Finding Valor (57 page)

“They had no right to do that!” Indignation mixed with a healthy dose of pure embarrassment tightened Josh’s gut. Someone had snuck into their room while they were lying in bed,
naked
. “It better not have been a man or I’ll gouge out his eyes for looking at you.”

“Careful, Josh. Someone might overhear you and try to impress you by punishing the offending servant.”

He dropped his head into his hands. “I don’t wanna be king.”

Channie slid behind him and massaged his shoulders. “I don’t wanna be queen, either. But there’s nothing we can do about it.”

“I can’t believe Vince's dead.” Josh’s chest tightened around his aching heart. “He saved my life.”

Channie slid her arms around Josh’s neck and pressed her chest against his back. “He did.”

“I need to talk to Wisdom.” Josh still didn’t know what to say to her, but avoiding her was cowardly.

“I talked to her last night and offered our condolences. She never expected Vince to come home.”

“Why the hell not?” Even though her prediction had turned out to be true, her lack of faith was insulting.

Channie moved to Josh’s side and wove her fingers through his. “They both had premonitions that he wouldn’t survive. They’d already said their good-byes.”

“After all those years of being alone, he’d finally found someone. Why would he just throw all that away?”

“He didn’t throw anything away.” Channie reached up and cupped Josh’s jaw, turning his face towards hers. “He sacrificed himself to save his son. There’s a huge difference.”

“I know.” Josh pressed his palm against his heart. “Man, it hurts.”

“I know.” Her eyes filled with sympathy and tears. “But it gets easier, with time.”

If anyone was familiar with grief, it was Channie. She’d lost so much, but knowing that didn’t ease his own pain, it compounded it. He knew he’d have to deal with it sooner or later. He chose later…and tapped into his magic to numb the pain.

“I know you don’t feel like meeting a bunch of strangers right now, but there’s a whole passel of folks camped outside waiting to swear fealty to their new king. They’re not going home until they do.”

“They’ve been out there all night?” It was the end of December for crying out loud.

“Yes.”

“Well, I can’t exactly go meet them in my birthday suit.”

Channie blushed. “I was working on a birthday present for you before we left Freedom Ridge, but in all the excitement, I forgot to pack it.”

Josh smiled at her. He’d forgotten that today was his birthday. “How’s it feel to be married to an older man.”

“Shameful…since I don’t have a present for you.”

“Um…correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t I forget to give you a birthday present last summer?”

“You more than made up for it with our anniversary gift.”

“Well…do you remember what I wanted for my eighteenth birthday, last year?”

Channie frowned. “A car?”

“That was what I wanted from Dad.” Pain lanced Josh’s heart as he thought about the father he’d lost last night. He called up more magic to push the grief away. “What did I want from you?”

She smiled. “A kiss.”

“Um-hum.” He’d ended up asking for a lot more, but hadn’t gotten it. Maybe this year would be different. “I’m a year older, now. You should up the ante.”

“Oh? Is that right?” Channie straddled Josh’s hips.
 

Guilt pricked his conscious. He considered using magic to push it away, too so he could enjoy his birthday present, but just the thought of doing so squeezed his chest. “Can I have a rain check?”

Channie leaned back and arched her eyebrows. “Sure. But why?”

“I just don’t feel right about—”

A quiet knock at the door interrupted Josh. “Who’s there?”

“It’s me, Hunter. There’s a bunch of folks outside waiting on y’all. Maybe you can finish up whatever your doing after they swear fealty so they can get on home.”

“We’ll be right there.”

Dressing took a lot longer than it should have. The clothing was modern, but formal. Josh’s suit looked like something Dad would wear to court. It was obviously borrowed. The jacket’s cuffs ended two inches above his wrists and the pants’ legs didn’t even cover his ankles.
 

Channie’s dress had dozens of tiny buttons up the back that required Josh’s help. To save time, he decided to knot his tie as they walked. He opened the door with it draped around his neck. The tall guard that had been so kind to him last night offered to tie it.

“I’ve got it. Thanks.”
 

The man’s cheeks flushed. He bowed his head.

