Finding My Highlander (13 page)

Chapter Nineteen

Kendrick and his men climbed the stairs to the keep as Andra started to sing. He stopped just inside the door to listen, noticing every face riveted on her.

“Ahh, the lass sings like an angel when she’s no yelling and curse’in at you or Struan.” Rabbie chuckled.

The vision before Kendrick completely captivated him. Her thick, russet hair glistened with golden and amber light like the threads in her gown reflected the hearth’s fire. She faced the dais and seemed to address Lorne and Edana but her words riveted him as if she sang for him alone. The hairs stood up along his arms despite a lack of chill in the air. Damn, he had been in her presence but a few minutes, and already, the desire to whisk her away to his bed filled him with a need beyond anything he could recall. Answers first, he told himself.

When she finished, several seconds of quiet hesitation blanketed the hall and then the clan erupted in applause disturbing a babe wrapped in its mother’s arms. The child wailed and Andra turned to the woman and reached for the baby. The woman paused, then handed the infant over. Andra crooned softly and sang a lullaby as she swayed and flitted between the bairns nestled by the fire. All eyes, young and old alike, followed her every move. The musicians picked up her rhythm and added a bit of string, pipes, and a soft tap on a bodhrán drum.

“She enchants them all,” Struan grumbled, but a smile tipped the corners of his mouth and crinkled around his eyes.

Andra was still singing to the children when she turned and saw Kendrick at the door. She graced him and his men with a dazzling smile. Her song finished, she handed the quieted babe back to its mother. The musicians began a more rousing tune while the clan yelled a welcome to their laird, and men moved to dance with the women strolling about the hall.

“Tis time the bairns retire for the night,” Beatrice called to the assembly. She went to her son and kissed his cheek in welcome. “Perhaps you should escort Lady Andra to her rooms. It’s her first night in the hall, and I fear we have o’er tired her.”

When Andra drew near, Kendrick noticed dark-blue crescents under her eyes, and she appeared thinner than when he’d last seen her. He swept a bow and held out his arm, “You look tired, lass. Perhaps it is time to retire for the night.”

“I’ll admit I feel a bit fatigued.” She curtsied awkwardly to his mother and the dais then allowed Kendrick to escort her from the room.

The touch of her cool fingers ignited a fire to his insides. He was grateful his sporran covered the bulge below his waist. “It seems you weave your magic on the clan with your lovely voice.”

She looked at him askance. “We’re not back to that topic, are we? I thought you and I were in accord on the matter of magic.” A smile tweaked the corners of her lips. Her voice held a congenial and flirtations lilt.

Kendrick patted her hand, “Aye, so we are.” When they entered her room, he stoked the fire, unsuccessfully fighting his desire for her. He flexed his muscles in an effort to relax the tension rippling across his shoulders.

“I’m glad you’ve returned unharmed. I’ll admit to missing you and the men.” The whisper of a smile hovered on lush lips that she moistened with her tongue. In two strides, he had her in his arms and searched her eyes for any sign of reluctance. He needed no encouragement beyond her brilliant smile. He laid a gentle kiss over her wet mouth. Her arms snaked around his neck as she pressed her body into his, and all gentleness fled. He consumed her lips, his tongue invading her with deep, probing strokes. Running his fingers through the strands of her braid, he loosened her hair until it tumbled in a mass around her shoulders.

He released her mouth when she gently pushed her hands against the planes of his chest. “Perhaps we should sit, enjoy the fire, a glass of wine, and a pleasant chat before I retire.” She urged them to restraint, but he could see she felt the same desire that roared through his veins.

Kendrick cradled her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. “Och, lass, I think we both would enjoy something more stimulating than a chat and a glass of wine.”

Rather than move to retrieve the wine and glasses on the small bedside table, his hands removed her jacket and ran seductively down her sides. “Your gown is fetching and you wear no corset.”

He ignored the niggling rebuke in the back of his mind that cautioned control. When he cupped her breasts and trailed kisses down her neck and across the flesh below her collarbone, Andra sighed and gripped his shoulders.

“I thought it too constrictive and knew it would hurt my ribs.” she responded breathlessly while easing away from his ravishment.

