FIRST ONE DOWN: A Paul Sutton Novel (28 page)

It's ironic, Olivia and I, and the friendship we've formed. They say that out of every tragedy a chance for something beautiful is born, and I suppose that something beautiful would be Olivia and I. And the fact that Olivia has a family now, mine. She fits right in with my wacky little family. Mom say's she's like the sister I never had, and it always makes Olivia get this huge, sweet smile on her face. Her smile reminds me so much of Meg's smile. I don't know if I created that resemblance in my mind, trying to soothe my own grief, and I don't really care. Being with Olivia makes me feel closer somehow to Meg, as if we are still connected, and that feels good.

Andrew left yesterday for Virginia. We agreed to keep in touch, but we both realize that we have healing to do and that can't be done together. We both have hurts that a few months, or years aren’t going to heal. I'm so thankful he was here with me during all that transpired over these past few months. I learned a lot from our time together. I learned that being broken doesn't mean you can't ever be put back together again. I also learned that my heart is capable of loving another man, and I do love Andrew. The most important thing that I learned is that Nate Warner didn't ruin me and that I'm not damaged beyond repair. The man who will someday be in my life will look at that part of me without judgment. He will see my patched up pieces as a sign of strength, and beauty, and a part of my past that made me who I am today. And, he will love me for all of my past. The good and the ugly.

Detective Sutton stopped by today to have dinner with my family, though I suspect it was mostly to check on Olivia. He fusses over her too much, but she seems to eat it up, and that type of caring for and loving another human being, well, it looks really good on the detective. It softens him somehow and takes some of his rough edges away.

I've decided to end our relationship. I want the rest of my life to be private, just for me to savor, enjoy and remember in my own mind without having to come back to you and read through the pages of my memories. I want them to be with me always, locked away in my heart, not here, on paper.

I don't know what the future holds, but I know there are bright blue skies on my horizon, and it's time for me to start living again. So wish me the best and set me free.

The man who wages war against evil, in the name of good, is often no better than the evil he fights. For a good man to understand evil, he must first become of evil thoughts. This is what makes fighting evil, even for the sake of restoring good, a winless war for those who choose to battle against it.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

R.J. Belle lives in Southern California with her family.

She enjoys writing, reading, running and college football.

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