First Year (23 page)

My discovery the night of the ball had given me a new appreciation for magic. I’d already known my stamina was improving, but what I hadn’t realized was that my castings could develop an instinct as well. My magic was learning from me, from experience, from practice.

Despite the new changes taking place however, I still needed to exercise restraint. Swordplay and weapons’ casting were well enough, but Darren had warned me to focus on defense as well. And as much as I might regret to admit, his counsel was well warranted. Again.

At first, I tried shield-casting in the armory, but it was too hard to conjure a guard and an assault at the same time. I needed an opponent that wasn’t me. So I saved some of my reserve, and made it a point to find my friends to continue the training later on.

“What is it you want me to do again?” Clayton asked uncertainly.

“I want you to blast me with your magic.”

“Are you sure—”

“Yes.” Hands on my hips, I met my friends’ gawping stares defiantly. “You both saw how badly I performed at the mid-year duels. I’m never going to get better if all I do is practice with weapons. A mage isn’t going to come at me with a sword the entire time. You saw Priscilla. She went after me with magic. I need a better
defense
.”

“I understand what you are saying, Ry, but we don’t want to hurt you either,” Clayton pointed out. During Narhari’s drills, he was nowhere close to Priscilla or Darren, but Clay was still one of the stronger ones in combative casting. He was my best shot at learning a strong defense.

“I’ll be fine,” I told him, backing up, so we were about twenty feet apart, the same distance I had been when I dueled Priscilla.

“You ready?”

“Just do it!” I shouted. Immediately, I conjured up a shield similar to the one I had used during the tourney. This time, however, I angled it instead of holding it directly in front of my body.

It felt strange, being exposed. I tucked my left shield arm inward so that my wrist almost brushed my chest. I held my feet a shoulder-width apart: right foot forward, knees slightly bent.

Wham!
 

Clayton’s casting hit me at full-force, slamming into the shield with an almost bone-shattering intensity. I stumbled, arms shaking as the impact hit, his force flattening the thick wooden panel against my chest.

The armor cracked, and I was sent flying backward.

I’d failed to hold my defense.

“Ryiah!”
Clayton cried, dropping his offensive stance to come racing forward. Ella stood back, trusting I was okay and raising a brow at our friend’s over-the-top reaction.

Wincing, I brushed off the splintered fragments and waved him away. “Do it again,” I choked, mouth full of dust.

“No I won’t—” Clayton protested, but Ella cut him off, exasperated.

“I’ll
do it!” She grinned at me. “Ready to be pummeled, Ry?”

I returned to my starting stance. This time I widened my feet a bit more than the last, and I held my new shield at a greater angle, bracing myself.

“Now’s as good a time as any.”

Ella nodded and cast out her force, using both hands to launch it into the air as if she was thrusting a pile of bricks at my ribs.

I dug in my heels as her magic slammed my defense, gritting my teeth as I struggled to maintain my bearing. My shield arm roared from the sudden blow, but it was a much less terrible ache than the exchange with Priscilla or even Clayton moments before.

A loud, cracking noise rang out behind me, and I turned to see one of the beams in the fence had split open, causing a cloud of splinters to puff out into the air, settling moments later on the frostbitten ground.

I had done it!
I had deflected Ella’s magic and sent it careening into the barrier behind me!

“You’ve got this, Ry!” Ella shouted. Clayton stood beside her, but said nothing, his disapproval obvious.

“Let’s try another,” I told her.

So she cast out her magic again. And again. And about ten more times until I was on the ground, vomiting the contents of my breakfast into the freshly fallen snow.

About a quarter of the time, I gripped my shield at just the right angle, and my defense held. The rest of Ella’s castings, I missed completely, and her force sent me staggering back with the broken fragments of a shield along the snow.

I now had a splitting pain in my head, and I knew with certainty it was not subsiding anytime soon. Every inch of me smarted, and I willingly sat out the rest of the practice to watch Clayton and Ella try their hand at defense.

