Finding Love at Home (The Beiler Sisters) (32 page)

Rosa was eight now, and she had smiled willingly enough last night, clearly happy about this turn of events. At the first chance she had, Ida had drawn Rosa close to her on the couch in Ben’s living room and spent an hour alone with her. If nothing else, she wanted to let Rosa see that she would live permanently in her life.

The four youngest had chattered freely last night. Baby Lisa, who wasn’t quite a baby anymore at three years of age, kept clinging to Ida’s neck. She couldn’t imagine that Lisa remembered her from earlier in the spring, but the girl acted like she did. Maybe it was
Da Hah
’s grace showing itself again. Ida wiped away a tear and turned away from the window.

She would love all of the children. There was no doubt about that. Ben’s two children had accepted her last night with timid smiles. At least there had been no tense moments, even though their
mamm
had passed away not that long ago. Wilma and John were a testament to Ben’s child-raising abilities. He was stern but also kind with his children. Ida liked that combination.

Ida changed into her chore dress as her thoughts turned to Debbie and Paul. If she could only get the two of them together permanently, what an accomplishment that would be. Ida sighed. She really must stop her scheming. That wasn’t right. All she could do was pray and help where possible. And at her wedding hadn’t Verna tried to help Alvin and Debbie along by having them be table waiters?
Yah
, and so Ida was doing nothing wrong when she’d asked Debbie to be her witness alongside Paul.
Da Hah
knew the man needed to get out of the house and around people again. That had been reason enough to ask him. Ida had thought Debbie wouldn’t agree to the arrangement at first. She could be awfully stubborn when it came to Paul Wagler. And Debbie probably had hopes Alvin would return to her someday. Those hopes had, of course, been dashed when Alvin began to date Mildred.

Thankfully Debbie had finally agreed to sit with Paul today. She had given her consent after breakfast on Monday morning. Ida
drove to Verna’s to inform Joe, so he’d pass the final word on to Paul. The truth was, Ida had Joe approach Paul early last week already to ask him if he’d consider a witness position alongside Debbie. Joe had been told to tell Paul that Debbie hadn’t agreed to it yet, that this was all Ida’s idea.

Ida headed down the stairs with her kerosene lamp. Debbie and Paul were now in
Da Hah
’s hands. The bride-to-be had done what she could. She made her way through the church benches already set up in the living room and entered the kitchen. There were no visitors in the house, which was a strange feeling for an Amish wedding.
Mamm
had actually agreed to keep the wedding small, and all of the immediate families lived in Snyder County. Wayne and Reuben, Ida’s two oldest married brothers would come with their wives and family, as would Verna and Joe with little Sarah Mae. Beyond that, Ben’s immediate family and the church district had been invited. Ben’s youngest brother, Phillip, who was still single, would be up from Lancaster. He’d agreed to serve as Ben’s witness from their side of the family, and Ida was glad. Ben’s gesture to heal wounds from a past quarrel with the family had been accepted. Quarrels were sad, but their wedding might play a part in the settlement of one.

And Lois would be here—but not Doug. Maybe
Mamm
could have them all back in the house for Thanksgiving, and then Doug and the Beiler family could warm up to each other. Ida doubted it would happen though. The pain Lois had left in
Mamm
and
Daett
’s hearts wouldn’t heal quickly.

Ida turned her thoughts back to today. She was happy with her wedding plans. There would be enough people in attendance. And all she really needed was Ben beside her and
Daett
to marry them. That would be a sight, Ida thought, laughing to herself. A couple and a bishop who stood in the living room all by themselves and said their vows.

Nee
, she would need more than that, Ida decided. On her wedding day she wanted to be surrounded by her family and the
community, and that’s just what would happen today. Ben and Ida were not islands in the sea that floated along on their own. They were connected with each other, with family, with the community, each dependent on the aid and love others supplied. This was her world, and she would now go through the rest of her days as a married woman among her people. Even if
Da Hah
should someday choose to take Ben before she passed, she would be known as his widow. Her days as a single woman would never return.

She heard the downstairs bedroom door open. Ida waited until
Mamm
appeared in the kitchen doorway.

“You’re up already? Are you okay?”

Ida smiled. “Don’t worry,
Mamm.
I’m not having doubts. I woke up thinking about the children.”

Mamm
sat down on a kitchen chair. “It’s hard to let you go, Ida. I guess you know that. But of all my daughters, you’re leaving for the most worthy cause.”

“Ah,
Mamm
.” Ida took a chair beside her. “I love the man too. You know that.”

Mamm
smiled for a moment. “And I’m glad to see that, but you know what I mean. Don’t overwork yourself, Ida. Remember that. And there will be children of your own, I suppose. They take a toll on a woman. You have to pace yourself. You can’t carry the whole world on your shoulders.”

Ida moved closer. “
Mamm
, please relax. I know all that already. Why are you telling me this now?”

Mamm
regarded her for a moment. “I don’t know, Ida. Just be careful. No woman knows when it happens until suddenly exhaustion has crept up on her because her life has become nothing but children, and work, and dirty diapers. Don’t let that happen to you, Ida. Take time to help with the chores—with Ben. In fact,
make
time. You’re not really a house-type woman. Your heart has always been outside. You need that at times. Ben will understand—if you
tell
him.”

Ida laughed, the sound soft against the kitchen walls. “You surprise me,
Mamm
. You’ve never said these things before.”

