Finding Master Right (32 page)

“I did.” Banner grimaced. “I probably owe her a real date after this.”

“No shit. I’m sorry if I ruined things with her.” There was an edge of despondence in his voice, but he covered it with teasing. “Is this the one you’ve been whining about for months?”

“Yeah.” He thought about Kate sitting in the other room, and anticipation spread through him. Was she actually interested in their relationship being long term?

Hopefully, this hadn’t scared her off, but Rook came first in his life, and she needed to know that.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted. I should have figured out what was going on with you without having to be told.”

“You’re my brother, not a mind reader, my keeper, or my therapist.” Rook was quiet for a while, as though he’d dozed off. Banner was surprised when he spoke again. “Mom seems different today.”

“I think you woke her up.”

“Maybe. We’ll see if it sticks.” Rook stared down the bed at their legs, side by side. Banner knew it used to bother Rook that he was so small compared to himself. He hoped he wasn’t dwelling on something that silly now.

He could feel himself dozing off, the lack of sleep and the ebbing of adrenaline finally hitting him.

“Banner?”

He startled awake.

“What?”

“I know this is a weird time to mention it, but don’t wear leather pants. They make you look like a moron.”

Chapter 19

Walking into Banner’s house felt as though she were coming home after a long day of work. As Kate stepped into the foyer, it overwhelmed her with memories and comfort. It smelled like
him
.

The door shut behind them, and she spun to face Banner. His eyes were bloodshot, and he hadn’t said much more than a few words on the ride home. He looked exhausted.

Her nerves were fried too. So many emotions swirled in her head, making her brain hurt. No amount of professional distance could keep her safe from the onslaught of emotions that had been in that waiting room. This wasn’t a client, this was the man she loved. He was her first priority.

“Thank you,” he rasped. “For everything tonight. I know it wasn’t pleasant for you, but I’m glad you were with me.”

She hadn’t done anything, really. The whole ordeal had been a family thing, so she’d kept her head down and stayed out of the way. She’d brought coffee and food to anyone who looked as though they needed it and sat next to Banner while he waited for his next turn to see his brother. Konstantin and Ambrose had seemed better equipped to help him through this, and they at least had some relationship with his family. But he’d still held on to her as if he were drowning.

“Anyone would’ve done the same,” she mumbled.

He nodded sadly. “You should go home and get some sleep.”

“No.” On the ride back, she’d already resolved to stay over with him. He needed comfort, not alone time. She wouldn’t push him to talk, but if he wanted to, she’d be there for him. “I’m too tired to drive home. Can I stay here?”

She hoped that by appealing to his protective side, he’d let her stay, and then she’d be there for him when he was ready.

His forehead crinkled as if he were surprised. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. We’ve had a long night.” She started toward his bedroom. “Come on. I’ll tuck you in.”

He chuckled. “Are you going to read me a bedtime story too?”

So he wasn’t so distraught he’d lost his sense of humor. That was good. Rook wasn’t the only one at risk. This opened a deep wound in the whole family. They all needed to watch out for one another.

They made their way to his bedroom, and he shed his clothes once inside. Now she wasn’t sure what to do. She didn’t want to intrude if he needed space, and she hadn’t processed what had happened just before the hospital call. They’d had a night of amazing sex, and there seemed to be some understanding that they were together, but where did they stand now? She didn’t want to be presumptuous by getting into bed with him. Were they a couple? Was it just for sex?

She stood awkwardly in the middle of the room while Banner collapsed onto the bed. When he looked at her, she said, “Do you want me to stay in the guest room?”

“What?” He pulled back the covers on the other side of the bed. “Get in here.”

That order, she would obey. She took off her dress, well aware of her nakedness, except for a pair of flimsy panties. But it wasn’t the time or place for sexy time. She got in and laid there awkwardly, wanting so badly to pull him into her arms and tell him everything would be okay.

Seeing him so destroyed tonight over his brother’s pain had stirred something in her—a fierce protectiveness so strong she’d had to fight back her own tears on the drive back from the hospital. His suffering broke her heart. Right now, all she wanted to do was to fix it. To make sure Banner knew he wasn’t alone, that he’d never be alone again if she had any say in the matter, and, more than anything, that he was loved.