Clayton grasped it easily, having a much better knowledge of technique than both of us. Ella struggled a bit more, but she wasn’t far off either.

By the time they had finished their own session, my friends were just as exhausted as myself.

“What made you decide to try this approach?” Ella asked abruptly, the three of us leaning against the frame of the fence, trying to catch our breath.

I laughed, despite the pain in my ribs. “You’d never guess.”

Clayton eyed me curiously. “Did someone tell you? It
is
a little out of the blue for you to come forward with the idea almost two months after your duel. It’s not as if it hasn’t been done before. It’s just strange for you to realize it now—”

At just that moment I noticed a pack of first-years approaching the field. Among them was Darren, dark eyes averted and mouth pressed in a permanent frown of contempt. He looked like a stark, black wolf against the white, snow-pressed landscape.

I swallowed as I watched him pass, not knowing what to say. I felt as if I needed to thank him, only I couldn’t get the words to form in my mouth. Last night he had been approachable, almost friendly even, not a prince or a non-heir but a teasing rival I could find camaraderie with. Now, he was as aloof as ever, a dark prince unreachable in all but the most capricious of mood swings.

My gaze trailed after Darren as he and his group continued their trek to the top of the hill.

“Ryiah?”

I glanced at my friends, startled. Ella had a strange expression on her face. “What?” I demanded.

“You never answered Clay’s question.”

“Oh.” I reddened as they continued to stare. “I’m not sure…I guess it just came to me. You know how these things happen.”

The expression on both their faces said they didn’t. But my friends had no reason to doubt, so they did not press further. We continued our trek back to the barracks in silence, but it was much later that day that I finally acknowledged the unspoken question.

The week of winter solstice came and went in the blink of an eye. Before I even realized it, the final day of our break had arrived. Perhaps it was because there really was no “break” to the days at hand, but I felt as if it had only just begun.

As I sat next to my friends in the dining hall that evening, I couldn’t help but return to the same question I had been asking myself all week. Why keep Darren’s help a secret? Was it because I didn’t trust him, or was it the judgment I would face if I did?

Ella had made it pretty clear how she felt about the non-heir, and all of my friends had at one point or another been at the receiving end of the prince’s malice. Darren had made my stay difficult too. I couldn’t forget all the times he had insulted me, or how he had deliberately jeopardized Alex’s and my chances during that final week of Combat orientation in the mountains.

But he had also helped me more times than I cared to admit.

I set my glass down with a bit too much force. Water sprayed across the table, and my friends guffawed.

“Watch yourself, Ryiah!” Ruth snapped, pulling her books off the table and attempting to dry their covers with the sleeve of her tunic.

“Everything okay?” Ella asked, eyeing my water suspiciously.

I avoided her gaze. “I’m fine,” I lied.

“You haven’t eaten,” Alex observed.

“I have a lot on my mind.” I stood hastily. “I’m going to retire for the night.”

Before they could protest, I left the dining hall and started for the barracks.

I was about halfway to my destination when I spotted the source of my frustration. He was in the midst of conversation with Jake and William, the two burly brothers that always seemed to be everywhere he went. They were debating the merits of the crossbow when I arrived.

All three of them turned to stare when I stayed instead of moving on to the door behind them. Jake had a sour expression on his face, and I silently returned the sentiment, having not forgotten that day during Piers’s obstacle course. After Priscilla, Jake was my least favorite of the group.

“Yes?” Darren asked, amusement in his eyes.

“Can I talk to you?” I asked, conscious of the audience we had present.

“Go right on ahead,” Darren said.

“Alone,” I said through my teeth.

“What business do you have talking to a prince, lowborn?” Jake growled.

“Whatever business I have is none of yours,” I snapped.

Jake and William exchanged speculative glances. Darren motioned for them to leave, unable to contain a grin as his friends parted, and the two of us were left standing alone in the dark hall.

“What is it this time, Ryiah?”

I stared at the wall, and then forced myself to meet the non-heir’s eyes.

“I want to apologize—”

His jaw dropped.

