Fitting In (12 page)

“You still want this?” Jack asked, hand stroking his cock.

Mason’s cock twitched at the sight of Jack there, dick in hand, ready to fuck him. He wasn’t sure he could survive any more pleasure, but hell yeah, he wanted it.

“Yes.” The word was breathy, barely there.

Jack smiled. “Good.”

Mason expected Jack to push right into him with no prep. Instead, Jack pulled Mason up onto his knees, spread his cheeks, and licked him from his balls to the top of his ass. When Jack pushed his tongue against Mason’s pucker, he gasped and pushed back against him, his dick starting to swell again though he would have thought that impossible.

Gray tightened his hold on Mason. “His tongue feels incredible, doesn’t it? I love when he eats my ass. He pushes in so deep, slicks me up, and then fucks me hard and rough. He’s amazing when he goes all dominant.”

Mason raised up enough to look at Gray. Questions swirled through his mind. “I thought….”

“Variety is good,” Gray said, grinning.

“Ye—” He choked as Jack pushed into him with his warm tongue. “Incredible.”

Jack teased him, tongue-fucked him, licked all around his hole, and then finally his cock was there, driving in. Gray was right. He wasn’t gentle, but Mason didn’t care. He didn’t want gentle. He wanted Jack to use him. To make him feel it. To make him remember it for days.

Jack dug his fingers into Mason’s hips as he thrust deep, filling him completely in a single stroke.

Mason cried Jack’s name. He was instantly rock hard and ready to come again.

Jack didn’t give him time to adjust. He pulled back and thrust again, and he kept up a ferocious rhythm that made Mason fight for each shallow breath. He wasn’t going to last long. The heat, the need, the…. His balls tightened. Lightning sizzled down his back, setting him on fire. He shouted incomprehensible things as Gray held him tight, and he came just as Jack bucked against his ass and found his own peak.

Jack landed on top of him, pushing him farther into Gray, and wrapped his arms around both of them. “You’re amazing.”

“Mmm. I lov—”

Oh God, what had he done? His head swam; his gut clenched in horror. He caught himself before he finished the statement, but they had to know what he’d almost said.

He struggled to free himself, but Gray held him tight and stroked his head. “It’s okay.”

What did that mean? If he realized what Mason almost said, how could it be okay? How could things ever be okay?

Jack laid his head on Mason’s back and kissed him over and over like he was trying to soothe him.

But Mason needed to get away. He needed to be somewhere they couldn’t touch him so he could think. He tried again to extract himself from between them. Finally, he got out the words “bathroom, please” in a choked voice.

Gray slowly slid his hands down Mason’s back, squeezed his ass and then let go. Jack sat back, but when Mason rose, he grabbed him and kissed him before he could run. What if it was their last kiss?

Mason heard Jack and Gray murmuring to each other as he closed the door to the en suite. He couldn’t let himself think about what they were saying. 

Mason stood at the sink, avoiding looking at himself in the mirror. He didn’t want to see the fear in his eyes.

He turned on the cold water and splashed some on his face, trying to cool the burn of humiliation. Jack and Gray tore away all his defenses and made him feel things too strongly. He’d known they’d be trouble from the moment he started crushing on them. But he hadn’t thought it would be this bad. And now he’d fucked everything up. Or had he? Why hadn’t they seemed shocked or upset?

Why had Gray gotten angry when Mason suggested they weren’t really dating? What did he think they were doing?

Ask.
This wasn’t the first time his subconscious had suggested talking to them about where their relationship was going. 

He responded as he always had.
Fuck no.

Then run away. You’re good at that.

“Fucking bastard
.
” Mason bit his lip when he realized he’d said the words out loud. He hoped Gray and Jack hadn’t heard him.

He took a deep breath, risked a glance in the mirror, and noticed bite marks on his neck. He barely remembered Gray biting him as Jack made him lose his mind with his punishing thrusts. Fear had made the color drain from his face. He’d look like a vampire’s victim if Gray’s teeth were a bit pointier.

He shook his head at the thought. He was losing his mind. He needed to get out of there before he did something else stupid.

