Finding North (15 page)

“I didn’t say I was jealous.” I’m sure he can hear my teeth grinding from the passenger seat.

“You didn’t have to.”

I sigh. “Look, I know it’s not my place to tell you this, but don’t fuck anyone else.”

Will chuckles, like that shit’s funny. “You’re right, it’s not your place to tell me anything, but if I decide I do want to fuck someone else, I’ll tell you first.”

I dart my gaze from the road to his face, because I need to know if he’s just being Will, or if we need to have the talk and lay down some important fucking ground rules. “Wait, you’re serious?”

“As a heart attack,” he says, deadpan.

“You’d consider fucking another man while we’re together?”

“Are we together though? Can you really call it that when all we do is sneak around and fuck behind closed doors, and you steal away into the night in case someone starts asking questions?”

Fuck
. Jesus, he’s right. I don’t have any say in this because I can’t even give him a second look in public. I don’t get to say shit about who he sleeps with because I’m not man enough to front up and claim him as my own.

No matter how many steps we take forward it always seems like I’m dragging us two steps back.

I unclench my hands from the steering wheel before I wind up snapping the bloody thing in two. “Don’t flirt with anyone tonight.”

“Why would you just automatically assume that I would flirt?” He studies me in the dark cab. “I don’t have anyone else to impress. If I wanted some other guy, I’d have him, but I sure as hell wouldn’t be bringing you along for the ride. Unless you were up for it?”

“Don’t,” I warn.

Will holds his hands up in a placating gesture. “Alright, enough with the teasing. Would you just find a park already? The bar is right there.” He points to a bar with a shiny black tile façade. The neon lights above the door read
Sinners
, and despite it being one a.m. on a Sunday night, there’s still a line of people waiting to get in and a bouncer out the front who looks bored shitless. I almost rear-end the car in front of me, trying to get a good look at the place as we pass.

I find a park a couple of metres from the entrance, and pull into it. We climb out of the car, and Will surprises me by coming around to my side and taking my hand. My instinct is to pull away because we’re in public, but he just raises a brow at me and I relax and nod. From across the street, loud music can be heard, an endless stream of doof-doof beats with Bruno Mars’ voice mixed in, which is faint but can still be recognised easily.

“You ready?”

“No,” I say, but he tugs me across the street anyway. There’s a line consisting of at least twenty people in front of the club, and the entire time we wait I cast my gaze up and down the street, terrified of being recognised.

“Would you chill the fuck out?”

“Sorry.” I smooth sweaty palms against my jeans. Will surprises me by grabbing my chin and tilting my face up to his. He kisses me, and despite how uncomfortable I feel, I wrap my arms around him and kiss him back. We’re met with cheers from the group behind us, and an outspoken cry of “Get a room,” and “Invite me along to watch”. Nervous laughter bubbles up in my throat.

We finally make it past the bouncer’s little rainbow-coloured velvet rope, and Will pulls me into a dark bar with booths along one side, a white Day-Glo dancefloor down the front and a huge bar smack-bang in the middle with a backlit Da Vinci-style painting of an all-male orgy. My dick twitches just looking at it, despite my kneejerk reaction to feel repulsion or look away.

“It’s a masterpiece isn’t it?” Will shouts into my ear.

The rest of the club has this whole saints versus sinners vibe, black leather booths line the walls and stark white lights glow above them in the shapes of halos. It’s not at all the seedy fuck-fest I’d envisioned. I don’t know if I’m relieved or disappointed. “Come on. I want you to meet Josh.”

Josh is also not at all what I had in mind. I guess I’d been excepting a bigger, better, more
gay
version of me.
North 2.0. Now with Bermuda shorts and accessories. Batteries not included.

Josh unmistakably plays for the same team—that much was clear. He’s attractive, not hot. He clearly kept himself in shape, and ginger flecks his blond hair and stubble. He holds his hand out for me to shake, and I do. I probably shake it a little too hard to make up for any inadequacies I feel. He notices.