He took a half step back from her and loosened his hands to a light touch on her waist. He was a cad and not behaving in a gentlemanly manner. Nevertheless, he had not been able to shake his burning desire for her, nor the need to give her shelter and protection. Those thoughts had preoccupied him since he’d last seen her stricken with grief and illness and curled into a ball on his bed.

“You are still sore from the injury you incurred at the river?” he asked, genuinely concerned.

“The incessant coughing over the past week did nothing to reduce the discomfort.” Her eyes never left his. “You have caught me off-guard, Laird MacLean. You honor me with your interest in my welfare. However, I think we should take a moment to catch our breath. Don’t you agree?”

“You may address me as Kendrick when we are in private, Andra, considering our prior intimacies and the fact that you have repeatedly used my given name.” He released her and took up the wine and glasses. “You’re right, of course. Please sit and tell me how you’ve fared in my absence.”

They had already shared one amazing night of intimacy, so why the hesitation now? She wasn’t an innocent. She had known a man before and given birth to a son. God’s bones, she tempted him, and he desperately wanted to divest her of her clothing and gorge himself on her hot center. He also prided himself on his self-control, which he found nowhere in evidence at present.

Before she took her seat, he raised his hands to pull her back into his embrace but stopped short. That would not be prudent and he knew it, recalling the words he’d rehearsed repeatedly;
answers, you need answers from her before this goes any further.
He couldn’t shake the nagging thought that the answers he sought would profoundly affect the future of his clan.
You dinnae want an attachment. You dinnae want a wife, especially one with no acknowledged clan connections, and a Cameron to boot.

He put the lie to himself again, but in the back of his mind, he knew it was a lie—all of it, except for the itching need to understand the mysteries surrounding her.

* * *

Andra had not yet taken a seat. Kendrick set the glasses and wine on the raised hearth facing the chairs. He started to reach for her again but stopped and silently waited. Even she knew this meeting alone in her room went beyond all propriety. But then again, what did anyone really know about the private, intimate engagements between men and women over three hundred years in her past. Why send away the most handsome, luscious man she’d ever met, a man who plainly wanted her as much as she wanted him. Soon enough she would find a way to leave, but for now, why not enjoy their time together. After all, she was a twenty-first century woman despite this temporary visit to the seventeen hundreds.

Relenting to the desire that flooded her senses, she decided not to deny the moment. Just thinking about their previous encounter made her wet and tingly with anticipation. The second time around could only be better than the first, and their first shared passion had been spectacular. Besides, she had truly missed him.

She smiled her most seductive smile and turned her back. “Will you help me unlace this gown, m’lai—Kendrick?” She remembered him saying he liked the sound of his name when she spoke it. Moreover, this time she spoke it with unveiled longing.

When his fingers touched her shoulders, she noted their incredible strength. He leaned in and took a deep breath against her hair. “De you ken what you ask of me, Andra? Are you sure you want me to bed you again when I can make no promises, and I will not take you to wife? There are many questions I still need answered, and I suspect some of your own you’d wish to clarify.”

And there it was—the proverbial bucket of ice dumped on her desire, strumming every fear she held at bay concerning her future should she not be able to leave this time period. Despite the heat from his touch and a blazing fire in the hearth, she suddenly shivered with chill. What would become of her? Who would protect her? She could not become his mistress or even more frightening, have him consider her his whore and pass her off to one of his men once he slacked his lust. Now that he knew about her son, he probably considered her a fallen woman or worse. What was she thinking to invite another tryst?

Her mouth dropped open at her stupidity and she stepped away, pulling her arms across her chest. His words were a flint igniting her anger. “I don’t believe I’ve asked you to wed me, my laird.” She harshly bit out the retort.

“Andra, I mean no offense. You know I desire you, and I can see the desire is mutual, but I will not lie to you. It is best we are clear about our standing before things between us progress.”

“Of course,” she snapped, “you are right, I’m just tired and not thinking clearly. Please, leave me.” She squared her shoulders, straightened her back, and lifted her face to his.

A spark lit in his eyes. His mouth drew into a straight line and his jaw tensed. She could see the anger and frustration, but he didn’t argue or comment. Without another word, he stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

Sleep evaded Andra that night. She tossed and turned. Just thinking about Kendrick’s words made her burn and freeze in equal measure. “I must get my wits about me and find a way to return to my time,” she whispered into the dark. Nevertheless, a crack had formed in that resolve though she ignored it completely.

