First Love: A Superbundle Boxed Set of Seven New Adult Romances (154 page)

I’m such an epic fail, but I’m determined to turn this whole situation into a win. I meant what I told Angel. It won’t be easy, but I’ll try to keep my hands to myself and give her time to be ready. She doesn’t feel like she really knows me like she used to, and something has her running scared. Someone hurt her, but I’m determined to put her back together. I just need a little time, and Vince getting sick helps in that department.
 
God, is it going to be hard to behave!
 

She’s just so freaking perfect. Even better than I imagined, and what little good sense I’ve got fails me whenever she’s around. Then, even when I’m trying to be good, she encourages me to be bad. This whole damn thing—us being together but not together-together—it’s impossible. The sooner she accepts that, the better.
 

I finally convinced her to sleep in my bed, and that I’d sleep on the couch. Her choice was to sleep in my bed and I’d lay with her or sleep in my bed and I’d sleep out here in the living room, but there was no freaking way I was letting her take the couch. It wouldn’t be right. So now I’m sitting here, staring at the wall, trying to talk myself out of going and slipping under the sheets next to her.
 

This keyed up, there’s no way I’ll be able to sleep, and I can’t use a workout to try to sweat past it. I bought my weight set and all-in-one home gym right after Angel disappeared. I spent far too much money on it. Far too much time, too, for that matter. It was the only way I could keep a handle on my thoughts of her. Anytime shit got to be too much, I’d throw myself into a workout. But I can’t go into my room and work out with her sleeping in my bed.

I’ve barely played WarQuest since she left. It was too painful, and her absence was too real. I logged in routinely just to check to see if she had come back online, only to log off in despair. Eventually, I gave up checking. Plus with all the working out I was doing, and the running of the bar, and the hours I spent telling myself not to think about her, there wasn’t much time left. I try not to feel guilty for staying away as my computer boots, and I settle into my computer chair.

The rest of our guild was pretty worried when Angel disappeared, though none were quite so freaked out as I was. Then again, none of them were as close to her, either. To them, she was one of our team of forty.
 
To me, she was the only one who mattered. I can’t wait to tell them she’s turned up again.

Each time you log in game, the client has to load, and sometimes it takes damn near forever. As it processes, little sayings scroll across a splash-screen—usually the developer’s corny idea of humor. The first saying to come up sounds like it could have been written just for Angel and I.
 
Until something is lost, it cannot be found.

At last the game loads, the game world appears around my character, and my chat screen is filled with a welcome message.

Welcome to WarQuest! Message of the day: All servers will be down for maintenance on Wednesday, July 9th for a scheduled update.

Arion has come online.

Guild chat begins to fill with greetings almost immediately.

LeeroyJenks tells the guild: Arion, dude where you been? Thought you musta fallen off the same cliff as ur gf.

You tell the guild: Ha freaking ha. Actually, you’ll never believe who showed up.

LeeroyJenks tells the guild: Wait, showed up there? Like IRL?

You tell the guild: Aye, hop in vent and I’ll tell you about it.

Obviously, I’m not going to tell them all the kinky, dirty, sexy details, but I need to share my excitement with someone, and I know they will understand. Plus, they’re her friends, too; it isn’t like I’m talking to strangers.

I hit a few keys on my keyboard to minimize the game and start up our voice chat program, called vent for short. It takes me a few minutes to untangle my headset cord and plug it in, and I hear the ping of others joining chat almost immediately. LeeroyJenks’s familiar voice is in my ear. He’s a bit of a hardass when he’s leading raids, but that’s his job as guild leader. The rest of the time, he’s pretty easy going, albeit a bit impetuous.

“Is she coming back to game?”

“I don’t know.” Honestly, I hadn’t even wondered about that. I make a mental note to ask her. “She just showed up here on my doorstep out of the blue.”

“Damn, dude, that’s awesome. Is she hot?”

“That’s for me to know, and you never to find out,” I say as a jealousy curdles my stomach.

Angel always refused to use Skype with video or send pictures anytime I asked. And I get it. Girls in game that are perceived as hot get a ton of attention because they are thought of as a rarity. She valued her anonymity, and I don’t want to screw that up for her. Plus, I don’t want to have to kick their scrawny asses.