“Wow, that’s some grip. No mistaking you’re a man’s man, is there?” He winks and then gives Will a pointed look. Will glares and Josh turns his attention back to me. “So, is it as gay as you thought?”

“Excuse me?”

“The bar? As terrifying as you thought?”

I frown. “I wasn’t terrified.”

“North, he’s fucking with you,” Will says, and he and Josh share an unspoken exchange that riles me completely. I don’t like that they can communicate their thoughts the way Will and I can without having a fucking conversation, and I really don’t like that Josh had been the one warming Will’s bed until recently.

“He’s right. I am. I’m a little overprotective of our Will here.” He wraps his arm around Will’s shoulder and I clench my jaw. “I see you are too, so let’s get something out in the air so that we can enjoy our night. I know all about you, North Underwood, and even knowing what I know, I can’t say I blame Will for trying.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” I snap.

“It means that if you weren’t such a hetero head-fuck, and if Will wasn’t one of my best friends, I’d be devising a plan to get inside those very snug-fitting jeans of yours. However, because I don’t have time to train a hetero to play gay, you’re safe. But ...”

“Hey, be nice,” Will says.

“I’m almost done.” Josh holds up his index finger to Will in a
not now
gesture. “Anyway, hurt my friend again, and I will kick your arse. Now, who needs a drink?”

“Yeah, get us both one,” Will says, taking out his wallet. Josh waves him away and walks off toward the bar.

“Nice
friend
,” I say to Will, resisting the urge to put speech quotations around the last word.

“Sorry, I didn’t anticipate him turning into a raging queen just now,” Will says sheepishly. “He’s just looking out for me.”

Will gestures for me to sit and I slide into the booth. There’s a young blond sitting opposite us that Josh hadn’t even bothered to introduce us too. The guy glances up from his phone long enough to smile, and then goes back to texting.

“Hey, I’m Will. This is North,” Will says.

The boy’s head snaps up, and he looks at me quizzically. “North? Like Kanye West’s kid’s name?”

“Or like the direction,” I say, attempting to hide my grin.

“Wow, did your parents copy Kanye?”

Is he fucking serious?

“How—” I begin, but Will squeezes my thigh under the table. He shakes his head and turns away, so the kid won’t see him laughing. I can’t even contain my amusement and as a result, Will’s laughter gets louder.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” I say. “‘In’ joke.”

The kid laughs. “Oh right, because we’re inside.”

Fuck me.
Is it possible Will’s ex managed to find the dumbest kid walking the planet?
Will laughs even harder, and then Josh returns with our drinks. “You guys met Brad, huh?”

“Yes we did,” Will says, unable to hide the smile.

“Shut up, fuckface,” Josh says.

Will takes a sip of the drink Josh put before him. “So where did you two meet? Toys”R”Us?”

“Very fucking funny, arsehole.” Josh glares at Will.

“Dude, they don’t open past six,” Brad says seriously. “Josh found me walking the streets two days ago, high as a fucking kite. I had no idea where I was. My mum’s going to kill me when she finds out I’m gone.”

I frown. “Wait, how old are you?”

Brad takes a sip of his drink. It looks like a fucking fire engine. “Eighteen.”

“Oh, thank god he’s legal,” Josh says, wiping a hand across his brow with over exaggerated relief.

Brad climbs into his lap and pouts. “Can I have some money, Daddy?”

“Jesus Christ,” Will mutters.

Josh leans around the child on his lap and gives us the finger. “For what?

“There’s a boy selling powder in the bathroom,” Brad says.

“Here,” Josh says, shoving a hand beneath Brad’s crotch to fish out his wallet. He hands over two fifty-dollar notes. “Go have fun and let the adults talk.”

“Thank ya, Daddy.” He blows Josh a kiss and wanders off toward the back of the club.

“What the fuck are you doing with a twink?” Will leans forward and slaps Josh over the head.

“Oh god, I know.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “He’s so dumb, seriously I’ve come across dog shit that’s smarter than this kid, but he’s oh-so pretty.”

