Fireblood (11 page)

Why has he shown me the hole in the wall? Is he so confident in himself, so assured in his charms, that he doesn’t even question whether I’d run? Then I remember the Eyes. This place must be monitored. He wouldn’t give away a secret like this.

I stare at the empty seats, my curiosity piqued. “Who comes here with you?”

Sebastian picks up a rock and settles on a log. “No one,” he says. “Not now.” He chucks the rock into the stream.

I widen my eyes, suddenly interested. Smoothing the back of my tunic, I sit next to him on the other log. “All right,” I say. “Who used to come here with you?”

He doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he stares out over the water, his eyes far away. Then he says, “Devlan.”

“Devlan?” My voice rises in surprise. “Your first knight?”

“When we were just kids.” He smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “We used to fish and wander the woods. At least until my father declared it time for me to accept my princely duties and learn how to rule Karm.”

“So how then…” I shake my head. “I’m lost, Sebastian. Did you make Devlan the knight commander because he was your closest childhood friend?” If so, that explains how Devlan reached a high-ranking station at such a young age, and why he seems to be able to do things another knight would be punished for. Like yanking a prince off his betrothed, when no other would think twice about his prince’s actions.

“Not quite.” He blows air through his lips heavily. “Devlan lost—” He breaks off, looking around as if someone might be listening. He lowers his voice. “His parents were taken by the Virus when he was very young, just as my mother was taken from me. He was going to live in an orphanage, and I spotted him while members of the Force were putting him away in the prison carriage. Just a boy, like me, and I pleaded with my father to let him live in the castle.”

He looks back toward the stream. “I didn’t have any siblings and was not permitted to attend public classes, and he had no one else, either.” He shrugs. “We became fast friends. He worked in the stable and slept in the servants’ quarters. I was tutored early in the day and stayed in the opposite wing of the castle. But we were like brothers the rest of the time.” He smiles. “We tended to get into trouble quite often.”

I follow his gaze, wondering if he truly felt bad for Devlan, or simply wanted a playmate, and why he’s chosen to bring me here now. Regardless, I can’t help wanting to know more about the quiet, brooding knight.

After a moment, Sebastian continues. “When we were sixteen, my father professed that I had to start my ascension toward becoming king, and that it was time for Devlan to find employment beyond the castle.” He looks at his hands, runs his finger over the crest of his ring. “My father feels relationships weaken a king.” His eyes find mine. “So, honoring my father’s wishes, I sent Devlan away and treated him like a servant whenever we crossed paths. I have to become King. There’s no other person to take my father’s place. I don’t have another option.” He looks away from me, back to the water. “This is my duty.”

Duty. That word again. I’m starting to wonder if it means the same to men as it does to women. “Then how did he become your first knight?”

He shrugs one shoulder. “After a few years, he came back, training to become a knight.” He laughs. “He was so determined. I remember watching him, wondering how he’d come to the decision. It was never anything he talked about when he was younger.” He stands and walks toward the bank. “We didn’t speak. Our falling out has obviously put a rift between us that’s impossible to mend. But it proved to my father I could make hard decisions. And when I chose Devlan as my commander, my father only questioned me slightly.”

“Why did you choose him?”

He turns and looks at me. “I’d like to say it was because he was the best knight. I mean, he is good, though his age is against him. But, I believe there’s a part of me that’s still weak. Wanting to repair the damage I’d caused between us, and…” He folds his arms over his chest. “Mayhap to have my friend back.”

I stand and join him near the water. The river rushes past the rocks, and the spray bounces off them. The mist chills my skin. “But he’s not your friend, though,” I say quietly, questioningly. “Not anymore.”

“No.” He dips his head quickly, then looks at me again. “Not in the same sense. At the time I advanced Devlan’s rank, my father told me I’d regret my choice. That I was foolish and needed to sever the side of me that makes me weak.” He laughs hollowly. His face darkens, and his brows pull together. “But, do our emotions and our feelings for others truly weaken us? Can’t they make us stronger?”

I look away from him, unable to answer this for him as I don’t have the answer for myself. “I don’t know,” I admit. “I was not raised to be a queen, nor do I know what it takes to rule, Sebastian.”