“Can’t believe you’re holding out on us like that. Is she staying there or just visiting?”

“She’s staying with me for now, but soon she’s going to go—”

“No!” Angel’s panicked shout explodes from the doorway, and my head jerks up. With my headset on, I didn’t even hear the door open.
 

“What’s a matter? Angel, what is it?” Concern propels me from the chair, even while the mixture of fury and fear on her face assault me. I want to take her in my arms and make her feel safe while I try to figure out what I’ve done—I’ve got a pretty good idea, but I’m still not sure.

She shoves my hand away. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

The irony is crushing. Finally I can see the strong, confident, and in-charge Angel I knew, but she’s using it to push me away. “Whatever I did, I’m sorry.” She has to believe me. She has to—because the alternative is unthinkable.
 

“How much did you tell them?”

Is she worried I might have exaggerated—or been a bit too honest—about the chemistry between us? Does she think the guys in game are going to think she’s easy or a slut? I’d beat the shit out of any that dared, but I didn’t tell them anyway.
 
“I didn’t tell them about any of the stuff we’ve done—or almost done. I promise. I just told them you showed up here. I was about to tell them you’d be leaving soon but not going far. That’s all.”

Her chest is heaving as she tries to contain herself. “Do they know where you live?”

That’s kind of an odd question. “How the hell should I know? You found me.”

“Did you send them all cards, too?” Her voice has reached that high, shrill octave that tells guys we’ve royally screwed up.

“What?” What the hell is she talking about?

“Christmas cards, Arion. Did you send the rest of the guild fucking Christmas cards.”

“Sure, I don’t know.” I shrug. I’m drowning in a sea of girl-speak, and I don’t even know which way is up. “But I seriously doubt they’ve hung on to them.” It’s just then that I realize that she
did
hang onto it and how cool that is, but it’s hard to be too excited with her glaring at me like that.
 

I can still hear chatter coming through my headset on the desk where I left it. Someone’s asking me if I’m still there. I’m just about to go sign out—I can deal with them later—when Angel whirls away from the doorway, back toward my room. Her shoulders are trembling, and I can hear soft sobs wracking through her.

“Wait, come back and let’s talk about this for a damn minute.”

“No, you’ve talked enough, I assure you. I’ve got to get out of here. Like right fucking now.” She veers away from my room, darting toward the front closet where I stuck her backpack.

She’s that pissed? What the fuck. “Would you just tell me what the hell is going on?”

“I can’t let him find me!” she shrieks, and suddenly I get it. The image of her running in the mall when she thought she saw her ex flashes through my mind like a neon warning sign.

It isn’t that she’s that pissed; it’s that she’s that scared. Bloody hell.

I grab her shoulders and she tenses, but I don’t let go. “Listen to me. No one will hurt you ever again, do you understand me? I won’t let them. So you and I are gonna go sit on my bed, and you’re gonna tell me everything.”

She opens her mouth as I scoop her into my arms, lifting her against my chest.
 

“Enough. No more games. No more secrets. I need you to tell me the truth.” If she doesn’t tell me, it makes it harder for me to protect her, and whether she knows it or not, I’d protect her with my life. It’s time for us to talk.

Sixteen

Angel

I’ve gone past the roads of rational and reasonable, and I’m driving straight toward raving lunatic, but I don’t care. “Put me down,” I pound against him as he opens his bedroom door with a shove of his hip. I’ll admit I’ve wondered what he could do with those hips, but this was not at all what I had in mind.

He just shakes his head, an infuriatingly determined grimace plastered on his face.

“I mean it; I’ve got to get out of here. It isn’t safe if he can find me!”

He drops me unceremoniously on the bed, but in fairness, with the way I was struggling it was about all he
could
do. His nose is inches from mine as he leans over me, bracing himself against the bed. “I take care of what’s mine. Doesn’t matter if they are my family, my girlfriend, or just my friend. Around here, we take care of our own.”

“And which of those am I?” I stop squirming, staring up at him, as afraid for the answer as I am desperate for it.