Josh clapped him on the shoulder and smiled to make up for whatever insult he’d just delivered by refusing the man’s help. “Whatever they’re paying you, it’s not enough.”

“Careful, my king, your word is law.”

Josh squeezed his shoulder once before letting go. “Seriously, come see me later today. You deserve a reward for your support last night. I don’t forget my friends.”

The man beamed. “Yes, my king.”

“And please…call me—”

“Not now, Valor! People are waiting.” Channie grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hall. She gave his arm a yank then whispered in his ear as they walked. “If you start getting too friendly with the servants, some of the other lesser royalty will feel it their duty to challenge you. Appearances are important.”

“I didn’t fight Dominance just so I could take her place as dictator.” Josh pulled his hand out of Channie’s. “This class division stuff is pure crap. But if you’re so worried about appearances, maybe you shouldn’t be leading me around like a belligerent child.”

Channie gasped. Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears. “You’re right. But so am I. If you show any sign of weakness, someone
will
challenge you. Are you so eager to fight another duel?”

Josh immediately regretted his petty remarks and dismissive attitude. He pulled her in for a quick hug and kissed the top of her head. “I’m sorry, babe. It’s been a tough couple of days but I shouldn’t take it out on you. Forgive me?”

She hugged him back. “I can’t stay mad at you when you call me ‘babe.’”

“Good to know.” Josh chuckled then sighed as he let her go. “I really don’t wanna be king. Do you think Hunter might want to take a shot at it?”

“Get real.” Channie slipped her hand in the crook of Josh’s elbow and started walking again. She was still leading him around, but at least it looked like he was escorting her.

“Well…he is a Veyjivik. Sort of…”

“His
mother
was a Veyjivik. Hunter’s a Feenie.” They stopped in front of the heavily guarded, double doors that opened out onto a balcony overlooking a stadium-sized courtyard. Channie straightened Josh’s tie then rose up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “Suck it up, Josh. You can handle this.”

~***~

After just three days of trying his damnedest to be a good King, Josh was at the end of a very frazzled rope. He’d endured a five hour long coronation ceremony, where he was officially crowned as “King of all Mages.” He’d also officiated over two weddings, seven naming ceremonies and settled a property line dispute between two clans. But the duty he dreaded most was conducting Vince's funeral. He would have asked someone else to do it, if it wouldn’t have been seen as a sign of disrespect. As a member of the royal family, Vince deserved a regal funeral, presided over by the reining monarch—and Josh intended he have one. But first he had to get through the family viewing. At least that was a private event. Tomorrow’s funeral would be a very public affair.

Channie straightened Josh’s tie, again—it was a new habit, but he didn’t mind. Her touch was always welcome. She slid her hands to his chest. “I’ll be right here beside you. Feel free to draw on my power if you need it.”

“I don’t want to drain you.”

“I’ll be fine.” She traced the skin under his eyes with her thumbs. “You’re the one that looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks.”

Keeping his grief subdued required a substantial amount of magical energy. But having an emotional breakdown wasn’t an option. Especially if Channie was right about the other royals watching and waiting for him to slip up so they could challenge him. He didn’t want to be king, but he sure as hell didn’t want anyone else to be king either.

Josh took Channie’s hand and led her into the hall, where they were joined by Hunter, Zen and Tim. Wisdom was already in the room with Vince. She hadn’t left his side for days.

The first thing Josh noticed when the guards opened the doors to the reposing room was the scent of living plants. Potted trees and shrubs, many of them in full bloom, filled the room. Everyone of them glowed with comforting magic. Someone had gone to a lot of trouble and spent a considerable amount of energy casting spells on all the plants.
 

Hunter rested a hand on Josh’s shoulder. “You and Channie go on in. The rest of us will wait outside. Take as long as you need.”

The place looked like a miniature, botanical garden. It was hard to believe this was the same bleak room where they’d brought Vince's body just days before. A winding path beckoned Josh forward. Magic reached out to him, comforting and strengthening him. But when he caught sight of Wisdom, sitting next to the open casket, pain lanced his heart. He froze.

She stood up and opened her arms. “Come, you need to see your father.”