Love. Her eyes welled with tears. He’d fought with Ambrose—over her. He wanted her. He’d said so. She was his. He’d said that, too, from what she could remember. Or had it been a dream?

Unable to help herself, she turned and curled her body around Banner. She imagined herself as a protective barrier, shielding him from the world, at least for now. He may have thought she was his, but he was just as much hers. And if he thought he was the only one with a protective side, he was dead wrong.

He was already sound asleep, his snores filling the stillness of the room.

Poor guy.

She hadn’t known much about his family before that night. Now that she’d experienced it firsthand, it was obvious why he was such a nurturer. From what she could tell, he’d taken care of his little brother for the last few years. His mother seemed as though she’d checked out, but her tears and worry might have been a turning point. His sister was . . . awkward and didn’t seem to read people well. Rook may have fared worse if it weren’t for Banner in his life.

She’d known Banner had a big heart, but now she understood the depths of it. He’d given so much of himself for his family. How was there anything left for him? No wonder he had trouble settling down with a girl. Even knowing he had family burdens and other priorities didn’t scare her.

And if he’d meant what he’d said earlier—that he loved her and wanted to keep her for himself as more than just as a kinky sex partner—she could accept the “slave” label and make things work.

What was a label, anyway, but a futile attempt to classify something so people could understand it? Some things weren’t meant to be labeled and classified. Some things were so deep and personal that they couldn’t even be explained in words, never mind words other people outside the relationship could understand. D/s was like that.

Whether Banner wanted to call what they had Master/slave or Dom/sub or whatever, it didn’t matter. It was special, and it was
theirs
.

With tears streaming down her cheeks, she kissed his shoulder, hoping he felt the love in his dreams. The next day would be an interesting one. She had to find a way to express all of this. Were there even enough words? Maybe the timing was wrong. After what had happened with Rook, the last thing Banner needed was more crap to think about.

It would kill her, but she’d hold it in for now. She’d gone this long without acknowledging it. Another few days wouldn’t matter.

***

Waking up was like fighting through quicksand. Her eyelids felt like they were glued shut. Why was she so tired? The events of last night rushed through her mind, jolting her awake.

Crap.

Last night had been a shit storm. And now she had to help her . . . Master? Finally, she peeled her eyes open and took stock of her surroundings. Banner’s ceiling. Warmth cocooning her bare body. And there he was, staring down at her.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” he said. “Rook is doing really well. Meadow just took over for my mother, and I need to be there at two.”

“Thank goodness.” He looked so relieved that it made her smile. She crinkled her nose. “How long have you been awake . . . and staring at me?”

He chuckled. “Not long. And you’re cute when you’re sleeping. Not my fault.”

Her heart fluttered as she stared up at his face—his beautiful face and bright eyes and gorgeous, kissable lips. How had she not fallen in love with that face sooner? Maybe she had only been fooling herself. But now she felt it so deep inside her, so deep in her bones, that she felt like swinging from the rafters and screaming it. It was impossible to ignore.

Instead, she sighed.

Not the time. Let him heal.

“I was expecting you to be long gone by now,” he said, resting his head on his arm.

“Hmm?”

“It seems to be your go-to move. When things get intense, you run.”

Guilt swept through her. How terrible it must have been for him. She’d had trouble thinking past her own panic before. Now she just wanted to stay there forever, in his bed, in his arms.

Her gaze dropped from his face. She feared she’d see pain in his eyes and blurt something stupid. “I’m sorry about that.”

It was silent a moment, and she pretended there was something interesting on her fingernail.

“Why did you stay?” he whispered, as if he were afraid of the answer.

Moving to sit up against the headboard, she tiptoed around the truth. “I was worried about you.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I care about you, obviously.”

“Care?”

She jerked her gaze up to look into his eyes. Was he pushing her on purpose? When she thought she’d find teasing, there was worry there instead. His jaw clenched tight as he studied her. Anxiety and pain were written on his face, as well as maybe a bit of hope. Did he want her to say it?

