Fighting Lust: A Deadly Sins Novel (32 page)

“Tessa Jameson?” Someone says and we both look up to find the prosecutor looking at Tessa.

She stands and as she does, she looks back at me one more time and I finally realize what it is I’m seeing.

Bravery.

Tessa takes her seat. “Tessa, please state your full name for the record.”

“Tessa Ann Jameson.”

“And what is your relationship to the defendant?”

“I’m his child,” she states.

“Thank you. Tessa, you are now able to provide the court with whatever statement you’d like for us to consider as part of this sentencing phase of the trial. You understand that this statement can be in part of whole considered by the court in determining the length of his incarceration, correct?”

“Yes.”

“So, do you choose to, and are you prepared to provide a statement?”

“Yes, your Honor,” Tessa says a bit timidly.

“Please go ahead then.” Tessa nods, and takes a deep breath while she looks down at her hands. She looks up and finds my eyes. Every single bit of love that I feel for this woman, I try my best to send it her way. I nod, encouraging her the best way I can with silence. She takes a deep breath and nods back, and then looks directly into the eyes of her father.

My gaze moves to him for the first time and see that he is looking back at Tessa. There’s a look of sadness on his face that has no effect on me or Tessa for that matter if her face is any indication. He’s aged in the last fifteen years, his hair now completely white and his face heavily lined. Anger moves through my body, and I’d give almost anything for five unsupervised minutes alone with him. I’d use my fists to tell him exactly how I feel about his crimes. For Carrie and for Tessa.

“For ten years, my own father, a man that should have protected me from the pretend monster’s that lived under my bed, was himself a living breathing monster to me. He molested me during those ten years and I believe should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. I am convinced that my father remains a threat to our community and society as a whole. Further, for the crimes to the other fifteen known individuals that have bravely come forward during this most recent trial, for the unfortunate and untimely other or others who we have lost in tragic suicides, and the potential countless others who may still be unable to confront the horror he inflicted,” she looks at me with those words and my eyes fill with tears. “And for what I know is the daily horror, despair, regret, sadness, blame and self doubt that we who survived this nightmare experience due to the abuse inflicted at his hand, I respectfully request, Judge, that he fully pay for his crimes by receipt of a sentence that will guarantee that he spend the rest of his natural life behind bars in prison.”

She laughs softly, without humor, “Wow. That’s the first time I’ve ever stated publicly what that man did to me and I didn’t expect to feel…” she wipes the tears from her face that have fallen, “release. I feel such release.” The Judge allows her to proceed. “I’ve spent years blaming myself for the molestation of those other children. That if I had just had the courage to come forward and tell the police what was happening to me when I was young that maybe it never would have happened to them. And you know what? Maybe that is true. But with help, patience, love, and understanding that I’ve received and continue to obtain from very special people in my life, I know that the simple fact remains. And that fact is that my father is to blame for what happened.” Once again she speaks directly to her father, “You hurt me. When you should have loved me, you hurt me. And you slandered love, telling me that you love me – you do not know the meaning of the word. Moreover, when you should have helped children heal and been someone they could trust, you hurt them. You took advantage of them and the parents that trusted in you and you touched them, not to heal them but to hurt them and infested all of us with a sickness unlike any other. One for which there is no vaccine, and for which the cure is long and hard earned, should one be tenacious and fortunate enough for it to happen at all. With your filth, you abused. I pray to god that they’ve been able to place the blame where it belongs as well, and if not, then I’m here to stand for them too. For Carrie,” she looks at me, “for Amy, for Sophie, for Kelly, for Tim, for Krista,” she begins to name all of his victims, her voice getting louder and louder with each one, “for Monica, for Sara, for Steve, for Richard, for Elizabeth, for Rebecca, for Tina, for Olivia, for Mark. I stand for them too – and the likely many more unnamed individuals that are too broken to acknowledge your horrible acts. You are a disgusting excuse for a man and you should rot in prison for every single day of the rest of your life. Please,” she looks at the Judge, “please I beg of you, do not let him have one day of freedom. He took the innocence of girls and boys away for countless years before he was caught. There shouldn’t be a time limit on the amount of time he should have to pay for that, but since there is, he deserves to serve every single second of it. Turning back to her father, she spews “I hate you. I hate you so much and I have waited so long to tell you that. I deserved so much better than you.”

Concluding, she looks back at the Judge, nods and makes eye contact with the prosecutor and Jane, and smiles, then stands, “That’s my statement. I’m done here.”

The Judge nods his head, “Thank you Tessa for being here today.”

Tessa walks off the stand and I’m already standing to meet her. She takes my hand and we walk out of the room. We don’t say a word as we walk down the hall. I’m anxious to get her out of here, and we can talk, hell I can breathe again once we do.

“Tessa!” a voice calls. Tessa stops in her tracks, and spins around to face her mother storming down the hall after us. “Tessa, how could you say those things? How could you do that to your father?”

