Finding Home (26 page)

“You don’t smoke.”
“I used to,” she reminded him. “I miss it.”
“Yeah, well, you don’t want to start again, believe me.” He tossed the cigarette on the ground and crushed it under his heel.

Megan sighed with regret, but only for a second because suddenly he’d spun her around and pulled her into his arms. His mouth crushed hers and she caught the secondhand smoke from his lungs and tasted nicotine on his tongue.

He kissed her hard and deep, then pulled away to murmur, “I’ve been missing you.” His eyes glittered hungrily.

Megan’s nipples hardened. Her pussy was soaked in a sudden rush of lust. She wanted to grab Sean’s hand and haul him off to the shadows behind the shed, fall down into the frosty grass or lean up against the cold wall and let him fuck her senseless.

She leaned into him for another kiss, her arms wrapped around his back, her crotch grinding against him.

His warm hand held and lifted her almost naked thigh. Suddenly the back door opened.

“Out you go.” Megan’s mom released the dogs. They bounded into the yard and circled Megan and Sean.

Megan froze like a deer in headlights, her bare leg wrapped around Sean’s thigh.

At the same moment, her mother caught sight of them twined together in an undeniable embrace.

Megan’s mind raced trying to come up with some way to spin this, Before she could open her mouth to explain, her mother dropped her gaze and silently retreated into the house. The door closed behind her.

“Oh fuck!” Megan hissed. “Fuck! Damn! Fuck!” She let go of Sean and stepped away from him.

He let her go, the warmth of his hands leaving an impression behind. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

She shook her head. “Not your fault. Don’t be sorry. She was going to find out eventually.”

“Was she?” Sean crossed his arms over his chest. “‘Cause it kinda seemed like you weren’t going to tell your family about me at all. Ever.” There was an edge of bitterness in his tone.

Megan stopped thinking about the scolding her mom was going to give her for this inappropriate relationship, and for the first time registered how Sean might interpret her insistence on secrecy. He probably thought she saw him as a dirty secret she needed to hide from her family because she was ashamed of him.

“I’m not embarrassed to be with you, Sean. Well, I am, but only because of the age difference, not because of your past. I’m ashamed of myself, not of you or the things you’ve done.”

He looked into her eyes and answered quietly, “You should be.” She frowned and started to protest

He spoke over her. “I’ve watched your family and seen how they look at me. They’re polite and nice, but I make them nervous. They know what I am and that I don’t belong here.”

“No. That’s not true.”
“And now your mom knows about us,” he continued. “She’s going to want to protect you. She’s going to want me out of your life.”

“That’s not going to happen,” she said firmly. “I’m an adult. I’ll run my life the way I see fit, whether they approve or not.”

“But you admit they won’t approve.” He gave a humorless smile. “God! You’re the most annoying… They won’t approve of
me
having sex with a minor! I’m older. I should know better and I’m taking advantage of you.” She emphasized the important points, hoping she could finally get through to him. “They don’t understand how it is between us.”

“Whatever.” He shrugged. “It’s going to make trouble with your family. It’s not worth it.
I’m
not worth it.” His eyes on hers were so dark and intense they appeared almost black.

“Don’t say that!” Megan gripped his hand, pulling him close. She kissed him and caressed his cheek with one cold hand. “Let me worry about my family. It’ll be okay.”

On the surface, Christmas morning was like it had been every year of Megan’s life, although everyone woke considerably later then they used to. The rabid excitement with which Charlotte, Megan and Chris once greeted the acquisition of loot was long gone. But still, a sense of mystery pervaded the living room as they assembled to open their gifts.

However, this year for Megan the mystery of when her mom was going to take her aside and talk to her about Sean outweighed any interest she might have had in what color sweater she received or whether someone had sprung for the rock climbing boots she’d requested.

There was plenty for everyone, even Sean. Her mom wouldn’t let a guest sit through the gift giving without something to open. Megan had scribbled her name and Sean’s on all the presents she gave, but was surprised to discover Sean had brought his own presents for her family. They were small enough that he’d carried them in his duffle bag along with his clothes. They were simple gifts, Swiss Army penknives for the three men, and little compact mirrors in pretty tortoiseshell designs for the two women. Megan was touched he’d made the effort for her family, taken time to find gifts, and chosen so well.

