Fire Under Snow (20 page)

He groaned and drew her fully into his arms, his lips brushing abrasively across the hair that he had once likened to spun gold, and he avenged his anger on her in the cruel, bruising tightness of his hold. It was as though he had to punish her for the way he felt about her. Their touching bodies radiated shock waves of passion that neither could deny. The heat of their mutual desire seemed to fuse them together, and the willpower she had to pit against this was next to useless.

“I can't do without you,” he said, his cutting tone tearing through her. “I know you for what you are – a scheming, deceiving little blackmailer – yet I still want you. I mean to have you, even if I have to marry you.”

She was close to tears. If only she were the scheming, deceiving blackmailer he thought she was. If only her nature would allow her to accept such a bitter proposal in the hope that in time he would really see her as she was. But it was no good. She couldn't stoop to such degradation. The only marriage proposal she could accept would be one tendered with love.

“No!” she said, shaking her head vehemently. “I take it that I should be overwhelmed with gratitude that you can bring yourself to marry me in view of everything, but I'm not. Such a proposal is an insult and totally unacceptable.”

“You mean you're turning me down?” he asked, stunned.

“I most certainly am.”

She hadn't heard the door open, and she didn't think he had, either. But as his arms slackened to release her, she swung around to see Jamie – and a woman in a tailored suit, brown hair speckled with gray, a face with mortification at what she had obviously just seen and heard, carrying a laden tray in none too steady fingers.

“I'm most dreadfully sorry, sir,” she began. “I didn't mean to intrude.”

“Stop flapping, Judith,” Noel grunted irritably. “It doesn't matter. Just put that blasted tray down before you drop it.”

As the poor bewildered woman looked for a surface upon which to deposit it, Noel indicated a coffee table.

Jamie took the opportunity to whisper in Lorraine's ear, “I didn't realize you were the big chiefs property. This puts a whole new light on the matter.” His expression turned first speculative, then gleeful. “You'll marry him, of course. You could do me some good. Put in a good word. Get him to change his mind about washing his hands of me and, instead, use your influence to make him smooth things over for me. His opinion counts in a big way. Why, with his backing I could be right back there at the top.”

She glared at him. “I do not intend to marry Noel Britton. I have no influence with him. And you, Jamie Gray, are impossible!” And predictable to the end. Still thinking only of himself.

She sat down. Judith Brown handed a cup of coffee to her, her eyes glancing curiously over Lorraine as she did so, almost as if she wondered who she was and where she fitted in.

But she knew who she was. Noel had told her. Yet the conviction was strong in Lorraine's mind that Noel's secretary had expected to see someone else. Judith Brown's reaction on seeing her was too close to Jamie's not to set her thoughts buzzing again. Until she realized she was doing what she had done before, grasping at straws. Seeing something she wanted to see which wasn't there.

Everything had a logical explanation. Considering Noel's close working relationship with many glamorous females, Judith Brown might well be used to walking in and finding him in a compromising situation. But Lorraine thought it might be the first time she'd overheard him proposing marriage. It would have given her an even bigger jolt to hear him being turned down. There couldn't be many girls around who would say no to such a prize catch. That's why she had looked her over so curiously.

And then, just as all hope had gone, Judith Brown dropped her sweet bombshell.

“Has Mrs. Gray left?” she inquired, so quietly, so unexpectedly.

“This is Mrs. Gray,” Noel replied, nodding toward Lorraine, his eyes, his whole manner, electrically alert.

Jamie had gone as white as a sheet. The atmosphere was tense.

“You're mistaken, sir. At least,” she added, a flicker of confusion crossing her features, “it's not the Mrs. Gray who came around asking for Jamie's address.”

Jamie was biting his knuckles.

“Explain!” Noel commanded.

“I didn't know your secretary had ever seen Mandy. You said she'd phoned to get my address.”

