Finn (3 page)

He might have looked scary, but she liked the sound of his voice. It was rough like gravel but soft.

“So did you all play together as boys?” She turned in her seat to watch him. Years of serving had taught her how important body language was. She didn’t want to talk to Finn or Conor about these sorts of things, so Noel represented a good opportunity.

His hands tensed on the wheel. “We didn’t play like most.”

Alyssa frowned. “Well then, what did you all do?”

He glanced over at her, and she knew he was debating whether to tell her or not. He sighed.

“Dismantled guns, learned to shoot, fight and worked in the family businesses,” he said. His mouth was a firm line.

“What business does your family own?” She smiled at him.

His jaw ticked, and she knew she’s stepped on a sore spot for him.

“A gun store.”

His words were final sounding, and she was certain asking anything else would ruin her chances of talking to him again.

They stopped outside her apartment. It was a three-floor building, and her little apartment resided on the second floor. The gentle glow from the lamp she’d left on lit up the window. She turned back to Noel and smiled.

“It’s good you have such a big family. I was passed around to different foster homes, and a big and permanent family is something I always wished I had.”

He looked at her for a moment with the look she hated most, pity.

“Family is a good thing,” he said quietly.

She smiled. “Goodnight, Noel,” she said and climbed out of the car.

She sighed as she punched in the code to the building. It was good that the owner was upgrading the place, but she worried that it would get upgraded outside of what she’d be able to afford. Finn was paying her generously, but if she ever wanted to get ahead, she’d need to start saving. Now that she didn’t have some asshole taking all her money, she might actually be able to do that.

Alyssa stopped at the elevator and smiled. Maybe all the updates weren’t a bad thing. She’d spent the first few weeks at her place struggling to make it up the stairs. The pain killers made her dizzy and weak. It was nice not having to struggle up those stairs late at night.

She rode the elevator up and sighed when she saw her door. When she went to put the key in the lock, there was a red rose resting on the handle. She rolled her eyes and picked it up.

“Very nice,” she said to herself. “Too bad it doesn’t help me get a new therapist.”

Alyssa shut the door behind her and set the bolt in place. She slipped the rose into the bouquet she had sitting on the table. The stark red stood out against the yellow and white flowers her friend Haley had bought her.

She blinked her droopy eyes and went into the bedroom. It had been a long day, and she was too beat to even try and watch TV.

She gathered a pair of shorts and a tank from her dresser. It was so much easier wearing a tank at night, and luckily, the heat of summer was starting to set in. She really didn’t think she could bear having something rubbing against her scars all night.

A yawn escaped her as she snuggled down into the covers. Her thoughts drifted back to Finn. There were so many things that she liked about him, but when he loomed over her, she felt her heart drop into her stomach. The bigger problem was that she didn’t know if she was scared or turned on.

Being with Mike had fucked her up, and she worried that maybe she had some perverse need to be controlled. The idea made her shake inside. She closed off those thoughts and tried to relax. She was planning to enjoy her next two days off.

Chapter Three

Finn sat in the tiny office waiting on the last of the reports to go through. He stared at her desk while he waited. She had seemed so small earlier when she told him she wasn’t afraid. It pained him to have to think that he ever meant to make her feel that way.

Last thing he ever wanted to do was make a woman feel that way, especially after growing up the way he had, frightened that any day would be the day his father snapped, watching his mother being savagely beaten, usually in defense of Ennis or himself.

He had to make Alyssa understand.

Someone knocked at the door, and he placed his hand on his gun. Nights like this made him a good target, and it didn’t hurt to be prepared.

“Come in,” he said.

Conor strolled in and cocked a brow at him.

“Expecting company?” he said and took a seat.

Finn relaxed and took his hand off his gun. “I’m expecting anything right now. It’s a good way to not end up dead.”

“Well that’s good because things aren’t looking so great with the men,” Conor said. His sandy brown hair dipped onto his forehead. “There’s talk. Some think that Ennis will give them more profit.”

