Fire (24 page)

When she looks up, Jonte’s eyes are turned on her.

No, of course not. Not straight at her. But in her direction. As if he senses that she is there.

Vanessa glances at Wille for a last time. He drains his beer in one go.

‘How are things, mate?’ Jonte asks and Wille shakes his head again.

‘I dunno, must have had some fucking flashback or something …’

Vanessa vanishes into the stroboscopic flashes. An intoxicating joy at her victory is growing inside her.

She glimpses Elin emerging from the toilets. Vanessa can’t help giggling. Laughter is bubbling and overflowing, but the music drowns the sound when she laughs out loud.

The heavy supermarket carrier bags bang against Anna-Karin’s legs. She is walking with her mother, who carries just one half-full bag.

‘Don’t people have anything better to do than hang about here?’ Mum says indignantly and looks along the street.

The pavement is packed with people. Many are wearing yellow T-shirts or sweaters. They have put up a new sign on the place just opposite the block of flats where Anna-Karin and Mum live. ‘POSITIVE ENGELSFORS!’ the sign says in purple letters against a yellow background.

This venue opened a couple of weeks earlier. Since then, every weekend has seemed a festive party-time. And not one single minute has passed without Mum complaining about it.

‘Mia!’ calls a woman’s voice just as Anna-Karin and Mum are about to cross the street.

Mum looks sort of found out, almost frightened. A woman leaves her companions and walks towards them. She is familiar somehow. Her hair is grey, apart from a few blonde strands that look kind of forgotten and left behind.

The woman gives Mum a hug and doesn’t seem to notice that Mum just stands there, stiff as a board. Then she holds out her hand to Anna-Karin and introduces herself as Sirpa.

‘I was at school with your mother,’ Sirpa explains. ‘We’ve met in the supermarket a few times. I work there, you see.’

‘Oh, yes,’ Anna-Karin says.

‘We arranged a little get-together at Positive Engelsfors today,’ Sirpa says.

‘Yes, I’ve noticed,’ Mum says sourly and Anna-Karin feels ashamed of her.

‘You really seem to have a good time,’ she mumbles to make up for the rudeness.

Then she puts the bags down on the ground to try to rub some life back into her hands. The blood flow is practically static and the fox bite is starting to itch.

‘Yes, such a wonderful atmosphere, don’t you think?’ Sirpa says and glances longingly at the centre. ‘That place is exactly what Engelsfors needed.’

She turns to Anna-Karin.

‘It must be difficult to believe for someone as young as you, but Engelsfors was a flourishing town not too long ago. And we can make it flourish again, if only we learn to see all the opportunities around us. Won’t you come along? Meet Helena? Helena Malmgren, I mean.’

‘I know perfectly well which Helena you mean,’ Mum says and begins to fumble for her cigarettes in her handbag.

‘She is fantastic, Mia. Such a role model for us all. So strong, after all she’s been through. She’s changed my life. Like my neck, I’ve had trouble with it for years, but Helena proved to me that my attitude is the root of the problem. Obviously, it’s going to hurt if I walk around full of negative, destructive thoughts all the time. If I think that I’m already well then the pain will go away.’

Anna-Karin observes her mother while Sirpa is talking. Mum is puffing furiously on her cigarette and refusing to take any of this to heart; that’s only too obvious to Anna-Karin. Yes, of course it sounds rather woolly, but can’t Mum see how happy Sirpa is?

‘Maybe Helena can do something to help you with your back?’ Anna-Karin says to her mother.

‘We’ve got to go now,’ she says abruptly. She throws away her cigarette.

‘Mum, surely we’re not in a hurry?’ Anna-Karin says and tries to look innocent.

Mum looks crossly at her.

‘You see!’ Sirpa says cheerfully.

She leads them through the crowd on the pavement and shows the way into the Centre for Positive Engelsfors. There are even more people inside. Happy faces everywhere. As if just by being here, they were sharing something big and important.

Anna-Karin spots Gustaf, who is talking with some of the boys in his football team. She recognises other people from school. The two Hannas in her own class. The creative arts teacher and Tommy Ekberg, who Minoo said were there when the principal was sacked.

Anna-Karin stops and her heart stops, too. She has seen Jari.

Jari, whom she has loved from afar for so many years. Periodically, she felt unable to think of anything except him. And then, after Jonte’s party last Christmas, Jari was transformed into somebody she can hardly bear to think of at all.

