Finding Home (10 page)

He smiles brightly at me and my heart feels warm.

“Oh Sam, that’s where you’re wrong. You see—I won.”

Fucking perfect! I practically leap out of the car. I decide to leave her hanging with that last thought. I do feel like I’ve won. I haven’t felt like a winner in a long time. I mean, I’ve excelled in my job and sport, but I haven’t won in my personal life. She’s bringing something out in me that I thought was gone.

When I first saw her at the airport, I couldn’t help but stare. She’s so petite, but I could see the luscious curves she was rocking. Oh, and her breasts—perfection. As luck would have it, I was checking her out while she was checking me out. She didn’t have a clue. My body yearned for her, and I barely knew her.

Chuckling at the memory, I move to the trunk of my car. I knew it would be strange to pick her up, but I thought making a stupid ass sign for her would be charming. When she mentioned one of my favorite movies I stood there dumbfounded. Beth and I loved that one. One step up and two steps back. That’s how I feel. Beth still feels like she’s here with me and will probably always be here. But, Sam, she’s someone I want here, too. There’s something incredible about her, and I want to discover everything.

I feel my palms get sweaty. I haven’t experienced this since I asked Beth out back in college. I’m taken aback by how my body and mind react to her. She’s making me feel again, and for the life of me, I have no idea what to do. It’s been such a long time.

I’m not lying when I say that it’s been two years without sex. The fact is, I haven’t been on a first date in over five years. Can I even call our bet a date?
Fuck! I’m an idiot
.

And then I drive the car off the road with visions of her throwing her head back in ecstasy as she touches herself. Oh and even better that damn song comes on. I mean, what are the chances? Of all the songs that could come on the radio, that one’s playing. It’s like the song and the world are fucking mocking me.

The image of her pleasuring herself is almost too much to take. Down boy. Get a grip, Ben. Hmm, maybe I literally need to get a grip. Perhaps a shower before dinner tonight will help ease the ache she created, an ache that I welcome.

I watch her exit my car while I take her luggage out of the trunk. She makes her way over to me, tentatively, and reaches in to help. She’s being quiet again, so I decide to wait until she talks to me. I don’t have to wait too long.

“Thanks for picking me up. I’m sure it was a pain for you.”

“No pain.”
You have no idea the pain I’m in right now
.

She looks around and brushes her hair off her face. “I thought Jenny would be here. Where’s everyone anyway? It seems pretty quiet.”

I grab her last bag and walk toward the porch. “Well, given that it’s Friday afternoon, they’re still downtown at the farmers’ market. We have a booth there with wine samples and some fresh vegetables we grow. It’s a pretty big deal around here—lots of people visit for the weekend. We participate every Friday night. That’s the main reason Jenny couldn’t get you.”

Her body starts to move side to side and I can tell she feels uncomfortable. “I guess I should have picked a better day to arrive. I don’t want to be any trouble. Were you supposed to be there?”

The need to ease her nerves comes over me. “No, I was already in the city meeting with some distributers so it was easier for me to get you. I hope you didn’t mind my company?”

She smiles, and I can see the reddish hue form on her cheeks. “No, I didn’t mind your company. I had a nice time talking and almost getting into an accident with you.” My face flushes, but I quickly will it away. “I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I’m sorry, Ben. I’m really not an insensitive person.”

I try my best to stop the queasiness that begins. Thoughts of Beth’s accident flash through my mind. “I know you’re not. I like that you say what you’re thinking. People still walk on eggshells around me. I’m okay.” I move toward her and brush away a strand of hair from her face. “I can talk it about every now and then.”

She blinks rapidly before opening her mouth. “Would you ever want to talk about her with me? I want you to feel like you can say anything to me.” She places a hand over her heart and holds it there. “I don’t know what it is, but I feel something shifting. Do you feel it?” She casts her eyes downward so I can’t see them.

My hand reaches down and places it under her chin to tilt it up. “I feel it. It’s actually kind of wrecking me.” I see her eyes go wide in panic. “In a good way. I feel wrecked in a good way.”

The intensity in her eyes relaxes and is replaced with tenderness. I have to look away to collect myself. “I would like to talk to you about Beth sometime. She was pretty amazing.” I release my hand from her chin and step away from her. Today has been almost too much for me.

Reaching down for her bags, I gesture to go inside. “Hey, let’s get your stuff inside. I’ll show you where you’re staying. You’ve got one of the best rooms here at the ranch. Wait ‘til you see the view.”

Cursing myself for sounding like an overexcited tour guide, I walk through the door. She starts to trail behind me, but stops. She turns away from the door and walks back down the porch stairs to a row of grapevines. I put the bags down and feel that pull again to follow her.

“Is everything okay?”

She looks back at me. “Yeah, I just need a minute. I want to remember this moment—this shift.” Her hands roam down her neck while she closes her eyes. “I want to let everything soak in.” I watch her open her eyes. “I want to look at the view and see the grapevines and hills. I want to smell the sweetness of the grapes and wine. I want to hear the rustling of the leaves and the tractor engine purrs. I want to touch the vines, leaves, and grapes.” She looks back at me again, and I’m blown away. I watch a stray hair fall in front of her face. It takes all my will power not to touch her.

“You forgot taste.”

She smiles devilishly. “Yeah, I definitely want to taste. What do you suggest?” She raises her eyebrows, and I can’t keep my hand from delicately placing the strand behind her ear. Her breath hitches from my touch.
Oh God, this girl is going to unravel me
. It’s been so long since I’ve felt this way- it overwhelms me. The way she’s looking at me like she could devour me whole. There’s no doubt in my mind what I want to taste.