Finn gripped the desk so hard his fingers popped. Every time he heard his brother’s name, the betrayal burned deeper.

“Any of them talking about leaving?” he asked.

Conor shook his head. “Not after Ennis left Dale out to dry.”

Finn snorted. “Bastard shouldn’t have shot Alyssa.” His face twisted in anger. Not only had Dale been a rat bastard traitor, but he’d shot Alyssa. Twice. The traitor had a world of pain coming to him.

“Yeah, well, the whole thing with Dale is going to blow over, and when that happens, some of the men are going to leave,” Conor said. He stared at Finn for a moment before he spoke again. “What’s the plan when that happens?”

Finn shrugged. “We hope that it’s only a few, and we don’t have to meet again.”

“And if we do?” Conor sat up a little.

“It will be at the barrel of a gun.”

“But we’re not going to stop them?”

Finn shook his head. “They might leave and come back. Maybe Ennis’s way of life isn’t the slice of cake they are being sold.”

Conor shook his head. “Not like your father at all.”

“My father’s way was cruel without meaning and doesn’t turn the profit it once did,” Finn said and slammed his fist on the desk. “We’ve got to stop living life like it’s the old days and embrace the freedoms that come with the new.”

Conor held up his hands in surrender. “I’m on your side.”

Finn sighed and scrubbed a hand across his eyes. “I know. I’m tired, and it seems like every direction I go I’m being blocked.”

“We’ll get it figured out,” Conor said. “Claire is a pro at finding dirt.”

Finn chuckled. “Don’t let her hear you say that.”

“Just one more black mark next to my name,” Conor said. “Our feud goes so far back that I’m not even sure when it started.”

“Well I’m sure she could tell you next time she’s in,” Finn laughed.

Conor sat up quickly. “No thanks. I think I’ll keep things just like they are. Me with my balls still in place and her about twenty feet away.”

Finn snickered.

Conor stood up and stretched. “You going home tonight?”

Finn shook his head. “Liam is beat,” he said. “Hell, we’re all beat. Not knowing who we can trust and can’t has taken a toll on all of us.”

“What about Noel?” Conor asked.

“He was on part of last night and part of today. You were on all of today.” Finn sighed. “It’s fine. Noel will wait until I get there, and then we’ll switch.”

“We know you go there even if someone’s on,” Conor said quietly.

Finn knew his men were just worried, but he really didn’t have an explanation.

“She’s my responsibility,” he said quietly.

“And so she’s ours,” Conor said with force. “Trust us.”

Finn’s eyes snapped up to his oldest friend, and he wondered if the others felt the same. “It’s not about trust.” He shook his head. “It just has to be me. I have to know she’s okay.”

His chest tightened every time he thought about her being in trouble without him around.

“Okay,” Conor said. “I think I understand.”

Finn nodded and tried not to think about what was going through Conor’s head. His men knowing that he had faith in them meant more than that.

“Well I’m off to bed then, boss.” He grinned. “Don’t work too late.”

Finn gave a wave and looked back at the monitor.

“About fucking time,” he mumbled.

The books were updated and a copy sent to the accountant. It was his turn to leave.

* * *

Alyssa woke up in a panic. Sweat drenched her pillow and coated her face. They always seemed so real. The dreams of Mike. She’d wake up shaken and crying. Two years with him had created a lifetime of nightmares. It just didn’t seem fair.

She took a deep breath and steadied her nerves.

“He’s not here,” she said aloud. “He can’t hurt you.”

She repeated the mantra in her head a few more times before opening her eyes. The light from the street outside filtered into the room. Alyssa climbed out of bed and made her way to the bathroom.

When she had finished with her business, she plodded through her room to the kitchen. Her hand shook only slightly when she filled her glass, and she was glad things were slowly improving. At least now she didn’t wake up screaming or stay lost in her dream/wake state for prolonged periods.

She took another drink but stopped when her eye caught something outside. Down on the street, just across the road, there he sat. His deep gray sports car stood out among the beaters on the block. Of course, when you were a mob boss, you didn’t really have to worry about the local thugs messing with it.

