Filthy English (40 page)

I followed Nadia as she led me back into the house. I should have shoved her off me as soon as she’d sidled up next to me with that forlorn expression on her face, but truthfully, I’d needed to distance myself from Elizabeth and Nadia had been a good excuse. Surprisingly, seeing her hadn’t crushed me like I thought it might. Now that we’d been apart for a while I’d had time to think and I could see how incredibly wrong she’d been for me. Most of our relationship had been based on sex. A shallow girl who only looked out for herself, she’d been the wrong choice all along, but I’d been swayed by her body and the way she’d fawned over me.

We headed into the library toward the back of the house. A secluded room, it was where the frat held most of their meetings and formal gatherings. I figured there’d be less of a chance of anyone walking in on us if things got heated. Not that I’d lose my temper with her. That wasn’t my style. I’d never gone off on a female—thanks to the good influence of my mum.

I took my frustrations out on the punching bag at the gym, not on girls.

I knew Nadia’s game. She’d come to the party and seen me with Elizabeth. She wanted what she couldn’t have. Typical.

We made our way into the center of the room and before I could even ask her what she wanted that was so important, she had her tongue down my throat.

It felt good for half a second, and then I reached behind me to untangle her hands and remove her lips from mine.

“Don’t do that,” I snapped.

“Declan, I know you hate me,” she whispered, staring up at me, “but I’ve missed you so much. Please don’t push me away. It’s been an absolutely horrible summer without you.”

“Mine was pretty good,” I bit out. “I got rid of a cheating girlfriend and worked my arse off getting the gym ready. Ditching you was the best thing I did.”

She closed her eyes, a flash of pain on her face, and when she opened them, tears swam, making them shimmer. “I know we ended terribly, and it’s all my fault, and you shouldn’t even give me the time of day, but it’s been so long since I’ve seen you—”

“Where’s Donatello?” I said curtly and crossed my arms. “Go find him.”

She bit her lip and let out a choke. “Oh, God, Declan, my mom has cancer. She was diagnosed last month, and I’ve been a basket case ever since, and all I could think of was talking to you, and I
can’t
because you won’t return my calls.” She swallowed, her hands twisting in the fabric of her dress. “With what you went through with your mom, you’re the only one who gets how scared I am. I—I just needed to see you tonight and tell you.”

Her mum?

I scrubbed my jaw, remembering Mrs. Brown as a sweet lady who resembled Nadia, only softer and always asking if I needed anything when we’d been at her parents’ house a few times for dinner. I exhaled and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I’m sorry for your mum. Cancer sucks more than anything I know.”

She sniffed and snuggled into my chest, so I ended up wrapping my arms around her.

“God, you smell so good,” she murmured against my chest.

I stared down at her. “Nadia—”

She cupped my face. “Don’t talk. Just kiss me, Declan.”

Elizabeth

The song ended and I took off to go back inside. I told myself it was just to find a restroom, but I also really wanted to see where Declan went. Stalker? Maybe.

I wandered around until I passed one of the smaller rooms and out of my peripheral gaze caught a couple embracing.

I stopped and backed up to get a better view.

I really shouldn’t spy, but it was Declan and Nadia who stood in front of a chair, giving me a view of their torsos as they held each other. She pulled his head down and kissed him hungrily as her hands ran through his hair. He let it go on for a while but then disentangled her hands as he said something I couldn’t hear.

Holding my breath, I leaned forward to try and catch their conversation.

I don’t know why I cared so much. He’d turned me down and let me know I wasn’t his type, which was damn ironic considering I’d rejected his brother—not that it had fazed Dax in the least.

Yells and whoops reached my ears as a sudden influx of partiers came into the house. Declan and Nadia turned toward the door, and afraid of getting caught snooping, I ducked down to my knees.

Had they seen me?
I closed my eyes.

How had I gotten myself in this mess?

