Finding Home (9 page)

I was determined that tonight was going to be a good night.

* * *

This party felt completely different to the one held at Rachel’s house a few weeks earlier. The music was grungy rock and it was pumping, but not at a volume where you couldn’t talk. There were a lot of people I recognised but also a whole heap of people I didn’t, and everyone seemed older and more grown-up. My shimmery top, which only a few hours ago had seemed like a good choice for the evening, now felt silly. Over the top, even. I wished I’d just worn something plain.

I glanced back at Kyle and Lily — my entourage — as they stopped in the hall. Was I really about to do this?

‘Go on, then.’ Kyle nudged me forward through the doorway. We were in. There was no turning back now.

Clearly, this was not a problem for Kyle. Within seconds a random guy was high-fiving him and then dragged him away to chat about cricket or something equally as boring.

‘Are Ashley’s parties usually like this?’ I waved my hand in the direction of a group of guys passing around a joint as their ringleader picked out a few notes on a guitar.

‘What do you mean?’ Lily walked into the large, open kitchen and I followed, eager to get to the part where we started drinking.

‘Just…older.’ I shrugged.

‘I guess. He and Nick know a lot of band guys.’ Lily started to measure some liquid over a spoon, like the seasoned pro she was. The girl could pour a mean drink.

‘And Luke?’ I asked.

Lily stopped pouring. She looked at me, square in the eyes. Uh-oh. Had I gone too far?

‘Amy, I thought it was funny when Coral was pissed off at you for flirting with him. But stay away from Luke.’ She said the words in a whisper, causing me to lean in closer. Her breath smelled heavily of the bourbon we’d sculled in the car on the way over here.

‘Why?’

‘If a guy would cheat on his girlfriend, then he’s not worth it, is he?’ she said, pulling away and getting back to mixing drinks.

‘So you think Luke would cheat on Coral, then?’ I took a sip of the drink she offered and grimaced. It was far too sweet, but I wanted to forget about the incident in the bathroom. I needed to forget.

‘Lily?’ I waved my hand in front of her face to regain her attention.

‘Look, they’ve been together for a long time, and they seem pretty rock-solid,’ Lily said. Disappointment set in. ‘Having said that, it disgusts me to announce that since you walked into the room he has not taken his eyes off you.’

My heart raced. I looked around, to the left, to the right — and then I saw him.

He was sitting on the couch and laughing, one hand around a beer and the other resting on the sofa. His brown hair was spiked, and he was wearing a chequered shirt, one that oh-so casually emphasised the definition of his body underneath. He looked drool-worthy. He grinned, and I noticed that cheeky little gap between his teeth. My heart skipped a beat.

‘He totally is.’ I giggled.

‘More?’ Lily gestured to my nearly empty glass. I nodded. I wasn’t trying to lose control: I just needed a little bit of liquid confidence to push me across the line, to get me there.

I busied myself with my phone while Lily disappeared in the direction of the fridge to grab a mixer.

‘Amy, hi.’

I looked up and located the mystery voice. It was Nick.

‘Hi.’ I turned back to my phone.

‘How you doing?’ he asked. The way he was standing obscured my view of Luke, so I shifted my weight to the right. There, that was better.

‘I’m good, you?’ Luke was playing around on his phone now, too. I wondered if he was messaging Coral. Hopefully not.

‘Yeah, real good. What are you drinking?’

‘I don’t know. Something sweet that Lily made,’ I replied. I barely even noticed when he clinked our glasses together, blocking my view of Luke again. I moved to the left.

‘Look, Amy. I was wondering if maybe you’d like to, um, hang out sometime?’

What?
My attention was immediately thrown back into the situation in front of me. I struggled to focus, the two Nicks in front of me blending into one.

‘What do you mean?’ I asked. I furrowed my brows, noting that it was a lot harder to do than it seemed to be normally. I must have already drunk a lot.

‘I don’t know, I just thought it would be kind of cool to spend some time together.’ Nick took a swig of his drink. ‘You know, outside of school.’

I didn’t know what to say. I studied his face, looking for a clue about whether this was a joke. But he revealed nothing, his icy blue eyes boring into mine, his pink lips set in a firm line.

There was no point, I told myself sternly. As much as I was attracted to him, as much as he made me smile, he was a musician. I just couldn’t do it. He wasn’t even that good-looking, anyway. Not in an obvious ‘Luke’ kind of way.

