Finding Abigail (43 page)

“Don’t be. You
have every right to be frustrated. But just so you know, we don’t blame you,”
Pamela said, from her chair between the beds.

“Can I talk to
Abby alone, guys?” Noah asked everyone.

Once they all
shuffled out, Noah grinned at me. He was wearing a hospital gown that was loose
at the top. I could see the white gauze on his wound. “Hey,” he said sleepily.
He looked exhausted.

“Hi.” My voice
was still raspy.

“How are you?”
he asked.

I shook my
head, baffled that he was worried about me. He was the one that had a bullet in
his body. “I’m fine, you idiot. What were you thinking, taking that bullet for
me?” I whispered my words, since it hurt less to do so.

He reached his
hand out across the space between us, taking my hand in his. “I was thinking I
needed to save the women I love.”

I said nothing,
looking toward the door.

“You’re not
blaming yourself, are you?”

“No,” I lied. I
knew there was no sense, he’d just argue, just like everyone else had. “It’s
Nick’s fault, I know that.” The words “It’s not over” repeated inside my head.

“Do you know
when we can get out of here?”

“I can leave
tomorrow, I don’t know about you. Your injuries are worse than mine.” I
swallowed the lump in my throat.

“Yes, but you
were closer to death than I was. If I was a few minutes later, you’d be gone.”
His voice turned hard as he spoke the last words. “This is just a shoulder wound.
I’ll be fine.”

I got out of
bed and leaned over him, being careful not to touch his shoulder. I hugged him,
sobbing onto his chest, no longer able to stay away. “I love you, I’m so
sorry.”

He rubbed my
back. “It’s okay, babe, I’m fine.”

A nurse came into
the room to check Noah over. I crawled back in bed and watched. “You should get
some rest,” she said to Noah, glancing at me.

He turned to me
when she left the room, his eyes drooping. A slow smile spread on his handsome
face.

“Go to sleep,
Noah.” I told him, and surprisingly, he did just that. He closed his eyes, and
after a few minutes, he started to snore. I smiled to myself. He wasn’t much of
a snorer.

Shortly after,
they brought us dinner. I didn’t wake him up, he needed his rest.

Around seven
o’clock, Sam and Kathy left. Jamie and Jeremy were at the sitters and needed to
be picked up. I told our parents there was no point in staying either. I was
tired, my throat ached from my poor attempts to speak, and Noah was still
sleeping. They left, promising to come back in the morning. They were staying
at the cottage.

Noah was still
sleeping when I got my walking papers first thing in the morning. I dressed and
was ready to go when his parents stepped into the room. “Where’s my mom?” I
asked them, looking around. My throat was a little better so I managed to talk
softly.

“She’s on her
way. She’s bringing your car. She thought you might want to go home and shower
once you were able to,” Larry answered, as Pamela went to sit beside Noah.

“Perfect, I’ll
go wait outside for her.” I gazed at Noah looking peaceful, his lips open
breathing heavy. “Can you tell him?” I asked Larry.

He nodded. “Of
course. I’ll tell him you’ll be back.”

I didn’t
answer, just smiled as I left the room, wearing my writing clothes, jogging
shorts, tank top and flip-flops. I hoped it wasn’t chilly this morning.

As I stood
waiting for my mother inside the hospital doors, I kept thinking back to Nick’s
comments:
It’s not over. I will get out and finish what I started.

I couldn’t
believe after everything, he still wanted to control me, he wanted to own me.
Even if he went to jail for five years, ten years, I believed he’d still want
me back or try to kill me for leaving him. But I knew he meant what he said
about finishing the job and killing Noah. That’s why I had to leave. I had made
the decision right after my talk with Nick. I saw in his face, his resolve—he
would kill Noah and I had to make sure that didn’t happen.

When my mom
pulled up, she was surprised to see me waiting. All I told her was that I
needed to get home so I could shower and change my clothes. The morning air was
crisp and my skin was covered in goose bumps. She apologized for not thinking
to bring me a change of clothes, but she was in a rush to get to the hospital.

Since the
hospital we were in was in Martin, it took an hour to get back, and as soon as
we stepped inside Noah’s house I began to pack, throwing my belongings in my
five suitcases. I had to use a few garbage bags for the excess. I had
accumulated quite a bit more since I had arrived here a year ago. I blamed
Kathy for that.

My mother
helped me quietly. She didn’t agree with my decision and was giving me the
silent treatment, but she admitted it was just that—my decision.

When Noah’s
house was packed I moved to the cottage to get my work stuff. I added that to
the car with the rest and then wrote Noah a note:

Noah, now
that Nick is in jail, I’m going home. I miss my family and don’t love you
enough to stay here. Don’t come after me, I won’t change my mind. I’m sorry for
all the trouble I caused. Abby

It was the
hardest thing I ever did, writing that note and leaving. I loved it here; the
cottage, his house felt like home to me. Horseback riding on Sundays. Lunch
with Kathy at the diner. Waking up with Noah’s arms wrapped protectively around
me. These were all memories that I would treasure. But even though this town
had come to mean so much to me, Noah meant more. I had to protect him, and that
meant I had to make him hate me. And I was sure after he read the note, he
would.

Coming Home

When we arrived
at Renwood, I felt a tingle of excitement. I was finally back to where I grew
up, where everything was familiar. As we passed my old apartment, the tingle
turned to dread. But thankfully, we weren’t headed there. We drove right to
Brenda’s.

The front door
of her house swung open before we even got out of the car.

There was
hugging, squealing, and lots of kisses from Justin and Haley. My face hurt from
smiling so much. It was just so good to seem them all. It had been a year, and
they had changed so much. Haley’s hair was longer, her face a little thinner.
Justin had grown like a weed, and was missing teeth.