“No, mother. How could you? I still remember the day I told you that he abused me, molested me. It took me days to be brave enough to admit it. Just like earlier, you told me that I just wanted attention. You told me that I should feel ashamed for lying and saying such mean and vile things about him. You said I didn’t need to resort to such evilness to get attention. Do you have any idea what you did to me?” Tessa takes a step forward and she’s practically nose to nose with the woman. “In that moment, my devastation was complete because I had lost two parents. And our relationship – if you can even call it that - has been a sad state ever since.”

Her mom takes a step back and shakes her head, “You’re going to burn in hell for your lies, Tessa.”

“No, mother, I’m not. Because I’m not lying. And neither were any of those fifteen other children, now adults. Wake the fuck up. You were here. You saw the evidence in his own writing. Isn’t it time you wake up? Don’t you think you deserve better? I feel sorry for you. Until you are ready to deal with what is right in front of your face, do not call me. I’m not taking your issues on too. You turned your back on me a long time ago. Today, I officially dismiss you from my life.”

With that, she turns to me and takes my hand once again and we walk out of the building. As soon as we take a step outside, it’s as if we can both breathe again and we each take a deep breath. Without a word, I turn to her and pull her into my arms. One hand finds her hair and the other the top of her back, rubbing it in a soothing motion. We take comfort in each other. We pull apart and I look down into her beautiful face, “I am so proud of you. I know that wasn’t easy for you to do, but god woman, you were magnificent in your truth.”

She smiles and my mouth falls open when she giggles. “I feel so free, Ryder. I’ve held that in for so long, when I got up there, it was bursting to come out of me. I don’t know what will be decided, but at least I know that this time, I spoke up. And it feels so good. I’m proud of myself.”

“You should be.”

“Let’s get out of here,” she says and we walk down the steps of the courthouse and make our way to my car. “You know what I want?”

“Tell me,” I say.

“Ice cream. Ice cream and sex. Lots of sex. I’m thinking that will be the perfect medicine.”

Laughing out loud, I kiss her on the mouth and then groan in pleasure when she opens her mouth, granting permission for more. Pulling away, I look at her, take in her sparkling eyes, the smile on her lips, the happiness in her eyes and I know without a doubt that she’s okay. “Coming right up,” I tell her as I usher her into the car so we can get right on her request.

Ryder flies into a parking space at the grocery store as close to the store as he can get. He barely has the car in park before he’s out of the car, and on my side of the car opening the door. He takes my hand to help me out, and then holds onto it as he walks with determination into the store. As soon as we hit the inside of the door, he takes off making me throw my head back and laugh out loud. “Come on!” he calls over his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” I call after him.

“I’m in a hurry!”

He’s down the ice cream aisle in record time and when I get there, he already has the freezer door open and is pursuing the contents. “Chocolate? Or Vanilla?” He holds up a gallon of each for my inspection.

“Neither.”

“Neither?” he looks at me in confusion.

“No.” I drop the smile from my face and look at him seriously, “I was thinking we could go for a threesome.”

The ice cream in his hands nearly drops to the floor as his mouth drops open. “What?” He shakes his head no. “Why would you…?” he blinks rapidly, “No. I don’t want...I mean…”

While he stumbles over his words, I reach past him, brushing against him as I do, and grab a different carton from the freezer. I’d hand it to him, but he’s still standing there holding the other two cartons rapidly blinking likely still trying to process my words. Laughing, I show him the carton I took from the freezer. “Hey, Playboy. I was talking about Neapolitan ice cream. What did
you
think I was talking about?”

A big smile crosses his face and he gets rid of the other ice cream before he chases me all the way to the register.

We race home and as soon as we’re through the door, Ryder goes to put the ice cream in the freezer, but I grab two spoons and raise my eyebrows. Taking it from him, I walk to the bedroom backwards, him following me step by step.

Gina’s not home, thank goodness. The poor woman would be scarred for life if she were. We’ve been waiting a long few weeks for me to get through today. Just after Ryder and I gave into our desire for one another a few weeks ago, when we were just shy of our one-month challenge, I received the call from Jane. I was a stressed wreck when they told me there would be another, this time expedited, trial. I agreed to testify at the sentencing, knowing it was the right thing to do for me, but because of this, Ryder wanted to abstain from sex again.

Initially, I was irritated. In those moments I needed him more than ever. Which is exactly why we waited. I need to break the habit of turning to sex as a way to bury my feelings. It was more important for me to work through them. I fell in love with Ryder even more for recognizing that. He’s an amazing man, and I count my blessings every day for him.

Shutting the door behind us just in case, I set the ice cream down on the cedar chest at the end of my bed and then turn to face Ryder. With quick movements, I pull my shirt over my head. Ryder’s eyes flare at the sight of my breasts in a sheer pale pink bra. Smiling at him, I crook my finger at him. He comes to me immediately. Standing so close, my breasts touch his chest, I instruct, “Take your shirt off.” He raises his brows at me, but quickly follows my command.