“I wonder this about myself some days.” He sighs. “Whether I have what it takes.” He steps closer, and my eyes find his again. “When you ran into the arcade and I saw the flame in your eyes—your action roused questions I buried long ago.”

My breath slips past my lips. “What questions?”

“Whether or not I can rule this realm more efficiently than my father without instilling fear. Can I change how it’s governed…and if I don’t, will I lose that which makes me human?” He bows his head, but not before I see his golden eyes darken.

After his admission, we’re both quiet. The trickle of the stream echoes around us, and the crickets have faded into a low hum, distant and haunting. “Why have you revealed all this to me?”

He turns and takes my hands in his. “You asked me why I chose you.” I nod once, hoping I’ll finally learn the answer. He takes a breath. “I’ve known you, Zara. Before I announced I’d chosen you during the transmission, even before it was known that I was to become betrothed, I knew you.” He leans in close to me. His arms touch mine. “I saw you on a monitor for the first time months ago. When I was being taught about Karm, and how I must know all that is going on in my kingdom, I saw you.”

The air in my lungs freezes and I can’t breathe. I fight to gasp air into my windpipe. Finally, I find my voice. “You spied on me?”

His face waxes over in panic. “No.” He shakes his head. “No. God. I only saw you passing through the streets of Town Square whenever you went.”

I release a strained breath. “That wasn’t very often.”

“It was enough.” He smiles. “You were beautiful, but it was more than that. The way you walked, carried yourself. Sure, but unsure. So quiet, yet you spoke volumes with only one look.” His eyes settle on my face. “There’s a silent strength in you. A strength I wish to possess for myself.”

Glancing away, I look at the river, not sure how to respond. What he saw on that monitor was not strength. It was a scared girl keeping to herself—frightened she’d be arrested by the Force. A girl hiding medicines in her basket. A girl only trying to save her sick father.

Sebastian presses on. “And my father knew. He knew.” He chuckles. “But I was too terrified to admit it for fear he’d order me to be with another, so that my feelings wouldn’t make me weak in his eyes.”

“Sebastian.” I whisper his name, unable to say more.

“I know.” He drops his head. “I’m really just a fool. My best friend, who I can’t even talk to, acting as my first knight. And the girl I fell for forced into a betrothal at the last minute. All because I can’t lose face in front of the king.”

My chest aches. I’d thought Sebastian had chosen me on a whim—that he simply wanted to become King quickly. “But if King Hart fears you’re making a rash choice,” I say, “how is it that I’m here now?”

“I refused to accept the throne.” He presses his lips into a firm line and creases his forehead. “I told the king I could not rule without at least having a chance at happiness. He instructed me to take you. To make my choice and be done with it.” His eyes scan my face. “I’d proven to him that I could be strong when I’d ended my friendship with Devlan, but I couldn’t keep myself from you, Zara. So, he caved on this one stipulation for me to take the crown.” He pauses. “I believe he took pity on me.”

Fear envelops my core. Icy fingers worm their way down my spine, and I shiver.
Pity?
I’ve heard many things about King Hart, pity never being one of them. But as I stare at Sebastian—open and vulnerable—I consider the possibility that a father, even one as frightening as King Hart, could find it within himself to grant his son what he wants of happiness.

Another, chilling thought spikes my blood. What Sebastian wants is me. If King Hart has agreed to Sebastian’s condition to rule the kingdom, my imprisonment is King Hart’s doing. I’m an ultimatum, a token of peace between them. King Hart will keep me here at all costs to ensure his only son takes the throne after him.

More so than Sebastian’s, I’m King Hart’s possession.

And I’m not going anywhere.

TEN

S
ebastian guides me to the bank, settling us near the water. “I noticed you weren’t wearing my commitment gift today.”

My hand goes to my chest, my palm flat against my skin. Damn. I’d forgotten to pick it up off the floor this morning. Did Madity find it? Where is it now? Showing that kind of disrespect toward the prince surely won’t go unpunished. My hand shakes as I lower it to my lap.

I attempt to stutter out a response. Before any words pass my lips, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the silver locket, dangling it before me.

My breath halts in my chest.

