. I hear Gina say something, but I don’t stick around to hear what. As soon as my feet hit the outside of the station, the alarm sounds signaling an emergency call.

I don’t stop, I keep going until I reach my car and get inside. Gina isn’t far behind and she slams the door as she gets in next to me. Before she can say a word, I lift my hand in a plea for silence. Fortunately, she accurately interprets my sign language.

Placing my head in my hands, I try to breathe deeply in and out as the ringing of the fire station alarm sounds in my ears.

I interpret the look on her face as embarrassment combined with horror. She leaves so fast, I don’t even have a chance to catch up to her. Already in a half run, I yell in the direction of the Chief saying I’m going to step out for a few and side-step and move around the other guys prepping to race out on the emergency call. We work in groups and since I went out on the last one, my role this time is to remain behind in case a second call comes in. I would only go if they need a back-up team.

Knowing I need to stay within hearing distance of the station in case another alarm comes in, I decide my car is best. I’ll sit inside, roll down the windows, and use the privacy to call Tessa. I highly doubt she’s going to answer my call, it’s clear she was feeling humiliated. I’m likely the last person she wants to talk to right now, but I’m going to try anyway. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let that little shit Ronnie upset Tessa. The thought of him with his hands on her though… it’s best I don’t think about that right now.

Just as I turn the corner, I can’t believe my luck when I see the unfamiliar car parked next to mine containing Tessa and Gina. Tessa’s head is in her hands and Gina’s mouth is moving, likely trying to console her. She may need or want a moment, but I don’t want to risk her taking off before I get a chance to talk to her.

Stepping up to the car, I knock on the driver’s side door making her jump and Gina yells out what I’m betting is a curse, and places her hand over her chest in surprise. Tessa’s head slowly leaves her hands and as her beautiful eyes meet mine, my chest aches at the destroyed look in her eyes. They’re glassy and the shame in them is as potent as a massive bruise left by a strong hook punch placed squarely to the jaw.

When she continues to stare at me, I try the door handle, but finding it’s locked, gesture to her to open the door. She hesitates, but settles for rolling down the window. “Can you get out of the car for a minute? I’d like to talk to you,” I tell her once she can hear me.

“Ryder-” she begins, likely to argue with me, but I shake my head at her.

“Please, Tessa.”

She nods and steps out of the car. Her head is hanging low and the sight makes my chest ache. “Go ahead,” she tells the ground, “get it over with.” She’s certain I’m done with her – that’s clear. What the fuck has been done to this woman that she thinks so little of herself? Right then I vow that if I ever find out and it’s within my power to do something to whomever or whatever hurt her, I will take it.

Placing my fingers at her chin, I lift her head urging her eyes to meet mine. I can’t help but wonder how many other times I’m going to need to help lift her head high, right where it should always be. I’ll do it as many times as it takes, that’s for fucking sure.

“Tessa, I want to talk about what happened in there.”

A lone tear falls down her cheek and it’s almost my undoing. “I’m so sorry, Ryder.” Her eyes meet mine and then look away again.

“Why are you sorry?”

Her eyes snap to mine. “Don’t make me spell it out for you. I know you’re aware of what just happened in there.”

“What happened?” I ask her bluntly.

She looks away and crosses her arms over her chest. It’s as if she’s trying to protect herself. “You know what happened.”

“I know that Ronnie recognized you.”

She laughs without humor, “And that’s the thing. He recognized me. But I had no fucking clue who he was, Ryder. None at all. He looked vaguely familiar, but it wasn’t until he made it clear how he knows me that I realized what was even going on. I’m sorry, but this isn’t going to work.”

“Why?”

She looks at me incredulously, “Why? Seriously? Why would you want to be with someone like me?”

“Someone like you? You do know that there were two of us in the bathroom in the bar right?”

“Yeah, but guys that hook up are players and girls that do it are sluts.”

“That’s not how I see it.”

“How can you not? I don’t understand what you get out of this.” She gestures between the two of us and there is complete confusion on her face. Looking away for a moment, I catch a glimpse of Gina and I know she’s listening to our conversation, a look of hope and worry clearly pasted on her face.

“How about someone that doesn’t judge me for my past? How about someone that understands that sometimes we do things we aren’t proud of because for reasons only we understand; it works for us at the time? How about the fact that I have someone that will now understand what it may feel like if I’m with you, and we run into someone that I’ve been with? I mean, those are just a few things because of the lifestyle we have in common, that’s not even touching on what I get from you because of the woman you are. As the woman that I want to get to know better.”

Her eyes are riveted on my own; she’s soaking up every word I say. “It just embarrasses me so much,” she whispers.

“I get it, you know I do. But, we had this conversation already remember? We knew when we agreed to give this thing between us a shot that we both had a history. I accept that, okay?”