Afterward, they were picking up torn Christmas wrap and broken ribbons from the living room floor when Chris’s cell phone rang. He fished it out of his bathrobe pocket and flipped it open. “Hi. Merry Christmas.”

“He carries his phone in his bathrobe now? It must be love,” Charlotte teased.

Chris glared at her and walked from the room, talking in a low voice. “If that sweater doesn’t fit, I have the receipt. Or if you don’t like the color.”

“No. It’s beautiful, Mom. I love it,” Megan assured her. She knew her mom was only going through the motions of a normal Christmas day because her smile was tight as she gave Megan a quick hug.

“We need to talk later,” she whispered.

Megan nodded, pulling away from her embrace and folding the navy sweater to put it back in the box. She saw Sean from the corner of her eye looking wary and uncomfortable. He sat on the floor amid the neatly piled gifts he’d been given, gloves and a shirt from Megan’s parents, a gift certificate from Charlotte and Greg, and a book on archeology from Megan. He took his time organizing them so he wouldn’t have to interact with anyone.

Greg and Dad were deep in discussion of lures and flies, oblivious to everything but their shared passion for fishing. Charlotte quietly hummed along with White Christmas and flipped through the art book Megan had bought her. Greg’s surprise jewelry gift had been a pair of diamond earrings that sparkled in Charlotte’s ears in interesting contrast with her tatty, old robe.

When Chris returned to the room, Charlotte grinned and started in on him again. “Come on, Chrissy, give us details. You’ve been on the phone with this girl practically all weekend; the least you could do is tell us her name.”

From Chris’s expression, Megan knew what he was going to do before he spoke. “Ben. His name’s Ben.”

There was a moment of silence as Charlotte continued to stare at him, the grin on her face turning to a cartoonish expression of bemusement. She looked like she was trying to match up jigsaw pieces from different puzzles. Megan smiled. She’d probably appeared pretty much the same way yesterday when Chris told her his news.

“He’s my—boyfriend,” Chris clarified, hesitating only slightly before defining his relationship. He looked from Charlotte to their mom, waiting for her reaction.

Mom’s face gear-shifted through emotions at lightning speed and finally locked in on a warm smile. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it and simply held her arms open for Chris to step into her embrace. He gave her a hard hug, and she patted his back as she held him.

Megan glanced at Sean, who watched the exchange intently, then at Charlotte, whose mouth literally hung open, then at her dad and Greg. Both were still so deep in conversation about fishing they hadn’t even heard the announcement.

“Well, you can use a barrel knot to tie the leader to the fly line if you want, but I find a surgeon’s knot works better,” her dad said.

“Really?” Greg replied. “Show me how to tie a streamer later?”

It was so typical of them, Megan burst out laughing. The pent-up tension of the last couple days broke loose and she giggled almost hysterically.

Everyone in the room looked at her.
“I’m sorry,” she said through snorts of laughter. “It’s…Dad…and Greg…and the f-fishing.”

Where Megan led, Chris followed. A smile crept over his mouth then widened to a grin when Greg asked, “What? What’d I miss?”

Tears streamed down Megan’s cheeks as she struggled to control herself. Chris chuckled, and Greg and Dad both had tentative smiles on their faces, ready to join in the laughter, whatever it was about.

“Stop it!” Charlotte snapped. “This isn’t funny.” She turned to Chris. “How is this possible? You dated, like, fifty girls in high school. How can you be gay?”

Chris stopped laughing long enough to say, “Guess that’s why I never had more than a date or two with any girl. It wasn’t working for me.”

Megan couldn’t resist. “Oh, that’s not what Sarah Rhodes told me. She seemed to think it worked just fine.” She snorted.

Chris rolled his eyes.
“You already knew about this.” Charlotte frowned at Megan. “He told you.”

Megan shrugged. Here they were again, back to Megan and Chris sharing secrets and totally getting each other, and Charlotte excluded from their circle of two. It had always been like that, and it looked like it was something they’d never outgrow.

“Chris.” Their dad spoke from where he sat, a feathered lure still clutched in one hand. “Is this true?”

Chris turned, the smile fading from his face. “Yeah, Dad.”

