Finding Abigail (33 page)

She sighed,
after a long drink. “You’re right, who made him the boss anyway?”

I pointed at
her. “That’s what I’d like to know. How does he know I wouldn’t change my mind
eventually? It’s my mind, I can change it.”

“That’s right.
It’s a woman’s prerogative.”

“He’s all,
‘It’s my way or the highway.’” I used my best deep Noah’s voice, taking another
drink and enjoying the feel of how light and tingly my arms and legs felt.
“Guys are so bossy.”

She lifted her
head up; it had been resting on the arm of the couch. “What the hell was I
thinking agreeing with him? We girls should stick together.”

“Yeah, I’m so
glad you’re my friend, Kathy.” My voice came out dreamy, suddenly feeling
sleepy.

Her head lay
against the cushion; now she was leaning over the table running her finger
along her glass, making it squeak. “Me too. Before you moved here I didn’t have
any girlfriends. They moved after high school, leaving me here with those
bitches Cindy and Kelly.”

“So you don’t
hate me for what happened with Noah?”

“Of course not.
Right now, I hate him.”

I smiled,
setting my glass on the coffee table, and lying back on the couch, my legs
tangled with hers. “Thank you. I needed to hear that. You know, we should take
that shopping trip next weekend.” My heavy eyelids closed.

“I can’t make
it, but how about the weekend after?”

“Perfect,” I
agreed sleepily, feeling Kathy pull the throw blanket off of the top of the
couch and lay it on top of us.

Hangover

I woke to the
sound of an engine roaring. Before I even opened my eyes, I winced. It felt
like someone was taking a jackhammer to my head. Still feeling groggy though, I
tried to go back to sleep; hopefully when I woke up again the pain would be
gone. Just as the fogginess was about to take me, the sound of a car door
slammed, jerking me awake again. This time I opened my eyes and looked around,
wondering why I was lying on the couch. One glance at the wine bottles reminded
me of my fun night with Kathy, and also explained the headache. I stood up on
wobbly legs, trying not to disturb Kathy to investigate what all the racket
was. I was in Shimmer Lake, not the city. I should be able to sleep in.

Walking quietly
to the window, I saw Noah working on his car. A quick glance at the clock told
me that it was only eight. It was Saturday, what the hell was he doing?

I slipped out
the door, closing it quietly behind me. The air was fresh and crisp. The
morning breeze blew through the trees making the leaves dance. It’d be the
perfect morning if it wasn’t for the stench of oil coming from Noah’s car.

“You do know
that people are trying to sleep, don’t you,” I yelled over the banging. All I
could see were his legs, but suddenly he slid out from under the Jeep, wearing
coveralls and grease on his face. His sapphire-blue eyes appeared even more
vivid through the dirt on his skin.

“Then stop
yelling.” He grabbed the edge of the bumper and started to push himself back
under.

“Can this not
wait until later? I have a headache.” My voice was loud and clipped. He stopped
himself from going under to look up at me.

He smiled
widely, a glint appearing in his cool eyes. “Can’t handle your booze?”

I folded my
arms in front of me and glared at him. “How did you know I was drinking? Did you
come in here without knocking again?”

A brow raised
on his otherwise blank face. “Did you come out here to pick a fight?”

“No.”

“Good, go back
inside so I can fix my car.” He slid back under, leaving me speechless and
fuming.

When I turned
around, Kathy was standing in the doorway. “You miss him, don’t you?”

“No, he drives
me crazy.” I stalked passed her into the cottage, hoping she’d leave it alone.

“Sure he does.
Come on I’ll make you breakfast.” As she pulled the door closed, I could have
sworn she winked at Noah. “So, how about some blueberry pancakes?”

“I don’t have
any blueberries.”

“They’re in the
fridge, I brought them with the ice cream.”

“Okay then,
I’ll get the pancake mix.”

Her face
scrunched up in disgust. “I don’t think so. I only make it from scratch.”