Judith Brown answered for herself. “So she did. She was more persistent than the other girls who rang saying they needed to get in touch with you. She bombarded me with phone calls, but the policy is not to give out addresses. So then she came around to the club. She was in such a state that, well, I broke the golden rule and told her where you were staying.”

“Who is Mandy?” Lorraine asked sharply.

Jamie shrugged and admitted after a lengthy pause, “My wife.”

“But
I'm
your wife.”

“Not legally. I'm sorry, Lorraine, and you'll never know how much, but I was already married when we supposedly tied the knot. When Mr. Britton said he'd got my wife here, I expected to see her. I got the shock of my life when I walked in and saw you. It seemed best to bluff it out. It nearly came off, too.”

“You mean, you committed ... bigamy?”

He nodded. “I suppose that's the word for it.” Addressing Noel, he said, “Of course, it's Mandy who is putting the squeeze on, not Lorraine. She found out that I'd gone through a marriage ceremony with Lorraine and decided it was good for a spot of blackmail.” He turned back to Lorraine. “I was only eighteen when I married her. She was four years older. It didn't work out.”

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“That's obvious.” His lifted eyebrows implied surprise that she should have to ask. “You wouldn't have had anything to do with me if I had.”

Astounded at his audacity, she said fiercely, “Too true, I wouldn't! How could you have done this to me? How could you go through the pretense of a wedding ceremony knowing that you were already married?”

“I swear it wasn't like that. Mandy had started divorce proceedings, and I thought it had gone through. But, like a woman, she changed her mind and informed her solicitor to drop the case. You know how it is in show business. I was on the road at the time, with no permanent address. By the time the solicitor's letter caught up with me, giving me the facts, it was too late because I'd already gone through that ceremony with you. That's God's truth.”

She shook her head, trying to take it in, and then accused chokingly, “It wasn't too late to tell me when you found out. It was cruel of you to let me go on believing we were married.”

As her voice shuddered to a stop, Noel's steadying hand made contact with her shoulder before he charged across the room to yank Jamie out of his chair. It flashed through her mind what he intended to do, but he was in action before she could put in a word of protest. His fist smashed against Jamie's face with such violence and force that Jamie was sent spinning into the air. He crashed back down onto the coffee table, which shattered under the impact, sending crockery flying and hot coffee splashing in all directions.

“Noel – I think you've broken his nose,” Lorraine gasped out, thinking how dreadful it was that something like this should happen to Jamie, who put such a price on good looks. Her thoughts were ludicrous in the face of his defection, but it felt wonderful to pity Jamie. To know that she wasn't bitter any more and that her cure was quite complete.

“If I have, it's no more than he deserves,” Noel gritted out savagely. “I ought to have killed the swine for what he's put you through.” He added something under his breath which Lorraine was not meant to hear.

Judith Brown was fully occupied recoiling in fascinated horror from the spectacle that Jamie presented. “He looks very bloody,” she observed. “He'll be scarred for life.”

“I always did say he was too beautiful for a man. He'll probably look better for it. I certainly feel better for it,” Noel said unrepentantly, nursing his knuckles. “Phone someone to get him removed, Judith.”

She did so at once, phoning for an ambulance, and when it arrived she volunteered to go with Jamie to the hospital.

Noel came back from seeing them off at the door. Lorraine was attempting to clear up the broken china.

“Leave it,” he instructed, lifting her from her kneeling position and taking her into his arms.

They had been through a highly emotional ordeal. The trauma of months was in the shaking of her limbs and the unsteadiness of his voice as he said, “My darling, I've put you through unforgivable torture. I should have believed you. I shouldn't have behaved the way I did. I don't know how to begin to say I'm sorry.”

Her fingers closed over his mouth. “Don't try. The nightmare is over. That's all that matters.” She shuddered, not in fear or horror, but in intense and wonderful relief. “I'm not married to Jamie! That's almost too wonderful to believe. Ending a marriage is so sad. I should have felt hollow, somehow, even though Jamie and I never had a proper marriage in the first place. I don't even feel vindictive toward Jamie anymore. I'm far too happy. I feel rather sorry for him, because what he said is true – he can't help the way he's made. Poor Jamie. If you feel as though you can keep him under contract, I'd be quite pleased. I'd like to think he had a chance to make something of himself.”

