Finding Forever (Living Again #4) (10 page)

Sam kissed her daughter’s fingers, then settled back next to Lacey. “We really did nothing but relax in Florida. Had our friends over for a couple beach days, but that’s really all. Ellis and Mason played football all day, every day. Mason spent every evening over with Jillian and her family. I think he’s in love, but he’s being smart about it. Ellis also made me rest and took care of Kerri a lot, which was very nice.”

“Such a dream,” Lacey teased.

“You got that right,” Sam laughed. “So tell me, how was the ‘house call’, disguised as a date a few days ago?”

“Didn’t happen.”

“Lacey!”

“It wasn’t me! His dad had a bad accident and was hospitalized. Then he had a heart attack while in surgery.”

“Oh my word, Lace! That’s terrible! That poor guy went through it this week! First his dog, now his dad…”

She was a horrible person. She hadn’t even thought of that. She was so focused on the things going on with her, she didn’t think of how he must feel with everything crumbling around him as well.

“Is his dad okay?”

“He’s in ICU, but stable,” Lacey answered. “I haven’t talked to Brant since his dad was taken in.”

Sam narrowed her eyes at her. “You haven’t talked to him.”

“No.”

“Lacey Russell,” Sam grumbled. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Look,” Lacey said. “He’s a player, okay? So I liked him and he seemed to like me. He has women falling at his feet all the time.”

“And you know this how? You only talked to the guy a few times over what, two days?”

“He’s a model, Sam. He travels, he appears in magazines and he’s really going to make it…” She trailed off, looking down at Kerri so she didn’t have to see Sam’s eyes.

“I get it,” she answered finally. “You’re scared shitless because of what has happened with me, and that you fear you aren’t good enough for him.” Sam leaned back against the couch. “Lacey, you have to give someone a chance. Who’s to say that this guy is a player? You’re stereotyping him. Like you said, he has women falling at his feet all the time. But it’s apparent he doesn’t want them. He asked
you
to dinner, Lacey. He asked for
your
phone number. Doesn’t that count for something?”

“That doesn’t mean I’m the only one he has done that with,” Lacey argued. “He could have a different girl every night.” The problem was, she kind of didn’t believe that.

“I think you’re looking for any excuse not to give him a chance,” Sam said. “It’s coming up, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“Your doctor’s appointment. The time every year when you go into panic mode.”

That was the thing about best friends. They called you on your shit whether you were ready for it or not. “Sam…”

“Lacey, come on. Just because your mom had cancer doesn’t mean it’s
ever
going to happen to you! You can’t live your life shut off from the possibility of being happy just because there’s a threat there that you could get sick. The threat is the same for all of us. I could get sick, so could Ellis, or Mason, or even little Kerri. It happens every day. But I can’t walk around all day pushing them all away because I’m afraid to lose them.”

One solitary tear dropped from her eye and hit Kerri’s arm. Lacey wiped it away, staring at the small wrinkles in her newborn skin. Did she want this? To be loved, like Ellis loved Sam? To hold her own newborn baby in her arms? To risk it all?

“What your dad did doesn’t have to define you anymore, Lacey. Look at my friend Kayley. Her husband died when she was pregnant with her daughter. Alexis is now ten years old, and Kayley and Ben have three more children together. She’s happier than she has ever been in her life. What if she had never given herself a chance to fall in love again? What if she was too afraid because she has lost too much? Where would she be now?”

Lacey thought of beautiful Kayley and her husband Ben. If there was ever a couple, other than Sam and Ellis, that she thought belonged together, it was those two. And Kayley had been a widow at a very young age. Younger than her dad. She had not only survived, she had thrived. By letting Ben in. “I just don’t know,” she whispered. “I’m so scared. Of everything. Of loving someone, then losing them, or having a family and them losing me. I’m afraid that one of these times I go to the doctor, it isn’t going to be good news. That I’m going to be one more person that leaves behind shattered people. It would be bad enough to leave you and Aubrey.”

“Lacey,” Sam took her hands. “You can’t live your life this way, in a constant state of what-if. Maybe you should talk to someone, have you thought of that?”

Lacey thought about her words. She had seen a counselor for years after her mom passed away, but she had felt in control for the last several years. But maybe instead of being in control she was really just shutting all of her feelings off.

“Let’s not spend our night together being sad,” Sam said when Lacey didn’t answer. “But do me a favor. Call him. You need to extend the olive branch here, show him that you are thinking about him. Offer to take him a meal or to take his dog home with you and take care of him. You have such a big heart, Lacey. Show more than just me and Aubrey that you do. The guy has gone through hell this week. Even if it turns out to be nothing between you two, you can at least be a friend.”

“Babe!” Ellis’ voice boomed from the French doors out to the pool. “Can you get us some towels? There’s none out here.”

Lacey watched as Sam got up, gave her a small smile then walked out of her sight. She knew she was right. But could she do it? Did she want to do it?

