Finding Bliss (24 page)

“I don’t know if I can ask it, Bliss. There’s no way to
un-ask a question just because you can’t abide the answer,” he whispered
softly.

Bliss, Bristol, April 1811

Eric blushed and looked askance at Bliss,
trying to figure out what was happening. She returned his gaze with intense
scrutiny, and suddenly it hit her. She visibly sat back in the chair with a
murmured, “oh.”

Then she chuckled.

“What?” Eric directed a pointed look in her direction.

“Oh my goodness, I’m sorry! I just realized something of a
personal note. I was never really in danger! If I’d trusted you more, I
wouldn’t have even had to worry one bit about Lord Westford! How silly of me!”
Bliss laughed quietly.

“You don’t make sense when you talk that way, you know?”
Eric countered with a puzzling look.

“I’m going to tell you everything, Eric. Whether you believe
me or not, I believe in you. I think it’s time, don’t you?”

Eric had no words to respond to that. Marla hurried in a
half minute into a fit of giggles on Bliss’s part. The efficient maid laid the
tray on a nearby table and pulled the vanity stool over for Eric to be seated
next to Bliss. He waited for the maid to leave the room before he took Bliss by
the shoulders.

“Bliss, don’t toy with me, please. I don’t understand you. And
you need to know how badly I worry when you’re not making sense,” Eric said
with passionate conviction. Bliss sobered a little, but her eyes continued to
sparkle.

“Alright, Eric. If you can’t ask, then I’ll just have to
explain.”

Bliss cleared her throat and took a sip of her milk before
she turned to face him again. She put her finger over his lips and nodded to
him not to interrupt.

“I don’t have all the answers. I can always see a few things
from everyone’s future—everyone I care about, that is. The better I know
someone, or have contact with them, the more I can see. Sometimes the scenes
are clear enough to tell me what I need to know. But often the scenes are
cloudy or dark-dim. Those are ones that have possibility but not a guarantee
like the clearer ones.

“Sometimes there are things I don’t see right away. I think
it depends on lots of things besides what I see. I think the choices people
make affect the outcome,” said Bliss looking intently at him.

She ate a few bites of her toast and sipped more milk. She
realized at that moment how hungry she really was. After a few more spoons of
soup, she wiped her mouth and turned to look at Eric. He nodded at her to
continue.

“A few moments ago I realized that if I had trusted you
completely, told you the truth as I knew it, the outcome wouldn’t have remained
hidden in my mind before Westford threw me in the Avon. Because the minute I decided
to tell you, I knew everything I ever wondered. I saw Westford’s fate, my
father’s reaction and all the missing pieces of my future. Because of trust! My
decision to trust made it change for me! Do you understand what I mean?” she
paused to let him respond.

Eric shrugged his shoulders, but didn’t say anything. Bliss
looked at Eric with wide eyes and knew that he was unable to ask. She knew he
was waiting for her to offer without solicitation, as she usually did.

“You want to know why I wasn’t able to save your father. That’s
a tough question for me, as well. I loved your father with my whole being. I
trusted him, and never once in all the years I knew him did he doubt what I
could see. And it nearly drove me mad when I found out that he had died without
my even having a hint of how to prevent it.

“I know he was your father, and I’m being terribly selfish
for taking credit for some of his affections when he was all you had. But I
won’t ever stop saying I loved him. It hurt me to the core when I realized my
only real and true supporter in the world was gone forever. I’ve never felt
more alone in my life than that hour I after I heard the news.” She seemed to
stop in order to regain her control, but continued speaking in a shaky voice.

“And worse than that, you wouldn’t even talk to me. I felt
so guilty as if I had purposefully killed him by not getting a vision of how to
prevent it!” Bliss’s eyes welled up with huge tears. But not bothering to wipe
them away, she continued to speak. Neither of them moved.

“I thought I was losing my ability. That maybe it was only because
he trusted me that I was able to see things that way. Eventually I had more visions
and still tried to warn my stubborn family about dangers and bad decisions. Then,
I saw the real reason for the loss.” Bliss paused. She was still crying silent
tears, and her voice shook and broke, but she marshaled onward.

