finding Reese.: a SAFELIGHT novel vol.2 (SAFELIGHT Series) (11 page)

Catalina has urged me not to turn down work, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I miss working despite finding love with her. I’ve agreed to photograph a string of surfing competitions in Australia, and it will be a month-long tour. My chest tightens at the thought that I won’t be by Catalina’s side.

It’s late, and while Catalina is sleeping in our warm bed, I’m catching up on emails in Jax’s office. I sit, pensive, in front of my laptop looking at the inbox full of unanswered emails with different job offers which could easily keep me busy for the next six months. I’ve struggled with thoughts of declining all work. I mean, that’s all I’ve done for the past seven years . . . travel, come home, and do it all over again, and again.

And for the first time in years, I have something to fight for, and someone waiting for me to come home. A part of me wants to give myself an opportunity to live life differently−to love like I’ve never known how. And then there’s the pressing urge to take our relationship to the next level. The pessimistic side of me thinks she’ll freak out with a proposal and run, so maybe diving back into work will dull that urge. It’s better that, than to sit here and wonder if she’s content with what little we have, and whether or not she’s ready to trust me with the rest of her heart.

I slam the cover of my laptop shut. It’s half past midnight and regardless of the time, I need to speak with the only woman who knows exactly what to say when I feel lost. I forego the worries of time zones and manners, and dial her number. On the third ring, a very groggy voice answers.

“Jupiter? Baby, are you okay?”

“Mom. Hi. Sorry for calling so late. I didn’t mean to wake you . . .” I reply sheepishly, my free hand squeezing the back of my neck.

Mom yawns over the line and replies, “Don’t worry, Tesoro. What’s troubling you so late at night?”

I take a deep breath and pray Mom withholds all teasing until we end this chat. “How did you know Dad was, you know . . . the one?”

Mom answers with a giggle. “Oh, sweetheart, I didn’t. I just let time knock some sense into me until I realized your father was the man for me.” She exhales loudly and asks, “Why are you in such deep thought at this time of night?”

“I don’t know, ‘ma. I’m just scared of fucking up my chances with Catalina,” I admit as I rise from the chair and pace aimlessly in Jackson’s office. “I mean, the press tour is over, and we’ve dealt with some adversity since Jax’s accident, but eventually we’ll get back to our lives, and she has her job and I have mine . . . I have a lot of job offers to work abroad, and I’m scared of history repeating itself. Look what happened the last time I was in a relationship . . . Olivia cheated because I was never here.”

“Stryder Martynus, I’m going to stop you right there. I don’t know Catalina all that well, but she’s not fickle, and she’s not anything remotely similar to your ex. Trust me when I tell you I felt immense relief when you broke off that engagement. I love Oli like a daughter, but it’s the truth. On the other hand, Catalina is a sweet girl who I know for a
fact
loves you very much.”

“How would you know that, Mom?” I ask, with a smile.

Mom giggles, and decrees, “A mother knows these things. All it takes is one good look at the two of you to know you belong together. Your father would agree with me on this, you know . . .” Mom pauses to clear her throat. “Sweetheart, do you love her?”

“Yes, Mom, I do. With all of my heart, but it’s too soon, isn’t it?” I answer, cringing.

“No, my son, it isn’t. We can’t choose a specific time and place to fall in love. It would make life terribly boring and predictable, don’t you think? I always knew your time would come, and I have to say, as your mother, it makes me happy you’re finally having this conversation with me,” she sniffles.

“Catalina’s the one, Mom,” I reply without thinking twice.

“Have you told her that, Tesoro?”

“From the moment we met, I’ve felt like my heart has been taken from me and started beating inside of her. So yes, I told her recently I love her. It took her some time to say it back. I know when she said it she meant it, but I want so much more,” I confess, the last few words coming out a little strangled as the knot in my throat starts to loosen up.

“You don’t tell her, Jupiter. You show her with actions that you are worthy of her. Think of it as a Paso Doble. She is your bull and you are the
Matador.
At first she will be feisty and try to fight you, but you can’t give into your fears or insecurities. You need to remain firm, well-grounded with your feelings towards her. Us women . . . we like to test our men. We want our guys to fight for us, because it shows us how much they love us. Why we do this, I’ll never know, but with time she’ll realize she won’t have any excuses to throw at you and she’ll give into you. As your mother, I ask you to trust me on this,” Mom explains, with a click of her tongue.

I chuckle at Mom’s never-ending supply of dancing analogies. “Mom, what do I do about my assignments? I don’t want to be away from her.”

Mom sighs and replies, “Only you can make that decision, Jupiter. I can’t tell you what to do because this is your career, but if I could give you a piece of advice, it would be to take a short assignment. Put some space between you and Catalina. It will give you both time to think about your feelings for each other, and it will give her the opportunity to miss you. Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder, or so the saying goes.”

I stop pacing and stand still for a minute, considering Mom’s words. As they sink in, I can’t help but come to terms with the fact that she is right on all accounts.

“Stryder, are you still there?”

“I’m here, Mom. I was thinking, and you know what? You’re right. I need to sort out the mess in my heart before I can move forward. Distance isn’t such a bad thing . . . This will be our first test,” I say with smile. “Mom, you always know the right thing to say.”

Mom laughs again. “That’s why I’m your mother, Stryder. Take your time with Catalina and don’t rush things. Treat her like the princess she is. Love her without restraint, and offer your heart without fear. It will all work out in the end. She is the arrow to your bow, remember that.”