When Sam returned, Lacey watched her as she opened the doors. She squealed as Ellis grabbed her and pulled her to him.

“You’re wet!” she giggled. He cupped her face and kissed her, effectively silencing her. Mason rolled his eyes, grabbing a towel from his mom and walking away, but Lacey couldn’t stop looking. She’d seen them kiss a lot of times. They had a fiery hot connection. But something about watching them this time made her heart squeeze with longing.

“Lacey Russell,” the nurse called, looking at the chart. Lacey stood up, and Aubrey reached out and squeezed her hand.

“Good luck,” she whispered. Lacey wondered if anyone else in this room was terrified right now. She saw women with pregnant bellies reading parenting magazines; young and old women filling out paperwork, chatting, or reading.

The nurse smiled at her as she led her down the hallway to get her weight, blood pressure, and urine sample like she had done every year since she was sixteen.

Being let into the room, Lacey took a deep breath as she picked up the paper gown. “Open to the front and nothing on underneath,” the nurse gently reminded her. “Dr. Blaise will be in soon.”

Her mind went back to the last few days. She hadn’t contacted Brant, even though she did want to. As the days went on it became harder to hit those buttons, which she knew was silly. He had come to pick up Max when she wasn’t there, and she wondered if that was intentional. She figured at this point she would talk to him after the doctor, see how he was doing. First, she had to get through this.

After what seemed like eons, Dr. Blaise knocked on the door, then poked her head into the room. “Lacey? You all ready?”

“Ready,” Lacey answered. She was as ready as she could ever be.

Dr. Blaise sat down her chart, then settled herself on the stool. Flipping through her information, she furrowed her brow. “I don’t see the results of your mammogram that I ordered.”

Lacey looked away, at the picture painted on the ceiling that was somehow supposed to take your mind off what you were there for. “I didn’t go.”

Dr. Blaise sighed. “It’s been a whole year and you didn’t go? Lacey, you have to do this. It’s for your own peace of mind. We’re going to have to do this, and this time, right away. I’m going to send you over there right after we finish here, and you have to go this time.”

Lacey felt like a scolded child, and she knew that she deserved it. She should’ve done what she was supposed to do. She had meant well, she just could never make herself follow through with the appointment. As Dr. Blaise did her normal yearly checks, Lacey let her mind wander.

“You do self-breast exams, right?” Dr. Blaise interrupted her.

“Yes,” Lacey said quietly.

“And no change in anything?”

“No.”

“Lacey, I’m not trying to upset you. But there are reasons why we do early mammograms on women who have a family history of breast cancer. It could be that you have no bigger risk than any other woman, but we just don’t know that. So we have to be smart.” Dr. Blaise moved the gown aside and pressed on each of her breasts. “Everything feels normal, but you’re still going over right now to get the mammogram.”

Lacey knew better than to argue at this point. After Dr. Blaise left, she dressed quickly. She felt like she could be sick at any moment. This was it. She wasn’t getting out of it. She wished that Aubrey had to do it with her, also. It might make her feel a little less… terrified.

After getting her instructions for going across the street to get the mammogram, she texted Aubrey and told her where she would be. Dr. Blaise said everything was fine and this was just a precaution, so why was she shaking like a leaf?

“Your doctor will call you if there are any issues, once she sees the results,” the technician told her. “But everything looks good. Wasn’t too bad, was it?”

Lacey looked at the well-meaning girl and mustered a small smile. “Could’ve been worse,” she said. “Thank you.”

She grabbed her purse, trying to keep the last shred of her composure in place as she walked out of the office. Once she got into the car, she crumpled, leaning against the steering wheel while sobs wracked her body. She thought of what her mom must’ve felt, going in for what seemed like a routine test only to find out that her whole life had changed and how much she wished, not for the first nor the last time, that she never heard of the word cancer.

The doctor said everything was fine, and the tech said it looked good. You’re okay, Lacey.
Composing herself, she thought of Brant. Getting out her phone and sending him a text before she could stop herself this time, she knew it was way overdue. Maybe he wouldn’t even want anything to do with her at this point. She would deserve it.

It had been a hell of a week. First, Max got hit by the car. Then, he had met Lacey. She had been the only positive. And of course, his dad’s hospitalization. Now, on top of it all, he had to participate in a photo shoot when his mind was anywhere but there.

He hadn’t gotten to speak to or see Lacey since the day he took her to lunch. He felt badly about it, and wanted nothing more than to forget all the rest of the things that were going on and have her over for dinner, but he just couldn’t. Between making sure Max was okay and had someone with him, to being at the hospital with his dad, he was exhausted. He was sure that he was going to need some makeup for today’s shoot.

His dad was still in ICU but was getting stronger every day. The laceration to his arm had occurred because of a fluke accident involving some barbed wire he was repairing on the ranch. He still had a long road ahead of him and would probably be in the hospital for a few more weeks before moving to home health care. Thankfully, his right hand man Jack could take over the responsibilities for now.