Finding London (Flawed Heart #1) (6 page)

“Good-bye, London,” I say with a firm finality. I turn away from her before she can protest.

I take the quickest route through the crowd to the spot where Cooper and Maggie are dancing.

“I’m out. Text me when you’re ready to be picked up,” I say to them.

“Who was that chick?” Cooper nods toward the space behind me.

“Not now. Text me,” I say again before I head to the exit and out into the warm night air.

I pull my fingers through my hair, letting out a groan. I shake my head, trying to erase the last hour from my memory. I start walking. I’ll have to be back shortly to drive my roommates home anyway. But I can’t stay here. I need distance and some clarity. I’m hoping a walk and the fresh night air will give me both.

Yet, regardless of the physical distance I put between myself and London, I can’t get her out of my head. She consumes my thoughts, and I hate it—or at least, I tell myself that I do.

London

“When multiple spa days, a mani-pedi, and the latest silver Prada handbag don’t bring a smile to my face, it’s time for a little self-reflection.”

—London Wright

I’ve been at my parents’ new home in Louisville for the past week, licking my wounds and healing my broken heart. Okay, fine…it’s my ego that needs healing. I get it. I can’t possibly love Loïc. I don’t know him, so I can’t be in love with him. But my self-confidence took a few blows at Necto a week and a half ago.

I think the thing that bothers me the most is that a small part of me agrees with Loïc. I am a rich, spoiled brat. I’m not used to being turned down by a guy, and it sucks. It pisses me off. Yet it shouldn’t. I’m not God’s gift to mankind. Of course there are going to be guys out there who just aren’t into me. Why should that upset me? It’s common sense. There are plenty of others who would want me…who do want me. Why can’t I focus on that?

Nonetheless, I find myself at my parents’ lavish house, getting pampered to soothe my bruised ego. Yet it isn’t working. When multiple spa days, a mani-pedi, and the latest silver Prada handbag don’t bring a smile to my face, it’s time for a little self-reflection.

My mom has sensed my gloomy mood, and as always, she has tried to cheer me up with stuff. I know she means well, and normally, her efforts work, but this time is different. It’s as if Loïc’s rejection woke something up in me. It’s difficult for me to make heads or tails of it, but I’ve changed. I’m not the same girl I was almost three weeks ago at the sorority car wash. I find myself wanting more. I want to do more, feel more, simply be more than the self-centered rich girl I am.

I don’t know how a rejection from the hottest man in the world led to this desire to change everything about myself…but, for some odd reason, it just did. I take that back. I don’t want to change everything. I know that, deep down, I’m a good person. I care about others, I’m kind, and I’ve never let my financial status in life make me feel entitled. Fine…that last part might not be true.

Whatever.

The point is, I want more out of my life. I think this empty feeling in the pit of my chest has less to do with a boy not wanting me and more to do with the fact that his dismissal of me altered the way I feel about myself. I will not accept anyone making me feel this way. The truth of the matter is, if I felt whole, it wouldn’t matter who rejected me. It shouldn’t change the way I felt about myself.

So, I’m going to fix that. I’m going to become the confident, whole person I want to be. I’m not exactly sure how, but I’ve come to the conclusion that the first step is to get a job.

I graduated from one of the best colleges in the country. I’m capable of securing employment. Why did I spend that time getting a degree if I wasn’t going to use it? It’s time I stop taking Daddy’s monthly allowance and actually work for the life I have. Of course, I mean, I’ll stop taking it when I have been working for a while and am making good money. Why struggle if I don’t have to? Baby steps here.

“You shouldn’t scrunch your brow like that, sweetie. It will give you premature wrinkles.” My mom’s dark chocolate eyes assess me from the entryway.

I relax my face. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was.”

She makes her way over to the chaise lounge where I’m currently sitting. I watch her as she shortens the distance between us. She’s always so put together. Even today, when we have no plans to leave the house, she’s dressed to impress, her makeup perfectly applied. Her long brown hair is pulled up into a twisted updo. She’s going to be fifty next month, but she doesn’t look a day over thirty. Of course, she’s had some surgeries to help her in that endeavor. But, plastic surgery or not, she’s a stunning woman. When we’re out together, people often think we’re sisters. I’ve been told I look exactly like her, and she’s beautiful, so I can’t complain about the comparison.

“Baby, what is it? You’ve been so down all week.” She sits near the end of the chaise beside my legs. She places one of her freshly manicured hands on my leg and squeezes gently. “You can tell me, honey.”

“I don’t really have anything to tell, Mom. I just have an unsettled feeling. I think I need to get a job.”

“Do you need more money? You know your father will give you more.” She sounds concerned.

I shake my head. “No, I have plenty. I’m kind of bored. I think a job will give me some purpose, you know?”

“I understand that. I try to keep busy, too. I have to with all the alone time I have. Even if you don’t get a paying job, you can volunteer or organize a charity event.”

My mom’s life has consisted of organizing parties, charity events, and social functions. She’s right in that she always seems to be busy. Then again, she’s always alone, especially since Georgia and I went off to college. Even now, my father is traveling for work. He’s gone a lot.

“Yeah, maybe,” I say in an effort not to dismiss her suggestions. “I think it would be fun to use my degree. You know I love writing and reporting.” I got a degree in journalism, and it’d be nice to use it.

