First to Die (17 page)

"Shit," I said under my breath.

"Please go. Maybe the chief will take care of it, if you give him some time." She was almost in tears.

"It's too late, Stella." I looked down. "Thanks for the heads up." There was no way around the bullets that were going to be firing at me in a few minutes. I needed my Kevlar vest for this gun fight.

She let me pass and I walked down the hall toward the firing squad. Hayes was outside his door. He was waiting for me. No doubt that he saw Jason drop me off. I had no time for a rescue call to Jason. He'd plead my case and most likely get me off with time served. I didn't think that I was going to be able to talk my way out of this. I should have stayed out of Ward's office and kept my mouth shut.

"Samantha." The chief motioned for me to come to his office. My stomach tightened for the impending hit. I walked in and there was no Ward, only the chief. A nice, convenient way so no one is uncomfortable or embarrassed. I was.

"Have a seat." He handed me a piece of paper. My walking papers. A formal complaint that read in bold print,
Conduct Unbecoming an Officer.
The catch-all for bad behavior. "How many times did I tell you to stay away from Ward?" He yelled so loud I could have sworn that I saw some new veins web across his forehead.

"Every day." My voice cracked.

"You understand what this is about?" He took the papers from my hand and threw them down on the desk.

"Yes." My calm voice wasn't helping.

"Do you want to try and explain it to me?"

"It's all true. I take full responsibility for my actions, but I had good reason to do what I did," I sighed. "This has been going on since day one with him. It's a constant battle. I don't get in his way, but he makes it difficult to do my job, and it's not something that I take lightly." Taking a deep breath. "You know that." My eyes pleaded with his.

"What happened the day of the incident?" He lowered his voice to a deep growl.

"It started at the briefing. You were there." I couldn't sit any longer. I couldn't defend myself sitting in a chair with someone looming over me.

"That doesn't justify your actions." He shrugged.

"He sent Billy Randall home before I cleared him. He did it on purpose."

"He said you threatened him in his office. Why didn't you come to me first?" He pushed his chair out of the way to lean against the window. "It's out of my hands now," he said, crossing his arms.

"I would have come to you, but you were already gone." I was pleading again. "He called me a little girl and my mom crazy."

"Unfortunately, it’s already with Internal Affairs. I have no choice but to suspend you, pending investigation." His face turned to stone and he looked away like a coward.

"No, Chief, please, don't do this. Please don't let him get away with this." His eyes finally met mine. "It will never happen again, I promise you."

"Sam, I'm sorry, but it’s out of my hands."

"What about Ward? He's not an innocent party to this."

"He's being reassigned while the investigation is underway, and this mess is sorted out. Departmental orders."

"To where?" My stomach was rumbling, and I thought I was going to vomit.

"Your case." His words tightened around my neck and cut off my air. "I'm sorry. I need your gun and badge."

"Please don't do this." I started to shake. "Please reconsider."

"I'm sorry, Samantha, there's nothing I can do."

I was spent. I had no energy left. My world was crumbling around me. Ward had won. I unsnapped my gun, lifted it from my holster, and pulled my badge from my waistband. I held them for a moment, knowing that I was giving him the best part of me. Once I set them on his desk, I would have nothing left.

I knew if I made it back from this that I wouldn't be the same. As much as I complained about the shit and misfits in this city, I loved my job. I felt the tears pooling in my eyes. If I blinked, they would go pouring down my face. I didn't want to cry. Not here, and not now.
Please. Don't Blink
. I put my gun and badge on the desk and walked out.

I checked my office for anything incriminating and collected the few personal items I had, stuffing them in my bag. I found Stella in the front and handed her my keys.

"Are you okay, honey?" She stood up, wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. One lousy hug. That was all it took. I broke down. "Ward, that bastard." She squeezed tighter. "I'm gonna get him for this, and don't you think I won't," she said.

I peeled myself away and looked down. There were tiny drops of water on my boot. Evidence of a near breakdown.

"Thanks, Stella, but I'll be fine." I got control of myself and cleaned up the flood with my shirt sleeve. "I'll call you in a few days." I walked out the door a civilian and I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with it.

There's no upper limit on the magnitude scale and the quake that was rolling through my body was surpassing any known records. My world was crashing down around me and the destruction was devastating. I was suspended. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. What was I going to do? What about the case? Why would Ward do this? It wasn't the first time that I’d gone nose-to-nose with him. He’d been after me since day one. None of this made any sense. No leads on the case and a freak show headlining at the station. I waited for the last tremor to stop and drove home before the next shock wave hit me. I went straight upstairs and crawled into bed. I had to lie down before I fell down. I was too wound up. I could hear my heart pounding and the debris was crashing around the room. I had to find a way to tie myself down in this storm.

I thought about calling Jason, but didn't want to ruin his day with the most recent drama. He would hear about it soon enough. Ivy would be blowing my phone up wanting the details, Billy Randall was hiding, and a madman was still on the loose. None of it was my problem anymore. Except for Max.

Chapter 25

W
hen you’re on the wrong side of the law, you might as well head to the wrong side of town. I filled Max's bowl on the deck with fresh food and water and locked the back door. Ivy flew through the door at eight p.m., wearing a little black dress from the backroom at Delilah’s Closet, over on Center Street. It was frilly and bounced around her legs as she swayed across the foyer. There was no doubt that the price tag was as hefty as her salary.

She looked beautiful. I saw her scanning me with her dark little eyes as she moved closer. I never knew what was going to come out of her mouth. She opened it and fired away. "Jesus, Sam, we're going to a bar, not a funeral." She drew a big X in the air.

"And it’s a good thing that you finally picked up your damn phone before Jason had a panic attack. You can't do that to us."