“—I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I have come to the realization that I’ve been making the same mistakes I accused you of.”

Darren’s eyes widened, and I made myself continue. “You’re not a very nice person,” I admonished, “but you aren’t the horrible one I make you out to be either. And for that, I’m sorry. You’ve helped me when you had no reason to, so
thank you.”
 

Silence greeted my admission. I felt foolish, standing there, when it was clear he had nothing to say.
It doesn’t matter,
I told myself,
you’ve made your peace. You’re conscious is clear now.
Rather than stick around in awkward silence, I gave a curt nod and made way to leave.

“Ryiah, wait—”

I turned abruptly, just as Darren’s hand shot out to grab my wrist. I barely caught a glimpse of the strange expression on his face before a series of sparks shot out all across my body. It was as if someone had lit fire to my veins. All at once I felt too hot and cold and could feel nothing else.

My gaze inadvertently fell to Darren, who looked as if someone had stuck him with a red-hot poker. He was staring at my hand with a look stuck somewhere between wonder and abhorrence.

He dropped my wrist at once, but my skin still tingled in the spot where we had touched.

I waited for him to speak, but he seemed unable to in the silence that followed.

“I think I am going to head back—” I started to say, but the prince cut me off.

“I helped you because you have potential.”

I looked up to see Darren watching me with an odd light to his eyes. There was nothing hostile, nothing condescending in the way he was looking at me now.

“You
are
meant to be here, Ryiah,” he continued, looking unusually out of sorts, as if he wasn’t sure why he was saying the things that he was saying. “You are…” He sighed and then forced himself to meet my eyes. “You are possibly the one good thing about this place.”

I didn’t know how to respond. All I knew, during that moment, was that his eyes were the most interesting shade of garnet I had ever seen. I had always thought they were so dark they were almost brown, but now I realized they were ebony, somewhere between the pitch-black of night and the mahogany of a rich wood.

The longer I stared, the more I realized I had never really noticed
Darren
before. Sure, I’d seen an arrogant young prince that had grown up with the world at his feet, but never a human being. Not someone like me, capable of mistakes and feelings,
someone vulnerable.
 

I felt a chill run through me as I became conscious of the fact that he was staring right back. There was that odd light in his eyes, and it was burning right through me… but I was incapable of looking away.

“T-thank you,” I mumbled. “For what you just said, even if you didn’t mean—”

“I meant every word.”

Darren took a step forward. And then another. And then when there was no more space to cross, he looked down at me, shadows dancing across his face. “I am going to do something against my better judgment,” he said softly. His eyes were like two embers melting my flesh as he reached down to put one hand against my waist and the other underneath my chin. “You can scream obscenities at me after.”

And then he kissed me.

It was a long, slow kiss. One that sent shivers from the stem of my neck to the very bottoms of my toes. It burned hot and cold, making me dizzy as my knees buckled and collapsed beneath.

Darren chuckled softly as his hand steadied me in place, pressing the two of us against the rough sandstone walls.

I started to pull away, but the non-heir increased the intensity of his kiss. and I lost all will to move.

After a minute or so, the flood of emotions receded just long enough for me to react with a startling fervor of my own. I found myself kissing Darren back, wrapping my arms around his neck and letting myself fall into the moment.

The prince jerked back, sooty lashes shading his eyes as he regarded me in surprise.

At just that moment, the sound of a door slamming open and the chatter of excited voices came echoing down the hall.

Darren released me, taking a step back to take inventory of his surroundings while I steadied myself.

“Ryiah! What are you doing out here?” Alex exclaimed, as he and the rest of our study group came clamoring around the corridor.

I flushed and looked back to Darren, but he was gone, the door to the Academy closing softly behind.

“Yes, what
were
you doing out here?” Ella said, eyeing my red face suspiciously.

I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak. My friends continued to prod me with questions, but I hurriedly made excuses and rushed away to the barracks while they continued on to their nightly practice.

Arriving at the barracks, any sense of elation I had was immediately drained as I spotted a familiar face across the room.