“Go ahead, but
I have no idea how to help.”

“Just sit back
and relax.”

“All right.” I
moved to the cupboard above the sink to get the aspirin. I poured some water,
took the pills, and turned around. Kathy was staring at me longingly, so I shook
a few tablets into her hand. She grinned and popped them into her mouth. “I
guess you changed your mind about hating him?” I asked, taking a seat at the
island to watch.

“Yeah sorry, I
was drunk. I’m on the side where you both will be happy.”

I sighed heavily.
“I figured.”

I watched as
she took a bowl and added the dry ingredients. After that was mixed she added
the egg, milk, and butter and then she added the blueberries. “Where are your
frying pans?” I pointed to the bottom cupboard. She pulled the pan out and
placed it on the stove. “Let’s sit and have a coffee while this sets, then I’ll
make you the best pancakes you’ve ever had. You’ll never go back to a mix
again.”

She was right,
she did make great pancakes. I’d still go back to the boxed pancake mix though.
Unless she planned to come here and cook for me.

Once we ate,
she reluctantly went home to her boys.

After a
much-needed shower, I cleaned up the kitchen and then decided to go for a
drive. I had been working on my book so much, I needed a break. Noah was no
longer outside, but I saw him in through the window. He turned around when I
waved. This was going to be hard. I wanted my fun, easy life back. I just had
no idea how to make it happen.

Living without
Noah was harder than I thought. Every time I saw him outside I had to fight the
urge to go see him. When he saw me, he turned his head without saying a word,
and I felt rejected every time. About a week after my movie night with Kathy, I
sat at home by myself feeling lonelier than I had ever felt in my entire life.
If I had lived here without knowing him, I probably would have been fine. But
since we had met, I was miserable without him.

At a desperate
moment, I decided I needed to talk to him.

I knocked on
his door, nervous that he wouldn’t answer, but the longer I waited, the more
nervous I became that he would. The door finally swung open, and if I was
hoping for a warm welcome, I was disappointed. I stopped the door with my hand
before he could slam it in my face. “Came I come in?”

He shrugged his
shoulders and then stepped barefoot over to the couch where he must have been
playing a video game. “Just so you know, I’m looking for other places you can
rent.” He slumped onto the couch, lifting up the game controller.

“What?”

“I’m going to
ask my grandmother if I can find you somewhere else to live.” He said this as
he played the game, never taking his eyes away from the screen.

“She’ll say
no.”

“I’m her
grandson, if I ask, she’ll agree.”

“No she won’t,
it was her idea for me to stay here.”

He turned his
head slightly, opening his mouth, and then closed it, turning his attention
back to the game. He was probably going to question me about my relationship
with his grandmother, since I slipped and told him we had spoken.

“Why do you
want me to move?”

“You know why.”
Still he wouldn’t look at me. Ugh! He was such a stubborn, aggravating man. Why
did I care if he spoke to me?

“Well, that’s
why I came by. We can’t live like this. Isn’t there some way we can go back to
the way things were? I miss you.” The last words were true, but they slipped
out before I could process them.

Finally, he
turned away from his precious game to look at me, a slight smile on his face.
“Fine, we can be friends again.” I sighed with relief, and started to move
toward to him. He held up his hand to stop me. “On one condition.”

I froze, a wave
of apprehension settling over me. “What condition?”

“We can be
friends again,” he repeated, standing up. “But first you have to kiss me.” I
gasped. His brows knit together at the sound, as if giving me a warning not to
interrupt him. “If you feel nothing, we can go back to the way things were. But
if you feel the way I know you did last time we kissed, you have to admit you
love me and give us a chance.”

I was
speechless. I couldn’t kiss him. I knew how I was going to feel; our time apart
would have only enhanced what I felt last time. “I…I…can’t,” I stammered.

“Why?” he
asked, taking a step toward me. I had the urge to back up, as if he was a
predator and I was his prey.

