Finding Acceptance in His Arms (4 page)

“I
know that. But I’ll never understand why you went against what I said for you
to say and do. You even lied about having had sex with men before. And I can
hardly believe you’ve led him to think y
ou’re an anal
sex queen. Just because you like to do certain things with women doesn’t mean
you’ll like doing those same things with a man.”

It
took a monumental effort on Kara’s part to suppress her growing irritation. “I
know you don’t understand, Jennif
er. But I accept
full responsibility for my lying and any consequences stemming from me lying.
He wouldn’t have agreed to give me an audition without me first leading him to
believe I can do this.”

“I
get that, but why didn’t you wait to let me introduce y
ou to him?” Sadness marred Jennifer’s countenance and her shoulders
slumped. “I thought I was your best friend in the world. You’ve changed so much
from the person I used to know. It’s like you now get off on being secretive
and doing things all on your ow
n. We used to do
things
together
. Remember? It was always us against the
world.”

“You
are
my best friend in the world. And I couldn’t do this
without your help.” Kara said softly. “But it’s also entirely your fault that I
even want to do this.”

“How
is it
my fault?” Disbelief canvassed Jennifer’s face.

“You
told me about him and what you did with him. I remember cautioning you to be
careful so you didn’t get your naked ass plastered all over the Internet. And
you laughed my concern off, saying there was no
danger
of anyone outside of the people involved ever knowing because they didn’t film
it or take any still pictures. That the clientele were wealthy and cultured and
if they wanted to experience it again they simply paid again. Don’t pretend you
didn’t kno
w I would be intrigued. You know me better
than anyone. So you have to admit that on some level you knew I’d want to do
this.”

“But
you’re rushing into this thing headfirst. These people will expect to get what
they’re paying for. If Evan said fifteen minu
tes of
hard anal, he means fifteen minutes of hard anal.”

“He
didn’t say
hard
anal,” Kara corrected her friend. “He
said fifteen minutes of
deep, pleasurable
anal. I’m thinking I’m going to like it
very much.”

“Just
remember you said that when your asshole
gets raw
after the first five minutes.”

Kara
let out an exasperated sigh. “You don’t understand, Jennifer. You’ve fucked him
in front of an audience twice already with a third time looming on the horizon.
I want my chance before it’s too late. And we both
know there’s a day coming for me real soon when it will definitely be too late.
And then on my deathbed I’ll hate myself for letting this opportunity slide by
without having taking advantage of it.”

“Oh,
quit being overly dramatic,” Jennifer gently chided
.
“You’re not fixing to die, so you’ve got plenty of time to live out your
fantasies. You know I’m just worried about you.”

“But
there’s nothing to be worried about.” Kara sat up to take hold of her friend’s
hands. “I can do whatever he requires of me and
I
won’t let myself fall in love with him. I’ll even promise to come home to you
every night while I’m here in Atlanta.”

“You
have only one week and five days left of your vacation. You’ve been here almost
a week now. I know I really shouldn’t but I’m count
ing
down the days. And mark my
words,
he’ll make you fall in love with him
before the week is out. I’ve already been in your shoes, remember? Don’t take
him too seriously. He makes his living by playing on other people’s emotions
and getting them to believ
e in something that isn’t
real.”

Kara
dismissed the warning to perform a quick mental calculation before offering a
tentative smile. “You forgot to count the ten hours remaining in today.”

“In
that case, make it one week, five days, and ten hours.” A
melancholy smile creased Jennifer’s troubled face.
“Better?”

“Yes.”
Kara stood up to pull Jennifer onto her feet. “Now let’s go take a nap
together. I want to cuddle. I really miss cuddling with you after orgasm.”

Chapter Three

“I
hope you like hot
dogs,” Evan announced upon opening
the door of the cab and stepping out. He extended a hand toward Kara.

“Hot
dogs are fine.” She took hold of his hand to be helped out. The sultry evening
air hit her like a brick in the face.

Directly
before them sat a si
dewalk café with metal tables and
chairs. The umbrellas sticking out the center of the tables were opened, but
the adjacent building across the street took all the credit for blocking the
harsh evening sun. Only one table of the six remained empty.

Kara
co
uld hardly believe she’d shaved her legs, put on
makeup, and worn a pretty light blue sundress with heels for this. She’d
expected a nice, intimate dinner somewhere sophisticated enough to have air
conditioning. She tried to hide her disappointment behind
a false smile.

