Fire (41 page)

Anna-Karin becomes angry for the first time. Alexander doesn’t know a thing about her feelings. He doesn’t seem to know about feelings, period.

But she says nothing. And it is not only her fear that stops her. She is pretty sure that he
wants
to make her angry. Make her reveal her weak points.

Anna-Karin knows the method only too well. This was what Erik, Ida, Robin, Kevin and the rest of them did when they were bullying her.

When she has been silent for several minutes Alexander says: ‘Well, now I would like to talk a little more about the week leading up to the night of the blood-red moon.’

And it starts all over again.

Hours later, Alexander gets up from his armchair and, at last, Anna-Karin dares to believe that the interrogation is over.

Her brain feels as if it has been boiled to mush. She gets up, too, but staggers and almost tumbles back into her armchair.

‘I believe that by now we have assembled all the information we need,’ Alexander says. ‘The trial will take place this coming Saturday.’

Anna-Karin doesn’t even react. All she wants is to leave.

‘We have appointed someone to plead in your defence,’ Alexander goes on.

Anna-Karin suddenly sees Adriana waiting in the doorway. How long has she been standing there?

‘Come in,’ Alexander says.

She is wearing a severe suit in her usual style. But when she steps into the light, Anna-Karin sees how tired Adriana is. And how much weight she has lost.

But although she looks defeated, Anna-Karin feels a little relieved. She hadn’t even dared to hope that she would be allowed anyone to defend her. And she knows that she can trust Adriana.

‘Would you like me to drive you home?’ Viktor asks Anna-Karin.

‘I’d rather walk,’ she says as she pulls on her duffel coat.

Adriana walks with her down the long corridor to the front door, with Viktor and Alexander following a few steps behind.

When they have reached the door, Anna-Karin opens it wide and breathes in the fresh outside air. It has just started to drizzle.

‘Don’t worry, it will all work out well for you,’ Adriana says. Her voice lacks conviction as well as warmth.

She holds out her hand to Anna-Karin, an oddly formal gesture even for her.

Anna-Karin takes her hand and touches a small, folded piece of paper that is held tightly between Adriana’s long finger and index finger. She glimpses the terror in Adriana’s eyes.

Anna-Karin keeps clasping Adriana’s hand until she is sure to have got hold of the piece of paper. Then she plunges her hands clumsily into the pockets of her duffel coat. She feels that Viktor and Alexander must be watching everything she does, but doesn’t dare look their way.

‘Yes, thanks … bye-bye,’ Anna-Karin says.

She walks down the steps. The door closes behind her and she relaxes, buttons her coat and starts walking across the yard. The raindrops are icy cold against her face, her jeans are quickly getting wet and she speeds up.

The fox is waiting for her near the locks and trots lightly at her side as she sets out for the town. When they are close to the centre, he disappears out of sight but she feels his presence all the time. He follows her among the shadows, all the way home.

She is too scared to look at the piece of paper until she is in her own room. Adriana Lopez’s handwriting is a neat as ever.

We must meet in the old fairground at midnight. It will be our only chance to talk before the trial. Tell the others.

‘Vanessa, you can’t study at the same time as you watch movies and text your mates,’ Mum says. She stands in the living-room doorway.

‘I do that all the time,’ Vanessa replies.

She quickly deletes the text from Anna-Karin and throws the mobile on the sofa.

Trial. Now, this Saturday. And tonight, she has to go to the fairground. But she’s in luck, her mum has the night shift in the old folks’ home and Melvin is off to visit Nicke in his two-bedroom flat near the station. No one will notice if she sneaks out.

Frasse is snoring on the rug in front of her and she eyes him, feeling jealous. No hope of any sleep for her.

The screen of her laptop shows a guy hung up on a meat-hook. He is trying to persuade his girlfriend to kill him and put an end to his suffering. She screams more than he does.

‘But Nessa, what
are
you watching?’

‘A romantic comedy,’ Vanessa says.

Mum sighs. She seems resigned. At least she doesn’t start another sermon.

‘Maybe you’d get better marks if you tried out another study method,’ she says.

‘Come on, Mum, I know what works best for me.’

‘Well, turn down the sound anyway,’ Mum says and wanders off to the kitchen again.