He closes his eyes for a moment and releases a very determined breath. “I hope all three, at least eventually. But right now you’re going to be the damn death of me if you don’t tell me what you’re running from.”

There’s no way he could know just how right his words might be. If Nick finds us… hot, salty tears roll from my eyes. Arion slides an arm beneath me, scooting me over on his bed and then laying down beside me. He gets us situated so I’m cradled against his chest and both his arms encircle me. I know I should fight this. He’s being heavy-handed and bossy, and I shouldn’t let him get away with it. But he’s also radiating comfort and understanding, and being against him feels right and good.

My anger subsides, leaving me limp like a deflated balloon. His breath hums a soothing lullaby, steady beside me. I would think he’d fallen asleep if not for the slow circles his fingers are tracing on my arm. The blanket of silence presses over us, weighted and heavy to the point of being uncomfortable, and finally I have to speak. “Are you sure you want to know? You might see me differently and not even want me here.”

Arion shifts beside me, scooting until I’m lying flat on my back looking up at him as he balances on his side next to me. I can see he doesn’t believe me even before he answers. “I doubt it. I’ve done nothing but want you here since we met.”

There’s no way I can tell him everything, no matter what he says. It isn’t safe for either of us. But maybe I can tell him enough to make him understand. “You remember how I worked at a cafe at home?” He nods as my doubts creep back. Looking at him while trying to say these things overwhelms me. I turn so my back is spooned against him and his arms slide around me while I stare at the opposite wall. “I met a guy. Nick.” I pause again, dreading his reaction. To say Arion has a jealous streak is like saying the sky is blue. It’s indisputable.

“Go on, I just want the truth.” His words are a caress along my ear as he presses a small kiss to my temple.

I swallow back my nerves and continue. “He came in on a lot of my shifts, and we slowly became close. It worked out okay at first. He worked nights, mostly, so I still had plenty of time for gaming, and you.” With the time difference between Arion and me, it worked out perfectly. Nick would be busy from about seven or eight our time, which left me home long before Arion was online. He was always a night-owl, but I realize now that he was probably at the bar until late before he’d come online.

“You could have told me,” Arion says.

“I wanted to, but I didn’t know how. It isn’t like I didn’t feel anything for you—I did. Do. I wouldn’t have said and done all those things we did if I wasn’t attracted to you.” My first orgasm came while touching myself and talking to Arion, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“We had a lot of fun.” His tone grows wistful.

“We did. But it didn’t feel real. I thought I was in love with the idea of you, not necessarily you. No matter how much I liked you, we were so far apart, and I didn’t realistically see that changing. I always planned to tell you about Nick; I was just trying to find the words. And I didn’t want things to change between us, but I knew they would.”

“They would have had to. They did, even though you didn’t tell me why.” The hand he’s been lightly rubbing my arm with stills, and I know hearing this is hard for him.

He’s right, of course. I’m a lot of things, but a cheater isn’t one of them. I stopped flirting as much with Arion once I started dating Nick. “Anyway, Nick’s roommate went to the same college as I did. When the semester was over, he moved out and Nick asked me to move in. Things were going well with him and I; I was ready to get some space from my mom.” My mom and I have always been close, but we’re so much alike it sometimes causes us to butt heads. She also hated that Nick didn’t go to college and didn’t want me dating him. It became a constant struggle between us.

“So you moved in with him?” Arion’s words are flat, devoid of any emotion, and utterly heartbreaking. I can tell he’s trying not to act like it’s a big deal, because he doesn’t want me to hold anything back, but I can’t not know this is hurting him.

I need to just get this out, so it is no longer hanging between us. “Yes. And then everything changed. While he was helping me move, he saw a few texts from you.”

“And he blew a gasket?” I might be wrong, but I think there is a tiny bit of amusement behind his words.
 

He won’t be so amused when he hears the rest. I sigh and try to find the nerve to continue. Memories of Nick’s eyes, hard and cruel above a rigid jaw flash through my mind like a film reel. I honestly thought he’d kill me then and there, and I don’t think I ever felt safe again after that day. “That’s an understatement. He waited until all my stuff was moved in, then he confronted me about you. I tried to tell him you were just a friend, but he wouldn’t hear it.”