FIND YOUR HAPPY: An Inspirational Guide to Loving Life to Its Fullest (9 page)

The same applied to my work situation. I was unhappy with work and consumed with what I didn’t want. I would say, “My coworkers don’t like me or understand me. I feel like I can’t do anything right; my boss doesn’t appreciate me.” I sat down and made a list of what I wanted. I pulled out a giant white board and big black marker. I wrote, “I want to work with like-minded people who love, respect, and appreciate my skills and me. I am paid what I am worth and eager to go to work every day.” I adopted this mantra and played it in my head on a daily basis at work. When my boss would say something that felt demeaning I simply smiled and said to myself, “I work with like-minded people and love where I work.” I did this for four days. On the fifth day, my boss called me in and said, “This isn’t working out. We need to let you go.”

I smiled at them and left immediately knowing in my heart that everything was in perfect order, because I had taken responsibility for my own life. I knew I didn’t want to be there anyway. The people and the work were not in line with who or what I wanted out of a job. I pushed all worry and fear away and continued to recite my mantra. I came home that day and noticed an online ad for a job at a different company that looked like a perfect fit. I applied, not thinking much of it, as I had applied to over 50 jobs in the past few weeks. Within one hour, the creative director asked for an interview. One week later, I had a full-time job, with everything on my list and more. For the first time in my life, I worked with like-minded people, who valued, appreciated, and cared about me. Every morning I would go to work, which didn’t feel like work, because at the time I loved what I was doing. All of this happened when I shifted my mindset to focus on what I wanted, not on what I currently had. By doing this I was able to change my work and create a happy place where it was once dark. I did all this by getting on the court and playing an active role in my life. Getting a happiness makeover is as simple as looking at the world as a glass half full, and focusing on what you want vs. what you don’t want. Something as simple as a smile can help, as smiling more will always do the trick.

You Are More Beautiful When You Smile

“Because
of
your
smile,
you
make
life
more
beautiful.”
— Thich Nhat Hanh

The world is a better place when you smile, and smiling is a form of appreciation, love, and gratitude all rolled up into a pretty little package.
The
best
gift
you
can
give
to
yourself
and
the
world
is
to
lighten
up
and
smile
a
little
more.
Think about smiling, and your mood when you see someone smiling. When we smile our brain releases endorphins, which are a chemical hormones linked to euphoria. Yes, that’s right,
smiling
is
the
closest
thing
to
heaven
on
earth,
and
we
all
have
the
potential
and
power
to
do
it
more.
No matter how desperate or sad our current state, we can smile more. Making a daily practice of smiling will improve our mood, our outlook on life, and our quality of life.

When I was in a deep depression, I knew I had hit rock bottom. I decided to do a little experiment because in all honesty there was only one direction I could go after being so low and that was up. The only thing I could do was find it in me to make my mouth turn upward. A simple crack in the lips turned my devastating frown into a gentle smile. Even when I was crying and stuck in a dead end, I asked myself, “What is one thing I can do right now to feel a little better?” I would force a smile, and the mere act of bringing my lips upward made my mood shift. I would lighten up a little and feel my body release tension. It was easy for me to fake it until I made it. I admit at first it seemed silly and I didn’t know how it would make a difference, but in time my smile became real and a kind reminder to myself that life doesn’t need to be as hard as I perceived it to be. I can simply smile and remind myself to just be in the moment and feel the moment. When we smile, we are more beautiful, more approachable, and more adept at taking on any situation. People who smile often usually are happier than those who don’t smile. The trick is to surround yourself with things and people that make you happy and smiles will flow abundantly. There is no need to force smiles if you are genuinely in a happy state.

Forcing a smile was a way for me to get out of my own way and try to turn a dark situation into a lighter one, but after time it became natural. There are really different aspects of smiling that we can apply to our lives at any time. Right now, smile. Do it as you read these words. How do you feel? As I wrote this sentence I smiled, and pure joy flooded through my body. I felt my mind ease up, and my body felt lighter. A smile is the kindest thing we can do for ourselves, and it’s free. We can share it with the world. It is perhaps the best gift we can give to the world.

Smiling is a simple thing we can do to not only help us feel better, but help us connect with others too. It is the experiences and people we meet along the way that make life so rewarding. Part of finding your happy and living life to its full capacity is to experience rewarding relationships. I lived a large portion of my life denying myself personal relationships because I was afraid of getting hurt. I would reject potential love interests by finding reasons not to like them. Men would continue to ask me on dates and I would get involved with guys who I didn’t have intimate feelings for because I was so scared of losing love if I found the real thing.

The funny thing is by pushing love away I was creating an isolated vortex of depression, loneliness, and self-sabotage. I didn’t realize this was what I was doing, but fear was driving my outer world. Looking back on all of it now, I realize my depression was a catalyst of my denial of love. I pushed love away, but at the core of every human is a drive and need to give and feel love. Every single person in this world craves love. The emotions of life, of love lost, of needing to be connected to another all stem from the heart and our ability to make other people feel important. When we choose love over fear, our lives are richer, deeper, and more enriching.