If I’m not that attracted to him, why am I leaning in his direction? And why am I still staring at his mouth?

‘No, I’m sorry.’ The words flew out before I let myself get lost any further in his killer gaze. He was like my dad. And I hated my father.

‘Oh,’ Nick said softly. ‘It’s fine, don’t worry about it.’ He gave a slight shrug, but his eyes were no longer smiling. He took a sip of his beer and appeared to find its foamy head very interesting.

‘Ugh! Those guys are here.’ I rolled my eyes as I caught a glimpse of the four guys I’d met at the last party. They were gathered around a pool table, laughing as the one who’d tried to kiss me attempted to ride the pool cue.

‘Who? Them?’ Nick stepped back, gesturing. At least, I
think
he was the one who stepped back. Maybe it was me.

Maybe I have had too much to drink.

‘Yeah,’ I affirmed. ‘One of them tried to force me into making out with him, so I bit-him-on-the-tongue.’ The last part came out in a hurry, words rushing together.

‘What? He tried to make you kiss him?’ The look on Nick’s face was murderous. His eyebrows were drawn and dark storm clouds were brewing in his eyes.

‘Oops!’ I covered my mouth with my hand. ‘Luke said not to tell.’ I hoped spilling this secret to Nick wouldn’t cost me any ground I’d made with Luke. I hadn’t meant to talk about that night. The words had just slipped out, that’s all.

‘Why wouldn’t Luke want you to tell anyone you were pretty much assaulted?’ He put a hand on my shoulder, and I shrugged it off.

‘Be-
cause
I’m new and they were just mucking around,’ I explained. I said the words slowly, deliberately, like I was speaking to a child.

‘Doesn’t sound like mucking around to me,’ Nick mumbled. He turned to face the group. I was worried he was going to go over there and confront them. I had to think, and fast, before he let it slip that I’d told him the big secret Luke had asked me to keep.

‘Look, Nick, have you seen Coral here tonight?’ Even in my drunken state, I knew that this may not have been the smartest question. Alarm bells started going off in my brain.

‘No, she’s not coming. You heard us talking about it in Music…remember?’ His words were slow, like he was trying to figure something out.

‘Okay, cool. She doesn’t seem to like me much, so I thought I’d check. I smiled. I knew I didn’t sound very convincing, and Nick didn’t look like he bought it for one second.

‘Amy.’ Nick paused. ‘Don’t do that.’

‘Do what?’ I asked.
Did he know?

‘If it’s what I think it is, just be a better person and don’t.’

Nick walked away for real this time.
Whatever
. It didn’t matter. Luke had looked at me again. Everything was okay.

‘Drink up, Amy.’ Lily passed me a fresh glass. I took it from her and drank, this time taking in as much of the sickly sweet sugar as I could handle.

‘What did sexy Nick want?’

‘Sexy? You think he’s sexy?’ I asked.

‘Are you kidding? Have you seen his tattoo?!’ Lily exclaimed. ‘The guy’s a borderline god!’ For some reason, something inside me twinged when she said it. I didn’t like the idea of Lily checking out my Nick.

Not that he was my Nick. Not really. I was not interested in him. Not one bit.

‘He just wanted to chat with me about Music,’ I said, changing the topic. For some reason I didn’t want to tell her that Nick had asked me out. It was private and none of her business. And I’d said no, so it was irrelevant.

‘So how’s things with Kyle?’ I asked. I gave the couch a quick check and was rewarded with empty space, plain old blue suede. No Luke! He must have moved when Lily had passed me the drink.

I started glancing around, trying to locate him but only succeeded in finding the group of guys who’d tried to kiss me at Rachel’s party again. They’d noticed me, too, and were looking in my direction. I felt uncomfortable and shifted my weight from one foot to the other. Nick wouldn’t have said anything to them, would he?

‘Hey…’

It was Luke. Luke had come over to talk to me! I gave a nervous laugh, unsure of what else to do. Everything seemed a bit funny. And slidey. Yes, that was it. The room was definitely swaying a little, from one side to the other.

‘Hey, Luke.’ Kyle sloped over. They did some weird handshake thing that made my head hurt as I tried to concentrate on the quick movements.

‘Kyle, wanna go grab another drink with me? Looks like Amy could use some water,’ Lily said.

‘I’m fiiiiiine,’ I replied, smiling. She was so sweet.