As soon as the
kids let me go, I was wrapped in a bear hug by my sister. I breathed in her
scent of roses, and the tears started to flow again. It was just so strange
that I had missed a whole year of my sister’s life. After my father died, my
mother withdrew from us for a few months. It was Brenda who had gotten me
through Dad’s death. My mother woke up eventually, when she saw Brenda making
my lunch, acting like the mother. That night my mother made us sloppy joes—our
favorite. From then on it was the three of us.

The kids pulled
me into the house and we sat around the living room as they filled me in on
what I had missed.

“Abby, you
can’t let that asshole ruin what you have with Noah,” Brenda snapped, once the
kids went outside and my mother told her what I had done.

“I made my
decision and I won’t change my mind.” My voice was still soft, not quite a
whisper, but not my normal tone. My face was a mask, unrelenting. It was true;
I knew what I had done was the best for everyone. I loved Noah so much, I
needed to protect him.

“She’s right,
Abby. You have to call Noah and apologize. You found love, real love. You can’t
let it go because you’re afraid.” My mother leaned over and placed her hand on
my leg.

“I know he’ll
get out and I know he will come after Noah as long as I’m with him. I can’t let
that happen. And I don’t want to talk about it any more.” Knowing they wouldn’t
let it go, I stood up and went outside to watch the kids play. I was still a
little stiff so I lay back on the lounge chair. I felt relaxed watching them
run around the yard; their only worry was who got to ride down the small slide
first.

Mom and I
stayed for dinner. I couldn’t take my hands off of the kids. But after they
went to bed Mom moved home, and I went with her. I wasn’t ever going back to my
apartment so I’d live in my old room until I figured something else out.

A week later, I
got a call from Kathy. “Abby, how could you do that to Noah? He’s devastated.
The man took a bullet for you and you just take off leaving some bullshit note
about not loving him enough. Abby, I know you.”

I stared at my
computer screen; a blank page glared back at me. I couldn’t work here. I needed
my cottage, my lake, my Noah. “If you know me, you must know I’m doing what’s
best for everyone.” My voice was back to normal, and thankfully the headaches
had stopped.

She scoffed on
the other end of the line. “Did something happen that you’re not telling me?
You were acting weird after you spoke to Nick. I know you blame yourself, Abby,
but this is ridiculous.”

“Leave it
alone, Kathy.”

“I can’t do
that, you know how I feel about you two. You belong together.” I tapped the
wooden desk with my finger impatiently as she spoke.

“Kathy, I
really have to go, tell the boys I miss them, and you can finally tell them who
I am. Maybe sometime you can come visit me.”

“Abby—”

“Got to go,
bye.” I hung up, getting out of my office chair and falling onto my bed,
flicking the TV on. I couldn’t write, so I might as well give up—for now.

“Abby, who was
that?” my mother asked poking her head into my room.

“Wrong number.”

“Is this all
your going to do, sit around and mope?”

“Yep.”

“Debbie called
again.”

“Okay, thanks.”

She stepped
into the room, glancing at the walls. My corkboard and posters were still up.
She used this as the sewing room now, but kept a twin bed in here just in case
I needed a place to stay. “Why don’t you call Noah? You’re miserable without
him.”

I closed my
eyes, wishing she’d stop bugging me about him. I had made my decision. It was
hard enough without her incessant pestering. “Mom, I told you why. I’ll get
over it, okay? I just need some time.”

“All right
honey, I’ll give you time, but if you don’t snap out of this depression
soon”—she waved at the bed where I lay and the TV where I’d been focused since
I got here—“I’m going to start up on you again.”

I had hoped
with time I would feel better, forget Noah. Yes, he was everything I wanted in
a man, but it just wasn’t meant to be. But a week at home, I actually felt
worse. All I felt like doing was eat junk food and watch TV. I had no interest
in going out when Debbie and Brenda stopped by, nagging me to go. I wasn’t in
the mood.

Nick’s last
words haunted me, even into my dreams. In them, Noah lay on the ground covered
with blood, only in the dream he never woke up.

I jumped at the
sound of the doorbell. I was sprawled on my bed, remote in hand, just flicking
through the channels. I was alone in the house, so I ran down the stairs to
answer it. I swung the door open and my heart soared. Noah stood on the porch,
wearing the brown leather jacket I gave him, his hair blowing in the breeze and
his clear blue eyes sparkling when he smiled. I winced at the sight of his
right arm in a sling. He held his left hand up in surrender. “Don’t punch me,
okay, I come in peace.”

I folded my
arms in front of me and narrowed my eyes. “Are you ever going to let me live
that down?”

He gave me a
half smile as he shoved his hand in his pocket. “Are you going to give me a
chance?”

Oh, how I
wanted to. “Noah, I know you got my note, so why are you here?”

“Can I come
in?”

I stretched my
arms out, leaning against the doorjambs, blocking his way. “No. I said all I
had to in the note.”

“Come on, I
took a bullet for you, the least you can do is give me a Coke or something.”

His words were
like a knife to my heart. I already felt guilty. Did he have to rub it in?
“Fine.” I left him standing alone and stalked to the kitchen, not bothering to
see if he had followed. I heard the door shut and his footsteps following me
down the hall. I took a Coke out of the fridge and set it on the table. “What
do you want?”

He raised a
brow. “Now there’s that sunny personality I remember. I thought we were past
that.”

“Why are you
here?”

Without waiting
for an offer he sat down at the table, lifting his foot up on the opposite
chair, making himself at home. He was good at that. The memory of our second
and third meeting popped in my mind. I fought the urge to smile. “Well, in your
letter you said you didn’t love me enough to stay in Shimmer Lake. So I decided to move here. I
do
love
you
that much.” Oh shit, he couldn’t
do that, Nick was in jail here.