When I decided to approach my romantic relationships from a place of love and kindness vs. fear and denial, I opened up an entire world of grand opportunities. Many times people choose to play small by staying in fear-based thought. We create barriers to potential connections to other humans. We go about our day living in a bubble. Poor thoughts become our world. We think our spouse has fallen out of love with us because our biggest fear is feeling alone. We pretend our lives are crafted perfectly to make sure we are safe and secure, but what we do by refusing to let love in is refusing life. Love equals life. Choosing fear-based thoughts is essentially choosing to be alive, but not live. Everybody dies, but not everybody lives. A little exercise you can do to see the power of connection is to simply focus on your interactions. By living each day with an intention to make a difference and connect with another person you will open up grand opportunities in your life. Everybody wants to feel heard, so we can start by listening more. Listening to another person is sometimes the simplest act of love. By being present and focusing on someone else, we can help in ways deeper than we can ever imagine. Sometimes just getting out of your own bubble is the best way to brighten your day.

Connection is Key. Everyone Is
Just Looking for Love.

Human connection is the single most important thing for every single person on earth. Everybody just wants to love another, to be loved and express love. So it is essential that we make the most out of our lives by expanding our hearts and hugging love when it comes around. Too many of us walk around in a shell running from love, without even realizing we are hiding ourselves from bliss.

I spent the past 15 years running from love. I would get into relationships with inappropriate men always in fear of falling in love and getting hurt. Past experiences would get in the way of me making balanced healthy decisions. Instead I would replay the situation from 8
th
grade where my first boyfriend cheated on me, and then called me a fat slut on the school bus. Ever since then, I had been replaying this same story in my mind. I kept picking men who would belittle my place in the world by making comments about my weight, and I continued to not trust men. The little voice in our heads has a funny way of making the past a reality. By replaying the story, I was able to stay in a state of constant denial. I was denying my true self. I was running from love because my only experience of romantic love was a boy who called me a fat slut.

After I got my dog, Tucker, I learned what real love is. He helped open my heart to receive and give unconditional love. I realized that the feelings I share with my dog are real love, because real love does not hurt. Real love does not judge or make fun of anyone. Real love is kind, compassionate, expansive, and forgiving. Real love is unconditional and never ends.
I
will
repeat
that
real
love
is
unconditional
and
never
ends.
We all come from love. We are born into this world filled up with love as it pours out of our little chubby, hairless bodies. Then something happens that makes us question love. Our parents fight, we get into trouble, other people make fun of us. Whatever it is we think, “This isn’t right. If this is love I don’t want to be part of it.” So we build up these little walls that eventually become giant walls that are almost impossible to crash down.

I know because I lived through this. I was Miss Independent, don’t come near me. I had the reputation of being a man-eater. I would keep men at a distance, all in an attempt to protect myself and keep them from calling me fat or slutty. I fought through eating disorders and depression in an attempt to protect myself from the “evil doings” of love. My soul would cry out, I would come home from sexcapades or bathroom bulimic sessions and come crashing to the floor. My soul would say, “This is not right, my dear friend.” I craved love, I needed to give love, and I had so much love to give this world, but I was denying myself this natural pleasure. I wasn’t alone. Think of your life, and see if you have been running from love. Maybe it is the relationship with you. I was a victim of self-abuse. Whether it was sex, drugs or food I was unloving to myself. But we are all beings of love and it is our right and purpose to love and be loved.

Making a connection with other people is one of the most magical things we can do to brighten our day and theirs. Smile at a stranger. Help a blind person cross the street. Buy the coffee of the person standing behind you. Do small acts of kindness that show generous nuggets of love. When you do this you will see a shift in your outer world. I started to do all of this, and it works, trust me.

In
a
Nutshell:

1. Accept what is to get to what you want.

2. Focus on what you want, not on what you have.

3. Smile more.

4. Everyone just wants to be loved.

Additional Resources:

Audio Meditation:
Find
Your
Happy:
Motivational
Mantras,
Track 7, “Perfect Just the Way You Are” (available on iTunes,
amazon.com
, and
playwiththeworld.com
shop).

Chapte
r
SIX

Mone
y
I
s
You
r
Friend

“Don’t
judge
each
day
by
the
harvest
you
reap
but
by
the
seeds
you
plant.”
— Robert Louis Stevenson

M
oney is a touchy subject because people either love it or hate it. People seem to either have a lot of it, or not enough. Money issues cause fights, anger, and even divorce. People use money for power, attention, to mask insecurities, to feel better, and more. I ask people what they want more than anything else in the world. After they answer, I ask, “Why don’t you have it?” Most of the time the answer I hear is, “I don’t have enough money,” or “It costs too much money,” followed by a close second excuse, “I don’t have enough time.” Time and money are similar because they both put limitations on our dreams if we let them. It takes an ability to release our attachment to what money can and can’t do for us in order to break through to live our ultimate life. Let’s look at money and how it relates to our dreams.

Money Doesn’t Buy Security

When I ask people why they want more money, the rallying cry is always to feel more secure and be able to do the things they want to do. But, in general, people who make more money are often less happy than those who make less. When people make more money they tend to spend more money, often leaving a larger deficit in their bank accounts. I know this from personal experience. When I was working in Chicago, I was making almost $70,000 a year. When I returned to Oregon, in my transition, I took a job that paid $10 an hour and for the most part I was happier and more satisfied with my life because I was doing what I loved, writing. I was surrounded by like-minded people and living on the West Coast. How can someone go from making almost six figures to just over minimum wage in less than a month and manage to find peace? For me it was about letting go of expectations. My expectations for my life and what I thought I should be doing at specific ages and how much I thought I should be making needed to subside.
The
truth
is
we
are
always
going
to
have
enough
money
for
what
we
need.