“And you’ve never wed before, Ida.”
Mamm
gave her a direct look. “You don’t know how to take care of yourself. You’ve suffered greatly already, but that doesn’t mean you should expect life to only contain pain for you. Make time for you and Ben alone. Even if it means sitting up later to talk
after
the children are in bed. Life can take that away from you, Ida. And it happens easiest for women like you. You need Ben’s love, so don’t ever be afraid to ask for it, especially when the times get rough.”

“
Mamm
!” Ida felt heat rise on her neck.

Mamm
smiled. “I’m afraid the time for blushing is past, Ida. You’ll be a wedded woman by tonight. You’re getting a
gut
husband, but you’re not his first
frau.
He’ll have to learn many things over again. You must tell him what’s on your mind. Tell him what love means to
you
.”

Ida’s face turned even redder. She hid her face in her hands.

Mamm
’s voice was insistent. “You must listen, Ida. I know what I speak of.”

“Ben’s been fine about all this,
Mamm
,” Ida protested.

Mamm
gave her another look. “It’s not Ben I’m worried about. It’s you, Ida.”

“I’ll try,
Mamm
,” Ida said. She really had no idea what
Mamm
was talking about, but she would remember the words for some future time—when and if they were needed. Perhaps there would come a day when the hours were dark and the work of the house too much for her. It would be a relief then to sit down with Ben after everything was quiet and soak in his presence.

Ida got to her feet. “Well, I must get busy.”

“Get busy?”
Mamm
glared at her. “Where are you going?”

“Out to the barn. There’s choring to do.”

Mamm
got to her feet. “
Nee
, Ida. It’s your wedding day. You’ll do no such thing.”

Ida allowed a smile to creep across her face. “I want to,
Mamm
. I
want to say goodbye to my life as a single girl. I’ll be in before long. A few minutes alone in the barn is what I need right now.”

Mamm
hesitated but soon nodded. “You don’t forget what I said now.”

“I won’t,” Ida promised. She slipped into her winter coat and boots in the washroom, lit the gas lantern, and found her way outside. Ida hurried across the lawn and pushed open the barn door. The stillness enveloped her as she hung the lantern on a beam in the barn ceiling. Emery and
Daett
would be out soon, but for now she was alone. Ida walked around and stroked the noses of the draft horses as they stomped in their stalls. She peeked out the back door to where the cows had begun to stir. Several of them noticed her and mooed.

This was a part of her world, and she must not forget it. Whatever
Da Hah
’s plans were for her married life—work, joy, trouble, heartache, loss, and perhaps even
kinner
of their own—she must return at times to this part of her childhood that would always have a special place in her heart.

A lantern bobbed outside. Recognizing the footsteps, Ida turned to greet Emery with a cheery “
Gut
morning.”

“What are you doing out here?” he asked with a smile.

“Saying goodbye.” She wiped her eyes quickly.

He made a pretend frown. “Don’t go crying on me now, Ida.” He smiled. “I do wish you the best.”

Ida reached out and squeezed his arm. “Thanks, Emery. You’ve been a kind brother to live with. I hope you find a
gut frau
for your own wedding day.”

Emery didn’t comment, but he kept smiling as he went to open the barn door for the cows.

Ida lowered her head and hurried out of the barn and across the lawn to the house.

Thirty-Two

D
ebbie stepped back from the front window to hide behind the curtains as Paul Wagler’s buggy turned in the driveway. Minister Kanagy had arrived moments earlier and was in whispered conversation with Ida in the kitchen. The rest of the wedding party was due anytime now. Minister Kanagy’s brother Phillip and a friend of the Kanagy family named Carrie would be the witnesses for his side of the family.

Obviously the Amish didn’t worry if the couple saw each other before the ceremony like
Englisha
do, Debbie thought. They were much too practical for that. Long before the first guests arrived, the couple would be hidden out in the upper levels of the barn, where the meal would be served. From there they’d make the trek back to the house when it was time for the service to begin. Debbie would be seated on one side of Ida with Carrie on the other. Right up on the front row where everyone could see them. Debbie steadied herself. This wouldn’t be too bad. She’d been through much the same thing at the baptismal service. And if she got nervous, she’d remind herself that Ida was the one everyone would be looking at.

Debbie peeked out the window to see Paul’s buggy come to
a stop. His eldest sister, Esther, jumped down. She proceeded to unhitch the horse. So far there was no sign of Paul. He must be waiting in the buggy, the poor man. He probably hasn’t recovered completely from his injury, Debbie thought. Why then had Paul consented to this? Would he take the chance to tease and flatter her again? She didn’t imagine that a man in his state would be up to that kind of behavior. Yet one never knew with Paul Wagler.

And that raised the question of why Debbie had consented to sit as Ida’s witness today with Paul. The answer was complicated, inspired by her roiling emotions since Sunday and Emery’s earlier encouragement. Like Emery said, this didn’t really matter in the larger scheme of things. And if it made Ida happy and helped a fellow community member, even if it was Paul, why not? Emery seemed to approve of the gesture. That meant a lot—more than she wished, in fact.

Debbie’s thoughts returned to the communion service on Sunday. Her initial euphoria over washing Mildred’s feet had soon given way to doubt. What if Alvin thought it was a desperate attempt to win him back? Sort of a show for the whole world that she was able to forgive and leave behind the past. That hadn’t been her intention. She’d wanted to create peace between Mildred and her. She hadn’t seen Mildred since Communion Sunday, but Alvin’s girlfriend had given every sign in the moments after the service that Debbie’s gesture had been fully understood, accepted, and appreciated.