"I needed some alone time to figure out how I was going to deal with my unwanted dismissal." I looked down at my outfit and turned around for her.

"You're not wearing that." Her nose went further in the air.

"It's my funeral and I'll wear what I want," I said, glancing down at my black linen pants and soft white blouse.

"What time's your viewing over at Crawford and Sons?" She stomped around the kitchen. "They gave you a damn vacation." She was now shaking me. "You have to look the part."

I thought I looked nice. I wasn't flashy, like Ivy. I was tailored with straight lines, and I didn't do well with ruffles. Looking at them made me itch. They made me uncomfortable. "I like this and it's all I have to wear." I reached down and flashed my belt at her. "Look, I have some sparkly rhinestones. It matches my sandals."

She raced up the stairs and made a sharp left around the corner toward my room. "Get up here," I heard her yell. She was shuffling through my closet like a mad women at a clearance sale. "What is this nonsense?" she scolded. "Everything is the same color." Her hand rose to her mouth from shock. "This is enough to give me nightmares.” Her face wrinkled like a prune. “Where are all your dresses?"

"I don't have any. I dropped them off at the shelter." I was thinking that I should raid her closet and take her stuff there, too. Her closet was the same size as her bedroom and out of control. Disastrous was a good word for it. Pack rat was more like it.

"Why, why, why would you do that?" she sang with despair.

"Because they needed them more than I do." I spent most of my time at work or wrestling with my covers, and I hadn't been anywhere that I’d need a dress in a very long time.

The scavenger found her way to the back of my closet. "Sam, oh my god, what is this?"

My heart sank to my toes. "It's my mom's. Hang it back up."

"No way, this is gorgeous." She held it up and twirled around in delight. "She would want you to wear it."

I couldn’t do it. "Ivy," I yelled "Please put it back."

"You're wearing this tonight." She pushed it against me.

I was getting pissed. "No, I'm not." I gave her the look. "It's so old anyway, its liable to fall apart." I glared at her, grabbing at any excuse that I could find.

"No, its not. It’s in perfect condition, and its perfect for you." She smiled.

"Just try it on." She looked like a four-year-old in a grocery store, begging for candy. "Please." She was stomping up and down on her toes.

"You're a pain in the ass." I glared at her. "Give it to me." I took it to shut her up. I stripped down and held the dress in my hands. It was one of the few things that I had of my mom’s. I didn't want to touch it for fear in would disintegrate in my hands. I unzipped the back and stepped into the black, silky lining, gently inching it up and putting my arms through the thin straps. "Zip it up." I turned around and looked in the mirror. My legs wobbled, and I almost fell over. I looked exactly like my mom.

"You look gorgeous." Ivy danced around. "I've never seen such perfect detail."

"I can't wear this." I didn't want to hang out in the past and fight off the demons.

"Yes, you can. It's just a dress." She stomped her feet again.

She was right. It was only a few pieces of fabric sewn together, and I should be happy to wear it. I felt pretty for the first time in years. Maybe a little glamorous. "I don't have any shoes." My eyes started to well up.

She slipped off her sexy heels and kicked them at me. "Wear these. I have another pair in the car." She ran down the stairs singing off key. I followed her, covering my ears.

"Hey, you know what? I think there's a purse up there that will match this dress. "Be right back." I ran back to my room.

I pulled the big, red velvet box from my closet shelf and sat it on the bed. My prized possession. My secret stash of what I had left of my mom and dad. I opened it and looked at the little knick knacks: a big old key, a button, a ticket to the fair, one earring, pictures, a few notes and a black, silk clutch with a pearl clasp. I took it and held it up to the dress. It matched perfectly. I loaded it with essentials for the night and returned the box to its spot.

I heard the floor creaking in my dad’s room. Ivy must have followed me back up. She liked to snoop around and look at the antiques around the house. "Ivy, I'm in here." She didn't answer. "Ivy, come here." I heard the wood creek again. "Dammit, Ivy." I walked out of my room and stood at the door to my dad’s room. It was closed. I turned the handle and it was locked. I froze.

I had unlocked it. I’d unlocked it after I lost Max. I held the handle and didn't move. I couldn't move.

"Sam, what are you doing?" Ivy yelled and had a strange look on her face.

"You scared the shit out of me." I grabbed my chest. "Were you in there?" I let go of the handle and backed away.

"No. I've been in the study, looking at your dad’s old books. Why?"

"Did you hear any footsteps, wood creaking?"

"Well, yeah, I thought it was you." She put her hands on her hips. "You still worried about Max and what happened?" She rubbed my back. "It was me, silly, I walked right past here. It had to have been me. Open the door."

"No, it's no big deal. I'm just jumpy." I blew it off with a long sigh. "I must have locked it and I don't remember." Too much stress to deal with.

Chapter 26

I
vy should have been pulled over several times for reckless driving. She was scaring the shit out of me and I white-knuckled the dashboard as she raced through the streets. "What are you on?" I dared to ask.

"Nothing but life," she laughed.

"I'd like a shot of that." I laughed right along with her.

"You can't keep yourself locked up in that big old house all the time." She grabbed my hand. "It's filled with old, nasty memories from the past. You have to get out and enjoy your life. I know it’s difficult, but you have to let it go. You have to move on." She flashed her sincere look at me. "And getting suspended is probably the best thing that could’ve happened to you.”

"Absolutely," was the only word that I could get in before she started again.

"You could be a P.I." She banged her hand on the steering wheel. "Open an office across the street from the station, just to aggravate the shit out of them." She was on a roll now. "You could solve more cases than those dip-shits on your bad days. Plus, I could get all kinds of information from you and you already have a willing informant at the department," she said, all in one breath.