Because you had to pee
, I responded to myself. And because you came to this stupid party.

Praying the chair hid me, I moved in a slow duck crawl toward the hallway and hopefully a toilet.

Black Converse shoes stopped in front of me, and I looked up into the amused eyes of Dax. He peered down at me with a quizzical look. “Enjoying yourself?”

Think fast, Elizabeth.

“Just looking for my contact,” I said, patting the hardwood floor. “It popped out while I was looking for the restroom.”

“Ah. You need some help then? It’s rather dark in here.”

“No, I’m fine.” Pat, pat.

A few ticks went by.

I kept crawling around. Playing cool. Hoping he’d walk away.
Praying
.

I chanced a look up to see him watching me in amusement.

“Are you sure you don’t need help? That floor is terribly dirty.”

“I don’t mind a little dirt. Improves your immune system. I ate it daily as a toddler.”

He laughed. “Why don’t you just confess you were staring at my brother and Nadia? Besides, I can see straight down your dress when you’re on your hands and knees. I don’t mind the view of your tits but figured you’d want to know.”

Dammit!

“Fine.” I stood up, brushing my dress down. “For your information, I don’t wear contacts. I just happened to be walking by and saw them, and you have to admit, they’re intense. It’s like a soap opera. Obviously I lack social skills and I’m nosey.”

“Indeed.”

His lofty English accent only made my mortification worse.

I buried my face in my hands. “I should never have come to this party in the first place. I’m way out of my comfort zone, and your brother . . . well, I tried to flirt—pick him up, to be honest—and it blew up in my face.”

“You fancy my brother?” His tone was surprised.

I peeked through my fingers. “And by fancy you mean like?”

He smirked. “As you Americans like to say,
duh
.”

I bit my lip. “I barely know him.”

Dax looked over my shoulder, eyes narrowed. “He’s coming out now. Let’s pretend to be madly in love.”

“What?”
He was crazier than I was.

He sent me a long look. “Let’s give him something to think about . . . make him jealous. Kiss me.”

I held my hands up to ward him off. “I don’t kiss guys with liquor on their breath—and probably a venereal disease.”

He clutched his chest like I’d broken his heart. “Oh, you’re funny, but trust me on this. Declan likes
you
. I saw how he was talking to you. Kiss me, love, just do it.” His voice was insistent.

Alarm bells went off. I clenched my fists.

“
No
.”

But he wasn’t listening.

He gathered me in his arms, his strong arms cupping my shoulders and pulling me closer. He pressed his lips to mine, his hips maneuvering me against the wall behind me.

The smell of alcohol on his breath slammed into me.

My stomach lurched. Memories hit.

The sharp sting of vodka.

My dress torn around my body.

The slice of razor on my wrists.

I shuddered, bile crawling in my gut.

Dax lifted his lips from mine and stared down at me. Confusion dawned on his face. “Elizabeth? You’ve gone white as a sheet.”

His voice came from a distance, and I shook my head, shoving him to get away from me. Inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth.
Just breathe
. I dug down deep, reaching for that part of myself I knew was strong. A survivor.

I’d had years of counseling. I knew how to handle a freak-out.

He touched my arm, and I flinched, my palm flashing out to strike him hard across the cheek, the sound reverberating in the quietness of the hallway.

He cupped his cheek and stared at me with a stunned expression. “That is not how I saw this ending. Bugger, I had no clue you weren’t into me.” He put his hands on my shoulders with a light touch. “You okay?”

“Get away from me,” I hissed and shoved at his broad shoulders. He released me, and I leaned against the wall, my hands digging into the paneling to stay standing up.

Suddenly strong hands were pushing Dax even further away.

Declan stood between us, his face dark and angry. His silvery eyes swept over me then focused back on Dax, a muscle twitching in his jaw. “What’s going on here? What’s wrong with Elizabeth?”

“It’s fine,” I whispered. It wasn’t.