Vanessa turns the volume down a few notches. And then turns it up again, just a little, hoping that Mum won’t notice.

Studying in what people are fond of calling ‘peace and quiet’ only makes Vanessa so restless that she can’t concentrate at all. She needs to be reminded all the time that there is another life out there, beyond the textbooks.

She sinks more deeply into the sofa cushions and puts her feet on the coffee table. Props up the open book against her thighs.

Mum pops her head around the door again.

‘What are you working on anyway?’ she asks.

‘English grammar and it’s totally pointless and I hate it,’ Vanessa says tonelessly.

‘It must be useful to know.’

‘Why? Can you explain that for me? No one else has managed to.’

Impatiently, Vanessa taps her pen on the open book. She has no problem speaking English. Song lyrics and film subtitles have taught her everything she needs. The only snag is, she happens not to know all the
rules
or exactly
why
you’re supposed to use this or that phrase.

‘You’re asking the wrong person,’ Mum says and smiles.

Vanessa is just about to reply when her mobile rings from somewhere among the cushions. Mum instantly turns on her severe face.

‘Really, Nessa,’ she says.

‘I’m just going to check who it is,’ she says and digs out the phone.

Wille
.

She’s deleted his number from her mobile, but hasn’t been able to delete it from her mind. Just about six months ago, a
call from him around this time was a regular part of her day. Now it makes her heart beat double time.

The phone goes on ringing and Mum just stands there, staring at her.

‘Aren’t you going to answer?’ she asks.

It feels as though it would be a mistake to answer. Is it a mistake she can resist making?

‘I’ll have to take this call,’ she says and gets up from the sofa.

Mum sighs when Vanessa runs into her room. She presses the reply button at the same time as she shuts the door behind her.

‘Hello?’

‘Nessa, hi …’ he says.

His voice makes her feel dizzy.

‘Mum says she met you today,’ he says.

‘Yes?’ Vanessa says, trying to sound indifferent but doubting the effect.

‘I’m waiting at the usual place,’ Wille says. ‘Can you come?’

Seeing him would be the next mistake. An even bigger one.

‘Why?’

‘I just want to talk for a while. It’s been a long time.’

Vanessa swings round to the full-length mirror and fluffs up her hair. And as soon as she does this she realises that she has made up her mind.

‘I’ll be down soon,’ she says.

She doesn’t give him time to reply, just switches off the call, puts the phone in the pocket of her hoody and goes back to the living room. She looks out through the window. Wille’s car is parked at the bus stop.

She ought to text him to say she won’t come after all.

‘Are you working?’ Mum shouts from the kitchen.

‘Umm,’ Vanessa mutters.

Wille is waiting for her in his car and it all feels so familiar, so
usual
, as if the last half-year never happened.

She finds herself wondering if she isn’t ready to forgive him now. If he really, truly begged her maybe she would. Maybe.

Christ, Linnéa would think she’s pathetic.

But it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks, should it?

‘I’ve got to take Frasse out,’ she shouts to Mum.

‘But you’ve already been out with him.’

‘He’s like it’s totally urgent,’ Vanessa says and tugs a little at his collar. Frasse reluctantly lifts his head and stares sleepily at her.

‘Nessa, if this is a lousy excuse to get out of studying …’

Vanessa drags Frasse into the hall, clips on his lead and puts on her coat. The dog is alert by now and wags his tail happily, over the moon at the chance to go out again.

‘Back soon,’ Vanessa says.

The air is chilly, with a raw dampness about it. Vanessa starts feeling cold the moment she steps outside. Frasse sniffs the ground eagerly as they walk towards Wille’s car.

They are almost there when Wille climbs out and Frasse starts tugging at the lead so energetically he almost rips off Vanessa’s arm.

‘Hiya, Frasse,’ Wille says. ‘Hi there, old pal.’

Frasse leaps up, puts his front paws on Wille’s belly and allows himself to be patted and scratched behind his ears. Vanessa stands by silently, waiting. Wille avoids looking at her and she wonders if he feels as tense as she does.

Frasse finally calms down and settles back on all four paws. Wille looks at her.

And, yes. He is just as tense.

‘I’m glad you came,’ he says.