Evan
must have seen right through her charade because he said, “It’s all right to be
disappointed, Kara. Life is full of dashed hopes. In our business there is a
hierarchy. You’re at the very bottom, if you aren’t already aware.”

Without
wai
ting for a reply, he extended his arm to escort
her over to the ordering window. He smiled at the pretty teenage girl holding a
pencil and ordering pad. “We’ll have two dogs with all the fixings on one of
them and…” He glanced at Kara.

“I’ll
take only must
ard and ketchup on mine,” she said to
the girl.

“And
two bottles of water,” Evan concluded the order.

Kara
waited quietly while Evan paid for the hot dogs and water. She watched the girl
hand the plastic bottles of water through the window to Evan, which h
e then handed over to her. Thirty seconds later, the girl
presented the hot dogs in closed-top cardboard carriers.

Evan
carried the hot dogs to the empty table along the edge of the storefront. He
deposited the meals at their prospective places across from
each other before moving around the table to pull out her
chair.

She
let herself be seated then studied Evan as he took his own seat. He exemplified
handsome masculinity in his dark blue buttoned-down shirt, powder blue tie, and
black slacks. And he smell
ed great too, like a man
should, the crisp, clean scent of his cologne wafting over at odd moments on
the summer evening’s air. For a fact, she didn’t really know what to think
about him at this point. On the cab ride here he wouldn’t let her explain away
the discrepancy in her cover story from the other night.
He’d only held up his hand for silence and said to wait until later.

She
wondered if that meant now because she really wanted to get it over with and
see if he believed her. He had to believe her. He
just had to. She’d never have an opportunity to do something like this ever
again. And she just knew he’d flip out if she told him the real reason it was
so important to her. So she couldn’t dare tell him. He’d only find out that
secret when she wanted hi
m to know it. Maybe she’d
reveal everything right before she went back to New York, or maybe she wouldn’t
ever. That coin still spun dizzily in the air.

Evan
opened his carrier and picked up his hot dog. He bobbed his head once at Kara.
“Eat your dinner.”

She
did, taking small bites. The meal was consumed in complete silence.

Afterward,
he reached over to cradle her chin with his fingers as he wiped the corner of
her mouth with one thumb. It came away with a smudge of mixed ketchup and
mustard, which he lic
ked away.

With
him deigning to do this, she couldn’t help wondering if he’d learned the
results of her blood test. This didn’t seem likely since she’d only given the
blood this morning.

“So
why did you seek to deceive me?” he asked, elbows on the table
now, his fingers intertwined underneath his chin.

Kara
shrugged before glancing around the sidewalk café at the other diners, the
slow-moving traffic along the street, the pedestrians waiting in a cluster at
the crosswalk for the light to change. She shift
ed
her gaze back to Evan and sunk down a little in her seat to exhibit weakness
and vulnerability.

“I
thought it sounded better if I appeared totally self-supporting and not some
kind of charity case bouncing around the country and preying on the good will
of my friends. I’m very sorry for trying to deceive you. I
meant no harm.”

Silence
and a piercing stare met her explanation and subsequent apology. The silence
began drawing out and she grew nervous at what his decree might be.

“So
that’s your excuse?” Re
lief etched his handsome face
and eyes. “You didn’t want me to think you were some kind of vagabond, hippie
chick?”

She
didn’t give a verbal reply, only slunk down lower in her seat while dissecting
his reaction. It struck her as odd because no matter how
serious and uncompromising he’d previously portrayed
himself as being, this made him appear eager to forgive her—far too forgiving
to be so genuinely ready to kick her to the curb a moment before. Maybe he
secretly wanted to work with her after all and was
n’t
so much the cynic he’d led her to believe he was. She followed this line of
thought to its natural conclusion and had to suppress a smile.

He
leaned back in his chair, eyes never leaving her face. He took a sip of water.
“Jennifer said you’ve known eac
h other a while?”

“We
went to preschool together and have been best friends ever since,” Kara
answered honestly. She’d decided no more lies unless absolutely necessary. This
man had already proved he paid attention to the details and didn’t mind
cross-chec
king the purported facts.

“You
said your parents were deceased the other night. What happened to them?” Evan’s
stare grew intense again.

“Stupid
car accident,” she answered.

“How
old were you when it happened?”

“Fifteen.”

“Who
did you live with after their
deaths?”

“An
aunt took me in until I moved in with Jennifer at age eighteen. Jennifer and I
stocked shelves at a department store to pay our rent. We even attended
community college together. She’s my best friend in the world.”

