Finding Peace (Finding Series Book 1) (44 page)

We finally head back to the house where everyone is waiting for us. Lisa and Troy come and hug me and ask me if I’m okay, can they do anything for me. And tell me if I need them that they are there for me.

Blake and I decide to sleep under the stars again. For some unknown reason it’s okay for us to sleep in a tent together outside, but Lisa and Troy will not allow it inside the house. There is no need for them to worry though. Making a promise to my grandmother and God, even after everything I learned today, I will not break it.

Blake holds me all night. Nightmares and near panic attacks keep me awake most of the night, but he never complains. He just offers his support and love. I thank God for blessing me with this man.

Morning comes and I’m still wide awake. In light of the night I have had, I’ve decided that going to talk to my grandparents is a must. Hopefully, even if I don’t like what they have to say, I will at least get some kind of closure and be able to sleep again.

“Blake, I think I need to go talk to my grandparents. After, I shower will you take me?”

He pulls me close and kisses my head, then puts his finger under my chin and lifts it so that he can look into my eyes.

“Of course I will take you. Baby, I’m so proud of you for deciding to do this. I think it’s exactly what you need. Not for them, but for you.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me I needed to see them?”

“That’s a decision that you needed to make on your own. It wasn’t my place to tell you what you needed to do. It’s my place to love and support you. I can give you my opinion if you ask for it, but in the end it has to be your decision.”

“Thank you for everything, Blake.”

“You don’t have to thank me. It’s my job. Let me clean this up while you go get ready. When I’m finished, I’ll go jump in the shower. Before we go, I’ll take you to breakfast. Okay?”

“Sounds like a plan. I could really use some pancakes with strawberries on them. I’m starving.”

He closes his eyes, shakes his head, and purses his lips.

“What’s wrong, Blake?”

“You didn’t eat last night. I didn’t make sure that you ate.”

“It’s okay, Blake. Really. I couldn’t have eaten anyway.”

“But I should have at least got you something so you could have tried to eat.”

“Blake, I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time. If I want something to eat, I know how to get it.”

“I know, but…”

I cut him off. “No buts. I love you, but you gotta lighten up a little.”

Giving him a big smile, he grins back at me. Throwing his own words back at him was a stroke of genius.

“Just go get ready, before I have to pop your butt.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Grrr. I think I like that. Say it again.”

“Nope. I’m following orders, gotta go.”

I take off running and laughing.

“It’s good to hear that.”

He calls after me.

“What do you mean? Hear, what?

“Your laugh. I’ve missed it.  I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“Not possible.”

After a wonderful breakfast of pancakes, with strawberries, bacon, eggs, milk, and a glass of orange juice, I thought I was going to bust. Blake was determined to make sure that I didn’t get hungry again for a while. We are now on our way to my grandparent’s house. I won’t lie the thought of going is petrifying. While I want to know the answers it still scares me. What if the answers I get makes the way I’m feeling even worse?

“Kayla, you’re overthinking again. Baby, whatever you find out I will be right there with you. If at anytime you think that you can’t handle anymore, you just let me know and I’ll get you out of there, no questions asked.”

The way he likes to take care of me is so endearing. I do believe he would do anything for me. My love for him grows every day. Just when I think I couldn’t love him more, he does something else to prove me wrong.

“I’m okay. But thank you. You have no idea how much you being here with me means to me.”

Blake pulls his truck into the driveway. Upon turning the truck off, he looks over at me, takes my hand in his and gently kisses it.

“I’ll always be with you. Any time you need me, I’ll be here, for life. Are you ready?”

Am I? No, I’m not, but I’ll never be ready for this. Hiding from it for the rest of my life isn’t realistic though. More sleepless nights like last night don’t sound appealing either.

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. At least my dad isn’t going to be here. I don’t know when or if I’ll be ready for that.”

Blake gets out walks around the front of the truck and opens my door. He takes my hand helping me down. I’m not as nervous as I thought I would be. Maybe it’s because Blake is with me or the fact that my dad isn’t here, or the fact that I prayed that God would get me through this in one piece and lead me to peace. 

Carefully, I open the front door. I hear my grandpa and it sounds like he is crying. My heart falls to my feet. Running down the hallway, I realize he’s in my old room. Upon entering the room, I see him sitting there with his head buried in his hands. Turning to make sure Blake is behind me, he nods his head, letting me know, ‘I’m here for you’. Walking over I sit beside the man who raised me from age six. He startles and then relief washes over his face.

“Grandpa, what’s wrong?”

He reaches up and grabs me in a tight hug.

“Oh, Rose, you’re here. She’s worse today. She’s so worried about you. Rose, you have to hear her out and forgive her before she has to leave us.”

“That’s why I’m here, Grandpa.” I say patting his back.

“Good girl. You’ve always been a good girl. We love you, Rose. I’m so happy that you finally know the truth.”

“Grandpa, that’s just it, I don’t know all of it. I need answers.”

“We’ll give you what we can, but your father will have to give you the rest. He never would tell us everything. He said we didn’t need to know.”

“I want to see Grandma now.”

All three of us walk out of the room and down the hall to Grandma’s room. Even after today, I have a feeling I’m going to be left with many questions.

“Elle, Rose came back.”

My grandma turns her head toward us, when I see her my heart aches, she looks even weaker than she did just yesterday. Immediately, I feel horrible for leaving her after she told me the truth. Rushing to her bed, I fall to my knees beside her. Burying my face in her cover, I begin to cry.