Her body is screaming at her to beat it, now, but just then Jari catches sight of her.

His eyes rest on her for a moment and then he looks away, apparently uninterested. Several months have passed since they met. Perhaps all the inexplicable stuff that happened with Anna-Karin is hidden away in his subconscious. She hopes so.

She hurries to catch up with Mum and Sirpa.

‘Helena! Someone wants to meet you!’ Sirpa calls out.

A woman turns round. Her hair is dyed orange.

Helena Malmgren. Elias’s mother.

She is wearing a full-length dress in a thin, flowing material. Its strong shade of yellow lights up her face from below.

‘Mia!’ she says and her face splits into a wide smile, as if Mum’s turning up here is a marvellous gift. ‘It is so nice to see you!’

Mum grunts some kind of answer. Helena turns to Anna-Karin, examines her from top to toe. Anna-Karin feels both ill at ease and flattered by the attention.

‘Stand tall, my girl,’ Helena says. ‘Smile and the world smiles with you.’

She winks at Anna-Karin, as if they share a secret. Then she turns back to Mum.

‘I heard about the fire last winter,’ she says.

Mum just nods.

‘Now you must dare to believe that this is the beginning of something good,’ Helena continues. ‘There are always opportunities if only you choose to see them. A door might close, but at the same time a window is opened.’

‘Easy to say,’ Mum snaps. ‘But my father became an invalid and I had to leave the farm where I grew up. And now I have to carry the responsibility for Anna-Karin on my own.’

What Mum is saying is like a disgusting, dirty stain spreading into the air. And the fury that is erupting inside Anna-Karin is so strong it takes almost physical effort to hold it back.

I could force you to tell the truth, she thinks and observes her mother. You take no responsibility for me. You don’t even like me. You don’t care much for Grandpa either. You have hardly ever gone to see him in Sunny Side. And it was always you who wanted to move into town. There was no need to. I bet you’re
pleased
about the fire.

A desire to use her magic, to force Mum to speak the truth, is so powerful inside Anna-Karin it feels as if it’s about to boil over. Only her fear of the Council is stronger.

‘I understand it has been very hard for you,’ Helena says, still very friendly. ‘But you might also see it as a chance of a new life. Of a new, exciting career.’

Anna-Karin glances gratefully at Helena. She is saying exactly what Mum needs to hear.

‘I can’t even get a job, what with my bad back.’

Mum sounds aggressive. But Helena won’t be put off.

‘That’s exactly the kind of issue we in PE try to help each other out with,’ she says, leaning a little closer and sniffing the air. ‘Your smoking – we could do something about that as well.’

She winks again.

Obviously, this is the final straw.

‘We’ve got to go now,’ Mum says and pulls Anna-Karin away.

‘Come again whenever you want to!’ Helena says. ‘Our doors, and our arms, will always be open to welcome you!’

Mum storms out, elbows her way through the crowd on the pavement and crosses the street with long steps.

‘Nobody will tell me how to lead my life,’ she mutters as she pushes the front door open. ‘It’s easy for her to say but …’

‘
Easy
?’ Anna-Karin screams so loudly it echoes in the stairwell. The front door slams shut behind them. ‘Elias is dead! Helena’s
son
died! And still she tries to help
you
!’

Her rage has finally reached boiling point. Mum stares at her, shocked.

‘Even if you’d love to think so, you’re not the most hard-done-by creature in the entire world,’ Anna-Karin adds.

‘You know nothing about what I’ve been through.’

‘I know precisely what you’ve been through. Because I’ve been through the same things. And you’ve known that all along. But do you give a shit? No, you haven’t. You just feel sorry for yourself all the time!’

‘So that’s it, I’m a bad mother on top of everything else? Well, thank you very much, Anna-Karin. Thank you for kicking me when I’m down.’

This is a familiar tactic. Every time Anna-Karin gets anywhere near criticising, this is what Mum does. Gives you a guilty conscience. You’re meant to take everything back. And even though you understand the strategy, it is effective.

Not this time, though.

‘You should get some counselling,’ Anna-Karin says and dumps the carrier bags so that tins and fizzy drink bottles roll across the floor.

She leaves and doesn’t turn round until she has walked quite a way down the street. Mum is nowhere to be seen, neither at the main entrance nor in the window of their flat.

