Finishing Touches (38 page)

He was right, she acknowledged, as she sat by herself in Bewleys having a second cup of coffee. Donie had had to go to fulfil another engagement. The ball was in her court and she had to decide
if she could cope with a lifetime of experiences like Laura’s wedding débâcle. Deep down, Cassie knew Robbie didn’t have it in him to give up the drink. He would be fine
for months but when the pressure was on he would turn to the bottle for solace and to escape his responsibilities. Cassie knew that no marriage was a bed of roses and that there would be plenty of
pressures in the coming years. Was she prepared to accept that Robbie would never cope with the pressures on his own?

Robbie begged her to understand. ‘Please, Cassie. It’s the first time I’ve been on the sauce in ten months. That wasn’t bad going.’

‘That’s not the point, Robbie,’ she yelled, all her anger bursting out of her. ‘That’s not the point at all. You let me down and you let Laura down and you
didn’t give a damn about the consequences of your actions. Do you think it was easy getting another wedding cake at such short notice on a bank holiday? Do you, you selfish bastard?’
She was so angry she wanted to pummel him.

‘Calm down, Cassie,’ Robbie said, placatingly.

‘I will
not
calm down. How dare you tell me to calm down, Robbie MacDonald. You’ve such a fucking nerve.’ Cassie was shaking. ‘Where’s Laura’s cake,
anyway, or did your so-called mate even bake one?’

‘It’s in the boot of my car,’ Robbie said sullenly.

‘Since when?’

‘Friday week,’ Robbie retorted.

‘That’s the place for it, indeed,’ Cassie said in utter disgust. ‘Look,’ she said, calming herself – shouting wasn’t going to get them anywhere –
‘I’ve thought of nothing else, nothing, Robbie, for the last week, and I just can’t go on living my life like this. I
won’t
go on living my life like this.’
Cassie stood up, put her key to his apartment on the coffee-table and walked out the door.

‘What about the cake?’ Robbie yelled after her.

‘Eat it yourself and I hope it chokes you,’ she retorted bitterly.

Two days later Robbie’s mother phoned her to tell her that he was in hospital. He had tried to commit suicide.

‘You’ve got to see him, Cassie, please. He keeps asking for you. Look what you’ve done to him, Cassie, look what you’ve done!’ The woman sounded hysterical.

Cassie nearly fainted. ‘Jesus,’ she whispered. Judy, who was in the flat with her, took the phone from her and made her sit down.

‘What’s wrong? What’s happened?’

‘Oh God! Oh God! Robbie’s tried to commit suicide. I’ve got to get to the hospital.’

‘Here, I’ll drive. Come on. You’re in no fit condition.’ Cassie couldn’t remember the journey to the hospital. All she could grasp was Judy saying over and over,
‘He’ll be all right, Cassie. He’ll be all right.’

They got to Eccles Street and Cassie ran up the Mater steps as fast as she could, with Judy hot on her heels. The first person they met was Lillian, Robbie’s sister.

‘Oh God, he’s dead, he’s dead!’ Cassie sobbed in despair.

‘He’s not dead, Cassie, and you’re going up to see him over my dead body—’

‘Oh I know you must hate me, Lillian. I can—’

Lillian stared at Cassie in amazement. ‘Hate you? Why on earth would I hate you? I’ve always liked you, Cassie.’ Comprehension dawned. ‘Oh I see. You think I hate you
because Robbie’s tried to kill himself.’ She gave a dry, unamused laugh. ‘It’s not you I hate, for goodness sake. I hate that good-for-nothing taking up a bed in casualty, a
bed he has no business being in. Listen to me, Cassie,’ she said urgently. ‘Robbie is just trying to manipulate you. He’s given himself deeper nicks shaving, believe me. When I
heard my mother on the phone to you I nearly went mad. Cassie, if you go to see Robbie, you’ll be doing exactly what he wants you to do. Listen, he’s never ever going to kill himself
– he’s far too much of a coward. That’s why he’s pulled this stunt, because he wants you to feel so guilty you’ll take him back and then he won’t be on his own
any longer. He’s afraid of being on his own. After all, you’ve been his crutch for how many years? Don’t be a fool, Cassie. See this for what it is, a pathetic attempt to get you
back. I like you too much not to tell you how I see it. And don’t mind Mother. Robbie is her little boy still and always will be. If she phones you again, just hang up.’

