Finding Isadora (42 page)

A maybe guy. Yes, that was a good way of putting it. I took a hefty slug of wine.
“Richard’s father.”

“
Richard’s…” Her voice squeaked high on a note of disbelief. “Gabriel? The hot one?”

“
Oh, yeah.”

It wasn
’t often Janice was rendered speechless, but I’d managed to do it. She gaped at me like a puffer fish, then said, very slowly, “Holy shit.”

I nodded.

And then, over spinach ricotta cannelloni and more wine, I told her about last night. I said we walked on the beach and talked. I didn’t tell her about his parents, of course, or his father’s death. I couldn’t resist mentioning how he’d brushed sand from my feet and warmed them. Then I got to the kiss.

“
You kissed him!” Her expression combined shock and delight. “You kissed Gabriel? How was it?”

“
Seriously hot. It was … Honestly, Jan, I’ve never experienced such a sexy kiss in my entire life.”

She studied me consideringly.
“But you didn’t have sex with him.”

I shook my head.

“So what now?”

“
That’s the million dollar question. We want to see each other, but we figure we can’t sleep together because it would hurt Richard.”

“
But you can’t see each other without wanting to leap into bed.”

I closed my eyes, pictured Gabriel, and shivered.
“Oh, yeah.”

“
Hmm.” Her face took on the expression I always think of as Janice’s scientist look. Eyes narrowed, slightly crossed. Brow furrowed.

“
Well?”

“
I’m thinking.”

“
I can see that.”

“
About Martin.”

“
What? Martin? How did he get into the picture?”

“
He’s in
my
picture. And my picture was fuzzy and confused. But it’s getting clearer.”

“
Well,
my
picture is getting fuzzier by the moment. I have no idea what you’re talking about, Jan.”

She uncrossed her eyes, shook her head, and gave me a teacher-to-pupil look of condescension.
“Relationships. I’m talking about relationships.”

“
Uh, okay. And what are you saying about them?”

“
Nothing yet, because you keep interrupting.”

I shoved aside my empty plate, rested my elbows on the table, and kept quiet.

“Okay,” she said. “There’s me and Martin, and you and Gabriel.”

Momentarily distracted from my own issues, I said,
“So there’s now a you and Martin? You’re a couple?”

She shook her head.
“Not yet. But there’s ‘maybe’ potential, like with you and Gabriel.”

“
We’re not—” I was going to say it was a different thing, that at most Gabriel’s and my potential was as sex partners, not as a real couple, but she held up a hand, stopping me.

“
Izzie, I know I have terrible instincts when it comes to men, but this time I’m about … mm, ninety-five percent sure Martin is attracted to me. And I’m a hundred and fifty percent sure I’m attracted to him. But we haven’t done anything about it. Why?”

She stared at me with raised eyebrows, and I shook my head.
“Why?”

“
Part of it’s that ‘does this other person really like me?’ stuff, but part of it’s being afraid of what the world will think. For me, it’s mainly what my parents will think. And maybe my colleagues. He’s younger, he’s just starting university and I have two degrees.”

And
Martin had a history I was dead sure he’d yet to tell Janice about. Would she feel as attracted when she found out?

She was going on.
“And he’s Cree and I’m Chinese. That’d be the biggie for my parents.”

“
My parents would probably
approve
of Gabriel,” I said wryly.

“
But Richard wouldn’t. What I’m trying to say is, who is a relationship about?”

“
I’m not following.”

“
Is my relationship with Martin about my parents?”

“
No, it’s about the two of you, but—”

Again she cut me off.
“Forget the
but
. Stick with what you said. It’s about me and Martin. Your relationship with Gabriel is about the two of you. If it’s good for you, who has a right to object?”

“
A right? I’m not saying anyone has a
right
. I’m saying it would hurt Richard, and I don’t want to do that. Nor does Gabriel. He and Richard are, just maybe, starting to finally build a relationship.” I crossed my fingers that their dinner had been a step in that direction.

Janice flicked her hair back.
“If Martin and I get together, will that hurt you? It’ll mean I have less time to spend with you. That I’ll care about someone else.”

“
You can care about as many people as you want to. As for time … well, I’d miss you, but I can hardly be hurt if you find a guy you’re serious about.”

She nodded.
“That’s how I felt about you and Richard, and how I’d feel about you and Gabriel if you got together. And of course, because you’re my best friend and I love you like a sister, I want you to be happy and I’d kill him if he hurts you.”

The idea of petite Janice tangling with Gabriel made me smile. They both had serious attitude, and I wouldn
’t take any bets on who’d come out the winner.

I thought about what she
’d said, trying to figure out her point. “Are you saying Richard and I should be the kind of friends you and I are?”

“
I’m not saying
should
. But let me ask you, how will you feel when he starts dating again?”

I considered the question seriously, remembering the twinge I
’d felt when he used the word “family” in relation to himself, Eric, and Caroline—Care—Winston. “A little jealous,” I admitted. “But that’s silly. He and I aren’t dating, so I shouldn’t feel jealous. Mostly, I’d be happy for him, and hope it worked out.”

“
How’d you feel if he was dating your mom?”

“
Grace? Give me a break!” Imagining Richard and my mother made me laugh.