“Did you ever hear what actually happened to him? How he
saved one more person from the dangling carriage, and by boosting the young
woman out ahead of him, he was unable to escape as the carriage plunged over? Well
as hard for us to accept as that is, the woman he saved was necessary to the
future.

“In her progeny there will be a doctor’s wife who will give
birth to a son. That son will do great things for medical science. By saving
her, your father saved hundreds of thousands of people!” Bliss admitted. Eric
looked at her in awe.

“How do you know?” he gasped, “I ask for both for the idea
of medical advancement and the idea that you might know what it is?” Bliss
blushed at his tentative trust.

“I don’t get specifics, of course, I only see him holding a
piece of medical equipment and his picture captured in a paper with words like ‘breakthrough,’
and ‘thousands of lives’ or ‘saving many lives.’ But there’s a feeling that
lets me know that it was for my own benefit that I didn’t know.” She used her
napkin to wipe her face and continued.

“If I had seen both visions as dim possibilities, I would
have been hard pressed to save the hundreds of thousands of nameless, faceless
strangers over your father. So this way it was out of my hands. I think God
knew deep down that I might be biased,” Bliss told him chagrinned.

Eric seemed to take in the idea of Bliss knowing, and
justifying, the loss that way. He looked at her with wordless approval.

“I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I would have
told Dr. Benchley about the dilemma, and he would have probably done the same
thing anyway. I know, I thought that too,” she laughed. “He never gave up on
anyone, no matter how lost their cause. That was why I loved him so much. I
think he loved me too!”

“I’m sure he did,” Eric told her quietly.

Bliss’s eyes were again full of tears as he said the words. Her
cool control of her face puckered and crumbled into quiet weeping. Eric stood
up very slowly and went to comfort her. She accepted his shoulder and cried
quietly for a minute, letting the emotional buildup flow out over her cheeks in
overdue relief.

Eric hugged her lightly. Bliss wished the moment could
continue. Wished Eric loved her as well right now as he appeared to love her in
the future. She thought of telling him the truth about his bride, but then the
vision wavered.

Knowing how badly she wanted him for a husband now,
especially in the way he respected her privacy in the exam—a true professional,
she wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize her chances. But at length, Bliss pulled
away from him and wiped her eyes on her napkin again.

“Now,” she said coming back to her usual charm, “do you
still have a question?” Knowing fully that he did, and that it would be the
harder question to satisfy, she waited.

“I don’t understand why you didn’t avoid Lord Westford if
you could,” Eric blurted out without hesitation. He collected his emotions and
asked again.

“Why would you let yourself get into so much danger without
trying everything to avoid it? You always warn the rest of Christendom when
we’re making a big mistake. Why can’t you heed your own warnings,” Eric
demanded, nearly failing at keeping his voice low. He had moved to his plates
and begun eating finally.

Bliss looked at him with an arched brow while she spooned up
broth.

“You mean to imply that you were heeding your own warnings
and still nearly drowned?” Eric was incredulous. He put his spoon down and
stared at her. Bliss shook her head.

“Nearly suffocated, but that’s beside the point. If I had
acted in any other way, people other than Lord Westford would have died. I did
what was necessary to insure that the man didn’t hurt any more innocent people
and that he also got what he had coming. Retribution for all those people he
killed or the girls he damaged is justice served. He’s a very bad man, you
know,” Bliss said as if it was a confession.

Eric was still shaking with angry fear. Bliss waited for his
color to return to his face and began speaking to him again.

“His cousin was like me. I accidently gave myself away at
dinner that night, remember? Westford knew what I could do. He believed in it,
too. He wanted me to tell him about the futures of his investments or what he
should invest in. I’d been getting snippets of detail since before that evening
at dinner. But until I knew him better, I didn’t have anything to tell him.

“I had to keep calm long enough for him to know he wasn’t
going to get away with hurting me. Even if you hadn’t come and found me in
time, my death would have only altered my vision of his death by hanging.