Declan swiveled his eyes back to Dax, who held his hands up. “I went in for a kiss, and she wasn’t excited. That’s it.”

His eyes flared as he shoved Dax away from him. “Don’t be such a prick, Dax.”

Dax flushed a deep red as he glared back at Declan. He exhaled and fixed his gaze to me, a contrite look on his handsome face. “Look, I’m truly, truly sorry. I didn’t know kissing me would make you want to barf. I just wanted to be able to tell Declan I’d kissed you first. We have this thing where we take bets on who can get a girl . . . Sorry, you probably don’t want to hear that right now.”

I wasn’t even listening to him, focusing instead on breathing.

Declan touched my hand. “You okay?”

Okay?

Hundreds of miles and years away from Colby and that hotel room, yet it haunted me. Shame beat me with her whips. I hadn’t had a reaction like this in months, mostly because I kept my environment in strict control.

But, I’d wanted to be a normal college kid for a night. I’d just wanted to be like everyone else.

I straightened up from the wall, my gaze encompassing them and then bouncing away. I felt embarrassed. “I’ll be fine.”

Declan didn’t agree, his stormy eyes still flashing at his brother.

Nadia came out to the hallway, adjusting her dress, making me wonder what I’d missed.

“What’s going on?”

No one answered.

Dax just shrugged and fidgeted while Declan kept his gaze on my face, his eyes seeming to devour every inch.

Even in the midst of having a near panic attack, something about
him
had dug into my skin.

Leave. Go. This party is not for you.

“I need to go,” I said, crossing my arms and rubbing them. “It’s late.”

“Don’t go,” Dax said. “I swear to keep my hands to myself if you’ll just stay.”

“Don’t pressure her,” Declan said. “Can’t you tell you scared her?”

Nadia’s eyes bounced from me to Dax to Declan as she tried to figure it out, but I didn’t want her to.

My mortification grew.

I needed away from this party, away from the guy who’d kissed me, and away from the guy I couldn’t have and certainly didn’t need.

“Let me give you a lift home,” Declan stated more than asked, his voice soft.

No!
I couldn’t take being close to either of them anymore. “I can take care of myself.”

Nadia chimed in. “I can take her home. I’m leaving anyway.”

“No thanks,” I snapped at her. I would not be maneuvered by a jealous ex simply because she was afraid I’d take her man.

She held her hands up. “No need to be bitchy.”

“That’s enough, Nadia,” Declan said.

She huffed. “I’m just trying to help.”

No she wasn’t. I didn’t know her personally, but I knew girls like her. They were the ones who’d talked about me after prom, the ones who’d gossiped and posted on twitter and Facebook about all the horrible things Colby had told everyone about me in the hours following the hotel. Suddenly girls who’d I’d thought were my friends had labeled me as a slut and a troublemaker.

Before Declan could protest any more, I turned on my heel and walked away. I found Shelley back outside on the dance floor where apparently she’d never left. I pulled her aside and said I was ready to go.

“Is everything okay?” she asked me, her face flushed from dancing.

I didn’t want to see the disappointed look in her eyes, so I lied and told her I was just tired. She offered to drive me back to the apartment, but she’d been drinking and was having a great time, and I didn’t want to always be the friend who required extra attention because she had mental breakdowns over stupid stuff.

After some cajoling and assurances that I could find a way home, she went back to her dancing, and I got my phone out to call a cab. Next time I’d know to drive myself.

No, wait, there wouldn’t be a next time.

This was my last party.

Blake appeared at my side as I hung up my phone. “Where in the hell have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” He took in the way I clutched my purse. “Leaving already?”

“Sorry, I have a lot to do at the apartment. Can you take care of Shelley if she’s too trashed to drive? Make sure she gets back to the dorm?”

“Of course.” He sent me an anxious look. “Just don’t disappear on me like that. I searched all the bedrooms for you. Who knows what could have happened when you were with Declan Blay.”