Andra arose from her bed in the still-dark, pre-dawn hours. She pulled on a pair of her black leggings, black slip-on running shoes, and slipped on a plain linen shift and lightweight over gown. Finally, she pulled her leather vest over the shift and tied her hair in a ponytail with a piece of ribbon. It was time to get back into shape and it would start this morning. With her
sgian dubh
tucked into the inner pocket of her vest, she headed to the shed in the lower bailey to find the practice weapons stored there. She located the smaller weapons designed to teach younger boys the art of combat and pulled out a small bow and quiver of arrows. It would work perfectly for her purposes.

“Thank you, Dad,” she said to the dark sky. Her father had insisted she learn archery and though she had originally balked at the idea, she quickly grew to love their time spent on the archery field.

Tucking the ends of her skirts into a knot at her side, she began with a good stretching routine. By the time she finished the sky had turned a deep violet-gray, and she could see the hay targets used for bow practice. Movement in the upper bailey alerted her that people had begun their early morning tasks, tending to the castle and its inhabitants. Stretching out tight muscles in her shoulders and arms, she notched an arrow and took aim at the closest target. Concentrating, she let the first arrow fly and quickly re-notched another arrow aiming for the next target farther out.

Chapter Twenty

Kendrick walked the parapet as he often did in the early morning before his clan and the demands of the keep claimed his time. He had slept little the night before. Thoughts of Andra plagued him. After leaving her last evening he went to the village inn, thinking he would slack his lust with a bar wench or some other willing woman. A comely lass accompanied him to an upper room, but when they reached the door, he abruptly changed his mind—something he had never done before.

He could not remove the vision of Andra with her head tilted; that sweet smile, those sultry eyes, her inviting, velvet voice made him grow hard just thinking about it. Then the sudden chilled reversal that arose when she stared him down and ordered him to leave her. She was, of course, in the right, but still…

He spied Andra leaving the keep and heading toward the practice fields. At first, he thought to go after her, but decided she could not reach any place unobserved from his present position. It would be better to examine her movement and discern why she skulked about in the dark.

“Well, well, will our mystery woman never cease to amaze us?” asked Rabbie, watching as another arrow smacked the center of its target even in the low light of pre-dawn. “She’s an impressive woman, that she is. Did she disclose anything else last night?”

“Nae,” Kendrick snapped.

Rabbie quirked an eyebrow, “Why don’t you make her explain the things in her bag for starters? Mayhap it will nudge her to an open discussion.”

“Humph. Perhaps a day in the dungeon would loosen her tongue.” However, Kendrick knew he would never throw her into that dank, filthy place under any circumstance, not even if she proved to be from an enemy clan. Besides, her recent illness still weakened her.

“She will withdraw further if I push too soon or too harshly.” Yet he did want to push. He wanted to push and push until she disclosed every secret and then he wanted to push his hard manhood into her sweet flesh and claim her once again.

After Andra loosed a few more shots, she dropped the bow and arrows and started running toward the lower gate. Kendrick’s muscles tightened. Did she intend to escape? When she approached the inside curtain wall, she picked up her pace and ran a circle around the entire bailey two more times before returning to the weapons she’d left on the grass. Bending over to retrieve the items, she suffered a severe coughing fit.

“What does she think she’s doing, tiring herself in such a manner? She’s barely recovered from her injuries and illness.” Rabbie asked with an incredulous tone.

Kendrick admired her tenacity, though he too struggled to understand her motivation. “She behaves more like a warrior. It seems she intends to make herself fit with punishing trials. Not unlike our men might perform following an illness or injury. One of us must keep track of her at all times until we know what she’s doing here and whether she works with someone who plots against the clan.”

“Well, if ‘tis exercise the woman needs, you should be able to handle that. A bit of frolicking might be something you both could use.” Rabbie moved to avoid Kendrick’s swing at him.

Kendrick bristled. “Be careful what you babble aboot, Rabbie.”

“Perhaps a ride over our lands might help loosen her tongue is all I meant.” They both knew it was not what he’d implied.

* * *

Later that morning Kendrick found Andra in the gardens with Jane. “Good day, ladies.”