“I don’t want to.” The words slipped out before Josh could stop them. He sounded like a petulant child. What was wrong with him? He’d already seen Vince's lifeless body, a bullet hole between his blank staring eyes. But somehow, the thought of seeing him, inside that casket felt like it would make it even more final. What was more final than death?

Wisdom stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Josh. She smelled like roses and baby powder. “You did a wonderful job restoring his face. Come, see.”

With Wisdom on one side and Channie on the other, Josh approached the casket. Vince looked as if he were sleeping. He also looked a lot like Josh, if he were thirty-six instead of nineteen. He sort of regretted healing Vince's scars. He didn’t look like himself.
 

Wisdom squeezed Josh’s hand. “This room is completely private and soundproof. We’re the only ones here.”

He knew what she was getting at. He needed to stop blocking his grief, but the thought terrified him.

Channie tilted her head, resting it against his upper arm.
 

Wisdom gave them both another hug, then headed up the path towards the door. “Take as long as you need.”

Channie blinked tears out of her eyes. “Do you want me to give you some privacy?”

“No.” The word came out too harsh. Josh softened his voice. “Please, stay.”

“Of course.” Channie slipped an arm around his waist. Silence stretched between them. “You need to feel the pain before you can let it go.”

“I don’t want to feel it. It hurts too damn much!”

“I know.” She reached up and took his head in her hands, tugging his face lower until his forehead rested against hers. “But it won’t get better until you do.”

Josh hadn’t known Vince very long, but he missed him so much. He missed the way his mouth twisted up when he smiled…looking more like a grimace than a smile. He missed the way he called bullshit whenever Josh was less than honest with himself and how he refused to let Josh get away with feeling sorry for himself. Vince wouldn’t be very happy with him right now for acting like such a wuss. Using magic to suppress his feelings wasn’t exactly living up to his power-name.
 

Josh took a long, shaky breath then let go of his magic. All the grief and misery he’d so carefully locked away overwhelmed him. It was even worse than he’d feared it’d be. The pain literally knocked the wind out of him.
 

He grabbed the edge of the casket to keep from swaying. His body trembled with the effort of maintaining control without the help of magic. He stared at his white knuckles. Tendons and veins stood out across the back of his hands.

Channie rubbed circles over his lower back. “It’s okay to cry.”

Josh couldn’t help it. He gathered her into his arms, buried his face in her hair and sobbed.

~***~

Josh didn’t know how long he cried, or how long he clung to Channie once his tears had dried but when they finally opened the doors, everyone was still in the hall, waiting, just as they’d promised. But he was shocked to find Dad, Liz, the trips, Mom and Elijah standing there as well.

Wisdom squeezed his bicep. “I thought it was time your mother knew. I hope you don’t mind.”

“No. It’s fine.” That didn’t even begin to cover it. It felt as if the weight of a thousand secrets had been lifted from his shoulders. “Thank you.”

“I thought she might like to say good-bye, too.” Wisdom smiled then slipped into the room.
 

Tim and Zen patted Josh’s shoulder as they passed. But Hunter grabbed him in a fierce hug that threatened to release his grief all over again. His first instinct was to give him a thump on the back then push him away. But Hunter had lost both parents and all his brothers. He needed comfort just as much as anyone here, so he held him tighter.

Later that afternoon, during the public funeral, Josh felt his control slipping. He pulled magic from the nearby plants as he spoke of how much Vince had impacted his life in the short time he’d known him.
 

“My mother didn’t talk about my father very much. For eighteen years, all I knew about him was his name…and that he was incredibly handsome and charming. She claims I get my good looks from him.”

Josh had hoped that comment would earn a chuckle or two. It didn’t. A quiet buzz spread through the crowd.
 

Josh realized his mistake. But if anyone here didn’t already know he was a ‘halfie,’ they’d find out soon enough. Might as well bring it up himself…prove he wasn’t ashamed of it.
 

“My mother isn’t a mage. She was blessed to see him as he appears now.” Josh nodded at the open casket. It wouldn’t hurt to remind everyone of his elemental power at the same time. “But his wife, Wisdom, saw beyond his scars right from the start. I just wish…”