Swallowing hard, she dove in. “Yes. I care about you immensely.” Tears welled, but she blinked them back, staring at her hands.

Silence stretched.

She dared a glance at him. He frowned, then nodded slowly. It felt as if her heart were being sliced in two. She couldn’t bear to see him this way. Was he hoping she’d say more and she’d just let him down?

Fuck. Why wasn’t there an instruction book on this?

She sighed, frustrated. “Fine.”

He cocked his head. “Fine, what?”

“The timing is wrong, and I’m probably doing this wrong, but if you’re gonna force me, then . . . fine!” She glared. “I love you, Banner. And I’m sorry about what happened last night. I wish I could take that pain for you so you didn’t have to feel it. And I’m sorry for the last month with Ambrose. But I wouldn’t take that away, even if I could, because it made me realize how perfect you are for me. And I’m sorry the timing sucks for me to say I love you, but it’s true. Feel free to kick me out the door, but you brought me to this and . . .”

“Shhh.” He put a finger over her lips.

She froze, her eyes brimming with tears. He was going to reject her. Any second, he was going to tell her to leave. Her throat closed up, and she struggled to breathe.

“The timing doesn’t suck. The timing could never suck to tell someone you love them.”

Her tears spilled over, and Banner wiped them from her cheeks. Her lip trembled, but she tried to make her voice steady. “You . . . you love me, too, right?”

If he said no, she’d just die. Her heart seemed to stop beating as she waited for his answer. Maybe she’d misread him yesterday. Maybe she’d just made a complete fool of herself. Maybe—

“I adore you.” He smiled.

“Adore me? Like . . . like a sister or—”

“Absolutely not.” He pulled her tighter. “I hate to have to tell you this, but I have an awkward and intense affection for you.”

She giggled, then felt like a dork for giggling. “What does that even mean?”

“I’m in love with you, Kate.”

Her body froze, too afraid to move for fear she’d wake up and find this was all a dream. When he just stared at her, she finally croaked, “Why?”

He barked out a laugh. “Why? What kind of question is that? You can’t just go around asking people why they love you.”

“Sure I can. I just did.”

His adoring gaze when he rolled her onto her back surprised her. Sexy, demanding, dominating, silly, and now loving—this man kept her guessing, but she was enjoying learning the different facets of his personality.

He kissed her gently, trailing tickling fingers over her ribs and down to her waist. Kate shuddered, feeling an answering warmth gather between her legs.

“Mr. Jennings, are you trying to seduce me so you don’t have to answer my question?”

It was far too easy for him to pull her arms over her head, and then hold her wrists in one hand. He kissed her again, and she pressed against him, trying not to sigh like a lovesick schoolgirl.

“No, I was merely distracted by your beauty.”

She grinned, feeling giddy. When she looked at Banner, his expression was the same. She had never thought a Dom could be hot and lovesick at the same time.

He grimaced, then smiled. “I know you don’t want to do the twenty-four-seven slave thing, but we’ll find a way to be together. I can compromise. I don’t need perfection. The important thing is that I have you. We can work out the rest as we go.”

“I’ll be your slave,” she blurted.

He drew back. “What?”

“I decided it doesn’t really matter what you call us. Words . . .” She shook her head. “They only mean what you make them mean.”

“No, you don’t want that. I won’t force you into something you don’t want.”

“I
do
want it. I mean . . . I want what we’ve been doing. If that’s what you would call a Master/slave dynamic, then I guess . . . I guess that means I’m already your slave. I have been for months.” As a second thought, she met his eyes and added, “
Your
slave. Not just anyone’s. Only yours.”

A confused grin flashed for a second before it disappeared. “Are you sure? This isn’t something you pretend to be into to make someone happy.”

With a sigh, she switched to a kneeling position. “I’m absolutely sure. Don’t you want me, Master? I missed you so much this last month. I missed our conversations, your humor. I missed you calling me Trouble. I even missed your discipline.” No. It was more than that. “I
craved
your discipline. Most of all, I missed your collar. I missed feeling like I belonged to you.”