“You’re not worried about going to jail?” I say, unable to hide my disgust.

Josh narrows his eyes. “Were you worried about that when you took Will’s virginity?”

“We were the same age,” I say, and then turn to Will. “Just how much did you tell him about me?”

“Everything,” Josh says.

“Knock it off.” Will gives him a pointed look. “I’m a big boy.”

“I remember,” Josh says.

I grind my teeth and take a deep breath in through my nose. I’m about ready to punch this guy’s fucking lights out. Sensing my agitation, Will places his hand on my knee and gives a gentle squeeze. “Josh, could you dial down the queen setting on your personality please?”

“Right. Anything to avoid this little disaster between the two of you,” he says, and then rolls his eyes when Will so obviously kicks him under the table. “Ow. Okay, I’ll say no more about the horrendous idea of the two of you sleeping together that we all know is going to end badly.”

“One more time, and we’re out of here,” Will says.

My gaze is drawn to the dancefloor, and the copious couples who are gyrating and kissing in the middle of it. Centre stage, there’s a blonde with big tits and a tight arse sandwiched between two guys. Their dancing is insanely fucking hot, but the way the guys eye one another over the girl’s shoulder lets me know that’s all it is—dancing, fun. Everywhere I look it seems everyone is comfortable in their skin. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like that—completely comfortable with who I am.

“Trust the hetero to find the only thing in the room with a vagina,” Josh says, pulling my gaze from the floor. “I think that one’s manmade though, sorry, handsome.”

“Manmade?” I ask.

“Transgender,” Will replies. The corners of his lips are turned down, and his jaw is clenched. He’s pissed.

“Wait, that’s a dude?” I ask, my gaze zeroing in on the woman. I knew the tits were fake, but that arse? Those legs?

“Used to be,” Josh says. I shake my head, wondering what the hell that makes me, because I’m sporting a semi and my head is reeling.

Jesus Christ. What the hell am I doing here?

Brad comes back to the table, sniffing like a fucking stuffy-nosed kid, and he climbs onto Josh’s lap once more and kisses him, open-mouthed, tongues hanging out. It’s messy as fuck, and I don’t know if my revulsion stems from the fact that it’s two guys, or that Brad still looks like a kid, or that I got hard watching a woman who used to be a dude dry-hump two other dudes.

I’ve never felt the need to define my sexuality. I like pussy. I fuck pussy. Will had been an experiment. I was curious, and then I was head over fucking heels for my best friend and too scared to admit it to myself, to him, to everyone. I’m still trying to figure out who the fuck I am,
what
I am, but this? I don’t even know what to think.

“I gotta hit the head,” I say, adjusting my crotch before looking at Will to move.

“Uh-oh,” Josh says. “We’ve offended the hetero.”

“Quit being such a fucking bitch,” Will says, as he stands and lets me exit the booth. He grabs my hand as I make to leave. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah.” I pull out of his grasp. “Just gotta take a piss.”

I walk through the packed bar and shove open the bathroom door. Inside, I’m met with men of all different walks of life—suits doing lines on the counter top, bears at the trough, and even a couple of younger surfie guys. Some are dressed in jeans and T-shirts, some in leather, and others? Well, others are wearing nothing below the waist because their dicks are either getting sucked by some dude on the filthy bathroom floor or they’re buried in another guy’s arsehole.

What the fuck did I just walk into?

I head for the trough, but everyone is standing a little too close for comfort. My gaze zeroes in on the cubicles across the room and I move towards them. Unfortunately, that doesn’t help because I have to walk past the couples fucking, and when I reach the cubicles, two out of the three are missing doors. The other is occupied, and judging by the banging against that door, either someone had one hell of a curry for lunch or there’s another couple fucking up against it.

I choose the cubical that isn’t strewn with toilet paper confetti and whip out my dick. Before I can even summon the will to pee, strong arms come around me and grab my cock. My first thought is that it’s Will, but one glance down at the long un-inked fingers has me bucking against the guy. He releases me and I shove back, tucking my dick away before turning to face him.