Alyssa sighed and set her glass down. She really didn’t know what she was going to do with him. It was bad enough he had his men on her during the day, but now at night too? She grabbed her jacket from the rack and wrapped it around her. Trying to put it on would take far too much time. She slipped on her canvas shoes and grabbed her keys.

She soon was out in the cool night air. She was just glad that it wasn’t winter. Knowing how stubborn he could be, she wouldn’t have been surprised to find him there.

The streets were silent as she walked across and peered into the window.

His head was turned toward her, and his eyes were closed. Lately, he seemed so tired. If he was spending his nights moonlighting as her body guard, it was no wonder he looked like he might fall over most days.

She tapped quietly and watched as he jumped awake, his hand reaching for his side.

Alyssa waved at him through the window. His eyes widened in surprise as he rolled down the window.

“I was just…” He looked around.

It was a first for her. Usually, Finn had an excuse for everything.

“Turn it off and come inside,” she said in her most no-nonsense voice.

Finn looked from her to her apartment window. Uncertainty flashed in his eyes, but he rolled up his window and stepped out.

Alyssa turned and walked toward the door, her arm wrapped around her body. He raced to keep up with her and slipped behind her. They rode in silence up the elevator and to the door of her place. Once inside she turned to him.

“So how long?” she asked.

She watched as he looked around the place and tried to remember if he had been there before. It seemed like he must have been since his men were constantly coming and going, but she couldn’t actually remember him coming over. In fact, the last time they had been anywhere outside of work together was during her stay at the hospital.

The first week she had fought so hard to keep him out, but by the second week, she had given up. During that time they said very little, but he stayed nearly the whole time. It was also the first time in what felt like ages that she’d slept through the night without waking up. Maybe it was the nearness of him in the room, but she felt safe. That meant something.

“Since you left the hospital,” he said quietly.

“Just you?” She hung her jacket up and slipped off her shoes.

“Jesus,” Finn said. His eyes sparked with irritation. “You wore that outside?”

Alyssa looked down at her tank and blushed.

“It hurts to wear things over it at night.” She looked back at him. “I saw you outside and just went.”

Her face burned. It was clear she wasn’t wearing a bra and with the cool night air, her nipples were pointed right at him. She slipped her good arm over her breasts and under the other arm.

Finn stepped forward, concern on his face. He cupped her cheek and brushed a thumb just under her eyes.

“You’ve been crying.” He frowned.

“Nightmare,” she said and turned out of his hand. She was ashamed that Mike was still able to get to her even from prison.

“I’m sorry I scared you earlier,” he said.

She turned her head back to him. Shame and fear were written on his face as he looked down. Her heart hurt. He might drive her crazy, but he tried more than anyone she ever knew.

She pulled her hand out from under her arm and placed it on his chest.

“You don’t scare me,” she said quietly.

His head snapped up. “But earlier.”

“Earlier you were trying to boss me around like you would one of your men,” she said. “I’m not one of your men, and I’m not intimidated by you.”

He looked back down, and she stepped forward. “I’m not intimidated by you because I know you’d never hurt me.”

Slowly, his eyes came up to hers, and she felt her heart hammer in her chest under his intense gaze.

“What kind of nightmare was it, Alyssa?” he asked.

She stepped back and looked away. It seemed so wrong to talk about it.

“Him,” she said quietly.

She could feel the anger radiating off of Finn.

“That will never happen to you again,” he said with such force that she took a step back.

He stepped forward and placed a hand on her good shoulder.

“I will always be here for you,” he said, his voice raw with emotion.

“I know.” Alyssa leaned into him. For a brief moment, she thought he might kiss her.

He stepped back, leaving the air cold between them again.

Rattled from his nearness, she moved, slightly unsteady, around the room. She pulled a pillow from her bed and a few blankets from the closet.

When she came back in the room, he was unbuttoning his shirt. The white sleeveless undershirt was mostly visible. She licked her dry lips and ducked her head.