Cassie felt her world spinning about her. She had no reason to doubt Lillian’s word. But would Robbie do that to her?
Could
Robbie do that to her?

‘I don’t know what to do. Are you sure? Maybe I should go up for five minutes . . . ’ She didn’t know whether she was coming or going.

‘Cassie, do yourself a favour. Maybe you’ll be doing Robbie a favour too. Go home. Your life can only get better.’

Cassie stood as though rooted to the spot. Go? Stay? She didn’t know what to do.

Judy made up her mind for her, in a way that was totally unlike her usual placid self. Taking her by the arm, she said in a voice that brooked no argument, ‘The girl has just given you the
best advice you’re ever going to get. Come on, Cassie, you’re coming home.’

Cassie looked from one to the other. Then she turned on her heel and walked from the hospital, feeling like Judas Iscariot.

‘Underground map, keys, credit card,’ Cassie muttered to herself, making a final check to make sure that she had everything she needed before leaving the flat to
meet Aileen in Mayfair. She smiled to herself. It sounded so strange to be planning to meet in Mayfair in London, rather than in Grafton Street or outside Clerys in O’Connell Street in
Dublin.

How drastically her life had changed in just over three months, since the break-up of her engagement to Robbie. Here she was in London, single and free, pursuing her banking career and about to
meet Aileen for a night out. Her thumb rubbed the bare space on the third finger of her left hand. She still hadn’t got used to not wearing her engagement ring. Cassie sighed. She was really
trying hard to put the past behind her and being in a strange new city helped, especially a city as exciting and glitzy as London. Here she had no memories shared with Robbie; here she could be as
anonymous as she liked and just get on with living. If she had still been at home she would have gone crazy altogether. It was so difficult working with people who knew them both and couldn’t
understand the reason for their break-up. It was nerve-wracking every time the phone rang; she dreaded picking it up in case it were Robbie. Judy, who had been a real brick throughout, had always
answered it for Cassie if she were there, but Robbie had continued to pester her at work until Cassie had finally agreed to meet him. He had pleaded with her to take him back but Cassie had stood
firm and told him on no account was anyone to get in touch with her if he decided on another suicide attempt. She had been almost suicidal herself by the time Christmas was over and it had been a
great relief finally to get on the plane to London, knowing that at least it was a chance for a fresh start.

So far it was working, she decided, as she locked her flat and ran down the stairs of the large house on Holland Park Avenue in which she lived. The house was owned by the bank and was laid out
in six small self-contained flats. Hers was on the first floor at the rear of the house, overlooking the gardens shared by several other houses. Sometimes it made her feel slightly claustrophobic
being so close to the other houses. At night if the curtains weren’t drawn, you could see right in people’s windows. But then space was at a premium in London and accommodation
expensive. She missed the garden in Ranelagh. Although she’d probably go sunbathing in the big park down the road, it wouldn’t be the same. Still, the flat itself was very comfortable.
She had a sitting-room cum dining-room, decorated in cream and coral, with high ceilings and a tall window, and a sofa that converted to a bed for visitors. There was also a tiny kitchenette. A
small, blue-tiled bathroom and a cheery lemon-painted bedroom which contained a double bed, built-in wardrobes, a dressing table and a little desk, completed her living accommodation.

The joy of it all was that she was only a brisk twenty-minute walk from her job in Kensington High Street. It had been a great stroke of luck for her to get the flat. The girl who was leaving it
had been transferred to the Liverpool branch, and two of the people who had the option to take the flat already had accommodation that they were happy with. Not having to commute made life so much
easier. Lots of people she knew had to get up at six or earlier to be in time for work in the city. Even Aileen, who lived in Wembley and worked in Mayfair, had to be up early to travel into the
city by tube each day, although, as she had explained to Cassie, she was on the Bakerloo line and she didn’t have to change trains to get to her destination.

Cassie, whose nearest station was on the Central line, was going to have to change to the Jubilee line at Bond Street to bring her to Green Park station near the Ritz Hotel. It was here she was
meeting Aileen. It was going to be a new experience because she had never changed lines before. The tube was very handy, but because she had been in London only just over a month, she still
didn’t know where she was going half the time and lived in fear of her life of getting the wrong line. Going tubing, as she called it, was still an adventure! Aileen, of course, knew her way
around like a native.