“You
mentioned a small inhe
ritance before.”

“I
couldn’t touch it until I turned twenty-one.”

He
chewed on that for a little while, then, “How long have you fantasized about
getting into the porn industry?”

“About
three months, give or take a week or two. I only started giving it ser
ious consideration after Jennifer first told me about you
and what she did with you. The money sounds phenomenal, not to mention the
orgasms you gave her.”

Evan
appeared unaffected by the underlying compliment. “And you want to make a
career out of it?”

“W
hy not?
Porn stars make a lot of money. Ask me again after this
coming Saturday’s performance.”

“Ever
have sex in public?”

“Once.
It gave me a thrill to think we might
get caught, although I don’t think anyone actually saw us.”

Evan
kept asking questions,
seemingly intrigued by her
responses. “When did you first realize you wanted to have sex in front of an
audience?”

Kara
took a sip of water while pondering this over. “I’m not really sure. I’ve
always enjoyed wearing skimpy clothes to show off my body. I s
uppose this is because I like attention. When Jennifer told
me about what you and she did, well, it made me kind of hot and I wanted to try
it for myself.”

“What’s
the most exciting thing you’ve ever done sexually?”

She
smiled at the memory.
“A five-woman
orgy.
I used to think I was a lesbian. Then
one day I discovered I am actually bisexual.”

“What
about fucking two men at once?”

“Not
a fantasy of mine. A threesome would be all right though, so as long as it’s
with a man and another woman. I really like th
e
contrast between the hardness of men and the softness of women. They also smell
totally different from each other.”

“Jennifer
is a friend with benefits, isn’t she?”

“Yes,”
Kara answered. “We experimented with each other and a few friends during
college.”

“You
and Jennifer ever have a threesome with a man?”

“Like
I once did, Jennifer used to think she was a lesbian too. After finally trying
a man when I went away, she decided she was bisexual also. So the answer is
no.”

“How
long have you two been sexually
involved?”

“The
better part of four years now.
I don’t think we’ll ever stop having sex with each other.”

“Today?”

“Yes.
We had sex earlier today.”

“Did
she tell you she performed in a threesome with me and a woman the first time we
worked together?”

“Of
course.
Why wouldn’t she?”

“Was
she your first lover?”

“Yes.”

“What
do you really want out of this?”

She
didn’t even blink. “To see where it takes me.”

“You’re
very bold and determined.” Evan appeared to mull this over. “So what do you
think about the
script? Can you remember your lines?
Answer me honestly.”

“The
script is hot. I ran lines with Jennifer while I soaked in my bath this
afternoon. By tomorrow evening I should have them down perfectly.” And Kara
believed she would.

“The
sex scene?”

“Not
a p
roblem. Preparing for the anal scene really turned
me on. I’m looking forward to doing it.”
Definitely not a lie.

“And
the end?”

“Not
a problem. I love cum.” This didn’t count as a lie since Kara really believed
she would love the debauchery of it splatter
ing all
over her face, if not the actual taste.

“I
don’t know that I’ve ever met anyone quite like you before.” Puzzlement settled
onto his face. “You’re very sexually mature for your age. You might even be the
most sexually mature young woman I’ve ever me
t in how
you methodically pursue exactly what you want.”

“Thank
you for thinking so. Now I’m calling a time-out.” She gesticulated with her
hands along with her words. “You’ve asked me about a hundred questions already
so I think it’s time you answer some
for me.”

“Have
I now?” He smirked.

“Yes,
you have, and it’s suddenly occurred to me that if I don’t ask you some
intimate questions about yourself then the connection we’re supposed to be
developing might end up being one-sided in your favor. And we can’t
have that, can we?”

 
He chuckled. “Be real careful now,
because once you get a man talking about himself he’s rarely able to stop.”

“I’ll
consider myself forewarned,” Kara promised. “So at what age did you lose your
virginity?”

“Nineteen,
her name was Debb
ie and she wasn’t a virgin. She
taught me a thing or two during our brief, two-month relationship.”

“Why
so late in life?” Kara maintained nonchalance, even though she was reeling
inside. What kind of man waited until nineteen years of age to lose his virg
inity?

Evan
appeared a picture of serenity when he cleared his throat and straightened his
tie. “I used to be a very religious young man. At age nineteen I finally got
tired of having wet dreams and decided to do something productive to stop
them.”