He wet a washcloth with warm water, cleaned himself up, then got washcloths for Gray and Jack. He reached for the doorknob, vowing to act normal, to tell them calmly that he should go. He wasn’t really running away. He was just giving himself some healthy distance.

Sure you are.

Fuck off. 

He stepped out of the bathroom. Gray and Jack were cuddled on the bed, Jack’s head on Gray’s chest. They looked so peaceful, so right. He wasn’t going to let himself come between them. 

He handed them both a washcloth then picked up his pants. “I should go. I…I’ve got a lot to think about.” That wasn’t a lie. He didn’t want to lie to them, but the whole truth…he couldn’t tell that either.

Gray looked hurt. “Stay.” His harsh, one-word command let Mason know he was upset.

Jack sat up but kept a hand on Gray’s chest as he watched Mason. “Remember what you said earlier. You shouldn’t be alone tonight.”

“I needed this, you, to be touched, cared for. But now I need to think. I’m…I just need to think.”

Jack looked scared. Mason had never seen him so lacking in confidence, and it made him afraid too. Gray looked ready to grab Mason, drag him down to the bed, and hold him there until he relented. 

“Look, I’ll call, I just….” Why the fuck did it sound like he was saying goodbye? 

Jack shook his head, the look of horror still there. Did he know Mason might not come back, that this might be it?

“Don’t” was all he said.

“I have to.”

Gray turned away and buried his face in a pillow.

Jack narrowed his eyes at Mason, angry now. “Be sure you know what you’re doing.”

“I…please…I just can’t.”

Jack sighed, and it was all Mason could do to keep from climbing on the bed and pulling both of them into his arms.

“Be careful,” Jack said. “Did you bike to work?”

“Yeah.” Gray had fixed his car a few weeks after they’d started sleeping together, but it still acted up occasionally, and he liked saving gas money by biking anyway.

“Take my car,” Gray said, his voice muffled by the pillow.

Mason shook his head. “No, I can’t do that.”

“God damn it! Just take it.” Gray still didn’t look at Mason, but the pain and anger in his voice frightened him.

“His keys are in the bowl by the door,” Jack said. “One of us will pick them up from you at Nathan’s tomorrow.”

Jack gave him a pleading look, and Mason couldn’t argue with him anymore. “Fine.”

Mason pulled on his t-shirt and grabbed his button-down. Then he pushed his feet into his shoes, not bothering to put them on properly, just mashing the backs down with his heels. He had to get out of there. Seeing these two strong men look so sad, so defeated, was killing him, but what could he do? How could he stop this?

“Text me when you get home so we know you’re safe, okay?”

Mason nodded, unable to speak. His chest was so tight he could barely breathe. If he could just make it to Gray’s car…

He grabbed his bag and Gray’s car key and raced out the door, slamming it closed behind him as his tears spilled over and slid down his face. At least it was dark so no one could see him clearly. He managed to get the SUV unlocked so he could fold himself into the driver’s seat. The seats smelled like Gray, a scent he’d come to think of as comforting. Now it just reminded him of all he’d lost. He laid his head over the steering wheel and sobbed. When he was wrung out and hollow inside, he started the car, backed out of the driveway, and drove home. 

When he pushed the door closed behind him, he crumbled to the floor. Hours later, he dragged himself to bed and fell into an exhausted sleep filled with dreams of his mom yelling at him, his dad giving him his characteristic concerned frown, his sister begging him to play along so they could all be happy, and Jack and Gray fucking each other in front of him, but just out of reach. Whenever he tried to get to them, he couldn’t move forward, as if they were surrounded by a forcefield and he lacked the magic to break through.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Mason’s heart rate accelerated when he saw Jack sitting in an out-of-the-way booth. Three days had passed since he’d fled their house. Three days with no contact other than the text he’d sent to let Jack know he’d gotten home safely. He’d made sure to arrange for them to pick up Gray’s car key when he wasn’t at Nathan’s. Elizabeth, his manager, had taken care of the exchange without asking too many questions.

Then that morning he’d texted Jack and asked if they could meet him, because he wanted to talk. Jack had let him know that Gray had to go into work early to take care of some paperwork, but he’d offered to come by the bar before his shift started. And now he was here looking sexier than ever in his uniform and police hat.