Yep, I’m definitely wrecked.

“How about our merlot? It pairs nicely with some dark chocolate.”

“Sounds perfect. Let’s get my bags in, and then we can have that taste.” Now it’s her turn to wink.

Images of my tongue licking drops of red wine that trickle down her exposed neck and breasts envelop me. All I know is if she says
taste
one more time, I’ll be taking a shower sooner than I thought.

Yummy. Ben is yummy. Red wine with him sounds delectable. Oh, the things I want to do with his wine.
Cool your jets, Sam. Take it down a notch.
I have to remind myself of the hurt I’ve been through. My judgment is not exactly stellar when it comes to men. And with Ben, I see the pain of loss in his eyes. It’s still there, though it’s mixed with what looks like want.

Deep down I sense that nothing should happen between us. I mean, the flirting is fun and unexpected, but the reality is we’re both pretty broken. I’m not sure how to fix him or me.

This brief amount of time with him has awakened me. Being asleep this past year has worked fine, but I suddenly don’t want to be anymore. I’m guessing he still drifts in and out of consciousness, not sure how awake he wants to be.

I smile thinking about him. He does seem different than my past relationships. I think it scares me that he doesn’t make me nervous.

I follow Ben into the house and up the stairs. We stop at the end of the hallway as he opens the door. I go in first and take in the masculine room. It’s painted blue and has plaid curtains. The bed is queen-sized and covered in a matching navy plaid comforter. It’s simply decorated with a dresser, desk, and a small nightstand with a lamp on it. He still has some personal items, but it doesn’t bother me. Smiling inside, I’m excited to explore what he left behind.
Oh God, does that make me creepy?

“So, this is my room. I know I still have some trophies and stuff on the walls, but I haven’t had a whole lot of time to move my stuff out.” He looks so cute right now. He’s swaying side to side, and his head is cast down. It’s as if he’s flustered by my presence in here.

“It’s great, Ben. I appreciate you letting me stay in here. I feel like I’m kicking you out, though.”

“No. It’s cool. The loft’s ready so I’m staying there. I did clean out some drawers and the closet for you. I can pack up the other stuff later so you can have some shelves.” He beams a bright white smile at me as he shows me the empty closet.

“Thanks. I suppose I should unpack a few things before we have that drink. Can I grab a quick shower? I feel really gross from the plane ride.” I take off my cardigan, leaving on my camisole, and place it on the bed.

Ben stares at me strangely. He nods and walks toward me, blinking rapidly. “Ah, yeah, sure. The bathroom is this way.” As he walks, he trips on the corner of the bed and goes flying past me and into the desk. “Ow! Fuck, that hurt!”

I move over to him quickly. “Oh my God. Are you okay?” My eyes look him over and note that his seem to be aimed at my chest. I give him a shake. “Ben, I said are you okay?” He just nods at me and the rapid blinking begins again. I give him a chuckle and reach out to help him up. “Now I guess it’s my turn to have you falling at my feet.” His cheeks turn a light pink while a slight bump forms on his forehead. “We should probably get some ice on that. Lead me to the kitchen.”

Ben takes my hand, and I instantly feel the searing heat again. We walk down to the kitchen holding hands and it feels surprising. He still hasn’t spoken a word, and I wonder if he whacked his head too hard. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’re not saying anything.” I stop to look at him. “Should I be worried that you have a concussion or something?” I gently tug on his arm to wake him up.

He laughs at me and grazes my cheek with his other hand. “No, I’m okay. I’ve taken worse hits playing rugby. This is me being a distracted, clumsy ass.”

Distracted? Yeah, from looking at my boobs
. I have him sit down at the bar and find a towel on the counter. “Clumsy and distracted? That’s not the best combination.” I place my hand over his bump and he grimaces. “Let’s get some ice on that. We don’t want anything to take away from that pretty face of yours.”
Did I just say that out loud? Shit.
And 3, 2, 1, cue the smirk.

“So you think I’m pretty?”
Bingo
. “That kind of bruises my male ego. Pretty is kind of girlish.” His smile goes straight to his eyes, and my heart is dripping a little bit more.

“Male ego, huh? Well, tripping and falling at a girl’s feet kind of makes you girly.” The corner of his mouth twitches as if he’s trying not to smile. “Besides, you are pretty, and I’m sure you know it.” I grab a towel off the counter and continue, “But if you want something more manly, I’ll have to think about it. We need to keep that ego of yours boosted.” My voice is laced in sarcasm that rolls so easily off my tongue. The verbal sparring game is fun so I decide to just go for it.

My hands fill the towel with ice, and I place it on his bump. He jumps from the cold touch. “Hmm, let’s see. Think. Think. Think, Sam. Manly. How about...attractive, handsome, good-looking, rugged, striking, hunky, gorgeous, brawny, muscular, hot, panty dropping.” I try to say more, but he’s clearly embarrassed because his face is bright red. His hand touches mine, and we hold the ice together.

“Okay, okay, I get it. Stop already!”

My eyes lock with his as I chuckle softly. “How’s your male ego now? Do any of those words make you feel big and strong? Oh, wait. That’s two more words right there. Ben, I could go on and on.” His hand is still covering mine as the ice melts.

“All right. Who’s being the wise ass now? I think I want you to stick with pretty.”