Finding North (7 page)

“S
top playing games, Will.” North tightens his grasp on my neck.

“I don’t do games,” I say through my teeth.

My hands are crushed between my torso and the door, so I can’t fight back. A part of me doesn’t want to.

“Say you want it,” he whispers, moving closer. His body engulfs me from behind, so much bigger, stronger, but that isn’t what turns my resolve to jelly. It’s the hard cock pressed against my arse that melts every last bit of self-preservation I have. I want it. God, do I want it. It will fuck up everything we have. It will destroy us. He’ll resent me for having done it, and I’ll fall even more in love with him. But I want it all the same.

My dick throbs. Anymore fucking anticipation and I’ll combust—or come in my pants like a fucking kid. North grinds his cock against my arse just once, and then his hand is gone from my neck and cool air drifts over my spine as he moves away.

“Tell me you want me,” he says, and his words are more plea than demand like before. I don’t move my body away from the door because I’m terrified of him seeing how hard I am, even now. I turn my head to look at him. He’s defeated. He stands with his arms by his sides, his face flushed and eyes fever-bright with desire, but there’s a sadness in his expression that I don’t understand.

Did he want me to be gay? Does he want this as much as I do?

Slowly, I turn. His gaze travels from my face down my chest and to the bulge in my pants. His pink tongue darts out to wet his lips. “I want you, North. I’ve always wanted you.”

For a sickening second, the world stops turning. My stomach lurches and nausea sweeps over me as I stare at my best friend, waiting to hear that he was just messing with me, waiting for him to cut me down and reduce me to a whimpering mass on the floor. He takes a step towards me and he shoves me back against the door. For a beat, I glare up at him, wondering if my worst fears are about to be realised, wondering if he’s going to punch me in the head, or recoil and tell me to get the hell away from him.

Another step. Another inch between us eliminated. I put my hands up to push him away, but they grab his shirt instead, fisting it, and pulling him closer.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” he says, and I think he meant for it to sound sarcastic, but his voice is deep and husky, breathless, as if he’s just run a marathon.

North grabs my face in his hands and covers my lips with his. His tongue pushes into my mouth, coaxing my own. There’s nothing gentle about it, so I let go of my reservations and I kiss him right back, the way I’ve wanted to for years.

I moan into his mouth and relax my fist. I slip my hand under the fabric and touch the hard abs, toned obliques, and light dusting of hair that disappears into the waistband of his jeans.

Jesus, the man’s a fucking walking hard-on
.

Our kisses become more frenetic, tongues, lips, breath and teeth. I’ve never been kissed like this before. It’s animal, instinctual. Brutality at its most beautiful. He pushes himself closer, allowing me to feel how hard he is, how much he wants me.
Me
. It ignites something in my blood, something carnal, a beast lain dormant for far too long.

I grab the hem of his shirt and he lifts his arms so that I can pull it off his gorgeous muscled body. I lean forward to kiss him again but North pushes me back against the door, and I think that this is it. This is the moment he realises he can’t do it, not even for me, not even just to try. I slam my head against the wood, my eyes flashing open when he presses his finger tip against my mouth in a shushing motion. North pulls my shirt off and lowers his head. He licks at the piercing through my nipple, tugging it with his teeth. I groan. I can’t help it.

Pressing his fingers to my lips again, he reminds me to be quiet. I nod. He takes hold of my erection through my jeans and squeezes. I lick my lips as he unfastens my fly and pushes my pants down off my hips. My cock springs free, and there’s a beat, a brief second where he looks at me as if he’s trying to say something but can’t. He takes my dick in his hand and tugs. An involuntary moan escapes me, and it seems like that’s all the encouragement North needs. He steps back and drops his pants, and I’m not at all disappointed; he’s long, thick and perfectly pink. Breath leaves my lungs in a rush. My friend might be an arsehole, but I know not even he would carry on this long just to get a rise out of me. Which means he wants it.

“Turn around,” he says in a voice thick with desire.

“What?”

“Face the fucking door, Will. Jesus, do I need to draw you a diagram?”

I stare at North, dumbfounded. All the ways I visualised this going in my head, this wasn’t it. That doesn’t make it bad, just different. But none of that really matters. I want him, and he very clearly wants me, so I do as he asks. I shuffle around and face the door, and I wait.

North’s hands find me again. From behind he grips the base of my cock, and I jerk in surprise when I hear him spit. I’m tensed to spring when he separates my cheeks and rims my hole with his moistened finger. My body’s response is automatic; my cock bobs, my balls tighten, and I widen my stance. He pushes against my hole and then slowly slips inside. It hurts. I feel the drag and pull of his skin burn my sensitive flesh as he moves in and out. I’ve never had the guts to experiment with anything, not even my own fingers, so I don’t know what I was expecting, but I guess that wasn’t it. He pushes in farther, angling his finger and sweeping that sweet spot inside. I moan, arching against his hand, and when he strokes my cock from base to tip, sparks fly and ignite the whole fucking room.

Too quickly though, North removes his hands from my body. I breathe hard and the cool air at my back gives me some much needed respite. I’m on fire. I didn’t know it could feel like this.

North’s hand grasps my hip. He moves closer and a second later, the head of his cock juts proudly up against my arse. It’s wet, like he’s lubed himself up. He takes hold of his dick and glides it from my puckered flesh, along my perineum and back again. My balls tighten, and I use one hand to tug them back into place. North’s cock slides back to my hole, massaging the sensitive flesh with his head.

I groan. “Just fucking do it already.”