“I’m so sorry, Grandma. I was so confused. I should’ve let you finish, I shouldn’t have run out.”

Feeling her fragile hand stroke my hair, floods me with memories of being smaller, when she would do the same thing whenever I was upset.

“Shh. Hush, child. I understand. You came back that’s what’s important. You’re here now.”

“Kayla, I’ll go and let you have time with Elle.”

Not raising my head, but knowing I don’t want him to leave I reach my hand out behind me. A calmness fills me when I sense him take a step closer to me and take my hand in his. My grandma takes a ragged breath.

“Stay, Blake. She needs you.” My grandma says in an almost inaudible whisper.

“Yes, Ma’am.”

He walks a couple more steps to come up beside me, he lowers himself right next to me on the floor, our thighs touching. That simple touch brings me a sense of comfort.

“I’m here, Kayla. I’m not going anywhere.”

Nodding my head yes, I try to compose myself enough for Grandma to get this out. Me being a crying mess isn’t going to help anyone.

The room is silent for a few minutes. My grandpa has moved to the other side of the bed and is sitting beside my grandma. Although I can’t see him, I can sense his movement around the small room.

Noticing that no one has said anything in a very long time, I raise my head to see three sets of worried eyes on me.

“I’m okay. Well, I mean, clearly, I’m not okay, but I want to hear whatever you can tell me.”

My grandma nods her head toward a pair of chairs across the room, but I don’t want to move.

“Blake, can you bring those chairs over here?” I ask him.

“Of course.”

Blake gets up off the floor and brings one chair over to me.

“Here, baby. Sit.”

Getting up, I sit in the chair and my grandma takes my hand in hers. Blake brings the other chair over and sits it beside me.

“Blake, honey, can you hand me that water?” Grandma asks.

Blake reaches for the water on the nightstand and hands it to her. Grandma releases my hand to grip the cup with both of hers. Her hands tremble as she slowly brings the cup up to her lips. She takes a sip and hands it back to Blake. He sits the glass back on the table, sits down beside me and takes one of my hands while my grandma takes the other. My grandpa is just sitting there watching over us.

“I’m going to start from the beginning. It was October, nineteen sixty-nine, when Andrew came and told us he had gotten a young girl pregnant.”

I swallow and try to imagine my dad, younger and scared that his wife would find out he was unfaithful.

“That was back in the days when Paige was distant and having a hard time. She was withdrawn from everyone, including your dad. Her inability to have a child had consumed her. It’s all she ever thought about.”

That’s no excuse,
I think to myself and my biological mother was so young.
What was he thinking?

“Your father had been drinking a lot back then. He avoided going home at all cost. You have to understand, he had been really unhappy for months. Paige didn’t come around us much then, so we didn’t know how bad it really was.”

Grandma starts coughing and can’t stop. Grandpa gets up and grabs the water and sits her up to take a sip.

“That’s enough Elle. You need to rest.” He says.

“No. Have to finish.”

“I’ll take over. You rest.”

She simply nods her head and lays down, closing her eyes.

“Talk. I’m just resting my eyes.”

Grandpa pats her arm and then begins his story.

“Andrew was in a panic. This wouldn’t look good for him and his military career. He was hoping we could come up with a way to cover up the truth. He still loved Paige very much even though she had been pushing him away for months. He told us that the baby was due in April. Despite everything we were excited about our first grandchild coming.

We told him we would do what we could to help. He loved you already. You were a part of him, but he had to look out for Paige and his career too. He wanted a solution to be able to keep all of you.”

“So his job was more important?” I ask.

“No, child. Being able to provide for you was. Elle and I called an old lawyer friend of ours. He was known for his less than legal practices. He could make things disappear, make paper work look legal, and hide anything you needed hidden.”

“So you paid this lawyer to draw up fake adoption papers?”

“Oh, the papers were real. It was just Paige who was adopting you. You already belonged to your father. But his name was on the papers so that Paige would think it was both of them adopting you.”

Okay, so that explains why he didn’t tell her and how he got away with her not knowing I was his biological daughter.

“So what happened to my biological mother? I was told she died when I was born.”

“She did die not long after your birth. We don’t know all the details about that. It’s something Andrew never wanted to share with us. After the adoption was finalized, your father went through a really dark period. We never could understand why. He had gotten what he wanted. Again, that’s something he will have to tell you about.”

“So when he left us, when I was six?” I ask.

“Paige found the original birth certificate. For some reason, Andrew had taken them out of the safety deposit box and had taken them home. He thought he had hid them well enough, but Paige found it and it listed his name as the father and had your biological mother’s name on it.”

“What was her name?”

Grandpa smiles at me and lets out a breath.

“Charlotte Rose Belvie.”

“Rose?”

Blake squeezes my hand a little tighter. I’m sure he’s just letting me know he is still with me. Sitting guard beside me, he hasn’t said a word. He is just taking everything in.

“Yes, Rose. You were named after her. Your father insisted. Of course we didn’t know why he insisted on Rose as your middle name. We loved the name and always called you our Rose. Your father would get so mad at us, but we never knew why. Not until Paige kicked him out. We never even knew your biological mother’s name till then.”

“This all makes so much sense now, but I still have so many questions.”

“Sweetie, you need to talk to your daddy. Rose, I didn’t raise you to hold a grudge. You are better than that. Your heart is better than that. Promise me that you will make things right with him.” My grandma says.

Looking at her, I’m shocked that she was awake during that. I thought she was asleep.