Jane bobbed a curtsey and quickly excused herself gathering her basket of freshly cut herbs. Andra handed her basket to Jane as well. “Some of the herbs should be dried, but some I will steep and clarify to add to our creams, Jane. I’ll join you a bit later.”

With a sweep of his hand, he indicated they sit on a bench under an arbor heavy with vines whose leaves dropped in profuse, burnished brown piles. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes.

Andra had no idea how to begin a conversation to repair the rift that had occurred the previous evening. It was a stupid argument. Of course, he couldn’t take her as his wife, nor did she want him to. Adjusting to eighteenth century mores presented a challenge, but she did not intend to stay for long.

Finally, Kendrick spoke. “I hear you’ve been working with Jane making soaps and such. I’m glad to see you settling into your surroundings. Do you feel well today?”

“Yes, thank you.” She sounded distracted to her own ears. They were both reticent.
This is ridiculous
.
We need to be able to speak with one another.

He seemed as awkward as she felt. He should be apologizing, but then again, she suspected he did not apologize often or easily. Perhaps she should apologize for her blatant capitulation to her desires. They started to speak at the same moment. She stopped and motioned he continue.

He didn’t look at her for a second, then turned to capture her gaze. “It’s a warm day. I thought mayhap you’d like to ride with me today.”

“Oh, I’d love to.” An invitation to ride was the last thing she’d expected.

“After watching your…er…exercise this morning in the bailey, I thought you might be well enough.”

“Oh, you saw me? Yes, well, I’m anxious to regain my strength and stamina. A ride would be excellent. When might we leave?”

He studied the sky for a few minutes. “We should go soon. The weather may change abruptly later today, and I wouldn’t want us caught by the elements so soon after your recovery. Are you sure your ribs can handle a ride?”

“I’m still a bit sore, but if we don’t race at breakneck speed, I think I’ll be fine.”

At least a ride would re-engage them in pleasant conversation. Well, maybe it would. She expected a barrage of questions, but she wanted to make peace. That’s what she told herself. In her heart, she wanted something more, something to do with
how
they might arrive at that peace.

They rode out of the bailey, he on his great, gray horse, aptly named Thunder, and she on a gentle, tan mare. Many of the trails skirted fields occupied with men who tended livestock or harvested grain. The golden fields rolled in waves under a soft breeze. Soon they reached a ridge overlooking the ocean. Kendrick pointed out various landscape anomalies, and conversed easily about his clan and the surrounding village and crofts. Every word and expression revealed his pride as he gazed over the land. Visible from this location, the castle’s expanse of red sandstone shimmered in the sun. The red hills seemed to have birthed Ruadhstone Castle. Four concentric towers, the outer walls, and the inner structure of the keep looked like a natural part of the rugged landscape of towering spires.

Kendrick pulled them beside a cluster of scraggy pine trees and dismounted. He indicated a pack on the back of his horse. “I’ve brought refreshments.” Taking her waist, he lifted her down, his hands lingering for several seconds before releasing her. He laid down a plaid. “Come, join me.”

Sinking down beside him, she lifted her head eyes closed, and breathed deeply, “Mmmm, I love the smell of the ocean.”

“Did you live near the ocean?” His nonchalant tone did not conceal his intention to commence the interrogation.

Questions already?
What did she expect? “Yes, I can recall being near the ocean on many occasions over the years. My father loved the sea.”

“So, you’re regaining your memories?”

She dropped her head, her hand drifting to the cross at her neck. “I have many memories, Kendrick. I just can’t explain how I came to be in Scotland. My father died. He’d asked me to return the family’s ashes to his beloved Scotland. I was preparing to leave on my journey, and that is the absolute last thing I can recall before seeing you and your men riding through those trees.”

“From where did you begin to prepare for the trip?”

What had she told him previously? “Truthfully, I cannot recall. I imagine it could have been most anywhere on our extensive travels. I know it was near the ocean, but nothing else is clear in my mind. Do not think that this lapse of memory does not trouble me as much as it seems to trouble you. In ways I can’t begin to explain, it terrifies me that I have no idea how I arrived in Scotland.”

It did indeed trouble her, but not for any reason he might imagine. The anxiety she felt when she allowed herself to dwell on the matter for too long barely described her terror. His frustration was quite evident, and she knew he was growing angry over her reluctance to disclose more.