“You're incredible! I'm afraid I'm less forgiving than you. I'll think about it, but I'm making no rash promises,” he said. “I'll get my solicitor to make sure that you're in the clear – a mere formality to keep on the right side of the law – and then, if you'll have me, we'll get married. My love, please say yes. Show me the same forgiveness that you've shown to Jamie. Give me the chance you would have me give him. Let me make it up to you for how badly I've treated you.”

“Oh, Noel, of course, my answer is yes.”

“Thank God for that, even though I don't deserve you. I've been so eaten up with jealousy that I haven't been able to see straight. I've gone through hell imagining what you were to Sir William. That night when you went outside with him at the Cabana and brought him back to our table, I could barely talk civilly to him. Last night when you told me you were married to Jamie Gray I thought I would go mad. I know now that my obsession with wanting to be the first man to know you was unreasonable. I don't mind now that I'm not the first – I just want to be the last.”

“You're tormenting yourself unnecessarily. I've tried to tell you so many times. You will be the first, and the last. Jamie was involved in rehearsals immediately after that bogus marriage ceremony, and we hadn't slept together before then. That's the truth.”

“Oh, my darling,” he said, gathering her closer, “I'm the luckiest of men. The fire under the snow. Mine to discover. I'll keep it lovingly tended. I'll devote the rest of my life to doing just that. It will never burn out.”

His mouth sought hers, as though sealing a pledge. It was the most heady delight to be able to indulge the tumultuous craving inside her instead of fighting to repulse it. Her lips returned his kisses with fervor and total abandon. All restrictions removed, nothing to inhibit or restrain her, her fingers flattened against the muscular hardness of his chest, dragging upward to link around his neck.

The closeness of her body stole his voice away and left him with only a husky remnant to whisper endearments in her ear, every word, every syllable accompanied by a caress.

His hands were tender, sweet torment and it was even more wildly wonderful than she had imagined it could be. As her longing flared, she strained closer still. She felt the unmistakable response of his body and knew that they were rapidly reaching a point where kisses and caresses would not be enough.

He held her away for a moment to look at her face, which glowed with golden rapture. He took it in his hands and his eyes hallowed every facet of her expression; his voice was broken and ragged as he said, “I love you. I adore you. I worship you.”

“Not on a pedestal,” she pleaded hoarsely. “Don't ever put me up there again.”

“I won't. I can safely promise that. I won't ever allow your sweet body to be that far away – from the moment I've put a ring on your finger. Until then I'm going to have to hold you at arm's length.”

“You don't have to.”

A tortured groan came from his lips. “You know what you're saying, don't you?”

She nodded without shame. “I'm saying I want to take up from where we left off last night.”

He groaned softly. “So do I. You only just told me in time that you are a virgin. I've a feeling that if you'd put it off any longer I would have found out for myself. As it is, I must wait, however much of a strain I find it. Heaven will bless this marriage, and I'm not going to do anything to defile it. It's important for it to be right from the very beginning, because it's going to last us a lifetime.”

“I wouldn't have told you if I'd known,” she said, but she was secretly pleased, because his strong views on the subject matched her own. “Noel, there's something I want to ask you, something that would please me very much.”

“I'll grant any wish but one. I won't agree to a long engagement.”

“A long engagement wouldn't be a wish; it would be a curse. I'll marry you as quickly as it can be arranged.”

He laughed in delight at that and said, “So what do you want, my darling?”

Not quite sure how he would take this, she said hesitantly, “In cases like mine, when the bride hasn't got a father, it's customary to ask a favorite uncle to give her away. I haven't got one of those, either. So – please don't be angry – I'd like Sir William. He's the nearest to an uncle I've got. And pretty soon, if Aunt Leonora will have him, he will be my uncle.”