‘Yeah, she’s fine,’ Luke agreed, smiling down at me.

‘I think I know a little more about what Amy needs than you do.’

‘Well, how about I get her a glass of water right now?’ he said.

‘Can I come?’ I asked.

‘Are you sure?’ Lily’s face looked a little worried, lines of concern radiating from her brow.
It’s okay, I think he maybe likes me
, I wanted to say.
Or, at least we’re friends. Friends who occasionally touch legs in Music. And who have been flirting like crazy for the last couple of weeks.

‘It’s fine, Lily,’ I slurred, giggling again. I felt a warm hand at my hip, helping me stay upright. Luke’s hand, I realised. The warmth of his touch spread right through me, until I was throbbing from head to toe. I wanted his hand to stay there forever.

‘Come on, Amy.’ Luke guided me toward the back of the house. I beamed up at him. God, he was good-looking. And he wanted to spend time at a party with me. Me! It was almost too hard to believe.

He led me out of the house and into the backyard, and then took me through a side gate that led to the street outside.

‘Where are we going?’ I asked. I felt a little bit of sobriety return and clung onto it like a straw. I had to focus. I had to stay in control.

‘We’re going for a walk,’ he said. His hand was still on my waist, his arm wrapped around my body protectively. It felt delicious, enticing. This was what I wanted. Yes.

‘Where do you want to walk?’ I asked.
Keep up the conversation, Amy. Then you don’t have to think so much about what you’re doing. About how Nick just asked you out. About how Coral isn’t here right now.

‘Well, I thought that we could go, uh, find the lost dog.’ Luke pointed to a poster that was taped to the telegraph pole to our left. For some reason, it seemed the most natural thing in the world.

‘Good idea! I love puppies,’ I said, thinking of the countless trips to pet stores Mum and I had made when I was younger. Just thinking of her made the tears I’d buried just a few hours ago start to well up again. The ball of pain ached.

No
, I told myself,
be strong
.
You’re on a walk with Luke — the Luke. The guy who kind-of-maybe likes you and wants to spend time with you. Maybe he’s even broken up with Coral, and you just haven’t heard about it yet. Do not screw this up.

‘I like puppies too!’ Luke smiled. I realised he wasn’t walking steadily either, but it seemed impolite to say anything. We reached the end of the street and turned left, headed toward the school.

‘I’ve never been to a school at night.’

‘Let’s go, then.’ He dropped his arm from my waist and took my hand. We sped up, half-running, half-dancing, all the way to the end of the street. When we got to the school gates, Luke jumped over, then asked me to place one of my feet on the top rail. He then put his hands around my waist and hoisted me over, spinning me in the air till I touched down on the ground, my feet dangerously close to his.

It felt like a scene from a movie. Everything was perfect; magical, even. The stars twinkled brightly above. The moon shone down on his face, illuminating the strong lines of his jaw. And there we were, standing way too close for people who were just friends, looking deeply into each other’s eyes.

I felt an electrical pull that made me move closer to him. It was like we were connected, a thick cord of tension drawing us together. He lifted his hand and tucked a stray piece of my hair that had fallen out of my ponytail behind my ear. I lifted my chin up, getting closer to his lips.

‘Let’s go see if the tennis courts are open,’ he said. The words snapped me out my reverie. He pulled away and started walking. I was confused. Hadn’t we just had a moment? Wasn’t he into me? You don’t tuck hair behind ears, you don’t spin someone around in the air, not unless you like them and —

‘Locked!’ Luke proclaimed as he shook the chained tennis court gates. We were hidden from the road now. There was less light here. Even the moon had abandoned us, leaving us instead with dark shadows that danced in an ominous fashion before us.

He slid to the ground, resting his back against the tennis court fence. He patted a spot next to him, inviting me to sit. It was cold again, and I wanted to be closer to him, so I scooted over, leaning my back up against the wire, too.

We sat in silence for a little while. It was weird to think I was here on a walk with Luke. We were finally hanging out, just the two of us, alone. He must have liked me, or he wouldn’t have brought me here.

‘Amy, I feel like there’s…this is going to sound lame,’ Luke started then shook his head, his hands relaxing over his knees. The last time I had seen him do that had been at Rachel’s party, before he’d spoken about our connection.

‘What?’ I asked.
Please say it. Please, just say it one more time.