She hasn’t seen him since she spooked him in Götis, but she has heard that he’s moved in with Elin in Riddarhyttan, a village just outside Engelsfors.

And the transformation has clearly continued.

Wille’s hair is cut shorter than she has ever seen it. His jacket is new. Wille, who had been putting on the same worn old kit for as long as she had known him.

He looks handsomer than ever. One part of Vanessa wants to whimper a little and wag her tail, just like Frasse.

This is a mistake, she thinks as they look at each other for a long time. But I knew that already, didn’t I?

‘You look different,’ she says.

‘I’ve got myself a haircut and a job,’ he says and smiles. ‘Perhaps I’ll buy myself a new car as well.’ He kicks a front tyre. ‘This sad old heap has done its bit.’

He might as well be talking about hers. She has obviously been
exchanged
.

Suddenly she feels idiotic to have even considered forgiving Wille, since she hasn’t a clue what
he
wants.

‘Why are you here?’ Vanessa asks.

Wille puts his hands into his jacket pockets and leans against the car. His breath forms a cloud in the light from the street lamps. She shivers.

‘I wanted to see you,’ he says. ‘And thank you.’

‘For what?’

‘For your belief in me. Look, right through our relationship I was a fucking loser, I know that. But you always believed that I could change. It’s because of you that I began to believe it myself in the end. I smoke maybe only once or twice a month now. I’ve landed a job in a call centre and it isn’t too bad at all. And I’ve moved away from home.’

Vanessa senses her own bitterness as distinctly as a taste in her mouth.

Well, isn’t that just fabulous, Wille, she wants to cry. Great to have had this fantastic opportunity to get you on the roll. And such fun for me to struggle and nag and beg and deliver endless pep talks. Shame, isn’t it, that somebody else will have the benefit of all that hard work? Still, that’s the way it goes.

‘You mean, you’ve moved in with Elin,’ she says.

Wille nods, doesn’t answer.

‘Great,’ Vanessa says. ‘What do you want me to say? Congrats to your new, happy life?’

‘I never said I was happy,’ Wille says and looks at her. ‘I should never have done what I did to you. I have never regretted anything so much in my whole life. I miss you.’

‘What about Elin? What does she think about it?’

Wille’s eyes fix on something else.

‘Aha, she doesn’t know a thing, does she?’ Vanessa says. ‘She thinks everything is fine now.’

She starts tugging at Frasse’s lead. He just sits there.

‘Come on, Frasse,’ she says and he stands up at last.

She walks back to the front door. Frasse’s claws are clicking against the tarmac. And then she hears Wille come running after her.

‘Nessa!’

He swings her around half a turn, pulls her close and kisses her.

She wants to leave, but can’t make herself do it. She can’t even control her own mouth. It opens to receive his kiss, go further.

Wille’s kiss is just as it always was, like nobody else’s and she wants to stop thinking, stop feeling bitter and twisted. Fuck everything. She wants them to jump into his car and drive until they run out of petrol.

‘There’s no one like you,’ Wille whispers.

She does free herself now. Her treacherous body protests. It already misses having him so close. Her Wille addiction has come back to life and, just now, her body is on a high and would easily sell off her pride.

‘I must go.’

‘Nessa …’

She turns and starts walking away with Frasse at her heels.

‘Don’t you miss me, too?’ Wille calls after her.

She doesn’t answer him. She doesn’t dare to answer, for fear of telling him the truth.

Minoo cautiously opens the door to her room and slips out into the corridor.

Mum and Dad’s bedroom door is slightly open. Dad’s snoring sounds like low rumbling in there. Just as Minoo puts her foot on the top step of the stairs, the snores stop.

She listens, hears him turn heavily in bed. She holds her breath until the snoring starts again. She starts to walk downstairs. Since the night of the blood-red moon, she has sneaked down the staircase so many times that she knows exactly where to place her feet, which of the steps creak.

Minoo has just reached the ground floor when the house phone rings out shrilly. She rushes into the hall to pick it up, hoping that the signal hasn’t woken Dad.

‘Hello?’ she whispers breathlessly.

No one answers. Only breathing, some scraping noises. Someone who listens and waits.

‘Stop calling,’ she says and puts the receiver down.