“Your maid found it this morning. She said the clasp had broken and that it must have slipped off during the night.” His eyes search mine as his fingers work the clasp. “I had it repaired.”

“Yes—thank you. I was going to have it fixed.” I plan to hug Madity the next time I see her.

He nods, but his eyes squint, conveying his disbelief. His lips tighten into a forced smile. “Zara, I know all this is not easy for you. Everything that has happened to you these past few days must be difficult. But, please allow me the chance to prove my affections for you are true.”

I swallow hard, and an aching lump catches in my throat. After everything he’s confessed, I can’t lead him to believe I’ll ever reciprocate his feelings. He’s battling internal demons over his rule of the kingdom. Even if one day my feeling could change, for now, I can’t add to that confusion. “Sebastian, I would like us to be friends.”

“Friends.” He spits the word as if it’s foul.

“Yes.” I force my shoulders back, gaining courage. “You don’t truly know me, and I don’t know you at all. Marriage arrangements may work this way for the era, but we don’t have to abide by them.” I suck in a breath. “We can be friends instead.”

His eyes travel over my features, and he bites down on his bottom lip. I become nervous that I’ve gone too far, until he says, “For now, Zara.”

My mouth parts. What was I expecting him to do? Call off the betrothal? Open the gate and allow me to walk out? He’s the prince and used to getting his way. I’m back to either convincing him that he doesn’t want to wed me or seeing my escape plan through.

“Come.” He jars me from my strained thoughts, handing me the necklace and helping me to my feet. “We have little time for your lesson if we want to make it back before your maid sends out a search party.” He laughs, and like that, his voice is frivolous and light. Though now, knowing all that I know, I can hear the hesitancy in it, too, the concern that I may never return his feelings.

I turn, my hand clutching the silver locket, my mouth opening to say what I must. “Sebastian.”

He stops but doesn’t face me. “You don’t have to say anything,” he says. “Just…just give us time. Before you decide to loathe me forever.”

I clamp my mouth shut. I don’t know how I was going to convince him that I can’t be here. That I don’t belong. That even though he believes he has these feelings for me, he can’t possibly.

I don’t know for sure if he’s his own man or the king’s son—and the answer to that determines everything.

So I let it stand. No more words between us. At the very least, I can let him salvage some dignity after baring his soul as he did. It can’t be easy for a man raised to be a king to admit the things he did. Not in this era, and especially not one brought up by King Hart.

After we’re on the other side of the wall, Sebastian unties Hawken and steps into the stirrup, then climbs atop. He lowers his hand to me and I take it, easily mounting the horse with his help this time.

He cocks his head to the side, saying over his shoulder, “Lend me your arm.”

“Why?”

He releases a tense breath. “I see we’re back to questioning everything.” He shakes his head. “Just…here.” He reaches back and takes my arm, then pulls me to the side where he can grasp me fully around the waist.

“What are you—” My sentence is cut short as he hauls me to the front of the saddle, turning me to face the front. “Oh.”

“You can’t learn to ride from the back,” he says. “Now, take the reins.” He places them between my palms and I grip them, my hands clammy. “Hold on tightly. But not so tightly you can’t adjust them if you need to.”

I hastily nod my head, my spirits soaring. I’m learning to ride. “How do I know when to adjust them? And what does that mean?”

His arms reach around me and he rests his hands over mine. “Like this,” he says, positioning my fingers into the correct hold. “Now lightly press your heels into her side.” I do, and Hawken snorts and trots forward. “Let’s keep her at a steady pace.”

We alternate walking and trotting for about half a mile over the grassy plain just outside of the forest. I’m getting a feel for how the horse moves. Though we travel at a slow pace, I can feel the power in her stride. I’m tempted to give her a kick and gallop her—feel the wind sweep over my face and break away, farther from the court grounds. It’s electrifying.

“You ready to really ride?” Sebastian asks.

I am. My insides dance and quiver. I’m nervous, but I want the rush. “Yes.”

He laughs and takes my hands in his, then kicks his heels, leaning us forward. Hawken takes off and panic spurs my chest. Soon we’re moving so fast I don’t have time to think. The world comes at me in patches of green and blue as we bound across the plain. Sheer adrenaline pours through me, and I laugh out loud.