There was a moment of silence before their dad said vaguely, “Oh. Well then.” He frowned slightly then gave Chris quick, reflexive smile and a nod. “Well.”

“Gay as a maypole,” Megan burst out, breaking into another fit of giggles.

“How can you make a joke out of it? This is serious.” Charlotte rose to her feet. “Chris’s whole life is changed and you’re making stupid jokes.”

“Oh lighten up, Char,” Megan said. “You make it sound like he’s dying of cancer or something. It’s not a big deal. Just because people don’t fit into your cardboard cutout world doesn’t mean their life is over.”

“Pardon me for not adjusting as quickly as you to the idea of my brother being gay. I’m sorry. I guess that makes me a narrow-minded prude.” Charlotte teared up as she folded her arms over the top of her swollen belly. “Go ahead. Say it Megan, ‘cause I know you think it. Ever since you moved to L.A., you think you’re so hip. Well, dragging home stray street kids, doesn’t make you cool and edgy—just irresponsible.”

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about.” Megan stepped closer, pointing a finger at her sister. “I choose to have a friend stay at my apartment and you’re rude and judgmental. Chris tells us he’s gay and you act like it’s a personal affront.”

“I’m sorry, but inviting perfect strangers to live with you is not a mature, rational decision,” Charlotte yelled. “As much as you like to think you’re grown up, you still act like an impulsive kid.”

“Oh it’s even worse than you think, Charlotte,” Megan yelled back. “He’s not just staying with me. He’s my boyfriend.”

Complete silence followed her statement, but, glancing around at their faces, Megan saw Charlotte was the only one who looked shocked. Chris and Megan’s mom already knew. Mom told Dad everything, and Greg had seemed speculative about their relationship when he first met Sean. But Charlotte’s amazement more than made up for the lack of reaction from the others.

“What? You’re not serious, Megan.” Her eyes were wide.

In the heat of anger, Megan hadn’t bothered to check Sean’s reaction to the quarrelling until now. He sat on the floor, knees drawn to his chest, one arm wrapped around them, the other resting on top of them. He stared fixedly at the floor as if he’d like to sink into it.

Megan abruptly realized admitting to their relationship during a screaming match with her sister wasn’t the ideal way to claim him in front of her family. It certainly wasn’t what he’d hoped for.

She stopped thinking about herself and winning points against Charlotte and walked across the room toward Sean.

He looked up at her. His face had that cold, shuttered expression it used to wear all the time when she first met him.

Megan extended her hand and, after a moment’s hesitation, he took it. She pulled him to his feet, turning to face her family. “Sean is my boyfriend.”

Charlotte shook her head, giving a bitter bark of a laugh. “Oh, this is quite a Christmas. Chris is gay and Megan’s shacking up with some whore.”

“Charlotte!” Greg snapped, cutting across that final word. “Don’t!”

No one moved or even seemed to breathe for a beat. Only the quiet harmonies of a Christmas choir on the stereo disturbed the silence.

Without another word, Charlotte walked from the room, crying. Greg followed her.

Megan squeezed Sean’s hand even tighter and whispered, “She didn’t mean that.”

His eyes were blank as a doll’s. “Excuse me,” he muttered. He pulled his hand from her grip and stalked through the opposite door of the living room.

Megan hurried after him, but he was through the kitchen and out the back door before she caught up with him. “Sean, wait.” She trotted down the steps and reached for his arm.

He shook her hand off and kept walking. “Go back inside.”
“Listen. I didn’t mean to…” She touched his shoulder, wanting to make some kind of connection.

He whirled to face her, knocking her hand away harder this time. His eyes were narrow and glinting and his voice harsh. “Leave me alone. I don’t want to talk right now.”

“All right.” Megan stepped back. “Okay.” She retreated into the house, watching as he walked to the far corner of the yard and pulled out his cigarettes.

Her mother waited for her in the kitchen, and Megan quickly dashed tears from her eyes before facing her.

“You know everything I’m going to say, all the reasons having an affair with this boy is wrong, so I’m not going to list them.”

Megan nodded. She knew all those reasons, had reviewed them herself a hundred times, but it didn’t make staying away from Sean or giving him up any easier.

“Megan!” Her mom’s voice was stern, but not angry. “You have to end it. You know that.”