“Lorne suggested you might have been in the heathen lands, accounting for your father’s ashes. Andra, you can trust me, you ken. I’ll not hold anything against you and will do everything in my power to provide assistance.”

His entreaties were so intense, so earnest. She reached her hand to cup his jaw. “I trust you, Kendrick. If I could tell you more about how I came to be here, I would.”

“What about your son’s father?”

That question startled her. Dropping her eyes for a moment, she allowed the painful memories to swamp her but refused to cry. What else could she offer to answer his questions?

“As for Roy, my son’s father, there is little to say. He has no claim on me, and I have none on him. I don’t know his location, or even whether he lives, nor do I want to know. How or why I ever saw any redeeming quality in the man baffles me, and that is all I would like to say on the matter. I am absolutely certain he will never enter my life again.” He had no idea the magnitude of that statement. Especially if she remained in this time since Roy wouldn’t be born for centuries.

“I believe you speak the truth, but you continue to withhold. Just listening to you speak of this worthless rake in your life makes me want to roar like a beast. You may think this is none of my business, but if you or your past poses a danger to my clan, then everything about you is of import to me.”

This talk about Roy and her past upset her. When she turned her gaze back to him, she couldn’t hide the sadness or the fear that clutched at her. On the one hand, he made her feel desired and safe, on the other hand anxious with his relentless probing.

“I’m so sorry to disappoint you, Kendrick, truly I am. Is it possible to take our time, allow the memories to return at a natural pace? I promise I pose no threat to you and your clan. No one misses me or searches for me. Of that, I’m certain.

She decided she might as well go for broke. “And I’m sorry about last night. I was just so happy to see you safely returned. I feel all at loose ends when you are not near me, as silly as that sounds.”

Reaching a hand behind her neck, he brought his mouth to hers in a hungry, demanding kiss. Twining his fingers through her braid, he loosened her hair. He pulled her under him, and a deep rumble resonated from his throat.

The tensely bunched muscles of his arms surrounded her. It might be a mistake or only her wild imagination, but his embrace provided a deep sense of security. The crush of his hard chest against her breasts sent waves of heat and wetness between her legs. He pushed down the top of her bodice, ran a thumb over a hardened nipple, and pressed his thickened member against her abdomen. She rocked against him, urging more.

He sucked and nipped her nipple. “Ahh, my sweet, you’re as ripe and ready as a plump berry.

Her aureoles puckered with arousal. The throbbing at her apex intensified exponentially when his hand slid along her thigh and pushed up her skirts.
What in God’s name am I doing?
But she quickly slammed the door on further questions of that nature.

Of their own volition, her legs parted, granting him access, and he took it. The palm of his hand pressed onto her mons, his thumb rubbed heated circles against the nub of her arousal. Her hips thrust against his hand as his fingers invaded her warmth.

He pressed his forehead against hers. “You’re beautiful. You make me forget myself. I ache for you, mo stór. I’m near bursting to enter you. Will you have me freely, Andra?”

He started to say more when she stopped him. “Say not another word, Kendrick. Let’s not ruin this moment. You want me. I want you. Let that be enough.” She pressed her mouth to his and suckled his full, lower lip then plunged her tongue into his mouth as he lifted above her and gently nudged the tip of his shaft against her entrance.

After a few, quick thrusts, a form of madness possessed her. She ignored all thoughts and the clanging bells urging caution. She fed their passion with full abandon. When she climaxed, she threw back her head, cried out her pleasure, and clutched him to her as he found his own release.

Sated and resting languidly in his arms, Andra’s thoughts wrestled with concern over her recklessness. She couldn’t seem to rein in her passion for this man, and he seemed less inclined than she did to proceed cautiously. Of course, he was a man and a laird; what did bedding one more woman matter to him. Yet the thought that she was most likely just another conquest hurt deeply, even though she chose to ignore those feelings. Besides, she suspected he would not pursue her if she rejected his advances, and right now, no matter how insane the idea, she definitely craved his pursuit.

Kendrick leaned over her and brushed his thumb along the worry lines creasing her forehead. “What troubles you, lass?”

“I…I don’t know what to make of us, Kendrick. I think we are both behaving completely out of character. Well, perhaps not you, but I can certainly speak to my own behavior. This passion overrules my good sense and is more than a little unsettling.”