It was great having Aileen here, Cassie thought, as she walked towards the tube station. It was a dark miserable Friday night and the rush-hour traffic was still heavy although it had eased off
considerably from its peak. Come the spring, she was going to buy a bike for herself and cycle around London to get to know it. She had been studying her map of the city and saw that on a bike she
would have a pretty direct journey into Oxford Street via Notting Hill Gate and the Bayswater Road. Then she could shop and sightsee to her heart’s content. Most of the famous-name shops were
in Oxford Street: C&A, Selfridges, Debenhams, John Lewis, Top Shop. What a time she was going to have, ably abetted by Aileen, who adored shopping. Or else she could cycle along Kensington Road
and on through Knightsbridge, around Hyde Park Corner and along Constitution Hill to Buckingham Palace. There were lots of places she wanted to see and so much she wanted to do. The thing was to
keep herself busy so she wouldn’t have a minute to think about Robbie.

What was he doing now? Was he out drinking with his mates or had he gone back to AA? A shroud of loneliness enveloped her, loneliness that pierced her heart and made her want to weep. Had she
walked away from him in his hour of need? Had she let him down when he needed her most? Should she have gone to see him in the hospital that time?

Stop it! she ordered herself sharply as she stood on the platform waiting for the train. He let
you
down so why should
you
be feeling guilty? Typical! Well, she lectured
herself sternly, you’re not going to ruin your night out with Aileen, weeping and wailing. She had taken this path and that was that. There was no looking back, no guilts, regrets or
recriminations. She had to get on with it and make the best she could of her life and if she didn’t start concentrating on where she was going she’d miss her stop.

When the train arrived, it was packed, so she caught hold of a strap and stood swaying in the crowded aisle trying to read her small underground map. She had only five stations to go; her stop
was the one after Marble Arch.

After the relatively easygoing pace of city life in Dublin, the rush and frenzy of London still took Cassie’s breath away. It amazed her to watch people running up and down escalators, the
speed of the trains slamming in and out of the stations, the never-ending traffic. It was all go, go, go. And there were people of so many different cultures: Asians, Arabs, West Indians with their
dreadlocks and fabulous reggae music. Cassie loved watching the Indian women in their lovely exotic saris and their children who were so beautiful. Everything was fascinating to her, from the
bowler-hatted businessman standing beside her reading his neatly folded paper, despite the swaying of the train, to the young Japanese girl on the other side of her who had the shiniest silkiest
black hair that Cassie had ever seen.

She came to herself with a start. She had been so busy watching her neighbours she’d forgotten to look out at the passing stations. Was the last one Queensway or Lancaster Gate? They
whooshed into Marble Arch and she knew that the next stop was hers. She could have got a taxi, she supposed, but that would have cost a fortune and besides it was the coward’s way out. If she
were going to live in London she’d better get to know it, and getting used to the tube was one of her main priorities.

Cassie was feeling quite proud of herself as she walked up the steps of Green Park station a short while later and headed in the direction of the Ritz, following the directions
Aileen had given her. It was just a couple of minutes’ walk and Aileen was waiting for her in the magnificent foyer of the famous hotel.

She looked stunning! Her auburn tresses were pulled back off her face in an elegant chignon and she wore a sophisticated black dress that showed off every curve of her shapely figure. Her
make-up was, of course, flawless. Cassie had to admit she had never seen her friend looking so well. Training to be a beauty therapist and coming to work in London had been the making of Aileen.
She had been working late and that was why they had arranged to meet at the Ritz as it was just five minutes from where she worked.

‘You look terrific!’ Aileen exclaimed, as she gave Cassie a hug. Cassie was glad she had gone to a bit of trouble with her appearance. She hadn’t taken too much notice of it
since she had broken up with Robbie, but coming to London and seeing all the beautiful clothes in the boutiques in Kensington High Street had aroused her interest in spite of herself. Then, the
offers in the January sales had been more than a mortal could resist. The previous weekend Cassie had got her hair cut in a becoming bob and gone on a little spending spree. She had treated herself
to a new pure wool coat in a gorgeous royal blue. Around her neck she wore a beautiful silk Hermès scarf that had cost a small fortune, but she didn’t care! A soft Italian black
leather bag and expensive suede shoes added the finishing touches to the ensemble. Underneath she wore a glamorous pink angora jumper and a pair of tailored trousers that fitted her like a glove
and looked the height of elegance.