She laughs. “Yes, you do. Do you remember how you used to report on everything? You’d run around the house, using your sparkly pink hairbrush as your microphone.” She holds an invisible brush/mic in her hand and imitates my younger self, her tone serious, “
This just in. It appears Mom is currently making beef fajitas for dinner when she was planning on chicken cacciatore. Is something going on behind closed doors in the chicken industry that made her change her mind? We will be live at six with more on this story. Back to you, Bob
.” Mom removes the nonexistent microphone away from her mouth and puts her hand back in her lap.

The two of us start laughing hysterically.

“I was so annoying,” I say through my happy tears.

Mom wipes the sides of her eyes. “No, you were adorable. Still are.”

I take a deep breath and let out one more chuckle, thinking back to my childhood. “That report must have been when you still cooked.”

When I was in eighth grade, my parents hired a full-time chef to make our meals for us.

“Thank heavens we got a chef. I’ve always hated cooking.”

“You were good at it though.”

“Yeah, maybe. But I became way too busy with your and your sister’s activities and all my volunteering. It was definitely easier when we got help.”

“I’m sure it was.”

I think back to all the recipes my mom used to make. Her meals were definitely more in the category of comfort food versus the low-carb vegan meals the chefs usually made. My mom has admitted that she wasn’t the best cook when it came to healthy foods, but she made the meals Grandma taught her. I suppose that’s how it goes. We learn from our parents.

Am I really like my mom?

Paige says my mom is stuck-up and self-absorbed, and maybe she is a little, but she’s truly a good person. I think I’m a good person, so we have that in common. I’m not as self-centered as my mom—at least, I don’t think I am—but that’s an area I want to work on anyway.

“Hey, Mom, do you think you could make your chicken Alfredo for dinner once before I leave?”

“Oh, I don’t know, honey. I haven’t made that in years.”

“But you still know how, and it is so good. Now that I think about it, I’m really in the mood for it. I’m sure it will cheer me up a bit.” I smile big.

“Of course it will.” Mom chuckles. “I suppose I could. It’s just not really healthy, London. You know that, right?”

“Of course I do! That’s what makes it so delicious. Let’s live a little, Mom!” My voice is full of excitement at the thought of her Alfredo. It’s that good. If I remember correctly, the sauce mainly consists of butter, heavy whipping cream, and Parmesan cheese. Okay, so it’s definitely not the healthiest, but who cares?

“Fine, I’ll prepare it. I can see how happy it makes you. So, back to your new job endeavor. Do you think you’re going to try to get an on-camera job? The news stations always hire the fresh-out-of-college cute girls to give the morning traffic and weather reports. You could start there.”

“No, I think I’m going to start off on the writing end of it. Being on camera doesn’t sound as exciting as it used to. Now, I’m more interested in the investigative and journalism aspect. Maybe I will look into some freelance writing opportunities.” My minor is in writing, and I’ve always loved telling a good story on paper.

My mom nods. “That sounds like a great place to start.” She stands and looks back down to me. “By the way, when should I plan this meal for?”

“I think I’m going to fly out on Sunday, so before then.”

“Sunday?” My mom’s voice rises an octave. “You will not have been here for two weeks.”

I stand from the chaise and wrap my arms around her tiny waist. “I’ll miss you, too, Mom.” I release my hug.

“But—” she starts to protest.

“Mom, I really need to get back and get my whole grown-up life started, you know?”

“Why don’t you just move down here? There is nothing keeping you in Michigan. You graduated, and you don’t have anyone up there.”

“I have Paige, Mom.”

“True, but Paige will always be your friend, no matter where you live. I just think it’s time for you to move home.”

“Home?” I laugh loudly. “Mom, have you even lived here for a full month yet? I don’t know if I’ve been to Kentucky prior to this visit. This isn’t home for me.”

“Yeah, you’ve been to this state before—when you were little.”

“Well, I’ve lived in Ann Arbor for four years now, which is the longest I think I’ve ever lived in one place, so it feels more like home there anyway.”

“I guess I was thinking that home was where your family was.”

“I get that, Mom. But Paige is my family, too. And, to be honest, you and Dad probably won’t be here that long. So, what good would it do for me to get a job here just to have you move in a year? Then, I’ll be stuck here, alone. At least in Michigan, I have Paige.”

She sighs. “I see your point.”

“How about this? I will look for jobs everywhere and pick the one that gives me the best opportunity. Who knows? I could get an amazing offer from a Louisville-based company.”

“That would be great, London. Thank you. All I ask is that you keep your options open and give this area a chance.”

“I will.”

My mom seems lonelier than usual. She’s always been too busy to care where I might end up. It’s not that she doesn’t care; she does. She just seems a little desperate for company here. I’m sure it will get better once she makes new friends, which she will.

“Mom, why did you have to move here if Dad’s just going to travel? He can travel from anywhere.”

“I know,” she says quietly. “You know how it is.”

I suppose I do, but I don’t really understand my dad’s work. I never have.

I decide to change the subject. “I say we go pick up the ingredients for fettuccini Alfredo, get a couple of bottles of nice wine, order that new release with Scott Eastwood, and have a girls’ movie night.”

My mom’s eyes go wide at the mention of the actor’s name. “Oh, you know I love him. He’s such a great actor.”

“I’m sure your adoration for him has nothing to do with the fact that he’s insanely gorgeous.” I teasingly roll my eyes.

“Well, you know it does. He’s quite the specimen.”

“Of course he is! It’s about time you admitted it. Jeez.” I laugh.

“Oh, stop.” She chuckles and wraps her arm around my waist as we start walking out of the room. “Let’s go buy you a load of fat to put on your noodles.”

“Yum! Sounds delish.”