The image of
Nick flashed in my mind, but I quickly shook the thought away. I knew he wasn’t
going to hurt me, physically at least. “I’m afraid.” My voice was only a
whisper.

He stopped
inches from me. He was so close I could feel the heat radiating from his body.
His eyes gazed into mine. The yearning in those vibrant blue eyes was palpable.
How I wanted to reach up and touch his face. Even though he gave off the
appearance of being tough, his skin would be soft. I had mistakenly touched him
from time to time, but it was never enough. I wanted more. Was I ready to give
in? I could feel the resistance slipping. “Of what?” he asked, his voice rough.

“Of what will
happen.”

“I told you if
you feel—”

“I know how I’m
going to feel. I can’t live without you in my life, I tried. But I’m afraid of
what will happen if we become more.” I took a step back. His lips twitched as
he watched me. He knew the effect he was having on me.

“What are you
afraid of?” he asked again, taking a step closer.

Stepping around
him, I moved over to the couch, burying my face in my hands. The cushions sunk
as he sat down. His scent swirled around me. I looked up at him, making a
decision to tell him some truth. “I had a bad relationship once, and it didn’t
end well. I told myself not to get involved ever again, it wasn’t worth it.” I
stood up and walked over to the window. It would be easier if I didn’t have to
face him. The lake was calm for a change. The wind that had come with the cool
air had given us a brief reprieve. “I’m afraid that will happen with us. You
mean too much to me, I don’t want to lose you.” Only after I had finished my
sentence was I able to glance at him.

“I felt the
same way after Becca, and believe me, I wasn’t looking for this. But I fell in
love with you. Yes, it could end badly.” He stepped over to me, taking my face
in his hands. Heat curled in my stomach just from his touch. “But what if it
doesn’t? We have a chance at something amazing. How many people can say that?
We are great together and you know it. Come on, Anna, we can’t know what the
future holds, but I think it’s worth the risk.” He leaned down slowly waiting
for me to stop him, and when I didn’t, he kissed me.

It was gentle
at first until a fire erupted in my body and took over. I could no longer
think, nor did I want to. This time I pulled
him
into the bedroom.

We fell onto
his bed in a blur of buttons popping, zippers ripping, bodies touching; we were
desperate for each other. When the clothes were finally out of the way, Noah
gazed at me. “You’re stunning,” he gasped, leaning down to kiss my neck, my
breasts, leading down to my stomach. He breathed me in and sighed. “And you
smell so good...like vanilla and raspberries.” He dragged his tongue upward
along my skin, finally returning to my lips, and then he leaned up, staring into
my eyes.

“I love you,” I
said softly. And it was true. Now that I was willing to admit it, I could let
myself feel what I didn’t want to for so long. This man made me feel things
I’ve never felt before, and I needed him desperately.

“I knew it,” he
whispered, a smile creeping over his full lips. “I love you too.” Those were
the last words we spoke for quite some time.

Afterward, we
lay wrapped in each other’s arms, blissfully happy. I had never felt the way I
did when we were together.

“So, did you
feel anything?” he asked, referring to earlier and the deal he had proposed.

“Eh.” I made
the noise and started to giggle as he bent down to nibble on my stomach, which
led to Noah getting frisky all over again.

Goodbye, Cindy

I woke feeling
at peace, happy, and safe. It was a combination I could get used to. I was
finally with a man I knew would never hurt me, and only wanted to make me
happy. I opened my eyes and stared at his face, so peaceful in sleep. Stubble
had appeared around his chin and cheeks, making him look even more rugged. I
had never been this close to his face, and now that I was I could see that his
nose was a little crooked, as if it had been broken at one time. There were a
few little white crescent marks scattered around his forehead. Since I had the
same ones, I guessed they were chicken pock scars. A thin line puckered above
his left eyebrow indicating a healed cut of some sort. I had an urge to trace
my finger along the scar. Just as I lifted my arm, he stirred.