He chuckles, and the laughter dies in his throat and turns to a hiss of pleasure as he pushes into me. I brace my hands against the door and pace myself. All the cock teasing means I’m already close to coming, but I press my cheek to the wood and try to temper my body’s response. He rocks slowly into me at first, inching in farther little by little until he’s seated firmly inside. North pistons his hips, and when I cry out his hand clasps over my mouth.

“Shh. That mouth of yours is going to get me in trouble, William.” He warns, nipping at my ear as his hips drive faster, his dick pounding into me so hard I have to lift my head so his thrusts won’t force me to bang against the wood. Desperate for release, I take hold of my cock and jerk, but North’s hand slides from my mouth, over my nipple and stomach and wraps around my own. My orgasm jolts through me, and a silent cry escapes my mouth as hot jets of creamy white come hit the door. North’s hand travels from my erection up my torso and rests against my franticly beating heart. He presses a kiss to my neck, and I slump back against him as I catch my breath.

I don’t have words. I don’t even know if I still exist at all. Not that there was any doubt in my mind, but if I wasn’t sure about being gay before I definitely know I am now. That was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced and I hope to fuck I get to feel it again.

He slides free of my body, and I turn as he’s pulling up his jeans.

“You’re still hard,” I say. He seems unsurprised by this blatantly obvious statement.
Oh shit
. I got so fucking caught up, I failed to notice whether or not he came.
Fuck. I am an arsehole of epic proportions.

“Here, let me,” I say, reaching out to cup him in his ripped jeans.

“No,” he says, knocking my hand away. “I’m fine.”

Well, that’s nice, but I’m fucking confused to all shit.

Why wouldn’t he want me to touch him? North sighs and points to the door. “I gotta go take care of this.”

“Right,” I say, and move back. He opens the door just enough to creep through and then closes it firmly behind him.

I glance around the room with my dick hanging out, my come sliding down the door and pooling on the threadbare carpet, and I haven’t got a fucking clue. I just had the most mind-blowing orgasm of my goddamn life, courtesy of my best friend’s cock, and he’s running for the bathroom to wash the gay off.

Why in the fuck did I think that was a good idea?

I
head home and find Tam asleep on my couch, and despite knowing better, I push her flimsy little negligee up her thighs and cover her cunt with my mouth. I’ve always loved eating pussy—the taste, the scent, the feel of a woman as she rides your face and comes against your tongue. It’s one of my favourite pastimes, and I am damn good at it. I love women. I love those pretty pink lips between their legs, but tonight, it does nothing for me.

I’ve never identified as gay. I’ve never looked at another man and thought about fucking them. It was a one-time thing … or it was meant to be. I knew Will had been sporting a boner for me since the sixth grade; I just didn’t care. And then, as he slowly seemed to grow more confident in his skin, as he fully came to terms with what he was, who he is, that confidence became more and more alluring. Only he hadn’t come out to me, which I found both confusing and annoying. We shared everything.

“North,” Tammy shouts, and gyrates her hips against my face. Shit. I’ve been spacing out for fuck knows how long. I lap at her pussy, but I avoid her clit because I know that sends her over the edge, and tonight—though I know it’s cruel and fucked up beyond measure—I don’t care what she wants because
I
want her milking me with her tight snatch.
I
need to pretend that she’s someone else.

Tomorrow, I’ll deal with the fallout, but tonight I need to feel someone coming around my cock as I shoot my load inside them, and I’m pretty sure Tam’s okay with that. Tonight I need to take. In the morning, I’ll work on fixing all the shit I’ve managed to fuck up.

I grab Tam’s waist and flip her onto her stomach. She makes this shocked little sound of appreciation. I lift her hips until her pert arse is up in the air, and her glistening hole is practically begging me to slip inside.

Don’t mind if I do
.

I grab a condom from the wallet I threw on the coffee table and tear that fucker open with my teeth before I roll it down my cock. Tam cries out as I slam inside. I tease her by pulling all the way out, and she writhes on the end of my dick like a champion fucking rodeo rider. She’s slick from back to front thanks to me eating her out, and I throw my head back and let the sensation of her wet snatch squeezing my cock take over. I slip my thumb over the puckered flesh of her arsehole and ease inside. She freezes.
Fuck
. We’ve done a lot of things, but we’ve never done that. Her whole body is rigid as she whispers, “What are you doing?”

“Shh, just go with it.”

“Your finger is in my arse, North,” she shouts. “There’s not a whole lot of ‘going with it’ I can do.”

“Well, at least it’s not my dick,” I supply helpfully, which only serves to make her angrier. She rears beneath me, but it’s not the happy kind of
ride ’em cowboy
bucking I’d anticipated.

My concentration is shot to shit because all I can think about is Will and his lips on mine. All I can think about is sucking his dick, shoving inside him, and the way he ruined me for all other lovers with those hands. But I’m here with Tammy, and I should know better than to lose my shit when I’m with her. What If I’d called out Will’s name? I need to be more careful, I realise, as I meet Tammy’s irate gaze.

“Come on, Tam. I’m sorry, I forgot.”

“You forgot I don’t like your finger in my arse?” she wails like a banshee, and I remove my hands from her body. “God, who are you these days, North?”

I wish I knew
.

“I just … I fucked up. Now can we please try this again?”

“No!” She slides free of me and climbs off the couch, stalking down the hall and slamming her bedroom door.

Fuck.

I get up and walk through the house, pulling on my jeans to let my cock know we’re both well and truly done for the night, and then I grab a beer from the fridge and sink down onto the lounge, turning on the TV so I can watch a game.