“He was already half-mad at the thought of his death. He
would have shot himself if they hadn’t caught him. But I trusted you, if only
subconsciously, and trusted myself to give you the right clues.”

“I can’t think of that note without nausea! Why on earth
didn’t you just tell me where to go?” Eric was up and pacing beside the desk. Bliss
refrained from laughing at him in his worried state.

“I couldn’t say what river or water he would try to dump me
in because unfortunately in the visions they all look the same. So I had to
tell you enough for you to figure it out slowly. I had no idea how precise the
moment would be. I was hoping it would be at the same time as Lord Westford’s
choosing the water, which even as I wrote the note wasn’t one hundred percent
certain.

“It was a very slim chance that you would both be in the
same area at the same time, though. And if it was to be water, I wasn’t sure
which river he would dump me in either. So by law of averages, I chose to have
you begin your search near the museum in the hope that you would catch him
leaving the building or his hiding place.” Bliss explained. Then she seemed to
get a bright look on her face.

“Incidentally hundreds of pounds worth of stolen goods are
stashed in his hideout in the woods. Remind me to send word to the constable. And
he could have accomplices. I’ll let him know if I
remember
anything else,”
Bliss quipped.

Eric sat stunned for ten full minutes. When he finally did
speak it was only to mumble something about Bliss being unbelievable. She
wasn’t able to determine if it was a compliment or not.

“The point is, Eric, I saw enough to leave the right clue,
with the right person, and at the right time. I knew you’d be later on Tuesday,
due to the fire at the bakery. I also knew that if I waited beyond Wednesday,
Lord Westford would probably get desperate and kill my aunt and uncle in their
sleep. I do a lot of these things subconsciously, of course. But the key is to
trust the visions and do whatever it takes to get the most desirable outcome.”

Eric scrutinized her face. He looked as if he might ask her
another question, but for whatever reason it was unknown to her.

“If that’s true, and I’m not saying I doubt it, why did you
tell me about my marriage? Is it something I’ll want to avoid?” Eric asked
without consideration. Bliss blushed profusely and shrugged.

“I don’t know. I have no idea how you feel about the girl. But
I know she has no objections to you. Maybe I told you so you would be prepared.
Or maybe so you could seek out a desirable conclusion on your own? I didn’t give
you that information for any reason except for you to make preparations. Though,
you should know you’re on your way to being an elevated man! You are amazing
too, Eric Benchley.” Bliss said softly.

Eric only looked at her in mild consternation. Bliss wondered
why the world needed to be so slow. All she wanted in that moment was for Eric
Benchley to sweep her into his arms and carry her to the bed. Bliss had seen
the vision a few times of how their first time would go, but the vital details
were usually obscured, drat it all.

Noticing that Eric turned and began eating, she finished her
own bowl of broth. The toast and small segment of roasted beef made her feel
much better. A salad and a small piece of blueberry cake tempted her to a few
bites, but she felt tired and decided she would eat more for breakfast the next
day.

Eric finished his dinner and turned to survey Bliss’s
plates. Deciding she’d eaten enough, he then urged her to get into bed. Bliss
yawned and didn’t argue. The covers looked very inviting given the discomforts
she endured that afternoon and evening. An early bedtime was just what she
needed.

Eric waited until she had crawled beneath the linens and
snuggled into her pillow before he took up his satchel and extinguished all but
the lone candle on her nightstand. Hesitating over whether to move toward her
in one moment, or retreat the next, he made his decision at last by walking
toward the door.

“Get plenty of rest. I’ll come by early in the morning to
check on you,” Eric told her. Bliss gave him a flat-lipped smile and turned to
face the wall.

It was killing her not to make a move, to push ahead. But
patience was apparently necessary for their ultimate happiness, so Bliss was
forced to maintain her composure. As she drifted to sleep visions of the
perfect moment of happiness hovered in her subconscious, and the frustration of
not yet having her happy ending was burning her from within. She was sure the
sheets would be scorched by morning!