Mason had realized he couldn’t keep pretending he was going to magically become comfortable with the words he’d let slip. He hadn’t meant to fall in love with Jack and Gray, and the best thing for all of them would be if he backed away before things got messy. Friends-with-benefits was one thing, but if Jack and Gray understood how he really felt about them, he risked fucking things up for all three of them. They deserved to go on, happy in their love for each other like they had been before he’d met them.

But now that Jack was there, Mason wasn’t sure he could he make himself say what he needed to. Could he really look into Jack’s sparkly blue eyes and say he didn’t want to see Jack or Gray anymore? What choice did he have though? He’d saw the strain his leaving put on them after he’d almost confessed how he felt. So far he hadn’t seen any signs that his being in their life had affected how Jack and Gray felt for each other, but the thought of them disagreeing over him, over how to respond to the fact that he was in love with them, terrified him. What if they stopped looking at each other with those soft, caring looks, with that need that went bone deep…. He wouldn’t risk fucking up what they had by trying to push deeper into their lives.

As soon as he was able to take a break, Mason carried a beer over to Jack and slid into the booth opposite him.

Jack smiled. “Every time I see you, you get more beautiful.”

Mason’s cheeks heated. He glanced around, hoping for Jack’s sake that no one had heard. Fortunately, it was a slow part of the day, and there were only a few other customers in the bar. None of them were nearby.

Jack took a sip of his beer and studied Mason with his cop face on. “What’s wrong?”

Mason stared at the table. “I can’t see you anymore.” His voice was so low it was barely audible. 

Pain flashed in Jack’s eyes as he stared at Mason. “Why?” The word came out choked.

“I…I just can’t.”

Jack closed his eyes and rubbed at them with the heels of his hands. Mason’s stomach flip-flopped.

“Did we push you too hard? Hurt you?” Jack asked.

Mason shook his head vigorously. “No, it’s not you. It’s me.”

“What do you need? Just tell me and…” Jack looked down and played with the label on his bottle.

Mason took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. He’d known Jack would push. He was a cop after all. It was in his nature to interrogate. “I…things have been…” He paused after those false starts, trying to figure out what to say.

Jack didn’t look at him.

Finally he said, “You and Gray, you’ve been wonderful, but when Gray asked what we were doing if we weren’t dating, I didn’t have a good answer, and I still don’t. You two are so good together; I don’t want to come between you.”

“We both care for you.”

Mason looked up. “You do?”

Jack tensed and his face hardened. He was pissed now. At least that was easier for Mason to deal with.

“Did you really think this was just about sex?”

“No. At first I did, but then, well, I realized you thought of me as a friend.”

Jack shook his head as if Mason had said something supremely stupid. “Is that what you really think? Is that all this is to you? We’re just fuck buddies?”

Jack froze, probably realizing how loud his voice had gotten. He glanced around, and Mason did too. There was still no one near them.

Mason turned toward the window and looked out at the quiet street. He was afraid if he looked at Jack, his resolve would crumble. The pain in Jack’s eyes was too much.

“I’m sorry,” Mason said. He slipped out of the booth and stood. “I can’t risk ruining what you have with Gray or….”

“Or what?” Jack’s words were harsh. “Risk admitting your own feelings?”

Tears stung the back of Mason’s eyes. Jack was right. He wasn’t willing to risk himself. Leaving was tearing him apart as it was. Letting himself feel more might just kill him.

“It was good while it lasted,” he said.

Jack glared at him. Mason didn’t think he’d ever seen him look that ferocious. He imagined it was how Jack would look if he were arresting someone for murder.

Mason started to walk away, but Jack grabbed his arm. “Is this really how you want to end it?”

Mason pulled free. “I’ve got customers waiting. I need to go.” He didn’t let himself look back as he headed to the bar. Later, when he glanced toward Jack’s table, Jack was gone.

*****

Just over a week had gone by since Mason told Jack he couldn’t see him and Gray anymore. They hadn’t called, not that he’d expected them to. He certainly hadn’t hoped they would. No, that was beyond foolish.

They hadn’t been in the bar either, at least not when Mason was working, which was good. Not seeing them he could take; it was what he’d asked for, but having them come into Nathan’s and not speak to him might do him in.