But Helena is there, outside Positive Engelsfors. She is surrounded by people but looks straight at Anna-Karin and smiles warmly.

Anna-Karin is about to smile back at her but Helena’s husband, Krister Malmgren, comes out to join her. He puts his arm around his wife’s shoulders. ‘The great government boss himself,’ as Mum used to say. He speaks to Helena and they walk back into the centre.

Vanessa is flying.

She is soaring through the air, higher and higher. She knows that the ground is far below, that she would die if she fell, but she is not afraid. She carries on. Upwards, upwards, ever upwards.

She passes through a cloud. It is like a mist. The sky is clear and blue again on the other side.

She allows her body to drift in the light breeze. All she needs to do is lean in a certain direction and the wind will carry her to where she wants to go. Flying is so
easy
. Why hasn’t she understood this before?

Now she sees the dark forest way down there. The sun glitters on a water-filled mine hole and soon she also catches sight of the pointy roof of the dance pavilion.

Vanessa raises her eyes. Over there, at the horizon, she sees the school buildings.

The wind stops carrying her.

It feels like a crash landing in reality when she wakes up in bed. And then the memories of the night before tumble over her like a landslide and bury her.

‘You look ghastly,’ Linnéa says with a smile and lets Vanessa into her flat.

‘I’m hungover,’ Vanessa groans.

She goes into the living room and sinks down on to Linnéa’s sofa. The worn velvet is smooth against Vanessa’s bare legs.

On the sofa table is a pile of black tulle. Linnéa picks an armful and carries it into the bedroom, rummages near the sewing machine.

‘Would you like some tea or something?’ she says when she is back with Vanessa.

She has pulled her fringe back with a shocking pink headband. No make-up. Unlike her usual self, but lovely. Always lovely.

‘Water, please,’ Vanessa says. ‘How can it still be this hot?’

‘Anna-Karin must be right that the heatwave is supernatural,’ Linnéa says on her way to the kitchen.

Vanessa looks at the chipped china panther next to the sofa and then lets her eyes wander to the beautiful and terrifying images which cover the walls. When it is dark outside, Linnéa turns on little red-shaded lamps which bathe the flat in a warm glow. In daylight, it looks less mysterious but somehow more intriguing. More private and intimate. Like seeing Linnéa without make-up.

She brings a large glass of water and puts it on the table near Vanessa. Then Linnéa settles down, cross-legged like a tailor, at the other end of the sofa.

‘Do you remember the time I came here to ask you for advice about Wille?’ Vanessa asks.

She feels even warmer now. As if admitting that she has thought about that evening means that she has somehow exposed herself to Linnéa.

‘Of course I do,’ Linnéa says and briefly looks away. ‘You were wrecked. Unforgettable, really,’ she adds with a smile.

Vanessa laughs, then reaches for the glass of water and drinks deeply.

‘Great that I’m a wreck every time I come to see you. Christ, I am so glad that you were home this time. I would’ve exploded if you hadn’t been here. I need to talk to you.’

‘Go for it,’ Linnéa says and lights a cigarette.

She listens quietly while Vanessa tells her about her failed attempt to get some comfort sex with Jari. But when Vanessa goes on to describe how she spooked Wille, Linnéa bursts out laughing heartily. It’s infectious. They both laugh so much they can’t sit straight.

‘Come on, be serious, we must stop,’ Vanessa says. ‘I’m finished.’

‘All I’d want is to see his face,’ Linnéa says and giggles again.

Vanessa imitates his expression and they laugh some more.

When they have finally stopped laughing, Vanessa feels that her facial muscles are fixed in an idiotic grin. She tries to relax. Linnéa must realise that she is serious now.

‘What if the Council’s spies saw me in Götis doing this comedy ghost stunt? Somehow, I don’t think Alexander will buy the excuse that I was drunk.’

‘He’s so unlikely to find out about it.’

‘But sometimes, when we’ve been practising, you and the others have seen me even if I’m invisible.’

‘Surely that’s just because we are the Circle. Bonded together and all that.’

‘And then there are animals, they can see me … one of the Council’s familiars might have spotted me.’

‘They simply can’t check all of us out, all of the time,’ Linnéa says.

‘I do hope you’re right,’ Vanessa says and sighs. ‘Listen, there’s another important thing. It’s Jari. What do you think? Should I give him another chance and try not to go all weird
on him this time? He looks amazing. You should’ve felt his six-pack. And I like him.’