I nod and choke back tears. Exhaling raggedly, I whisper into the line, “Mom, I love you. You’re the best. I’m sorry for calling so late. You must be tired. Talk to you soon.”

“That’s what mammas are for. Ti amo, Jupiter. Now fight for her!”

I nod once again, and this time I’m feeling good about taking an assignment and letting time do its thing. Yeah, I’ll miss Catalina terribly, but given we’ve been joined at the hip since Whistler this could be healthy for our relationship.

Turning off the lamp in Jackson’s office, I return to our room. Catalina is fast asleep on the bed, her gorgeous hair fanned against the pillow, with her arm stretched out on my side of the bed. I lean against the doorjamb and take the vision in. I can’t believe after living carelessly for so long, I’ve been rewarded with Catalina’s love. I want more, but for now I need to be patient. If Catalina has taught me anything, it’s this.

Walking towards the bed, I undress, leaving a trail of clothes in my wake. Fully undressed, I slip under the covers and reach for my girl. God, she’s so warm to the touch, and her soft silken skin begs to be kissed. Catalina’s soft breathing makes me smile. Although I want to wake her up and make love to her, I just lie on my back and stare at the ceiling, enjoying this perfect moment. When the timing is right, I will make this woman my wife.

“H
ELLO, JACKSON. MY NAME
IS
Dr. Badcocke, and I will be your physical therapist. How are you feeling today?” the doctor asks, as he looks over Jackson’s chart.

“Not as bad as your last name, Doc,” he replies irritated with his eyes closed.

I place a hand over my mouth stifling laughter. Jackson’s mood has been flip-flopping over the past weeks, and while his humor is somewhat there, his remarks can be off the cuff and quite offensive.

Dr. Badcocke chuckles heartily. “I get that a lot, Jackson. Now, today we will be working with your gluteus maximus and gluteus medius, and see if we can regain range of motion in those regions of your body.” Dr. Badcocke lowers his eyeglasses and looks at Jackson square in the eye. “In case you were wondering those are your butt muscles.”

“You’ll be working on my ass? Joy,” Jackson replies sarcastically while tapping his fingers impatiently against his knees.

I look at Dr. Badcocke and give him an empathetic smile, which he returns two-fold. Surely it’s not his first rodeo with a wild bull patient like Jackson Reese. I’m just happy he’s not taking Jackson’s actions personal. To be honest, it’s been hard not to over the past two weeks.

“I need you to lie on your side,” the doctor points at the blue, padded mat on the floor, “and lift your leg and keep it elevated for fifteen seconds, okay?”

Jackson begrudgingly moves towards the mat and positions himself as the doctor asks. As he’s raising his leg, pain is etched across his features. “I can’t do this, Doc,” and lets his right leg rest against the other.

“Sure you can, Jackson. I’m going to help you raise it. Work through the pain.”

Doctor Badcocke kneels beside him and raises Jackson’s leg. “Now I’m going to count to fifteen. One, two, three−”

“Fuck! That hurts!” Jackson mutters but keeps his leg elevated and pushes through his pain thanks to the encouragement of the good doctor.

“Okay. Now the left,” the doctor exacts.

They repeat the process until they get through the therapy session. “See, Jackson? We’ll get you back in shape in no time,” Dr. Badcocke declares with a smile. “You got this.”

I sit back and watch Jackson closely. While there is fury in his eyes, I also notice there’s a spark of determination behind them. To say the weeks since Chris’s and Rem’s funeral have been challenging would be an understatement. Jackson is struggling with his recovery and between his bouts of depression and frustration over the physical therapy process, to say I’m running on fumes is an understatement.

I’ll be staying with him in Casper while Stryder goes to Australia on a month-long assignment. My heart tightens in my chest at the thought of being separated from the man I’ve grown to know and love. The selfish side of me wants him to cancel the trip and stay by my side. The other wants to encourage him to go out there and further his career. If I’m perfectly honest, I think a little space would do us a world of good.

To think we only have two days left together before he leaves makes me weary. I know Stryder has noticed, and being the sweetest and most understanding of men he says nothing. There are moments I feel the urge to slap myself in hopes of getting my emotions in check.

I want Stryder to stay.

No. Stop being so selfish, Catalina. He has to work.

No, no! I want him to stay.

Ugh. I know I’m sending Stryder mixed signals by being sad one minute over his impending departure, and the next acting like it doesn’t bother me. I need to get a grip on my feelings before he runs out the door scared. I imagine Stryder boarding his flight, falling asleep on someone else’s shoulder, falling in love with someone else, and forgetting me altogether. These things can happen, right? I mean, look at how we met. I realize I’m being pessimistic here, and I hate this insecure side of me. I totally get it . . . He had a life and career before I came along, and like he’s told me before the Earth hasn’t stopped turning . . .
Pfft. Isn’t that the truth.

As I sit on a barstool in Jax’s kitchen with my elbow propped against the granite countertop, I think about how this assignment could make or break the beautiful relationship we’ve built over the recent months. I know we’ve said
I love you,
but the more I think about our relationship the more I know my love for Stryder is greater than anything I ever imagined possible. And words fail me when I try to describe the depth of my love for him.

When I’m not with him I miss him, and when he’s away, I feel crippled by his absence. I’m really worried how this trip will affect me emotionally, because I’ve become co-dependent on him, losing a part of my inner strength along the way.