Janice joined in.
“Okay, that was a freaky example. But why do things change if the new partner is a relative of the ex?”

I knew that answer.
“It feels like a betrayal.”

She nodded slowly.
“Is it?”

I reflected.
“No. How I feel about Gabriel has nothing to do with how I feel about Richard. If they weren’t related, it’d be just the same. Well, much better, because I wouldn’t have this conflict.”

“
So you want to ditch this hot thing with Gabriel simply because he’s related to someone you used to date?”

“
He’s the father of the man I was engaged to up until two days ago.”

“
Okay, it’s a more extreme example, but isn’t the principle the same?”

“
I don’t know. You’re talking logic, but emotion comes into this, too.” I dropped my head into my hands. “Oh, Jan, I’m so confused. I’d like it if you could persuade me…”

“
But you’re into this whole guilt trip where you can’t just go with your instincts, enjoy it, see where it leads.” She nodded firmly. “Yeah, I understand, believe me. But don’t you think it’s dumb, limiting your future like that?”

I
’d always respected Janice’s intelligence, but I knew that, when it came to relationships, her judgment stunk. Still, what she’d been saying struck me as wise. Or was I just desperate to rationalize seeing Gabriel?

“
Limit my future,” I said thoughtfully. “But Gabriel would only ever be my short-term future. That’s the other thing, Jan. Why go through all this trauma when we’re never going to end up together?”

“
You sure about that?”

“
He’s totally anti-marriage and never wants to have more kids. He’d want a relationship like Grace and Jimmy Lee’s, and you know that’s exactly what I
don’t
want.”

“
To spend your life sharing love, respect, and great sex?”

I groaned.
“Okay, yes to that part. But I also want children and fidelity and
commitment
. A mortgage and financial security. Not to mention a man to grow old with.”

She wrinkled her nose.
“Yeah, I know. Me too. And that’s what you figured you’d have with Richard.”

I nodded glumly.
“Do you think that perfect man—that perfect relationship—is out there for us?”

She shook her head.
“They’re men. They’re never going to be perfect. Unlike us.” She winked, then sighed. “Seriously, I’m positive there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. You have to make compromises, work at relationships, right? Isn’t that how you grow? If it was perfect, it would be too easy and you’d both end up bored to tears.”

“
I can’t imagine ever being bored with Gabriel,” I said ruefully.

“
Or me with Martin.” She grinned. “Oh yeah, when we get together tomorrow, I’m going to have a thing or two to say to young Martin Swallow.”

“
You really think—” The phone rang, interrupting my question. Glancing at my watch as I got up to answer, I saw it was almost eleven. Who’d be calling at this hour?

“
Isadora?”

“
Gabriel!”

“
I’m downstairs.”

“
Oh!” The intercom at the security door of my apartment building was hooked into the phone system so that, when my phone rang, I never knew whether it was really the phone or someone outside. “Uh … I’ll buzz you in.”

Then I stared, wide-eyed, at Janice.
“What’s he doing here?” Gabriel, who’d kissed me last night. Gabriel, who’d had dinner with Richard.

She jumped to her feet.
“I don’t know, but I bet his plans don’t include me. I’ll disappear now.” She grabbed her purse and hurried for the door with me following.

Gabriel. Oh goddess, discussing Gabriel in the abstract was one thing. I wasn
’t sure I was ready to face him in person.

Jan was reaching for the doorknob when I
caught her arm and stopped her.

“
Izzie, let me go.”

“
Don’t.”

“
But you and Gabriel need to—”

A knock interrupted her, making us both jump. She narrowed her eyes and glared at me like an angry cat.

I released her arm, sucked in a breath, then yanked the door open and stared at Gabriel.

He wore suit pants and a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, the suit jacket hooked on a finger over his shoulder. Had he been in court
today, or chosen the conventional clothes because he was seeing Richard?

“
Isa…” he started, then his voice faded when he saw I wasn’t alone.

He looked tired, tousled, and absolutely wonderful. My heart did some weird trick that made me feel at peace and excited all at the same time. I wanted to reach out for him but a host of emotions held me back.
“Come in, Gabriel.”

He did, to face Pogo
’s onslaught. As Gabriel bent to pat him, I turned to Janice, expecting to have to grab her so she didn’t escape, but she’d frozen in place, staring at my visitor.

Gabriel straightened and held out his hand to
her. “Hello.”

“
Janice Wong, meet Gabriel DeLuca,” I said to the accompaniment of Pogo’s snuffly whimpers expressing his disappointment at not having held Gabriel’s attention for longer.

Janice took his hand gingerly, as Gabriel said,
“A pleasure.”

She shook quickly and released his hand.
“Me too. So, you’re Gabriel.” She was turning bright red.

He studied her face, then his eyes began to twinkle.
“Let me guess. You’ve been talking about me.”

“
She’s my best friend,” I said defensively.

“
Ah.” He gazed at me, then gave a rueful smile that told me he’d guessed that the discussion had been pretty explicit.

“
Come in and sit down,” I said. “I’ll, uh, pour some wine.”

“
I’ve had enough wine,” Janice said. “I should be going.”

“
Jan!” I shot her a warning look. If she left me alone with Gabriel, then … I had no idea what would happen. And I wasn’t ready to find out.

“
Have a cup of tea or coffee then,” Gabriel said.